This weekend was fun, but so busy that I'm exhausted and my head is foggy this morning. On Friday, I left work at 3:30, which I almost never do, and went home to get ready for my triple birthday party. Jess and Chris came over to help make my cake, which turned out too bulky, and the top layer slid right off when it was put on the table. My party also didn't have ice or much to eat or drink...I think hosting parties in general makes me a little bit stressed, so I might just do simple gatherings of friends from now on...I just take on so much responsibility and wear myself out! Anyway, I got wonderful presents from my friends and it was fun to see all of them. We went for drinks and appetizers at Chino Latino, but of course I couldn't order any martinis since I still don't have a driver's license. I hate the DMV! I just know when I go tomorrow after school (tonight we have conferences until 7:30pm) that I'm going to be there for hours.
On Saturday, I woke up at 8 a.m., which wasn't actually that hard, and met my dad to go house-hunting. We saw some beautiful condos and bungalows, but I was shocked at how expensive even small houses are. I may need to live in a van down by the river.
My dad is really excited about this job: he'll have so much freedom and power, as well as being part of a new department from the ground up at the University of Minnesota. I hope the position is offered to him. I think it would be so nice to have my family closer, especially for holidays and when I have major car issues, etc.
I'm getting excited for Easter! It's my favorite holiday because it's all about rebirth, Springtime, marshmallow peeps, and sunshine. It has the anticipation of Christmas without all the commercialism and greed (I've become a little bit of a Christmas cynic, at least about the secular parts). I have Spring break during holy week, so I'm going to go to church as much as possible. My brother will be here for the weekend, so I'll have someone to sit with, which is nice, especially on Good Friday, when I usually get really emotional and cry in church!
I've been in a mood lately, mostly because I feel like it's time to grow up, get my finances in order, and make real and lasting decisions about my career. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly how to accomplish either aspect of that goal. I think the rest of my Spring break is going to be spent updating my resume and consulting credit counselors :(
Monday, March 26, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The wonderful part of my job
I spent all Saturday at a competition for the afterschool gifted and talented team that I work with. It was an effort to wake up at 5:45 a.m. on a non-work day and to spend all of it the same way I spend every workday, carrying around bags and bags of books and supplies, all the while trying to make my students behave...especially since one had forgotten to take his medication.
Afterwards, after our team performed poorly, didn't place, and anticlimatically walked out in the middle of the award ceremony, I tried to placate my little troops. I told them the usual schpiel "it's not about winning or losing, but how you play the game," and "if they were judging our teamwork, we'd be winners!" statements that I realize now completely oppose each other. At the end of my speech, punctuated by many forced "Right?" 's to make sure they were paying attention, my youngest team member piped up. (He's a very thin Somali-American boy who's brilliant and adorable).
"Ms. _______? I think it's not about winning a prize, it's about winning in our hearts!"
It was such a Tiny Tim moment! I had to pause and refrain myself from effusive praise of his maturity and rationality, since that always embarrasses students when they make unconsciously profound statements...and so I just said, "Yes, that's right."
I spent all Saturday at a competition for the afterschool gifted and talented team that I work with. It was an effort to wake up at 5:45 a.m. on a non-work day and to spend all of it the same way I spend every workday, carrying around bags and bags of books and supplies, all the while trying to make my students behave...especially since one had forgotten to take his medication.
Afterwards, after our team performed poorly, didn't place, and anticlimatically walked out in the middle of the award ceremony, I tried to placate my little troops. I told them the usual schpiel "it's not about winning or losing, but how you play the game," and "if they were judging our teamwork, we'd be winners!" statements that I realize now completely oppose each other. At the end of my speech, punctuated by many forced "Right?" 's to make sure they were paying attention, my youngest team member piped up. (He's a very thin Somali-American boy who's brilliant and adorable).
"Ms. _______? I think it's not about winning a prize, it's about winning in our hearts!"
It was such a Tiny Tim moment! I had to pause and refrain myself from effusive praise of his maturity and rationality, since that always embarrasses students when they make unconsciously profound statements...and so I just said, "Yes, that's right."
Friday, March 09, 2007
I've decided that my next career, whenever it begins, will be as a writer. I love writing, and I actually miss the looooong days of writing at Starbucks on Clayton and Forsythe! I once wrote 30 pages in 3 days back in my salad days...
In pursuit of that dream, and because I'm slightly putting off the actual writing until I decide on numerous subjects and finally narrow my focus, I've decided to start building my vocabulary (and reviewing my SAT words). I think my love of words led me to my current job; unfortunately, the linguistic ability of the students I work with restricts the number of challenging words I actually get to practice! So, my new weekly challenge is to understand every word in The New Yorker and New York Times. Here's my list for this week: -I definitely won't be doing this every week:)-
Lacuna- a missing piece (as in a manuscript or an argument)...this explains an aspect of "Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind" that I didn't understand!
Indemnity- protection against damages.
Sartorial- pertaining to style, clothing, or tailors' work.
Anachronistic- chronologically misplaced; belonging to another time.
Sactimonious- hypocritcal or feigned show of religious devotion, piety, or righteousness.
Ossuaries- receptacle for bones of the dead.
Sepulcher- tomb.
Knäckebrot- very dry Swedish cracker-bread (I swear, a New Yorker writer used this to describe a dry, cracked argument. They are so pretentious! ...and I wish I was that pretentious!)
Schist- multi-grain, metamorphic rock. I remembered this, but I swear it wasn't used in reference to rocks.
Elision- omission of a vowel, consonant, or syllable in pronunciation.
Precepts- rules prescribing a course of action or conduct.
Axioms- universally recognized truths, rules, or laws.
I hope you have a good weekend..I'm enjoying the 40 degree weather!
In pursuit of that dream, and because I'm slightly putting off the actual writing until I decide on numerous subjects and finally narrow my focus, I've decided to start building my vocabulary (and reviewing my SAT words). I think my love of words led me to my current job; unfortunately, the linguistic ability of the students I work with restricts the number of challenging words I actually get to practice! So, my new weekly challenge is to understand every word in The New Yorker and New York Times. Here's my list for this week: -I definitely won't be doing this every week:)-
Lacuna- a missing piece (as in a manuscript or an argument)...this explains an aspect of "Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind" that I didn't understand!
Indemnity- protection against damages.
Sartorial- pertaining to style, clothing, or tailors' work.
Anachronistic- chronologically misplaced; belonging to another time.
Sactimonious- hypocritcal or feigned show of religious devotion, piety, or righteousness.
Ossuaries- receptacle for bones of the dead.
Sepulcher- tomb.
Knäckebrot- very dry Swedish cracker-bread (I swear, a New Yorker writer used this to describe a dry, cracked argument. They are so pretentious! ...and I wish I was that pretentious!)
Schist- multi-grain, metamorphic rock. I remembered this, but I swear it wasn't used in reference to rocks.
Elision- omission of a vowel, consonant, or syllable in pronunciation.
Precepts- rules prescribing a course of action or conduct.
Axioms- universally recognized truths, rules, or laws.
I hope you have a good weekend..I'm enjoying the 40 degree weather!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Oscars!
I love the academy awards and they were twice as fun this year since I've become as cynical as my friends...so we could mock them all together:)
I liked...
*The Will Ferrell, Jack Black, John D. Reilly trio about the downside of comedic acting. First, they can all sing pretty well, next "John C. Reilly- huh?," finally they made Ryan Gosling blush and that's cute.
*Helen Mirren's dress. I can only pray that I'll look like that when I'm in my 60's. My other choice for best-dressed was Abigail Breslin, because her dress was so age-appropriate.
*The bizarre dance troupe. For me, that never got old. It must have been so funny when they were practicing...there probably had to have been someone who could see them from a distance yelling how they needed to move while they hung on to each other!
*The acceptance speech for "West Bank Story." I saw the nominated short films with my friends, and while the beginning WAS pretty funny (with sterotypical Jewish and Muslim people snapping like in "West Side Story"), the rest was banal and obnoxious. But, the speech was so touching, even though it makes me jealous that the film was his senior thesis and he won an Oscar...talk about an auspicious start.
*Ellen's joke about boxed wine. Really, who hasn't drunk it and liked it, too?
I got mad when...
*Binka's Big Idea didn't win for best live action short. It was a sweet story about a girl who helps other girls who aren't allowed to go to school in Africa because of their parents' beliefs in gender roles.
*The Danish animated short film won. Honestly, I saw it and it was a simplistic story about a woman with incredibly long hair. The movie about the squirrel from "Ice Age" was so cute! But, my favorite was a movie that wasn't even nominated: it's called "One Rat Short" and it has the most beautiful and realistic animation that I've ever seen. It's kind of "Watership Down" meets "Lady and the Tramp" meets a movie about animal testing meets "2001: A Space Odyssey."
*Ellen vacuumed near people's thousand-dollar couture dresses. Maybe that's nothing to movie stars, but I would have kicked that vacuum away with my $500 stilettos.
*When the cameras cut to minority actors whenever there was mention of minorities in any way. Honestly, pointing it out misses the point.
This was the best Academy Awards I've seen in such a long time, though. Thoroughly enjoyable, fine holiday fun.
I love the academy awards and they were twice as fun this year since I've become as cynical as my friends...so we could mock them all together:)
I liked...
*The Will Ferrell, Jack Black, John D. Reilly trio about the downside of comedic acting. First, they can all sing pretty well, next "John C. Reilly- huh?," finally they made Ryan Gosling blush and that's cute.
*Helen Mirren's dress. I can only pray that I'll look like that when I'm in my 60's. My other choice for best-dressed was Abigail Breslin, because her dress was so age-appropriate.
*The bizarre dance troupe. For me, that never got old. It must have been so funny when they were practicing...there probably had to have been someone who could see them from a distance yelling how they needed to move while they hung on to each other!
*The acceptance speech for "West Bank Story." I saw the nominated short films with my friends, and while the beginning WAS pretty funny (with sterotypical Jewish and Muslim people snapping like in "West Side Story"), the rest was banal and obnoxious. But, the speech was so touching, even though it makes me jealous that the film was his senior thesis and he won an Oscar...talk about an auspicious start.
*Ellen's joke about boxed wine. Really, who hasn't drunk it and liked it, too?
I got mad when...
*Binka's Big Idea didn't win for best live action short. It was a sweet story about a girl who helps other girls who aren't allowed to go to school in Africa because of their parents' beliefs in gender roles.
*The Danish animated short film won. Honestly, I saw it and it was a simplistic story about a woman with incredibly long hair. The movie about the squirrel from "Ice Age" was so cute! But, my favorite was a movie that wasn't even nominated: it's called "One Rat Short" and it has the most beautiful and realistic animation that I've ever seen. It's kind of "Watership Down" meets "Lady and the Tramp" meets a movie about animal testing meets "2001: A Space Odyssey."
*Ellen vacuumed near people's thousand-dollar couture dresses. Maybe that's nothing to movie stars, but I would have kicked that vacuum away with my $500 stilettos.
*When the cameras cut to minority actors whenever there was mention of minorities in any way. Honestly, pointing it out misses the point.
This was the best Academy Awards I've seen in such a long time, though. Thoroughly enjoyable, fine holiday fun.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
So, I'm currently in a financial crisis...my loans caught up with me :(
I finally did all the math and added up all of my monthly expenses and it turns out that I have $8 of spending money each day, not including gas money. $8! That's less than my lunch today. This is not good. At all. So I'm currently looking for a part-time job for weekends. I wish I had had some financial foresight in college.
I finally did all the math and added up all of my monthly expenses and it turns out that I have $8 of spending money each day, not including gas money. $8! That's less than my lunch today. This is not good. At all. So I'm currently looking for a part-time job for weekends. I wish I had had some financial foresight in college.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Whenever I watch the news, I always wonder how Iraqi people really feel, not the muslim commentators who seem to speak for them here, or the opinions voiced in small snippets of civilian diatribe. It can't be all just blind hatred or desperate fear. Here, finally, is an online journal from an Iraqi living in Iraq:
http://gorillasguides.com/
http://gorillasguides.com/
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
I empathize whole-heartedly with this sentiment, which is making me very confused- at the moment- about my career:
"If you’ve found something you really like to do – say write beautiful sentences – not because of the possible benefits to the world of doing it, but because doing it brings you the satisfaction and sense of completeness nothing else can, then do it at the highest level of performance you are capable of, and leave the world and its problems to others. This is a lesson I have preached before in these columns when the subject was teaching, and it is a lesson that can be applied, I believe, to any project that offers as a prime reason for prosecuting it the pleasure, a wholly internal pleasure, of its own accomplishment. And if your project doesn’t offer that pleasure (perhaps among others) you might want to think again about your commitment to it."
-From "Why Do Writers Write?" by Stanley Fish, The New York Times, 2/11/07
What do you do when your devotion to a career that helps others changes from a passion to a sacrifice? What is noble then, and should it matter? Who am I letting down by not being happy as a teacher- me, the students, the dream of public education as the great equalizer, the women's rights movement that lets me choose to be a teacher without guilt (well, in a progressive- or maybe regressive?- sense)? I am more profoundly uncertain than I was as a freshman at Washington University. And then my dream was to be a fashion designer working for Prada in Milan.
When is giving up not actually the choice to stop trying, but a measure of rationality? I want to do something that helps others, of course...I can't imagine working as a toner purchaser, or a business person, without some element of human interaction, some sense that my dedication is not in isolation. But then again, the cynicism of staying in a career that is personally unfufilling is quite dangerous...I never want this feeling to rub off on my students. The only thing that is certain is that I need to resolve how I feel, because until then, I can't make any choices.
And, in the spirit of having some stability in my thoughts, here is something I'm certain of:
Maple sugar candy is absolutely delicious, and reminds me of complete childhood happiness!
ps- I am still doing my job everyday to the best of my ability and using my generous ECM funding to support student projects. For example, we are mailing a big box of supplies and kind letters to kids at a school in Louisiana this week...most of the supplies were bought with Episcobuxx! :)
"If you’ve found something you really like to do – say write beautiful sentences – not because of the possible benefits to the world of doing it, but because doing it brings you the satisfaction and sense of completeness nothing else can, then do it at the highest level of performance you are capable of, and leave the world and its problems to others. This is a lesson I have preached before in these columns when the subject was teaching, and it is a lesson that can be applied, I believe, to any project that offers as a prime reason for prosecuting it the pleasure, a wholly internal pleasure, of its own accomplishment. And if your project doesn’t offer that pleasure (perhaps among others) you might want to think again about your commitment to it."
-From "Why Do Writers Write?" by Stanley Fish, The New York Times, 2/11/07
What do you do when your devotion to a career that helps others changes from a passion to a sacrifice? What is noble then, and should it matter? Who am I letting down by not being happy as a teacher- me, the students, the dream of public education as the great equalizer, the women's rights movement that lets me choose to be a teacher without guilt (well, in a progressive- or maybe regressive?- sense)? I am more profoundly uncertain than I was as a freshman at Washington University. And then my dream was to be a fashion designer working for Prada in Milan.
When is giving up not actually the choice to stop trying, but a measure of rationality? I want to do something that helps others, of course...I can't imagine working as a toner purchaser, or a business person, without some element of human interaction, some sense that my dedication is not in isolation. But then again, the cynicism of staying in a career that is personally unfufilling is quite dangerous...I never want this feeling to rub off on my students. The only thing that is certain is that I need to resolve how I feel, because until then, I can't make any choices.
And, in the spirit of having some stability in my thoughts, here is something I'm certain of:
Maple sugar candy is absolutely delicious, and reminds me of complete childhood happiness!
ps- I am still doing my job everyday to the best of my ability and using my generous ECM funding to support student projects. For example, we are mailing a big box of supplies and kind letters to kids at a school in Louisiana this week...most of the supplies were bought with Episcobuxx! :)
Sunday, February 11, 2007
A- Available or Single? Single.
B- Best Friend? I've never had a best friend, but I have the best group of friends.
C- Cake or Pie? Cake.
D- Drink of Choice? Caramel Apple Pie shake from the Tea Garden. It's a mixture of wintermellon, green apple, and spice chai.
E- Essential Item? Cell phone, my only phone now.
F- Favorite Color? Burgundy.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Sour patch gummy worms.
H- Hometown? Hanover, New Hampshire. No matter how long I'm away, that will always be my hometown.
I- Indulgence? Chipotle!
J- January or February? February. January is all post-Christmas blah.
K- Kids and names? I kind of want to adopt children from a different country. I definitely don't want a lot of kids, because I would completely stress out. My only name rules are not Dwayne or Kaydee.
L- Life is incomplete without...? My family.
M- Marriage Date? I have no idea.
N- Number of Siblings? 1... my hermancito.
O- Oranges or Apples? Clementines.
P- Phobias/Fears? Big bugs, like centipedes...so I've already lived that phobia, which was horrible. Otherwise, probably people I love dying. And regret, although I try not to have regrets.
Q- Favorite Quote? "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi
R- Reasons to smile? Fun with friends.
S- Season? Springtime, especially when the warm wind starts and it smells like grass and flowers outside.
T- Tag 3 people? I don't like anything that feels like a chain letter.
U- Unknown Fact About Me? I have genetically curved pinkies, which kept me from being a piano prodigy (according to my first teacher), but most people know that already.
V- Vegetable You Hate? Pickled beets make me sick.
W-Worst Habit? Needing to be in control all the time.
X- Xrays You've Had? I had a CAT scan to check for appendicitous.
Y- Your Favorite Foods? Hummus and toasted pita with greek pepperochinis, or creme bruleé.
Z- Zodiac? Pisces, and even though I don't believe in it, almost all of the traits are true about me.
B- Best Friend? I've never had a best friend, but I have the best group of friends.
C- Cake or Pie? Cake.
D- Drink of Choice? Caramel Apple Pie shake from the Tea Garden. It's a mixture of wintermellon, green apple, and spice chai.
E- Essential Item? Cell phone, my only phone now.
F- Favorite Color? Burgundy.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Sour patch gummy worms.
H- Hometown? Hanover, New Hampshire. No matter how long I'm away, that will always be my hometown.
I- Indulgence? Chipotle!
J- January or February? February. January is all post-Christmas blah.
K- Kids and names? I kind of want to adopt children from a different country. I definitely don't want a lot of kids, because I would completely stress out. My only name rules are not Dwayne or Kaydee.
L- Life is incomplete without...? My family.
M- Marriage Date? I have no idea.
N- Number of Siblings? 1... my hermancito.
O- Oranges or Apples? Clementines.
P- Phobias/Fears? Big bugs, like centipedes...so I've already lived that phobia, which was horrible. Otherwise, probably people I love dying. And regret, although I try not to have regrets.
Q- Favorite Quote? "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi
R- Reasons to smile? Fun with friends.
S- Season? Springtime, especially when the warm wind starts and it smells like grass and flowers outside.
T- Tag 3 people? I don't like anything that feels like a chain letter.
U- Unknown Fact About Me? I have genetically curved pinkies, which kept me from being a piano prodigy (according to my first teacher), but most people know that already.
V- Vegetable You Hate? Pickled beets make me sick.
W-Worst Habit? Needing to be in control all the time.
X- Xrays You've Had? I had a CAT scan to check for appendicitous.
Y- Your Favorite Foods? Hummus and toasted pita with greek pepperochinis, or creme bruleé.
Z- Zodiac? Pisces, and even though I don't believe in it, almost all of the traits are true about me.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Quickie update:
*I'm single again. Which gives me a better shot with Clive Owen, right? Yes!
*My dad lost his job at Pfizer, along with 2,200 other people. Which means these are the options for my family:
-Move to Minneapolis, so he can work at the "U of M."
-Stay in Ann Arbor, so he can work at THE U of M.
-My dad will move to Groton, CT and my mom will stay in Ann Arbor, and they will take turns flying back and forth each weekend. Added bonus: my dad will be near Mystic Seaport, the location of the infamous 5th grade overnight field trip, when we slept on hanging bunks in Joseph Conrad's ship...my elementary school was so progressive;)
-Move to Memphis, where my dad will work at St. Jude's Children's Hospital, helping to cure cancer. He likes this option best.
*Winter in Minnesota bites the big one. And it's super fun to try to get kids to learn when they haven't had recess for 4 days due to the freezing wind.
*I love the 7 Up series. It follows a group of British children every 7 years of their lives, looking for traits that they had as children that might predict who they'd become. How cute is a British boy saying, "I rather dislike the Beatles haircuts"?
*My birthday is a month from last Monday. I'm going to be 25. I officially need to get busy. My life needs a plan!
*I'm single again. Which gives me a better shot with Clive Owen, right? Yes!
*My dad lost his job at Pfizer, along with 2,200 other people. Which means these are the options for my family:
-Move to Minneapolis, so he can work at the "U of M."
-Stay in Ann Arbor, so he can work at THE U of M.
-My dad will move to Groton, CT and my mom will stay in Ann Arbor, and they will take turns flying back and forth each weekend. Added bonus: my dad will be near Mystic Seaport, the location of the infamous 5th grade overnight field trip, when we slept on hanging bunks in Joseph Conrad's ship...my elementary school was so progressive;)
-Move to Memphis, where my dad will work at St. Jude's Children's Hospital, helping to cure cancer. He likes this option best.
*Winter in Minnesota bites the big one. And it's super fun to try to get kids to learn when they haven't had recess for 4 days due to the freezing wind.
*I love the 7 Up series. It follows a group of British children every 7 years of their lives, looking for traits that they had as children that might predict who they'd become. How cute is a British boy saying, "I rather dislike the Beatles haircuts"?
*My birthday is a month from last Monday. I'm going to be 25. I officially need to get busy. My life needs a plan!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
I love book questionnaires!
1. One book that changed your life:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. The main character is a girl who is quiet, independent, and bookish, yet succeeds just as much as anyone in her life and dreams. When I read it during high school, it finally clicked with me that your personality has almost nothing to do with the extent to which you'll be happy in life (which was a much needed lesson in the face of the superficiality of my high school!)
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
The Shell Seekers, by Rosamunde Pilcher. This is such a soap-opera novel, but I love it because it's all in the UK, which is somewhat redeeming.
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
Well, a book I could read over and over would be something by Shakespeare, but the book I would actually want if I was on a desert island, would be something about fire building, or scavenging for berries.
4. One book that made you laugh:
Any Place I Hang My Hat, by Susan Isaacs. This is the funniest book! It's about letting down your guard.
5. One book that made you cry:
I don't know, but I will cry if Harry Potter dies...that's a fact.
6. One book that you wish had been written:
A better sequal to Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea. It's sad that after all of the adventures, the rest of the books were like Little House on the Prairie.
7. One book that you wish you had never read:
A Goosebumps book I started in 5th grade. It described someone getting shot in the head, and I swear, it haunted me for years. I won't go near those in the library at school:)
8. One book you’re currently reading:
The Audacity of Hope, by Barack Obama. He may have not presented a lot of concrete plans for the future, but his morals and attitude could do so much for the country. And I much appreciated his chapter about improving education by peer-evaluation and competitive compensation!
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
hmm...does anyone have any recommendations?
1. One book that changed your life:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. The main character is a girl who is quiet, independent, and bookish, yet succeeds just as much as anyone in her life and dreams. When I read it during high school, it finally clicked with me that your personality has almost nothing to do with the extent to which you'll be happy in life (which was a much needed lesson in the face of the superficiality of my high school!)
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
The Shell Seekers, by Rosamunde Pilcher. This is such a soap-opera novel, but I love it because it's all in the UK, which is somewhat redeeming.
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
Well, a book I could read over and over would be something by Shakespeare, but the book I would actually want if I was on a desert island, would be something about fire building, or scavenging for berries.
4. One book that made you laugh:
Any Place I Hang My Hat, by Susan Isaacs. This is the funniest book! It's about letting down your guard.
5. One book that made you cry:
I don't know, but I will cry if Harry Potter dies...that's a fact.
6. One book that you wish had been written:
A better sequal to Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea. It's sad that after all of the adventures, the rest of the books were like Little House on the Prairie.
7. One book that you wish you had never read:
A Goosebumps book I started in 5th grade. It described someone getting shot in the head, and I swear, it haunted me for years. I won't go near those in the library at school:)
8. One book you’re currently reading:
The Audacity of Hope, by Barack Obama. He may have not presented a lot of concrete plans for the future, but his morals and attitude could do so much for the country. And I much appreciated his chapter about improving education by peer-evaluation and competitive compensation!
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
hmm...does anyone have any recommendations?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
From "Classroom Distinctions" by Tom Moore, a 10th-grade history teacher at a public school in the Bronx, in the January 19th New York Times:
"Films like “Freedom Writers” portray teachers more as missionaries than professionals, eager to give up their lives and comfort for the benefit of others, without need of compensation. Ms. Gruwell sacrifices money, time and even her marriage for her job.
Her behavior is not represented as obsessive or self-destructive, but driven — necessary, even. She is forced into making these sacrifices by the aggressive neglect of the school’s administrators, who won’t even let her take books from the bookroom. The film applauds Ms. Gruwell’s dedication, but also implies that she has no other choice. In order to be a good teacher, she has to be a hero."
There is a pervasive feeling in my school: it is that we are each fighting our own battle against the educational system, against the socioeconomic class of our students, against their parents, and against the restrictions put upon teachers by the Union. There are so many forces pulling us, hours of testing being the most depressing and oppressive, that we are forced to assume one of two personas: the hyper-positive, sunshiny optimist (who goes home and cries once a week from the bottled-up stress) or the bitter cynic, who spreads any and all gossip heard in the staff lounge, scrounging for bits of excitement in an environment seemingly steeped in disappointment.
I am concerned. I'm worried that in the school I'm in, staying a sunshiny optimist will be another upwhill battle, and definitely one that more and more of my colleagues seem to abandon every day. The problem is that this is more than a career. While all of the stressors of the job grind us up, we look down on these little, expectant faces gazing up at us. For every student I've seen slam another into a lock, say a racial slur, or show academic apathy already in the 2nd grade, there are others who just hope to learn, even some who feel the pressure to lift up their family through their education. So the fight against the system isn't just my fight to win, lose, or give up on; it's theirs as well. And so part of my job is to fight the system that surrounds and manipulates me as their advocate and voice. I know that most people face that crisis in their work as well, but the maternal instincts that I feel towards my students are starting to pull me apart. How can I force a student who speaks no English to take 20 combined hours of proficiency tests this Spring? How can I stand next to them as they cry and just tell them to keep clicking the mouse to keep the exam going? My hope is further diminished in the knowledge that my situation is much, much better than many. My anger at this system is momentarily silenced, because who am I to complain?
This is my conclusion: I will resolve to use my vote for education reform. I will choose an educational policy that does not assume the that teachers are mindless, lazy, and routinized...that ideology simply weeds out those that are optimistic; the bitter are much more difficult to discourage since their priority is no longer the children; it shifted long ago to self-preservation. I will choose a policy that recognizes that the 7 hours students spend in school cannot teach them anything if they are deprived of any stimulation at home. If they are hungry, scared, lonely, or if they are indoctrinated with a gang mentality or taught to steal, these forces are more powerful than free breakfasts and fun after-school activities. If parents reprimand their children with violent force or emotional manipulation, the child will not be able to follow our state-approved "choice"-based behaivor management technique. I will choose a policy that compensates teachers for their hours and money the way that most professions do. I will choose a policy that rewards teachers based on merit, not seniority established by simply showing up and following protocol. If the government would finally appreciate that the crimes of tomorrow are defined by the education that the potential perpetrators are receiving today, maybe they will make teaching less like mission work, less a heroric endeavor with the rewards garnered by lifting up children, the act of which is still a fight against the system itself.
If the next election appeared to be headed in the direction of previous campaigning seasons, with a democrat and a republican adhering to the status quo to gain approval, I would have probably have given up. But there seems to be something happening in our society today that is receiving much less attention than it deserves: Americans representing groups who haven't had their voice heard as loudly, as profoundly in our culture, are standing up and running for president. Their campaigns are serious and powerful. In two years, our country could have an African-American leader, a female leader, or a Latino leader. When in history has their been such proof of the advancement of the American ideal? Fifty years ago, Martin Luther King, Jr. was marching, women were just starting to be appreciated at a national level outside of the kitchen, and Latinos were struggling for their rights out of the national spotlight. That we have gotten to this place, gives me so much hope. Maybe soon, the US will be able to focus on our crucial assets in need of protection here in on our own soil.
"Films like “Freedom Writers” portray teachers more as missionaries than professionals, eager to give up their lives and comfort for the benefit of others, without need of compensation. Ms. Gruwell sacrifices money, time and even her marriage for her job.
Her behavior is not represented as obsessive or self-destructive, but driven — necessary, even. She is forced into making these sacrifices by the aggressive neglect of the school’s administrators, who won’t even let her take books from the bookroom. The film applauds Ms. Gruwell’s dedication, but also implies that she has no other choice. In order to be a good teacher, she has to be a hero."
There is a pervasive feeling in my school: it is that we are each fighting our own battle against the educational system, against the socioeconomic class of our students, against their parents, and against the restrictions put upon teachers by the Union. There are so many forces pulling us, hours of testing being the most depressing and oppressive, that we are forced to assume one of two personas: the hyper-positive, sunshiny optimist (who goes home and cries once a week from the bottled-up stress) or the bitter cynic, who spreads any and all gossip heard in the staff lounge, scrounging for bits of excitement in an environment seemingly steeped in disappointment.
I am concerned. I'm worried that in the school I'm in, staying a sunshiny optimist will be another upwhill battle, and definitely one that more and more of my colleagues seem to abandon every day. The problem is that this is more than a career. While all of the stressors of the job grind us up, we look down on these little, expectant faces gazing up at us. For every student I've seen slam another into a lock, say a racial slur, or show academic apathy already in the 2nd grade, there are others who just hope to learn, even some who feel the pressure to lift up their family through their education. So the fight against the system isn't just my fight to win, lose, or give up on; it's theirs as well. And so part of my job is to fight the system that surrounds and manipulates me as their advocate and voice. I know that most people face that crisis in their work as well, but the maternal instincts that I feel towards my students are starting to pull me apart. How can I force a student who speaks no English to take 20 combined hours of proficiency tests this Spring? How can I stand next to them as they cry and just tell them to keep clicking the mouse to keep the exam going? My hope is further diminished in the knowledge that my situation is much, much better than many. My anger at this system is momentarily silenced, because who am I to complain?
This is my conclusion: I will resolve to use my vote for education reform. I will choose an educational policy that does not assume the that teachers are mindless, lazy, and routinized...that ideology simply weeds out those that are optimistic; the bitter are much more difficult to discourage since their priority is no longer the children; it shifted long ago to self-preservation. I will choose a policy that recognizes that the 7 hours students spend in school cannot teach them anything if they are deprived of any stimulation at home. If they are hungry, scared, lonely, or if they are indoctrinated with a gang mentality or taught to steal, these forces are more powerful than free breakfasts and fun after-school activities. If parents reprimand their children with violent force or emotional manipulation, the child will not be able to follow our state-approved "choice"-based behaivor management technique. I will choose a policy that compensates teachers for their hours and money the way that most professions do. I will choose a policy that rewards teachers based on merit, not seniority established by simply showing up and following protocol. If the government would finally appreciate that the crimes of tomorrow are defined by the education that the potential perpetrators are receiving today, maybe they will make teaching less like mission work, less a heroric endeavor with the rewards garnered by lifting up children, the act of which is still a fight against the system itself.
If the next election appeared to be headed in the direction of previous campaigning seasons, with a democrat and a republican adhering to the status quo to gain approval, I would have probably have given up. But there seems to be something happening in our society today that is receiving much less attention than it deserves: Americans representing groups who haven't had their voice heard as loudly, as profoundly in our culture, are standing up and running for president. Their campaigns are serious and powerful. In two years, our country could have an African-American leader, a female leader, or a Latino leader. When in history has their been such proof of the advancement of the American ideal? Fifty years ago, Martin Luther King, Jr. was marching, women were just starting to be appreciated at a national level outside of the kitchen, and Latinos were struggling for their rights out of the national spotlight. That we have gotten to this place, gives me so much hope. Maybe soon, the US will be able to focus on our crucial assets in need of protection here in on our own soil.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
My life has been so busy lately...
Favorites:
*The Caramel Applepie shake at the Tea Garden...today, tomorrow, forever! It's delicious and bizarre at the same time, like all of my favorite food:)
*"Starlight" by Muse. I love this song so much. I miss empathetic British music. Why did Keane have to be so Pete Doherty?
*Forever 21. I bought a dark blue hoodie with heart buttons that feels like pajamas today.
*Lake Calhoun. A perfect place for snowangels, especially if you take someone down with you.
*Thinking about the future. It's scary, and I'm not sure how I'm going to afford it, but it's nice to know that it's out there and full of potential.
*Team friendship. And the main room.
*"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. Someday I'm going to take a midnight train going anywhere...hopefully someplace warm!
*Zip-up winter boots.
*Finding my car keys!!
Favorites:
*The Caramel Applepie shake at the Tea Garden...today, tomorrow, forever! It's delicious and bizarre at the same time, like all of my favorite food:)
*"Starlight" by Muse. I love this song so much. I miss empathetic British music. Why did Keane have to be so Pete Doherty?
*Forever 21. I bought a dark blue hoodie with heart buttons that feels like pajamas today.
*Lake Calhoun. A perfect place for snowangels, especially if you take someone down with you.
*Thinking about the future. It's scary, and I'm not sure how I'm going to afford it, but it's nice to know that it's out there and full of potential.
*Team friendship. And the main room.
*"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. Someday I'm going to take a midnight train going anywhere...hopefully someplace warm!
*Zip-up winter boots.
*Finding my car keys!!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I spent the entire weekend crying and worrying. One of my friends was broken up with in the worst, most emotionally painful way that I've ever heard, and the situation still gives me chills. While frightening in its method and precision, this event has taught me two things:
1. The easiest way to deal with people who are hurting you, whether it be avoidance, ignorance, or a complete breakdown of a relationship, is often the one that causes the most pain to the other person. Last night I apologized to a past roommate for doing that to her. That was a horrible situation to live in, with so much yelling, anger, manipulation, and tension, all escalating gradually, so I never saw it coming. I have a sense of uncultivated empathy that is physically painful, and I absorbed all of her fears about others. By the end of the year, I was on edge at all times, feeling like everyone hated me, desperately clinging to anything positive in my life. Right before final exams, I was offered a place to move by a friend who saw how miserable I'd become. For many reasons, all relating to my personal well being, I chose to tell my roommate that I was moving out right before she went on a trip. I felt very guilty and always have, so now I've finally apologized. The move was the best thing for me, and the decision made my life so much better for those last months leading up to graduation, but it was still a bad decision. It was still hurting someone who had obvious issues, throwing my pain onto someone who already had enough.
2. My friends are deeply caring people. I'm so proud of how we've come together to support our friend. Gooooooo friendship!
1. The easiest way to deal with people who are hurting you, whether it be avoidance, ignorance, or a complete breakdown of a relationship, is often the one that causes the most pain to the other person. Last night I apologized to a past roommate for doing that to her. That was a horrible situation to live in, with so much yelling, anger, manipulation, and tension, all escalating gradually, so I never saw it coming. I have a sense of uncultivated empathy that is physically painful, and I absorbed all of her fears about others. By the end of the year, I was on edge at all times, feeling like everyone hated me, desperately clinging to anything positive in my life. Right before final exams, I was offered a place to move by a friend who saw how miserable I'd become. For many reasons, all relating to my personal well being, I chose to tell my roommate that I was moving out right before she went on a trip. I felt very guilty and always have, so now I've finally apologized. The move was the best thing for me, and the decision made my life so much better for those last months leading up to graduation, but it was still a bad decision. It was still hurting someone who had obvious issues, throwing my pain onto someone who already had enough.
2. My friends are deeply caring people. I'm so proud of how we've come together to support our friend. Gooooooo friendship!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Best New Year's Eve (yet)
Usually, this holiday is an afterthought which I spend at home, watching the New Year's Rockin Eve with resentment. But this year, because I dually wanted to have one holiday to prepare for and needed a reason to finally unpack and clean my entire apartment, I planned to have a party and then go dancing with my friends. It was so much fun:) My little appetizer party was exactly what I wanted- an hour and a half of laughing, drinking fancy layered drinks (which my brother named a "ball drop"), and checking out my new apartment. It was lovely. Then most of us went to First Avenue to go dancing...our favorite DJ was (um, I don't know, spinning?) that night, DJ SovietPanda. There was a balloon drop at midnight, and while I didn't get kissed, it was still an amazing night:)
Usually, this holiday is an afterthought which I spend at home, watching the New Year's Rockin Eve with resentment. But this year, because I dually wanted to have one holiday to prepare for and needed a reason to finally unpack and clean my entire apartment, I planned to have a party and then go dancing with my friends. It was so much fun:) My little appetizer party was exactly what I wanted- an hour and a half of laughing, drinking fancy layered drinks (which my brother named a "ball drop"), and checking out my new apartment. It was lovely. Then most of us went to First Avenue to go dancing...our favorite DJ was (um, I don't know, spinning?) that night, DJ SovietPanda. There was a balloon drop at midnight, and while I didn't get kissed, it was still an amazing night:)
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Vacation
I had such a crazy week at work! The tension was finally eased by tons of sugar and the promise of a week away from the screams of hyper kids. I received the most adorable and random gifts from my students:
*a purple lei
*a photo from 6th birthday in a foam frame
*some super-glitzy diamonte dangly earrings (which I'm going to rock on New Year's Eve!)
*a painted gingerbread house
*Elizabeth Arden 5th Ave. gift set, including lotion, perfume, and body wash
*huge box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, my absolute favorite:)
I really can't believe that Christmas is in two days. I've had no preparation time, which is my favorite part. I'm going to overload myself on cheesy Christmas music all day long, when I'm not busy watching "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (herbie wants to be a dentist!) and "The Christmas Story." There was a profile of Sufjan Steven's Christmas album on NPR yesterday, and the reviewer totally picked my favorite song as his, the one about the elf dance. Now if only my iTunes wasn't doing some weird rewriting thing that crashes my computer...does anyone know how to fix that? Maybe I'll visit the boys of the Genius Bar.
Happy Holidays, everyone! Oh, and if you're in the cities, stop by my pre-New Year's Eve party...I'm going to be making layered mixed drinks and finally, the mini-croque monsieurs! The view of the top of Chipotle is pretty sweet, too :)
Here's a pic from Joe's holiday party.
I had such a crazy week at work! The tension was finally eased by tons of sugar and the promise of a week away from the screams of hyper kids. I received the most adorable and random gifts from my students:
*a purple lei
*a photo from 6th birthday in a foam frame
*some super-glitzy diamonte dangly earrings (which I'm going to rock on New Year's Eve!)
*a painted gingerbread house
*Elizabeth Arden 5th Ave. gift set, including lotion, perfume, and body wash
*huge box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, my absolute favorite:)
I really can't believe that Christmas is in two days. I've had no preparation time, which is my favorite part. I'm going to overload myself on cheesy Christmas music all day long, when I'm not busy watching "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (herbie wants to be a dentist!) and "The Christmas Story." There was a profile of Sufjan Steven's Christmas album on NPR yesterday, and the reviewer totally picked my favorite song as his, the one about the elf dance. Now if only my iTunes wasn't doing some weird rewriting thing that crashes my computer...does anyone know how to fix that? Maybe I'll visit the boys of the Genius Bar.
Happy Holidays, everyone! Oh, and if you're in the cities, stop by my pre-New Year's Eve party...I'm going to be making layered mixed drinks and finally, the mini-croque monsieurs! The view of the top of Chipotle is pretty sweet, too :)
Here's a pic from Joe's holiday party.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I've had an interesting week. On Tuesday, I was rudely confronted for the first time at work. A colleague, who apparently has been harboring issues with the fact that I work more, talk to the principal more, and have "good ideas," accosted me in the hall with the suggestion that we have a meeting with our boss so I can figure out my role. I'd been friends, I thought, with this person for over a year, and never realized that she had been building a list of reasons to disapprove of my work. It's probably because everyone at school is perky and nice until you're not in earshot. I actually gave up a bigger classroom to this teacher, volunteered to do almost all of the work for our team, and have always helped her, so it's like a slap in the face.
I was bothered by it for a day because I hate fighting with people, until I realized that as long as I'm doing my job- which is to teach students and be a productive member of the school- I can't let it bother me that my approach is different and possibly threatening to someone else. I my best to be supportive and nice to everyone; to fault me for a mistake in this extremely busy time (with moving, holiday, 80+ students) is a sign of some other issue. And besides, I know a of a secret challenge that she's going to face in the future at work, which will maybe permit her to see how hard I've actually been working.
My apartment is a mess: there are boxes everywhere and absolutely no place for all my kitchen stuff, so it's all on the floor. I'm having people over on Saturday night, but I'm finally resolved to the fact that my friends won't care if it's messy, as long as there's food. I'm making mini croque monsieurs! They'll be so petite and adorable:)
I was bothered by it for a day because I hate fighting with people, until I realized that as long as I'm doing my job- which is to teach students and be a productive member of the school- I can't let it bother me that my approach is different and possibly threatening to someone else. I my best to be supportive and nice to everyone; to fault me for a mistake in this extremely busy time (with moving, holiday, 80+ students) is a sign of some other issue. And besides, I know a of a secret challenge that she's going to face in the future at work, which will maybe permit her to see how hard I've actually been working.
My apartment is a mess: there are boxes everywhere and absolutely no place for all my kitchen stuff, so it's all on the floor. I'm having people over on Saturday night, but I'm finally resolved to the fact that my friends won't care if it's messy, as long as there's food. I'm making mini croque monsieurs! They'll be so petite and adorable:)
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