My First Student Purchase
Today I spent $35 on copies, to use in making a "Word Office" for each of my 45 pull-out students. So tomorrow will include lots of stapling! I also make copies of the first three states my classes will be visiting: Minnesota, Michigan, and Illinois. Tomorrow night, after making a final student list, I'm going to buy those efficient binders that I had my eye on before...they'll be perfect portfolios that my students can use throughout the year and pass on to next year's students.

Tomorrow, I'm going in to finally clean up my classroom in the morning, then I have an iLife seminar in afternoon, an ESL committee meeting, and then I'm going back to school.

Ooh- in our team-building seminar this afternoon, I found out that I'm part Lion, part Beaver. That means that I'm task-oriented, determined, dedicated, take charge, bossy, analytical, a perfectionist, and have a tendency to get stressed out. Then we had to work in groups to "Design on a Dime" another teacher's bulletin board. My group was me and 4 "Golden Retrievers" (i.e. people who like to be told what to do and rarely make decisions). So I took charge and delegated and got made fun of for being "such a lion." Oh well. We're also the ones who get things done! :) Almost all of the teachers are golden retrievers or Otters, which I'm not at all...I guess that's good to know and will help me work better with them.

I'm so excited that I have two parties to go to this week. I'm going to have a social life this year!!

I've realized something that probably everyone who knows me already knows: I am not a chatter. I love discussions, like "how can we reverse globål warming on a local level?", but just shooting the breeze I'm not good at. And it's not fun. I think I get this from my parents. When I went out to dinner with them, we talked about random things for a little while, but then there was a long, silent pause. Finally, my dad said, "So, what dya think's going to happen with the Middle East situation, then?" We are incapable of small talk, I guess. Which is what makes "TEAM BUILDING DAY" so hard for me. I usually just keep asking questions and let the other person just talk about themselves...and then try to shift conversation to current issues. Like, "Speaking of your vacation in Beijing, how is China going to cope with the growing automobile market without making concise driving regulations? And if every middle class Chinese person buys a car, how will they all fit?" I don't think my colleagues like my segues or topics. Oh well ;)

I'm so excited to be here, but I wish I could just focus on organzing my classroom. I LOVE organizing, making posters, and rearranging. Oops, it's almost 12 and I need to get to our next group activity!

A Big THANK YOU :)
Something wonderful happened yesterday. I got my mail and took it in the car with me as I drove down to St. Olaf with my brother. While we were driving, I opened one of the letters, from my favorite reverend, Rev. Mike. And inside was a letter, letting my know that the Episcopal Campus Ministry Alumni Association had raised money for my students... a lot of money! I started crying, and I kept saying to my brothers "they're so generous" and "that's such an ECM thing to do!" I'm so grateful to all of them, especially since their extremely kind gift will be amazing for my little students:) It will definitely make them feel important and valued to receive the supplies that this gift will provide. And here is a shout out to the reader who saw my post about fancy binders and suggested the fund-raising: Thanks so much, Andrew ;)

Tomorrow is my first day back at work and I have millions of boxes to clear out. The janitors were going to throw out my boxes, since they're all in the hallway, but another teacher told them that they were actually mine and only in the hallway because there's no space for them in my room!

I'm too pensive to bullet my ideas today. I just got back from the State Fair Grounds, where I saw the Flaming Lips for the first time. I loved: the streamers, Wayne Coyne's hair, and finding an empty seat so I could watch the spectacle from up high. I disliked: the overstimulation, how much he swore (there were a lot of little kids there), and the dancing martians.

I spent three hours organizing my room today. I'm going to have to constantly remind myself to be graceful about my classroom "situation," since I want to try to be that kind of person who takes on challenges without fuss and proves the cynics wrong. However...my room is very small. It's like generous-walk-in-closet small. I don't have a desk, because there's no room. I have two tables, but they had to be manipulated many ways before I found a placement that would leave enough room for me to go from the door to the whiteboard without going over or under them. All the boxes of materials had to be removed just so it wasn't like one of those puzzles that requires you to move one piece at a time. And tomorrow, I'm going to need to throw out bags and bags of material that I have no room for (most of it seems like junk anyway, but I swear I'll need it the minute it's gone).

My family comes to town tomorrow. I love when they visit because they're on their best behavior and feel the need to eat at really nice restaurants :) We're going to the fair tomorrow night, then spending the night at my grandparents' apartment in Edina. I'm really excited about trying more crazy fair food; today I saw pickle on a stick, wrapped in cream cheese and salami (eww). There's also cheese on a stick, key lime pie dipped in chocolate on a stick, and obviously, pizza on a stick. I tried the breakfast sausage (with cheese, egg, bacon, potato, and peppers in a sausage link!) this morning. If was fabulous. Anyway, Saturday morning I'm going to attempt to make the Disney World triple-sauce, caramel french toast that I last made at my apartment warming party two years ago. It's amazing, and I'm excited!

I have a strange pain in my calf that is starting to worry me. Since my appendectomy in March, I've become much more hypochondriatic...but what if it is a blood clot? Since the idea makes me feel nauseous, and "clot" is the word I hate most, I hope my mom can give me a normal explanation tomorrow. Like running strain, or something else less fatal and disgusting.

I'm going to a black-tie Emmy party this weekend that I'm very excited about as well. It's being thrown in a kind of ironic way (I think), since there will be running commentary (I'm sure) disparaging every presenter, winner, and the host. And I won't mind at all this time, because I know the source of all this hostility and know it's in fun ;) I'm going to wear my red satin gown, if I can find a zipper. I bought it for $15 at the designer thrift store, knowing someday I'd need it.

I need advice about dealing with colleagues that are still stuck in a high-school mindset in terms of personal relationships. With people like that, should I avoid them, tolerate them, confront them, or act hyper-nice and kill them with sweetness? Or is that just playing into their game and I really shouldn't think about them at all, until they mess with me, which will happen sometime this year. Just hearing this one person talk makes my jaw clench, which is horrible and mean, but probably instinctual until I find a solution.

The "uniform" for teachers at my school- the jersey knit black gauchos and bright t-shirt, sometimes combined with patterned scarf/belt- makes me want to scream (well, in a fashion sense, it's irritating). If you're all going to wear the same thing for some reason, at least make it trendy with the outside world...

I've decided that I'm going to dress librarian-chic for work: no heels, knee-length skirts, ruffled tops, and sometimes black tights with black shoes. I don't know why I was working so hard to look "professional" last year, since I shouldn't be trying to impress anyone with my clothes and I'm much more resourceful for my students when I'm not mad about a blister on my heel.

Finally, I ran into my favorite Borders employee again yesterday, an Indian man who likes to teach me about India while I make a purchase. He placed the home cities of two of my best friends from high school based on their last names and told me about the diversity of languages there. I was buying "No God But God" by Reza Aslan, and he asked me if I was Muslim. I've never been asked that before.

Things to look forward to...

a. Seeing the Flaming Lips at the State Fair on Thursday. I know it's expensive, but anyone who wants to come, I'd love to carpool...and hit huge beach balls at the concert with you!
b. Food on sticks at the state fair.
c. My family comes to visit on Friday.
d. Organizing my classroom- it's going to be like one of those block puzzles, when you have to move one piece at a time because they're all squeezed together in a small space. I'm going to have posters on hangers, so I can switch them between classes! How many posters can I jam into a walk-in closet? We'll see :)
e. Learning about my students' test scores at our staff meeting. The principal hinted that we had reading scores that were the best in the district!
f. Carnival rides with R.
g. An organized, nonstressful school year!

Likes and Dislikes

Likes
Meeting guys that negate all the horrendous dates.
Brit's Pub.
My friends, who associate with me even though I get tipsy after two drinks.
The Black Film Festival.
Being really organized for school:)

Dislikes
The screwed up eliminations on Project Runway: if they're going to act all high and mighty about the authenticity of the show, they shouldn't eliminate talented designers and keep the incredibly bizarre ones.
Brit's bacon-oil salad dressing for the spinach salad...that's disgusting!
Grandma's philosphy on men: never act like I'm available, never seem like I want a relationship, never call them, never expect commitment.
The price of parking downtown.

Quick Update

*I received a Masters in Spanish from the University of Minnesota...without taking any classes! I just got a letter of confirmation in the mail. Well, that's going to look amazing on my resume ;)

* I just sent an email to the entire district by mistake. Grr...darn you reply-to-all button!

*I got out of taking the new teacher seminar next week (all week long) by saying that I would feel bad costing the district money to teach me things I already know. All it takes to get out of stuff in my district is to mention money, apparently.

OMG! My ultimate bow-tied, Republican crush, Tucker Carlson, is going to be on Dancing with the Stars! Excitement!! He should have a dance-off with Jon Stewart...to decide the midterm elections.

I've realized that my mood can break at any moment. I had such a fun day today: Weezie went to church with me, helped me pick out a digital camera, and browsed for school clothes with me at the Mall of America. Instead of going on a ride, she decided to play one of those horrible carnival games, that has hundreds of perfectly rounded bowls floating around in water, the goal of which is to get a ping pong ball to stay in a bowl. I was half-way through my "it's really not about skill, only luck, so even if you try your best..." talk, when she got a ball in a bowl. In one of the special colored ones! I've never seen anyone win at one of those games, so I've always associated them with childhood disappointment. But Weezie won a huge purple unicorn, which fueled her love of games of chance...oh well.

Anyway, I found adorable clothes at Forever 21. They're so beautifully draped, it almost makes up for the fact that they're so cheap that I'll need to hand-wash them. I got home early tonight, to watch "The Ron Clark Story," which was way too generic to be a good teacher movie. I wish someone would actually depict what it's like in a movie. Not the saving of inner city kids, but the millions of little issues and stresses and achievements. And the fear that I'm failing them every day! Actually, it's not usually that bad, I'm just getting all worked up about the first day of school.

After that wonderful day, my positive attitude suddenly cracked, just from the tone of someone's voice. I don't know why I feel so vulnerable sometimes. Maybe I'm not as trusting as I should be, but I honestly have sudden pains of fear that people will give up on me, abandon me. And it's a completely unfounded and irrational fear. I know I just need to sleep on it and the feeling will be gone. I'm bothered that it affects me so much.

This week, I need to focus on my curriculum planning. I desperately want to be in control of my job this year and not need to stay until 8pm on Friday nights! I also want to run every day, get rid of my leftover ice cream from the capture the flag/sundae party, and persuad my principal to give me a new classroom:)

Book Survey
1. One book that changed your life: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. The main character is me, a shy, quiet, studious girl, which was so comforting when I was surrounded by the complete superficiality that is Northville High School.

2. One book that you've read more than once: The Shell Seekers. It's a quasi-romance novel- very long- but set in England, so somehow seems more posh, less cheesy. But it has all the perks of Joan Collins book: deception, betrayl, jet-setting to Greek isles, revenge, and fighting over a will. It's perfect, every single time. And there's a BBC series about it starring Angela Landsbury.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: Hmm...well probably something that would take me a looooong time to completely understand, like Gringo Viejo by Carlos Fuentes...in Spanish. That would keep me busy for a while, since I didn't really understand it in English. But I would definitely need a Spanish-English dictionary or I might go crazy on the island and start talking to a volley ball.

4. One book that made you laugh: The Nanny Diaries. I know it's popular chick-lit (whatever that means) but I could completely relate to seeing a marriage break down while babysitting. I once witnessed a major argument conducted over the family's home intercom system. I was forced to pretend to be really interested in their cookbook selection.

5. One book that made you cry: I don't remember the last book that made me cry. I think it was probably Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol, because anything that reminds me of how hard life is for some of my students makes me cry. (Fact: Jonathan Kozol got a Rhodes scholarship to Magdalen college at Oxford. That is my nerdy dream scholarship!! I had to sneak into Magdalen when I was there, since they're all too good for Hertford).

6. One book that you wish had been written: I wish Jane Austen had written one book about what happened after the "happily ever after." Even that long ago, every story ended with marriage.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: I don't know...Mein Kampf?

8. One book you’re currently reading: Any Place I Hang My Hat by Susan Isaacs.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.

Likes and Dislikes of the Weekend:)

Dislikes:
1. Blind dates with awkward silences.
2. Blind dates when the person lies about their height by 6 inches, insults his mother, asks me-during a movie- if I've ever done drugs, tells me he has no friends because everyone lies, and shows up 20 minutes late because he lost track of time while browsing for t-shirts in Hot Topic. The one good part was that I drank my wine so fast that I had the courage to ask a hot guy to give me a hug afterwards, to clean the "bad date" karma off me!
3. Williams, Drink, and bars in Uptown that play bad 80's music without irony.
4. Loud, dark bars, when I can't hear my friends...and they won't take my money;)
5. Nightmares. I woke up at 3am last night completely terrified. My arms were over my head, with my wrists together, just like my hands were bound, and I was so irrationally frightened that my muscles wouldn't move for 5 minutes...I just lay there, trying to calm my subconscious down. This is the second time I've had a dream that traumatic in a month. Which is why I'm never allowed to watch a horror movie again, since my mind acculmulates all of the stupid, trite scenes together to frighten me! Last night, the killer rode a motorcycle (or maybe a snowmobile) and chased girls after they left a rural high school after practice in the evening. I was one of them and I tried to hide under the snow, but it found me. That's actually ridiculous, but my body believed it, which was the scary part.

Likes:
1. Ally McBeal...I just remembered that I loved that show, before it got really weird, especially the theme song and the episodes with Robert Downey, Jr.
2. The employees at Sebastian Joe's in Linden Hills...maybe I'll start lesson planning there.
3. Getting paid and not having ALL of the money go to tuition! I bought a ton of watermelon this week and I'm indulging in it all the time now.
4. The diversity in my neighborhood.
5. Capture the flag. I'm going to have a party soon!! I think I need to feel like a kid again before I go back to work and need to pretend to be responsible:)

"It's not like I'm playing the field, it's like work...it's like I'm working in the field!"
So I just realized that dating a lot is exhausting and stressful! I don't know how guys do it. I feel like I'm always getting ready, dressed-up, and there's so much anticipation. It reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of Friends, when Phoebe dates two men at the same time: the fireman and the elementary school teacher. First she thinks that it's a choice between a burly one and a sensitive one- no choice, obviously ;) But then she sees the teacher doing construction work and hears the fireman recite poetry. Hmm...

Likes and Dislikes of the Week

Likes:
*Frozen watermelon. I buy it pre-cut at Lunds, then freeze it, and eat it with a fork. It's like Italian Ice, but organic! I think freezing watermelon is popular in Japan.
*Project Runway. I love that the show has actually talented people, doing amazing designs. I wish they would have a teaching reality show, to show people know how difficult it really is and what amazing strategies teachers can whip out in a crisis and how analytical the profession really can be.
*I'm starting to feel like I'll be prepared when school starts and that I'll be able to have more of a social life this year. Which is great because I've met some exciting people this summer.
*All the things there are to do in my neighborhood: Wolf Parade next week, Ghostbusters in Castillo Park on Thursday, the Diane Arbus exhibit at the Walker Art Museum, and the Pizza Luce Block Party (where Thunder in the Valley is playing, my birthday band).
*Beautiful, sunny, 60 degree weather today. The rain finally came yesterday, after it got up in the 100's on Monday!

Dislikes:
*The University of Minnesota. No one cares about individual students (at least not me) and students are expected to completely fend for themselves, which is much more difficult than at a private school since none of the bureaucracy communicates intra-collegiately (or whatever:) So I actually have to let someone know that I'm done with my Masters, otherwise they'd never know it. And my bill this month was completely screwed up and then the helpline operator was so rude and patronizing. Grr. It makes me wax nostalgic about Wash U, where I had four advisors!
*Trying to create my own curriculum when my administration is still on vacation. My plan is to use the Social Studies Standards as the supporting content, based on the US History and geography. We'll travel from state to state, using the facts and history about each, and I'll hopefully be able to find video clips and other media to show them. Then, I need to address all of the Language Arts standards for Minnesota and the National TESOL standards (for ESL). It's just a crazy amount of cross-referencing, integrating language and content instruction, and second-guessing myself.
*Lack of money for school supplies...I saw these wonderful new binders at Office Max. They are really thin and have folding rings, so they'll fit into folders, essential since my classroom is the size of a walk-in closet. And they have a holder for note cards, and two dividers, and are hard cover. When I saw them, I immediately wanted to buy them for all my students...I was drooling in the notebook aisle! I really want my students to have supplies that are indicative of my expectations and high hopes for their academic success. I want them to take pride in their classwork, but most of their families don't have the resources. Anyway, these fancy binders cost $6.99 each, which is tough to pull off for all of my 60 students. Does anyone know of education-friendly philanthropists who would like to fund that? Hmm...
*I'm sorry that I don't like baseball games! I would try to pretend, as I have many times during college and graduate school, but it's tooooooo boring. Honestly, you could watch SportsCenter and get 20 seconds of highlights, which would actually be the ONLY things that happened during the game. And you could even buy some FastDogs (those new ones), nachos, and beer for cheaper and sit at home, eating really fast. But 6-ish hours of tedium in plastic seats? I'm sorry, my friends, but it's not going to happen again! As a trade-off, I will never expect you to go to see chick flicks with me;)

Weekend Update
Friday- I babysat for my twin cousins, who are 3. I pulled them a mile in their wagon to the lake, where we had a picnic. And someone told me that my kids were cute, which was scary because they could be my kids, and if they were, I would have them out of the house by the time I'm 39!

Saturday- I woke up early, for a breakfast date, which I thought would be really fun. I got stood up, because apparently there are 5 restaurants with the same name in Uptown, which isn't a very good excuse because there aren't. But I got to spend quality time with Spike and Mo, two cute kitties, and then I spent the rest of the day writing out my curriculum plan calendars for the school year. I love being productive without time constraints! And I looooove post-its. Last September, I started working the 1st day of teacher workshop, so I'm going to be much more prepared this year. In the evening I went for a run, but it was still way too hot. It's gross to run in this weather! My hair was wet when I got home and my ipod buds wouldn't stay in my ears. And there were huge swarms of those little white bugs everywhere, so my run was quite zig-zaggy and probably hilarious to watch.

Sunday- I'm going to go to church in the morning, then continue lesson planning.

the tribulations of my day...
my grandpa took me to edward jones this morning to manage my investing. i learned that there is absolutely no way i can invest now, since my loans are so overwhelming. well, yes, i knew that, and it's not much fun to have someone give you a pity look. so i almost broke down in my broker's office and then lost it while driving my grandpa home. but i finally realized that i am so much luckier than many people...for example, i had surgery in march, which cost $15,000, and my health insurance covered it all! plus, although it was probably a mistake not to, i didn't have to work this summer and i still got paid. and someday i'll be out of debt. my only monetary goal, which was so difficult to discern when i was asked this morning, is to be able to send my children to any college they want to attend and to take care of them when they make mistakes with money, like my parents did for me. while i still thinks it's essential to find a career that you love regardless of the paycheck, i've learned my lesson that you need to be aware of money, where it's going, and how to be smart about it. i really should have gotten a scholarship for graduate school! i lived on loans for 17 months, while also paying out-of-state tuition. silly me.

anyway, i'm so excited to get ready to start work again! i've got all of my organization ideas in place and i just need to get my class lists and hit up office max. i'm giddy as a school girl about school supplies! i'm going to buy a ton of clear plastic three-ring insert pockets. i also bought a 4-ft. diameter blow-up globe (apparently from a brad paisely video) on ebay. it's going to hand from the ceiling in my classroom!! i also have my class blog set up, my class website updated, and a webquest about angkor wat for my students. i want to be super prepared so that i can have a social life this school year!

i'm so tired from running around the lakes, so i'm not going to use caps. deal with it:)

The Middle East
Every day, as I watch the continued destruction in Beirut, I keep wondering about the how hate like that can be sustained. I don't know as much as I should about the history of the conflict and the reasons that there is so much anger towards Israel, but I can't relate to ongoing hatred, passed on from parents to children without end.

Last night, I watched a show about art history on PBS. There was a study about death and what motivates people to harm those with different beliefs. It proved that when people are forced to think about their own mortality on a daily basis, they are almost always more vindictive and aggresively harmful to people who think differently. And I think that's why I can't understand the war in the Middle East. I rarely need to think about death; mostly I avoid thinking about it at all. When every choice you make is life or death, your enemies must seem much clearer. So maybe forcing representations of the humanity in the apparent enemy is the only solution. There's a program in Israel, like the Boys' and Girls' Club, where Muslim, Christian, and Jewish teens perform community service together. It doesn't seem like education alone can promote peace- there needs to be friendship, and the fear of death needs to end. Which I think would work better than my mom's idea, which is to put all of Israel and Palestine on cruise ships for a month long vacation, while the debris is removed, the bullet holes covered over, the signs of hate removed, and everyone can return to the holy land with great tans and no lines of division:)

Camp du Nord
I got back from family camp on Saturday and I'm already in camp withdrawl. I miss all the singing! It was just like regular camp, except I didn't have my own counselor because I'm an adult in their eyes. I was so jealous of the kids' activities...they got to play predator/prey and have pirate day. I did the adult activities, like basket weaving and canoe trips. My basket is cute, but kind of trapezoidal, and I realized that I hate canoeing with family. My brother cannot steer to save his life and my parents, who never fight, get vicious when there's any competition. I have a horrible- and somewhat gratifying- canoeing-cut on my thumb. And a huge bruise on my arm from sailing.

There was a group of Korean students visiting for the week, so I drove down to the nearest town (Ely) to look up Korean phrases. John and I mastered hello (ahn-nyung-ha-say-yo) and good-bye (ahn-nyung-hee-ga-say). My favorite part of the whole week was the night hike to Ol' Baldy (which sounds way too camp-like, but truly named). We left at 9:30 with a big group, but didn't start coming back until 10:30. It was a steep and narrow trail, but so much fun, since you had to rely on your other senses to keep from falling down! It made me laugh hysterically! It was like "there're roots, rocks, more roots, ooh big rock!" My adorable cousin Pete was like a little white ghost in front of me in his white sweatshirt.

*I spoke much too soon*
I went out on a bad bad date tonight. It involved the following dialogue:
Him: "Do you like Burrito Loco?"
Me: "Oh, absolutely not! I feel like it's the Pepsi to Chipotle's Coke."
Him: "Do you like Coke?"
Me: "Um, yes?"
Him: "Uh, yeah...me, too. Well, no... (loooong pause) I like diet Coke."
Me: "Alright." (painfully long silence).
Him: "So I guess you like Chipotle."

I worked very hard to be nice throughout, but there were horrible long silences, when I desperately hoped someone I knew would walk in and save me...I should have gone with the "emergency" phone call! The whole time, I wished someone else was there, so I'm pretty excited to see him again:)

My Summer Vacation
Now that I'm on vacation, I've been keeping busy with three things:

1. Running
I've been going crazy with my running. I love it! It feels like cross country all over again. I run around one of the lakes near my house...it's about a 4-5 mile run and I have a route that doesn't stay on the lake running path very much. Since I have a short attention span and I am so goal-oriented, I need hills so I have something to push myself to complete. I just started late June and already I've lost weight and my legs feel like springs. I just need to cool it a bit; this morning, I had to walk almost all the way because of shin splints. A 70+ man shuffled past me and then two elderly women skated by on rollerblades, just to embarrass me more. So my plan is to ice and heat, whatever, and take advil before I run. I need my endorphins:) Here's my sprinting hills mix (cheesy, but it works):
Fell in Love with a Girl- The White Stripes
Lose My Breath- Destiny's Child
Ride- The Vines
I Will Follow-U2
C'mon C'mon- The Von Bondies
Knock on Wood- Amy Stewart
Run Away- The Real McCoy;)

2. My Final Project for Graduate School
Grr! I need to finish this! It's an incredibly detailed mini-unit, based on content-embedded language instruction. To give you an idea of how structured the assignment is, there are 19 grading points on the rubric. So there are 19 facets of instruction that I need to consider and find research to support in my planning. Grr. I mean, I think that I should have plans this thoughtful for all the teaching that I do. But when you're dealing with 8-year-olds, instruction has to be fluid, spontaneous, and essentially dictated by behavior. If I have one cah-razy student in a class, even if a 30-minute lesson is highly structured to meet all National Standards for No Child Left Behind, no learning is going to happen unless I can find a way to entice that student. 10 pages of justification for 2 1/2 hours of instruction are not going to make a difference in that case. And I hate hate hate APA citation style. Why don't they teach that in high school? I swear, I learned one way all my life, and then it's like, oops! it's so juvenile, figure out the APA style on your own, usually by pouring over an internet site or devouring an instruction manual. I still hate it. I'm definitely going to whip out everything today, though. I don't want to worry at the last minute about this, my last school project, probably ever.

3. Eating Differently
When I started my hell week of classes in June, I suddenly realized that the reasons that I usually use for eating the food that I did are so misguided. I used to eat a ton of reduced-fat pringles as a reward for hardwork, as a way to unwind, but it's really like 30 grams of fat. And when I had a bad day, I would eat comfort food to make myself feel better. So I was relying on food to manipulate my emotions, which obviously isn't the purpose of food. When I started thinking about food as nurishment for my body and as a means of my goal to become more healthy, it completely changed what I ate on a daily basis. Now, I only keep food in my house that's healthy, so if I'm really hungry, I can always eat a lot without feeling guilty. Because I hate the post-eating emotions, too. My new favorite foods are watermelon, roast chicken breast with Franks hot sauce, cottage cheese with melba toast, Spinach salad with cottage cheese, a little cheddar, and a few croutons, and fat-free cool whip for dessert. I also only eat substantive carbs for breakfast. It makes me feel so much more in control of being healthy. The running and changing menu made me realize that gimmic diets and programs are so unstable...it really has to be a change that you create on your own, work at, and eventually develop as habit, hopefully. Let's see if it lasts with all the beer and chips that my grandma will lay out everywhere on our family vacation...it will be like booby traps everywhere.

3 1/2. ooops. Another thing I'm doing is going on a lot of dates. It's like Next (on MTV), but the guys are actually smarter, less cheesy, and I get to "next!" Eventually, I want to narrow it down, but it's fun for now.

Quick thoughts...
*I love cottage cheese. It's so delicious! I think I was a yodeling, German girl in leiderhosen in a former life, because while I eat it, I think about being Heidi in the mountains.
*It's schmaltzy, but my friends are the best. It's so amazing how you can stumble on such a sweet group of people just by coincidence.
*Summer vacation rocks. I have two dates this week :) and I can run around the lake every day, if I want to!

My favorite things about the USA:
1. We can make a cake with our flag on it.
2. Our society eventually overcomes prejudices.
3. Upward mobility.
4. Freedom of Speech and the Press:
this is a wonderful example, an article by Frank Rich in the New York Times.
5. I see amazing acts of selflessness and volunteerism everyday.
6. We have social services established to help our citizens who can't take care of themselves.
7. Freedom of Religion.
8. Our diversity is beautiful!

Happy 4th of July

School's out forever
Today is my last day of graduate school! I just have a final project due on July 17 and I'll officially be a Master. When I mail formal letters I can put M.Ed. after my name, which is the nice, pretentious touch that my correspondence has been missing. Of course, most people in America seem to think that a Masters in Education is the equivalent of a Masters in fingerpaint art and science and can't imagine why I'd get an advanced degree that would only earn me a pay raise large enough to pay for the two classes I took this summer. Actually, I'm starting to wonder that, too. I guess so I don't feel so uneducated around my parents, the Ph.D. and M.D. They, in turn, wonder why they had to pay for my Wash U education when I don't earn more now than it cost per year, even though the tuition included room and board and I have to pay for it now. And why I had to pick such a "soft science" major in college, anyway.

Ooops, now I'm not as excited. Does anyone want to buy a sad M.Ed. a drink tonight?

Hell Week
I made a big mistake and registered for two classes for this week, from 9am-4pm and 4:45pm-7:45pm. Which means I leave home at 8:30 and get back at 8:30. But I have no motivation for my morning class: it's mostly a huge group of teachers from South Carolina, whose accents are already driving me crazy, and the two teachers love to tell anecdotes that never end. And they make us do really degrading activities like jigsaw, which is basically "prove that you did the reading by explaining it to 5 people you don't know as they stare with glazed eyes into space." My plan is to write my papers for the afternoon class during the morning class, which worked really well this morning! But I have so many important things to do, which I haven't had time to finish yet:
-Get car insurance finally.
-Pay my students loans...oops.
-Do like 5 readings for classes.
-Go to HR and sign my contract, which I was supposed to do before school ended.
-Vacuum my apartment.
-Bake some scones.
If I make it through this week with some sanity, please give me a hug!

Adventures in wildlife rescue
This morning, I started out on my run and just when I was turning the corner, I heard a cheeping sound. A little baby duck run right past me and under a parked car! There were some phone repairmen nearby and they helped me to catch it. Cutest little duck ever! I was impressed at how fast it could run with its little flippered feat...I've tried running in flippers and it's really hard, so I can just imagine;) I had no idea what to do with a tiny little duck, so I carried it into the First Universalist Church and asked them to call animal rescue. Apparently, they don't rescue animals. And then the Humane Society never called back. So the last option was to drive it to the Animal Rehabilitation Center in a box. Getting extremely lost in St. Paul is even more frustrating when you have an animal quacking at you. So I dropped her off- they told me she's a mallard- and I told them that her name is Molly Ringwald, which was what I called her all morning...since she's a girl, she couldn't be Duckie (haha).

The Sleeping Bug
I think I caught a bug. or maybe I just messed up my sleeping pattern by going to bed at 2am today. Anyway, I slept until 9am, laid in bed eating cottage cheese and watching some episodes of season 2 of Entourage (I love the Pivs!), and taking naps. I stayed in bed until 2pm, when I got up and ate some baked lays. Then I got a bowl of neopolitan fro-yo and went back to bed. I slept until 5pm, then got up and ate a lean cuisine burrito and watched tv. I don't even remember what I was watching because I was so spaced out today! At 8pm, I remembered that I had an assignment for class tomorrow, so I typed that up quickly, and now I'm ready to go to bed again. I never left my apartment once, didn't get dressed until 7pm, and missed a party :( I desperately hope that I'm not so completely lethargic tomorrow. It's like my head is filled with cotton balls.

The only good thing, besides slow churned light Breyer's, is that I found out that someone else likes Matt Pond PA:)

4 happy notes and a sad one

Did you know that at the Byerly's in St. Louis Park they have a conveyer belt, like for luggage at the airport, that transports your groceries underground to a convenient place where sweet, eager teens will put it in your car for you?

My cousin Peter, who is 10, used the word commisurate today. The way he used it was correct. It seems miraculous to me to hear kids understand and use words like that!

My parents are finally home. They apparently brought me back something "real nice" from Vienna...I hope it's some schnitzel, because I've always wondered what that was (from the Sound of Music song).

Somehow one side of my family lost hope in one member and are shunning this person. I'm ashamed that it came to this; rumors, revenge, and a generally passive-aggressive attitude that leaves everyone confused and with aching pain.

Call me Elsa
I never feel connected with my ethnicity, Polish-Russian, until I'm carrying something heavy on my hip! Today I walked home from the grocery store with way too much food in a heavy bag, all hoisted up on my hip, a canvas bag on my shoulder, my new beaded sandals on my feet, my hair in a bun. Suddenly, I felt the need for a babushka, the headscarf my great grandma always used to wear. In my state of burden, I could just hear the sounds of Polish folk music in my head...I might as well have been muttering to myself. This all makes me think that if my family was still living in southwestern Russia, I would probably be married to a farmer, have six kids, and trudge all the way to the market and back every day with a bag of beets, potatoes, and pickled whathaveyou. I envy people who have a connection to the land and culture.

So, fingers crossed, St. Petersburg '07.
Oh my gosh! I was just looking up pictures of Russian women to show how much I look like them, but I actually think this IS my greatgrandma! ;)

(It does look eerily like her, though, which explains my need for lots of L'Oreal wrinkle decrease cream).

Life lessons from my grandma i
Since my parents have become European jet-setters (for 3 weeks, anyway), I've started calling my grandma more often, just to get advice. I just like talking to older people about my problems, because I feel like my friends are just like me- kind of unqualified due to inexperience in the world: we mostly confused ourselves even more when we try to figure something out. Anyway, my grandma doesn't sugarcoat anything. The answers to most of my dilemmas are followed by the qualifier, "But that's life, sweetie." Grr...there are still answers, right? She's too existential for me! I want hopeful suggestions.

So her main piece of advice for me, raving about car insurance woes, complaining about my loan bills, and generally confused about my future, is...to have a plan:) Alright, grannie, this is my plan:
1. I'm going to get my Masters Degree this month. I'll pay for the classes I'm taking this month with the small increase in my salary b/c I now have a Masters Degree.
2. I will start writing my novel (the new career plan instead of Law School, which, according to my grandma, would suck the life out of me and we'd no longer be able to associate). I already have the major plot points, so today I'm going to start character research. And this is not going to be another one of those ideas where I can only see the end product. I already have a cute little notebook.
3. I will work harder to emotionally compartmentalize my life. During the school year, I put my social life on the back burner because I didn't feel I could deal with that and be a good teacher (which was my excuse for all of college, too). There must be a way for me to turn off my neurosis and just get back to work after a semi-traumatic relationship situation. I need to harness my chi and make a bigger social circle.
4. I will run everyday.
5. I will eat one healthy meal a day. I'm going to keep it at that because it's manageable, and most days I will do better than that (self-empowerment!) but if I forget sometime, it's not defeating.
6. I will go to Edward Jones and invest money.

My two-year goal (which would make God get the giggles) is to be engaged to an kind, intelligent, handsome man who will go to church with me, have a bigger group of loyal friends, be a healthy, financially sound, less neurotic, M.Ed. after my name girl-about-town, and have a best-selling children's book.

Okay, that's my plan.

Here's what I've done in my first week off from work:
I've started a book sprint. I'm a very impatient reader, so I'll buy a ton of books, and then either read them each day-by-day, or cast them aside if they're not initially fascinating. This week, I reread "Nickel and Dimed" by Barbara Enrenreich, then "Almost French" by Sarah Turnbull, part of "Assassination Vacation" by Sarah Vowell, and "Any Place I Hang My Hat, " by Susan Isaacs. The last was the smartest relationship novel I've ever read! Very good. My next book is "The Bookseller of Kabul" by Åsne Seierstad.

My graduate class is kind of fun, because I get to see my friends from last year's classes, but also tiring, because some of them are so tangential when they discuss what they've learned from teaching. While I love writing papers again, educational theory can be so fluffy and seems to be mostly common sense (when something doesn't work, reflect on why, and help that form what you try next), but which only through repeated drillings is actually put into practice.

So I'm going to try to spend my morning walking around Uptown, mysteriously jotting down notes in my journal, while sipping an (inexpensive) coffee drink. It's time to put the plan in action.

School's out for summer
How weird it is that I have 3 months of vacation starting Monday? As the last day of school drew near, I began reflecting on the year...

When did I get a job? It's been so fast. We all waved good-bye to the buses yesterday as they drove off. Most teachers clapped when they were gone, one cried because he was leaving for a new school, and I just relaxed my cheek muscles after a day of constant smiling. I'll miss those kids so much! One, who's moving this summer, just walked on by me at the end of the day, and I was like "Wait a minute, mister..." If any of them had been at all sad, I would have lost it and cried, but hey, they're 8 and the excitement of summer vacation is overwhelming.

I haven't made any very good friends at school. Some of them are really nice and fun to chat with there, but I always feel like joking around in the staff lounge and choosing specific people as friends is somewhat unprofessional (we're supposed to be a community of educators, anyway). At the end of the year party yesterday, I realized that I'm also a little bit different from most of the teachers my age, too. First, I was the absolute only person to bring wine. I couldn't open it, and I didn't think anyone would drink it besides myself, so I just left it there. Second, everyone was obsessed with these games, played with golf balls on ropes and "goals" built out of pvc piping. It was such a competitive game. Everyone was drinking beer, and one teacher even brought a bottle of whisky to pour into her coke can!

Public education is a struggle. It always will be until salaries increase, curriculum is either standardized or left alone, and the teaching profession becomes truly competitive. I am currently fighting to get a bigger classroom next year. As an ESL teacher who has small class sizes, my space in the school is the least of anyone's priorities. So, I was assigned to an office for next year! It's about the size of a walk-in closet, but I will be teacher about 60 students everyday in the room. There is no AC and it's right off a busy hallway. I'm arguing for the rights of my students, but in some ways the fight seems somewhat personal and self-serving as well. And what I have always hated about public education is the argumentative teachers, who are fighting for "their" rights. This profession needs to be free of self-interest, because eventually you'll talk yourself blue in the face and make everyone mad at you, and nothing will be accomplished. Everything has to be about the students. But, as a professional, I don't want to be in a 7x7 room for an entire year either. Sometimes I want to scream "I went to a good college, I almost have my Masters, and I could be making much more money doing almost anything else, so please give me some respect!" But then again, it can't be about me, because then I'm one of those teachers. I think this summer will be a much-needed break.

Oh, and finally, I will never never never live in the suburbs again. Just driving through them, with all the stadium-sized grocery stores and generic chain restaurants along sidewalk-free, litter-lined three-laned streets made my stomach contract and my throat feel dry. I hate being reliant on my car to get places, feeling trapped in a house in the center of a generic subdivision, and all those little trees that replaced the beautiful ones that were cut down for building!

Anyway, have a good summer!

Questions for you :)
1. Do you have a good DSL/wireless internet provider, who also offers phone service? Please recommend one to me, since I hate Qwest with the fire of a thousand suns and have actually sworn at the automatic directory voice when it misunderstood my needs for the millionth time. And my last bill was $371.00, for reasons which no one working there can seem to explain to me.

2. How do you handle having a full-time job and keeping your life together? My apartment is a disaster right now and there's till dirt on the floor from where my cat knocked over my potted plant on Thursday. These are the things I need to do tomorrow:
*Separate 390 crayons into groups of three and tie them with ribbon for the ESL Award Ceremony on Monday.
*Write thank-you cards to all of my colleagues (22).
*Wash the pile of dishes by the sink.
*Go to church.
*Vacuum.
*Do three loads of laundry.
*Clean out my old car because it has five years of sloppy-Nicole build-up inside.
*Hopefully go for a run around Lake Harriet.
*Get a new insurance policy on my new car.
*Sign my old title over.

When do people have time for spontaneity without losing all control?

Apologetically
Alright, here are some things I currently love apologetically but feel like sharing; there must be some other people with similar tastes :)

1. "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. I love this song so much right now. I crank up my radio every morning- because it's on at least once every day during my morning drive- and reflect on bad days. It's such a universal theme, and besides, I love melodic piano music. If you think about how sappy it is on American Idol, then yes, it's so annoying. But on its own, I love it.

2. Top Chef. That was such a good show! "I'm not your bitch, bitch!" I love it.

3. The Soup on E! I used to watch this show during the summer when Greg Kinnear was the host and I liked it then, but it's so much funnier now. I am in love with the little dog who howls with the host while he sings...

4. Trader Joe's Pad Thai in a bowl. I want to hate Trader Joe's because my parents are obsessed with it, but while the decor inside almost gave me a migraine (yuck, I can't stand cutesy homemade signs in retail), the frozen food selection is so nice.

5. Proactiv & Magic Bullet. I've become a person who orders infomercial products. Proactive really works (obviously, or why would Diddy endorse it, right?) but the Magic Bullet started smoking the first time I used it. But maybe I'll have a iced drink party this summer so I'll have a chance to use it again!

Signs of Summer
*I've started eating watermelon ALL the time!
*Tomorrow is Track and Field day at school.
*My tank-top drawer has been opened.
*I can't wait for the last day of the school year!
Summer vacation is going to be perfection, especially when I get my paycheck every month:)

A view into the cynicism within public school walls
This week I've been experiencing a crash course in school politics and the negative effects of No Child Left Behind firsthand. For those who want to know what NCLB does, it's this:

1. It makes teachers judge their performance based on test scores as compared to National Standards, not realistic student progress.

2. Students are therefore labeled as "loaded." I heard this term at least 10 times today when people were complaining about my ESL classroom placements for the next school year. Apparently, a student who is a lower reader, and probably doesn't have English-speaking parents, is a time-vacuum for lesson-planning...and so why would a teacher volunteer to teach students in that group?

3. Our whole school is bittered by a sense of failure because our test scores are lower than the government requires.

4. This all causes me to realize that I'll need to decide if I can withstand the atmosphere of pressure and blind, test-based judgment of students, as well as if I can endure the cynicism I will face everyday from my colleagues. I think that I will only last in this job if I can remain naïve to the testing realities of NCLB. Can I work in a position where I am required to give each non-native English speaking student over 16 combined total hours of tests each year and then listen as they are negatively judged (and eventually treated?) based on the results? None of the teachers with whom I spoke today could understand my position, because so much of their job is tied up in pleasing the district, state, and national standards.

So, my current passions, to counter the mood at school, include:

A. applying for a National Geographic Society grant for an integrated, video-centered take-home curriculum that my ESL students can utilize at any time during the year. They're pulled out of class everyday during Social Studies, and we only have time at our school to do 30 minutes a day anyway.

B. Sending a letter to my representatives about an initiative to provide free English language classes at every public library in Minnesota. If we say immigrants must learn English, and then wonder why people who are working 2 full-time minimum-wage jobs to feed their family don't take classes, we'll never have a solution.

C. Find summer penpals for all my students.

D. Study for the LSATs!













my wall of influential immigrants.

Grr and fit (a family saying for anger)
I have a colleague who's making me so frustrated. I hate when people contact superiors before just talking to me...honestly, I'm easy-going and passive aggressive, and I'd probably end up doing all your work for you if you just came and politely spoke to me first. But, then people make the mistake of double crossing me, patronizing me, or accusing me of putting teacher interests before the students...well, I have my posse of esl teachers to back me when things get ugly! Our new mantra (against the anti-ESL teachers) is "solidarity!" with a fist pump. Apparently, that motion is equally motivating in all three of our cultures.

Anyway, I'm not in this field to make enemies, but I won't back down when you question the importance of teaching English to these children, especially since 50% of Latino students drop out of school. I might need to be sneaky (in a professional way, of course). Another thing I inheirited from my mom is an ability to tell people what they want to hear and then get my way in the end.

My dad messed around with my internet security this weekend and now I can't use my wireless connection. It's amazing how much the world has changed since my parents were my age...I'm actually annoyed that I can't read the New York Times on the internet in bed tonight!

My word wall, just to add some color to this post!

Finally, sunshine...
I was feeling despondent all week: I had about a week to assess the speaking, reading, and writing ability of 20 second graders, and I was beginning to feel that ESL teachers are less than respected as professional educators. But I'm finally starting to feel better :)

my brother and me at LuteFest 2006

On Friday, I got a postcard in my classroom mailbox from one of my 3rd graders. On the front it said, "Rose are red viltes are blue candy is sweet and so are you!" and the inside read,
"Dear Miss Walters,
in class I feel okay but...in your class it feels fun I hope you win the contest [for a classroom makeover] I know a reason's why you should get a better classroom and I on the other hand hope I win a trip."

Our final assignment for advanced 3rd graders is to write an essay about why we should have a better classroom next year. I told my students that if they work really hard on their essays, I will send them in to the EXPO dry erase marker contest, and they could potentially win a trip. I'm just so proud that she used ellipses and "I on the other hand" in her writing!

I saw the Da Vinci Code last night and here is my quick review:
I think I would have liked the movie if the main characters had been played by Clive Owen and Julianne Moore, like I pictured in my head while I was reading the book. It needed to be more Indiana Jones, less...boring exposition.

My car now makes a wonder high pitched squeak whenever I turn.
I'm so excited to get a new car.

My parents are coming to visit soon! We're going to La Bodega for dinner, with my uncle and his new girlfriend. It may be kind of awkward, but I'm excited to drink Sangria with my dad again...we had so much fun in Barcelona together.

Coming to America is on T.V. right now and I desperately need to vacuum.
¡Que pasa bien fin de semana!

I'm becoming my mother at an alarming rate
In celebration of Mother's Day, these are the ways that I'm like my mom:

1. I hate when my apartment's not clean. It's becoming an OCD...I literally can't leave until everything's straightened up, only because I'm afraid it will devolve into the tornado-strewn mess that it is right now. I'm sitting here feeling really tense.

2. I don't do anything half-way. I like to complete tasks in one sitting; that way it's done and there's no possibility of me forgetting to do it later.

3. I have a weird multi-tasking strategy at work! I do whatever pops into my head, so I'm always juggling 5 tasks at a time (like, go pick out the guided reading books; ooh, and they need flash cards, I'll make those now too; but, right, I should translate one set into Arabic for my Jordanian student; and while I'm doing that I'll search the internet for a better translation site; and while I'm looking for that, I'll buy some more Arabic literature for that student...). Then I cycle through each task, which makes me run around the school much more than I need to and scare people with how "focused" I look. I guess they aren't used to my kind of intensity in at the elementary level.

4. I take care of my brother. Even if it spoils him, oh well. As my mom always used to say, we're more related to each other than we are to anyone else on Earth. So we shouldn't kick each other so much.

Happy Mothers' Day!

Springtime-induced amnesia
It is incredibly beautiful today! This is the perfect weather: 60's, sunny and windy, and all the lilacs (my favorite flower) are in bloom. I went on a long run after work...I've missed the Lake Harriet hills so much! I'm such a cross-country freak; I only like running the hills, because it's more of a challenge, and I'm a little too goal-oriented. Anyway, all of the gorgeous weather almost made me forget how much winter here sucks.

Today was crazy. It started with a study group meeting at 7:45, then an assessment meeting at 8, teaching, another assessment meeting, teaching, assessment meeting, and more teaching. Then I stayed until 5:30 preparing for the rest of the week! I was in the worst mood in the morning- with all the pointless meetings. Also, since the barometer was fluctuating today, it felt like all the kids were a little bit stir crazy. I know someone who's doing research on that theory. They were just so rude to me, which I think is problematic of the students at our school in general. I spend an hour collaborating in a classroom with 5 (5!) students with emotional-behavior disorders. These are the children who scream, burst out in tears, abuse their classmates, and never seem to get any real work done. I have all the empathy in the world for them, but with that many in one class, it's a wonder that the classroom teacher isn't pulling out her hair. But the day got better...I love working after school and just getting to chit chat with the other teachers. Some of them are so funny.

So, if I seem like I'm in a much better mood these days, it's because I'm completely seasonally-affected :)

My baby picture

My eyes and nose are exactly the same...as are my cheeks!

Random Survey

Random Survey

whats your name spelt backwards? sretlaw elocin
What did you do last night? worked the nail-polishing booth at my school's Spring carnival, watched Matchpoint, which is the only Woody Allen movie except "Annie Hall" that I like
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? a baby picture of myself, for our staff lounge "who's the baby?" guessing game
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery? no, I'm pretty rational
Last time you swam in a pool? in Tucson, over Spring break
What are you wearing? dark blue jeans, white camisol, blue, lacy, army jacket
How many cars have you owned? one, but I'm getting a beautiful white passat in two weeks!
Type of music you dislike most? trance...it makes me cringe and gives me a migraine. I can't last more than 10 minutes in Abercrombie.
Are you registered to vote? yes, in Minnesota
Do you have cable? yeah, and I get 60 channels even though I only pay for basic.
What kind of computer do you use? Apple iBook and and Apple iMac. My laptop is named Dmitri:)
Ever made a prank phone call? no
You like anyone right now? only people who are unavailable, it seems
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? neither. I think it's selfish to risk your life that way for a personal thrill.
Furthest place you ever traveled? Bern, Switzerland.
What's your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbes
Do u know all the words to the national anthem? Well, most. But I can't sing it.
Shower, morning or night? Whenever, hair-permitting.
Best movie you've seen in the past month? Matchpoint
Favorite pizza toppings? Feta and artichoke
Chips or popcorn? Chips. Doritos, salt-and-vinegar, tortilla, whatever.
What cell phone provider do you have? Virgin. Why did Richard Branson choose that name besides to make me feel embarrassed in front of people like my grandparents when they ask about my cell phone?
Have you ever smoked peanut shells? No, I've never smoked anything. I love my lungs!
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? no
Orange Juice or apple? Never apple juice, because it reminds me of feeling car sick on road trips.
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with? Some teachers at my school.
Favorite chocolate bar? Anything Lindt. I also like kitkat, but I eat them in a bizarre, peeling way:)
Who is your longest friend and how long? Emily, from elementary to high school.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? I have no idea.
Have you ever won a trophy? No, but I won a hummingbird feeding for being AP Biology student of the year in 9th grade. My parents still mention it as a crowning achievement of my academic career...isn't that nice and yet also kind of disappointing?
Favorite arcade game? ski ball.
Ever ordered from an infomercial? No, but my brother got me a Magic Bullet for my birthday. I've used it once so far- to make hommous- and it started to smoke.
Sprite or 7-UP? Sprite with grenadine
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work? no
Last thing you bought at Walgreens? hair dye. I have a lot of gray hair :(
Ever thrown up in public? no
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? true love.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I haven't found it yet, although I thought I had.
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON? I don't know! I've never watched either.
Did you have long hair as a young kid? no, I had a horrible Mary Lou Retton bowl cut.
What message is on your voicemail machine? It's a pre-recorded deep man's voice, ever since last year, when I got harassing messages that mentioned my name.
Where would you like to go right now? Um, Paris? Barcelona?
Whats the name of your pet? Oliver (in a British accent)
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it? I don't have one, I just have a gigantic bag-purse
What do you think about most? my friends and family

Did you know?

I'm incompentent when it comes to finding a place I've never been before. I was 90 minutes late to my conference today! There is a part of my brain that refuses to accept that I should look up directions before I get in my car...it's traveling Russian roulette; I almost had a meltdown while running around St. Paul in the freezing cold this morning.

I'm very bad at staying in touch with old friends. I think that my transient childhood made me able to drop friendships and move on without feeling bad...which makes me feel bad. And I hate it because it's sad and I want to maintain a big Christmas card list.

My cat likes to sit like a human.

Woman on the verge of a nervous testing breakdown!
1. Never vote for No Child Left Behind. It means 16 hours of testing for the students who speak, read, and write English the poorest and who would benefit the most from actually getting to learn.
2. Giving tests sucks, too! I got to sit around for two tests a day (3 hours each) for 9 days. And it answer a million questions and fill in tons of ID numbers in little bubbles.

I'm really going to need to go out for drinks after ESL conference on Friday, but instead, I'm doing the nail polishing station at my school's spring carnival. I hope to get invited to one of my student's authentic Cinco de Mayo fiestas that night!!

And on Saturday, I get to revisit the college tradition that is...Rooney! I like them in such ironic way, but I'm still a groupie at heart:)

It breaks my heart
I try not to pick favorites amongst my students. It leads to teacher's pets and unconsciously unfair treatment over others. But I do have one. And I learned something about him today that made me stop and mist up right in the Special Ed. office.

He's a 7-year-old who loves King Kong and dinosaurs. He speaks with an adorable Spanish accent. He's been my student since September and I've continually wondered why he's not making better progress in English, reading, and writing. In ESL, he still translates his ideas directly from Spanish and they come out with a decidedly non-English morphology. But it's cute, and I can understand it, so I assumed it was just a fluke. After all, his reading speed had been improving, slowly but surely.

He's always working hard and listening to the teacher. He comes into school every day with new dinosaur information, or with new stories about King Kong to tell (or dvd information- "Miss Walters. If you buy Papa John's pizza, they give you free $2 for Kong!"

However, his reading comprehension was so low that I sponsored his Special Ed. They've been assessing him for a while. I gave him his Spring evaluation, and I realized that his oral fluency has gone down 3 points since last year. I finally got some news today: he doesn't qualify for Special Ed. because his ability is alligned with his intelligence. The cause of his problems is simply a very low IQ.

I misted up when I heard that: with a label- ADHD, LD, RD- you have something to work with, something to "overcome" or provide strategies for. This has no easy solution. I know it's not like the poisoned lives of children in the Sudan or Thailand, or many other places in the world, but is an example of the idea that anytime a child is not allowed to live up to their potential- even if it's the stupid dreams of his teacher- it's a sad day for everyone. I know this little boy will do amazing things someday, though, because he's so kind to everyone. I hope he can be an archeaologist, which he agreed was a perfect profession for him once I explained it. And he has a loving family, that's really all that matters.

In American, students like him are lucky. They are not delegated to manual labor at a young age, not teased and tormented by educators, not forced into a lower caste. He will always struggle in school, though, and there's nothing I can do to help him.

Back to Work

I'm actually quite happy to be back at work...I'm amazed at how much I missed the students! They're so cute. But I hate testing. It's so boring. I had to give the State math test for the past two days, but since my students are all non-native English-speaking students, I had to read every question at least two times. It's stressful and dehydrating!

My colleagues are having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm alright. Every day, a few more people come up to me and say "I can't believe you're already here! Are you okay?" It's so nice that they're thinking of me, but a) I've been running around school for the past three days- I'm fine, and b) why did it take surgery for you to talk to me? I finally got up the courage to take off my band-aids today, which hurt because they're so strongly adhesed. It's so surreal to think that about a week ago they cut me open and put a little telescope inside me (and took something out of me).

My mom and brother are coming to visit again on Friday. I get to see Mike on Friday night, and then I'm going out to dinner at my absolute favorite restaurant, Chino Latino, on Saturday night.

I understand illness by proxy much better now, I think, that I felt the side effects of being sick. All of a sudden, all of the attention was on me, everyone worried about me, and listened to me (and brought me flowers). I would never fake an illness (obviously!), but it's a little frightening to return to my normal life on Monday. I didn't realize what I was missing... my brother visited me in the hospital, my mom flew out to visit and folded every piece of clothing that I own, and my grandparents doted on me like they did when I was the youngest grandchild. Once I get back into normal life- which suddenly seems overwhelmingly tedious and lonely- I'm sure I'll feel much better. It just felt so nice to be taken care of, if only for a few days.

I'm excited about my potential summer plans: I found a work program in Ecuador that is a month of working with street children in a day-care-like house. I would love that! I hope I can afford it after my summer courses.

Saturday night?
I'm so lazy, but I'm going to blame that on my recent surgery. I'm going to be using that as an excuse for everything for a while...it already got me macaroni and cheese off the kids' menu at Green Mill, AND it got my month-long late fee erased at Hollywood Video:).

Anyway, call me, email, or contact me some way if you want to go out to dinner on Saturday night at La Bodega in Minneapolis. It's a beautiful Tapas Bar (I said "tapas," get your head out of the gutter) and the gazpacho is amazing.
I won't be able to party or drink yet, but I'll share my flan with you:)

Me, sans appendix
The past few days have felt surreal. Sunday was Easter; beautiful, sunny, full of food and family time. I ran around all day, buying a piñata, helping with cooking, and stuffing myself with candy and my aunt's delicious potatoes with creme frache. Then Sunday night I woke up at 1am with a horrible stomach ache which was so much worse than what I had been feeling sporadically throughout the week. I was awake for 4 hours, just laying on my bed, trying not to move. It hurt so much, and it was superficially sensitive too so even the sheets resting on me were too painful. So I finally decided that I would take myself to urgent care: five days of nausea without actually having the flu is definitely a sign of something.

At Urgent Care, they decided I should get a CAT scan, so we drove to Methodist Hospital and I got to drink the illuminating fluid and wait. By 1pm, 4 hours after I first got there, they called to say that I had appendicitis and I would have surgery that evening! I started laughing:) I knew something was wrong with me when I almost passed out during a verb lesson on Tuesday.

I was admitted at 3 and went to surgery at 3:45. It all seemed really funny: my stomach didn't hurt at all then (I asked to walk to surgery, but I guess that's not permitted) and I didn't completely believe it was actually happening. The last thing I remember (besides the fact that none of the surgical interns are as good-looking as anyone on Grey's Anatomy) is asking my anaesthesiologist to "please knock me out" because I was scared to see the equiptment when I finally got into the OR.

I didn't get any sleep last night at the hospital- they honestly wake you up every 30 minutes! My stomach hurt a little, but they gave me morphine and percocet, which was quite relaxing. I left this morning and spent the day with my relatives, and my mom, who flew in for two days.

I am unbelieveably lucky to a) have caught this so soon, and b) be so young when having this procedure. The day after surgery, I went shopping, went out to dinner, and bought new books at the bookstore. And I'm not supposed to go back to work until Monday. I feel a little bit guilty:(

So that was my past two days...I'm sorry if I haven't been around! That's what I've been up to.

ps- if you want to see what my appendix looked like during the procedure, I have pictures. They're not for the faint of heart!

Grr...
*bitter retail employees, who judge me on the movies I buy at Suncoast and scoff at me when I accidentally whip out my Borders card at Barnes and Noble.
*tail-gaters.
*colleagues who literally run out the door right when school's over, conveniently on every day during the week when we're supposed to label over 100 tests and make a list of every name-to-serial-number correspondence. I consequently spent 6 more hours at work this week, doing something we were all supposed to do. And now it's done.
*being alone at church during Holy Week. I don't know people well enough yet at my new church to sit "with" them...it's so lonely because I've always been a member of such amazing church communities!

I start noticing things like that when I'm tired and I am because I woke up at 5am to run- which was gorgeous, and I love it! I'm going to sleep in so late tomorrow, then go to church, then clean my apartment all day. I bought a new Easter dress, after 3 hours at the mall trying to find something affordable. It's silver silk, with one shoulder and pleats... kind of disco meets Easter :)

Monday :(

I just washed out a container of borscht that had been in my refrigerator for a long time and there was the most disgusting mold growing in it! It look like an octopus tentacle. I almost thought it would grow eyes and slither out of the drain to get me. And now that I wrote that, I'll probably have great dreams tonight ;)

This week is going to be hectic, in the best way. When I was growing up, Holy Week was always a time of breathless anticipation...and not just for chocolate. I was a crucifer and pretty much the only person my age who was available to acolyte, so I ended up serving at almost every service. Once, I was the incense bearer (with the swinging ball-on-chain) at the Easter Vigil, but right before the service we couldn't find the coal. So we built a teeny little fire out of matches. Well, it worked for a while- it was flaming a bit, which might have scared the congregation- but the worst part came when I got to the altar. Right when we stopped, the campfire imploded, and I was surrounded in a pouf of smoke!

I'm going to every service this week. It makes me feel at peace and in touch with the history of our religion. After visiting the cathedrals in England, I can picture Episcopalians celebrating the Easter season with the same practice and prayers that we do today. That tradition, heritage, and most importantly, stability of faith makes me feel safe and part of a historical community. It's so comforting.

Capture the Flag

My first crush was in 4th grade. His name was Scott. He was tall, had glasses, and looked smart, in a Rivers Cuomo kind of way (although I didn't know that then). He was so smart that he had his own groups for reading, math, and spelling, and I was really jealous.

The first time I actually had a long conversation with him was one day during gym. Our class was playing capture the flag in the woods behind our school. It was the most thrilling gym activity because we had almost a mile of dense forest to hide in while planning our tactics. Usually, all of my friends would hide out in the far corner of the forest and just chit chat for an hour, until the whistle blew, but on this day we decided we were going to actually strategize. I was chosen to infiltrate the other team's flag area, tag Scott out (he was the best player), and steal their flag. And it worked! Scott and I talked about the game while we were walking back to school (he was a good loser for a 9 year old boy), and I told him that I would study my spelling words a lot so we could be the only two in his spelling group.

Life was so much simpler then. Tagging a guy out in gym and then praising his spelling skills was all it took.

Anyway, I was running by a park this morning and I felt a longing to play capture the flag (obviously, I'm not mature enough to be a teacher!) But I may have a ctf party this Spring, because it's so much fun and brings backs so many good memories!

Shopping
I think you can tell a lot about someone by what they have in their shopping bags.
Here are mine from tonight...

from Kitchen Window:
3 individual tea bags
an adjustable-quantity measuring cup
assorted Japanese rice crackers
(all of the above- birthday presents for my mom)
Saveur magazine

from Borders:
People magazine
The Da Vinci Code paperback
Just Peace: A Message of Hope by Mattie J.T. Stepanek and Jimmy Carter
Yogapilates, a flowmotion book
US Weekly
InStyle

I'm not sure what that says about me.

I went for a run in the rain this evening. When I got home, it looked like I had been swimming in my clothes...my sweatshirt was completely translucent! And my hair was ringlets and my pants had to be peeled off. I love running in the rain:)

Tomorrow, I'm starting "Operation: Welcome to Our School!" with my students. They're so cute: we're going to brainstorm how to best welcome new kids and they will each get badges.

1) My uncle once: ate only pizza for a year.
2) Never again in my life: will I change myself to please other people.
3) When I was five: I wanted a broken leg so I could have a wheelchair.
4) High School: besides my friends in cross country and AP classes, it was miserable!
5) I will never forget: my time at Oxford, pub crawls, Sunday roasts, Sainsbury's, and teaching Sunday school at Christ Church College Cathedral.
6) I once met: Michael Phelps.
7) There's this girl I know who: is more fashion forward than I am, and she's only 8 years old!
8) Once, at a bar: I caught 10 peanuts in my mouth in a row. I have an innate, freakish talent.
9) By noon I'm usually: between classes, running around school.
10) Last night I: walked to Kinkos and laminated.
11) If I had only: chosen a more productive major...Education Studies sounds like a cop-out major, doesn't it?
12) Next time I go to church, I will: without family or friends, but surrounded by so many cute, little kids.
14) What worries me most: the future of my students.
15) When I turn my head right, I see: my José Guadalupe Posada Aguilar poster from the Mexican Fine Arts Center in Chicago.
16) When I turn my head left, I see: the armless knit cat that my mom got me for my birthday. It's oh so French arts & crafts-looking and came with the name Lana.
17) You know I'm lying when: I say I know where my career will go.
18) You know what I miss most about the eighties: the Smurfs
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: Hero/Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
20) By this time, next year: I'll be doing the same job, but I'll have a Masters.
21) A better name for me would be: I like Natalia better, but at least Nicole's not too common. Just don't call me Nikki ever!
22) I have a hard time understanding: people who still believe that speaking Arabic makes you a terrorist.
23) If I ever go back to school I'll: get a law degree and be a child-immigration lawyer.
24) You know I like you if: I call you on the phone. Just like everyone in my family, I'm not a phone person!
25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my lawyer?
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferarara....are: not my ideal dinner guests.
27) Take my advice, never: resist taking an opportunity because you'd be alone
28) My ideal breakfast is: a cheese omelet.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: the Hall of the Mountain King
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: getting a chocolate milkshake at Louie's Bakery, hike through the golf course, buy granola at the Co-op, and get some egg drop soup at Panda Garden. I miss Hanover, NH!!
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars are: signs of Spring.
32) Why won't anyone: stay in touch anymore?
33) If you spend the night at my house: my cat will pounce on you at 4am.
34) I'd stop my wedding for: a good laugh
35) The world could do without: the food they serve at gas stations. It's really not doing anyone any good.
36) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: ever live in the suburbs again.
37) My favorite blonde is: my cousin Pete.
38) Paperclips are more useful than:staples
39) San Diego means: amazing food.
40) And by the way: I need a new book. Any suggestions?

Shh
I have a job for next year at my school! The principal made me a position. I love my school and its diversity, needs, and struggles that make every student-success even sweeter! I spent one class this afternoon in a lively discussion of who makes immigration laws and why George Bush is not necessarily an "evil man who hates Mexicans" (which some students hear at home) and that he won't send you back to Mexico if you don't protest on Sunday at 2:30 (after one student stated definitively that Mexican-Americans would be deported if they didn't march, all of their ears pricked up).

I am a little worried that I will be replacing someone else in my department. My principal hinted that things in ESL will be shaken up this week... so I'm not allowed to tell anyone at school about my position. I really hope no one's fired!

With my tax refund I'm going to keep paying back my loans, but I'm also trying to figure out how I'm going to improve my Spanish this summer- I can't do subjunctive on the spot to save my life! I found an amazing program caring for orphans in Ecuador, but I'm not sure I could afford to fly there. But I'm excited for my final graduate school classes: a first-year teacher seminar, in which we can discuss successes and failures, and a lecture on teaching cultural diversity at the primary level.

Argh...I actually do better at work when I'm exhausted. It focuses my chi;) When I'm rested, I start worrying about superficial things. I just got into "Angels and Demons" last night at 10pm and so didn't get to sleep until 12:30. I love that book! It's so morbid, but even so, I would love to see the movie. Just as long as Robert Langdon isn't played by Tom Hanks...oh, shoot. Don't they know they ruin the movie when the character's not as handsome as I pictured in my head?

Overwhelming Indecision
Recently, I've been trying to make up my mind about the future of my career. I don't really have to make a choice for a year, but I need to work towards both of my potential jobs simultaneously, which seems counterproductive: I know I will eventually choose one over the other and only the effort I exerted toward that goal will be justified.

I spent all of last week believing, again, that I should go into law. The two fields that I'm interested in are child advocacy and immigration law, or a combination of both, protecting the rights of illegal children. Watching the protests, which were prevalent in Tucson schools, I felt that this career was even more critical.

On the other hand, now I'm thinking that I can find professional challenge and development in teaching. There are many conferences where I can meet the best ESL teachers and researchers in the country. And, at the suggestion of my grandpa:), I might eventually begin researching and publishing. I love my job and I honestly want to do as much as I can to do it better... my students are just like my grandparents, who learned English for the first time in school. Liberal that I am;), I want to make my students' transition into U.S. life much less painful than theirs. Every child who lives in this country deserves to receive the same education, which is only possible with ESL.

My biggest fear (in my profession) is stagnation and the potential for being boxed into a corner. I swear, "Death of a Salesman" ruins any idealism about working! So I never want to be in a position where I have only one option and it's not a satisfying choice. Right now, I'm going to continue studying for the LSATs (which is fun, in a hyper-nerd way... I want to write the terminology on flashcards and stick them on the wall for practice!) and I will continue my professional development as an ESL teacher. Soon, I will have to decide if I want another 1-year substitute position or move to a different school for an "actual" position. At least that's the only choice I need to make right now.

I just redid my white-board calendar and I realized that I have 9 days before testing starts! And the second week is Holy Week, which is my absolutely favorite time of year. Then, for the rest of the month and into May, all I need to do is test. Which is obviously an extreme waste of time for me and for my students, but it does mean no lesson planning for 3 weeks, which means leaving school at 3:30pm everyday! I am soooo going to whip myself into shape;)




















This is where I'll be running everyday...it's gorgeous.

Spring Break
(a photo diary)
































ps- I recommend "New Hampshire" by Matt Pond: I listened to it so many times during my vacation... it's such a beautiful song.