::smoke coming out of my ears::
Today's meetings with the consultant angered me like I have never been before at school. I now know why many teachers are bitter whiners.
1. I am educated in teaching ESL. I know all about the most current methodologies, pedagogies, and philosophies. In other words, I'm prepared for nothing.
2. We (the ESL department) are bombarded on a daily basis with scheduling changes, curriculum changes, and district mandates that impact the way we teach.
3. We are also constantly reinformed about the manner in which we conduct our classes and adhere to the district curriculum.
4. I can never get in contact with the grade-level teachers (normal classroom teachers) because they fly out the door at 4pm and apparently cannot follow my email requests.
5. Now, the office is asking me to call Spanish speaking parents and explain district forms that were sent home. I realize that we don't have a translator on call, but I am not a replacement. It's embarassing the mistakes that I sometimes make; it's also unprofessional and disrespectful. So tonight I'm going to write several explanatory schpiels to use when I call these parents.
6. While it's a great idea, I am running out of planning time with all of the study group meetings we have. I'm studying vocabulary and comprehension in a once a week meeting and I have articles to read for homework.

I'm really tempted to hire someone to help me organize all of the input I'm receiving. There is no way that a human could address the needs of the district, the classroom teachers, the government, and, of course, the students at one time. I'm starting to have constant guilt pangs because I'm not integrating the hell out of my lessons. I mean, it should start from the content, but also be meaningful; it should have cultural relevance and technological aspects; I should model, allow for guided instruction, then follow-up with independent practice. I need to teach meaningful words and reading strategies, plus speaking, reading and writing practices. Oh, did I mention I only see each student for 25 minutes a day?!!

I was talking to a group of friends from the U of M about last fall: we were all into politics and there was so much enthusiasm that we were working towards a real and substantial change in America. What a difference a year makes. Have we all become numb to the deaths and chaos in Iraq? I remember feeling beaten down by the new numbers every day this Spring, but the war is barely a blip on the news anymore. While Hurricane Katrina was obviously devastating, what is going on in Iraq? Our government has sent a generation of Americans to protect us, most of whom are not wealthy, not highly-educated; just good, honest Americans who signed up to gain discipline, honor, or college-funding. Not one of them will come back without some kind of scarring. And what of the innocent Iraqis who are dying on the streets everyday? I just can't imagine how horrible the situation could get if we forget about it and slack in our responsibility of holding the government responsible for this mess.
Here is my favorite bumper sticker of the week...my parents saw it in that ultra-liberal mecca of the midwest where they live, Ann Arbor.

Anyway, I've realized that anything less than fluency in Spanish is sometimes completely disrespectful in a professional setting. So I've decided that I'm going to Mexico this summer. I'm probably going to take classes at the University of Guadalajara so I can also visit with friends who will be there for the summer. After term, I'm going to do a mini-tour of the main tourist destinations, possible based on the literature I read all through college. Of course, I already saw the grave of Porfirio Diaz (famous Mexican leader) in Paris, which was really strange.

Does anyone remember the SATC episode when Carrie wonders about "having it all?" Well, now that I have a nice apartment and an amazing job, I'm really getting anxious about lining up the final part.

I was cold all day today. I kept having huge shivers and then people would say "how can you be cold? It's boiling in here!" and I kept thinking, "I must always be sitting in a draft" or "this Mountain Dew is soooo cold." Duh. I have a fever and the flu. I took a nap after work and when I woke up I thought it was tomorrow and almost ate breakfast. So I'm taking my first ever sick-day from a job tomorrow. I have a feeling it will be just like being sick in college, except I won't have to make anything up and I'll be getting paid. And I'm not faking it:)

I was so lucky this morning: apparently when I moved my sewing table, 10 straight pins fell on my carpet between my dining room table and the door. I've walked back and forth -barefoot- in that area over and over in the past few days and I just noticed them. How did I not poke my foot? I think my apartment spirit approves of my new feng shui-friendly layout ;)

I definitely don't think I've quite figured out being friends with colleagues. Most interactions at school are based on half complaining and half talking about how soon the weekend will come: it's hard work to figure out when people are being sincere and when they're being flippant. I never know if I should agree! For example, one teacher came up to tell me his students (a few chatty boys) had tried to return something to me but couldn't find me. I apologized for not being in my room but he said he just wanted me to know that they were being responsponsible. It sounded like a jibe at them and I instinctually laughed. He gave me a look like, "huh?" Oops. I think all my students are wonderful and I definitely don't want to become one of those nasty teachers...I just thought he was pointing out something ironic! Oh well. It's always entertaining. Tonight a parent who only speaks Spanish called me at home (which I recommended that they do). Well, oops again, I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I'll sort it out tomorrow. And I've decided that I'm going to Mexico this summer. My goal is bilinguality:)

Today I went to see "Flightplan." It was sufficiently creepy, but definitely not as good as the original. It's an updated remake of one of my favorite movies, "The Lady Vanishes," directed by Alfred Hitchcock. It was made in the 1930's, but it's still so good. I miss thrillers that also have comedy...that's my favorite! :)

Through careful analysis (well, more like daily phonecalls), and a little research, my mom and I discovered that my family probably has a genetic mental processing disorder that makes remembering and producing spontaneous speech difficult. When I was the SALT notetaker, I could take pages of notes without realizing what had been said. And I always feel a little panicked when someone approaches me for an unknown reason, with an unknown topic of discourse. It always feels like I preparing multiple answers for any scenario that could occur without really wanting to be that prepared. It's also why huge social gatherings are like work for me- it's all mental multitasking:) And it's exhausting. I was starting to feel like a...I don't know what, but now that I know that it's actually inherited, I have something to fight against. I may need to become a slow-responder, or an um-could-you-repeat-that-er, or just clueless.

Anyway:) I love my job. I really really do. All that stuff I thought about teaching not being mentally challenging enough: so wrong. I am consistently on my toes- especially since I teach in four different rooms and 8 separate classes. How do you teach a child English in 30 minutes a day, you may ask? I hope I figure it out. There are a million things to do behind the scenes too. I am part of at least 5 groups that meet at least twice a month, and countless others that meet less frequently. We are constantly bombarded with statements like "you should be spending at least x minutes on this type of reading instruction" or "there should never be children off task" or "we need to improve comprehension across the grade...let's make an action plan!" So it's a guessing game as to how much and to what extent I should incorporate any of the methodologies and as to when I should just wing it. One of my students got in big trouble today, too. I really hope to be an caring adult in the lives of my students, as well- goodness knows, some of them need one.

The best part of my job...the kids are so loyal! When I came back on Tuesday after a mini-conference, I got hugs and "we missed you"s. It's so nice of them. I wonder if it's just because I gave them candy :) Hmm.

Anyway, this morning I found myself obsessing about the school closing list on TV (we had a big storm last night, apparently). Unfortunately, I chose to work south of the city, so I'm going to work;) I have the rest of the week planned out, though, so I won't need to do my usual 4+ post school hours of work tonight, which is lucky because I have a new-teacher seminar until 6pm.

Last night, I did something so rebellious: I went out on a school night! (OMG, my life is THAT boring). I took myself to the mall and shopped for professional skimpy clothes. Is that an oxymoron? Well I don't care because my room gets up to about 80 by lunchtime. So I'm sporting the teacher-beach-wear look today. I hope I don't get fired:) Oh, the movie I saw after I shopped was "Just like Heaven." I recommend it. If just for Mark Ruffulo.

Sure Happy It's Thursday (make that an acronym- it's what my mom says every Thursday!)

Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message for the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)

Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message to the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)

Hmm...I have this friend, who is coincidentally also an ESL teacher, and she has this problem:
Her school is having a fundraising effort in which a company has been contracted to provide selling materials to students. They are encouraged to try to sell as many products from the catalog as possible, such as candy, jewelry, and other quality items. This money goes to school field trips and other incidentals. Anyway, what bothers my friend is that the students are rewarded in interesting ways for their "sales." First, if they sell more than 10 items, they are V.I.P.s at the school carnival. That means they get in free and can do all the activities for free. Additionally, for each sale a student makes, his or her name is entered in a drawing to spend 30 seconds in a money chamber: the money blows around and they can keep all of it that they can get their hands on. What behavior or moral values does this kind of activity promote?;) Something tells me it's not intrinsic pride in one's school.

Sorry if all I write about is school these days! My life is only school on the weekdays. And that's fine with me for now. I miss my cat a little bit. I'm going to walk to Borders and buy a Spanish dictionary; I can't find any of mine! Because tomorrow I'm calling the homes of all of my students to give the first week update. I really hope I don't say anything stupid by mistake:)

I love my job so much. It's pretty crazy, but it's a lot easier than college ever was, so I feel prepared. Today I left for school at 7:20am and got home at 8pm. And I'm not really that tired. I taught 6 classes and observed in two others, then I introduced myself to all the parents at a special parents' night. Then I stayed and prepared my lessons for tomorrow. Teaching ESL is so much walking! I have to pick up my students from their classrooms and walk them back to my room for each class. One of my classes has 9 eight year old, 8 of whom are boys...omg! That's going to get interesting. And I only have each class for 25 minutes.

I am so lucky to have my job. My friends are in a district that has failing test scores and they spent all last week filling out paperwork to send to the state. I'm sure all that work will make no difference in the scores of the students; THIS is exactly why No Child Left Behind is a bureaucratic answer to a multi-faceted, human problem. I am honestly starting to believe that "throwing money at schools" does solve problems- even though it's exactly what conservatives dislike about public education programs in the past. A school's appearance lends so much to the pride of the teachers and the students and their ability to focus on learning, instead of other worries. I've been a little worried that my teaching space keeps getting moved around, but I'm so lucky to have my own desk and computer! ESL in general, gets the rejects of grade-level classrooms. My goal is to make sure that the students feel special that they know more than one language; I never want them to feel like second-class students because they come to my room. Which leads back to the idea that well-funded schools can provide a beautiful atmosphere. It also makes daily classroom needs easier. Unrestricted printing and photocopying is so convenient! Maybe that's the reason why everyone in my school is so nice. We even have a technology specialist who made me a list of keyboard commands to make Spanish symbols:) ¡¿ñíéú I love it!

I think that teachers in underfunded classrooms should receive everyone's support. The way that NCLB is set up, they have everything working against them. The saving grace of this profession is the kids. They are so much fun! I have one student from an African country who speaks English with a British accent. And I have a class of students who speak Spanish and no English at all. It will be great! I'm going to teach them all the basics (i.e. "Where is the bathroom?":))

The best thing I ever did was make the beginning of my job extra hectic. Yes, just getting hired the day I started work was chaotic enough, but I also moved into a new apartment. I think I work better under pressure, and it gives me less time to overanalysis. I stop sweating the small stuff (like that my cat was given away while I was at work- I really don't have time to dwell on it). Anyway, I'm surprised at how confident and at-ease I feel about this. Somehow, my emotions are in check and all I feel is gratitude and enthusiasm. Who am I? Not the girl who went to school in St. Louis and stressed about everything. No sir. I hope that life stays this way for a while. It's so comforting. And I'm going to pray that my friends' jobs improve.

My "Teacher's Hot-Pick of the Week:"



























A dry-erase/magnet board!
That's hot ;)

#5 million, things I wish I had known:
Online banking and even the bank itself never have up-to-date information about bank account balances. It's always a day behind, apparently. I did not know that and I lost $200 in overdraft charges. Don't let it happen to you:)

Being a teacher is not exactly what I thought it would be. First, the most important characteristic of any teacher is organization. I can't emphasize that enough: do not go into teaching if you aren't willing to put in hours and hours just organizing random information!!! For example, I went through so many hard-copy versions of my teaching schedule today that I started dating the editions with the time I printed them as well, so I could keep the different drafts in order. Honestly- there is soooo much to organize. Second, I have 8 classes to plan for each day. Yikes! Is it really affective to teach a child English in 25 minutes a day? And I'm co-teaching with two mainstream teachers during two of those periods, neither of who has any plan or suggestions for what I can do to assist.

I've made a decision not to complain with colleagues. It's debilitating and griping tends to grow and build more problems. I wish more teachers would address problems on their own and adjust their own teaching before laying blame. Teachers have a bad image as complainers who aren't willing to work very hard (we even get our summers off). It's not true, for the most part. Maybe my job involves a little bit more organization than other -since I work with 6 teachers and about 40 students every day- but I see everyone putting forth so much effort.

Oh, another thing I wasn't expecting is so many meetings that are not completely productive. I have one hour meetings outside of school hours at least twice a week. Fourth, I am constantly surprised about how much teachers fight to be paid for every additional hour. Like being paid to attend evening school events. Honestly! Aren't there some aspects of this job that are just assumed? Like we should care about our students and want to help them any way we can (to a normal extent)? I've been at school until 5pm every day this week. It's a long day, since I have to leave home at 7:20am. But I got my first paycheck yesterday! Of course, my bank's outrageous overdraft charges that make me want to hit them with pies took some of it. I'm going to start saving for my summer starting with my next paycheck:) My plan is to teach at an English summer camp in Spain and visit my parents in Austria when they're there and my Dad in Oxford during his conference. Maybe I can ask my district to pay me for the Spanish I will learn in Spain?;)