Holidays, part 1
I haven't posted in so long; I doubt anyone still reads my blog ;(
Since I don't keep a diary (for the reason that when I die, it would make me seem manic, trivial, superficial, and banal since I'm truly unmotivated to do it with any frequency), I feel like I should write something here about my holiday. It was marvelous. I am so incredibly lucky. Here's what happened:
I feel like the holiday season, at least in the secular sense, began on December 16, my father's birthday. Our family isn't big on surprises and we've never done a surprise party of any kind, so I thought I would try, in a small way at least, to attempt to stun my dad a little bit. The further benefit of which being that he always bemoans the fact that his birthday is so close to Christmas, it gets overlooked, he gets combination b-day/xmas gifts, etc. So I made a plan: it began when I saw an ad for the Transiberian Orchestra for the day before his birthday in CityPages. I love them. I think they're totally over the top, like a corale group mixed with an '80's hair band. It's just kitchy enough not to be obnoxious (or so obnoxious that they're kitchy?;) So I bought the tickets, which were trés chere. Oh well, that was going to be his primary gift, besides a stuffed loon that made a loon call when you squeezed it (my dad loves his looney buddies!) Anyway, the show was going to be at the Target Center, which happens to connect to my dad's favorite bit of skyway (idiosyncracy #2 about my dad: he loves the skyway!) Then I remembered that he loves Bellanotte, an Italian restaurant that connects, by skyway, to the Target Center. So after dinner, I could idly suggest that we all go for a walk in the skyway, which he'd definitely be up for, and then we could walk over there for the surprise unveiling of the tickets! The final part of the birthday involved getting my brother up here secretly, so he could come with us.
And in the end, it all worked out beautifully. We did have to rush dinner- Bellanotte was so slow- but my dad didn't seem to mind, and he loved the over-the-top light show at the concert. Yay first birthday surprise! I plan on many more.
My Christmas spirit continued to grow when my brother arrived on Wednesday the 19th. We have so much fun together. He even came to visit my work on Friday. Unfortunately, I started feeling incredibly nauseous by lunch and had to leave early...I didn't even make it to my apartment before throwing up, in the garbage can next to my mailbox! Then I took a little nap and forced my mom and brother to help me shop for the ingredients for our family's first ever Mexican xmas dinner, to take place on Saturday night. I bought most of the food, and delicious chips, at Midtown Global Market. I love that place! We went to Lund's, where I showed my dedication to good cooking by pushing through my nausea to finishing shopping (I only threw up twice there). Blah. By the next morning, even though I couldn't eat very much, I felt better, and went to my grandparents place to start cooking. It felt like a traditional Mexican scene, with three generations of women rolling tamales and drinking beer (maybe that's not tradition?) We also made Mexican rice, beans, Rosca de Reyes (like fruitcake), Mexican hot chocolate, margaritas, and sangria! With everything laid out, my apartment looked beautiful and felt so warm and cozy. We all sat around eating for a while, then opened the first night of secret santa presents (which we do for the three days before Christmas). My cousin got a pretend shaving kit and shaved everyone. Then I did a reading of a children's story about a father who goes to America for work and comes home just in time for Christmas (which the Republican candidates would probably recommend for a book burning). The whole meal was so nice.
John and I went to Chino Latino for drinks one night (why do I always forget their Irish coffees are horrible?) then to see Juno again. It's better the second time, I say. Oh, and before that, we both attended the team friendship gift exchange, which was super fun as well. I got a pretty mirror and placards from Bri and gave Amy a lollipop where you have to lick Rudolph's tongue...so weird! For John, since he wasn't part of the exchange, I got Ben & Jerry's paraphenalia, and a pint of Americone Dream, which is delicious!
I'm getting sleepy, so I'll finish this later. Happy New Year's Eve in three hours!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I've been thinking about career choices, what we're raised to believe, and how it differs in each generation. My grandparents were raised to believe that you should save every penny, buy store brand, never eat out, and put money in solid stocks. They got married when they were 22. My grandpa became a doctor and started working right away, which supported his family, and my grandmother raised the children and supported charitable causes. Now my grandpa is incredibly sound (financially, if not always in his mind:), and yet they live the same way as before and still worry about money. He told me yesterday that Apple stocks are up to $200 a share and they told me how many he has and I couldn't do the math in my head. But he and my grandmother were raised in a climate of spend-thriftness that they can't shake.
My mother was raised in a period when women were taught to liberate themselves and not depend on men for financial support. So she decided to become a doctor so she'd never have to worry. Of course, she met my dad right after making that decision that they got married at age 23. Both of my parents were still studying for their careers when I was born, but they haven't changed jobs and can support their family without much stress.
I and my friends were raised to believe that we should be whatever we want to be, independent of financial worries. We should study what we're interested in in college and feel free to take time off after school. Women and men are financial equals, so women are expected to earn as much or more, but we aren't expected to get married until late 20's, early 30's. And education, which we're encouraged to return to if we find our initial careers unsatisfying, is getting more and more expensive. We've been given an idealistic dream of labor that isn't productive. I made a choice that I felt certain about at the time without thought for my financial security or future. I don't feel that the world is full of endless possibilities anymore- like living in a foreign country for a year, writing a book, or buying a house are things I may ever do while I'm still single- and the future is seeming precarious. As a person who feels the most comfortable in a world with parameters that I can maintain and control, this is disconcerting and I am longing for the day when I can regain my fiscal balance (economic schmaltz!)
My mother was raised in a period when women were taught to liberate themselves and not depend on men for financial support. So she decided to become a doctor so she'd never have to worry. Of course, she met my dad right after making that decision that they got married at age 23. Both of my parents were still studying for their careers when I was born, but they haven't changed jobs and can support their family without much stress.
I and my friends were raised to believe that we should be whatever we want to be, independent of financial worries. We should study what we're interested in in college and feel free to take time off after school. Women and men are financial equals, so women are expected to earn as much or more, but we aren't expected to get married until late 20's, early 30's. And education, which we're encouraged to return to if we find our initial careers unsatisfying, is getting more and more expensive. We've been given an idealistic dream of labor that isn't productive. I made a choice that I felt certain about at the time without thought for my financial security or future. I don't feel that the world is full of endless possibilities anymore- like living in a foreign country for a year, writing a book, or buying a house are things I may ever do while I'm still single- and the future is seeming precarious. As a person who feels the most comfortable in a world with parameters that I can maintain and control, this is disconcerting and I am longing for the day when I can regain my fiscal balance (economic schmaltz!)
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
This evening I went for a walk by myself to look at Christmas lights. I left my apartment and walked toward the lake, and then turned right and went 10 blocks north to Mount Curve Road, my fantasy street. While I was doing my little hopping walk, to keep from sliding, I listened to my favorite Christmas songs. From the capacity for happiness stored in the memories of those songs, in the peaceful quiet of the snow-covered street, the seasonal anticipation I was already starting to feel made me so, well, full of Christmas spirit, I guess:) Every year I get this way before Christmas. The season, so redolent of past times spent with family and friends, is therefore mostly a month of building up to the one day, which never quites lives up to the experiences during advent. I love decorating my little tree, baking and frosting sugar cookies, shopping for presents, planning parties, singing carols, drinking hot chocolate, and staying up late for church on Christmas Eve.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
I've had my share of the pests of the night. Centipedes? Check. (In my bed no less). Bats? Of course (in a scenario in which I brandished an umbrella and allowed a group of strangers into my house with make-shift nets- one out of pole vaulting sticks- to chase it around my bedroom). So obviously now that I've somewhat overcome my fear of those two known one-time residents of my apartment, or at least tried to avoid thinking about the possibility of them returning, I should have known that it would be time for a new pest in my life.
At exactly 1:30 am this morning, I sat up like a shot in my bed as my cat, whose one job is to protect me from things while I'm vulnerably slumbering, jumped and dashed at full-cat-speed underneath my bed. There were sounds of a scuffle, but my mind went to simple reasoning at first: this animal is crazy. Wonderful. Time for feline therapy or new ownership. Those fears were unfounded, when he jumped peacefully back onto my bed, carrying a shadow of something in his mouth. This is the point when I screamed.
Super kitty (who also shares well with others?) ran into the living room with me in hot pursuit. What to do: trap it under something? Get my cat to stop mauling it? Throw up my hands ("It's been fun!") and just walk out the apartment door, to take up permanent residence in my car?
Well, in the commotion caused by my clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen, my cat lost hold of the mouse, who disappeared immediately behind my pink easy chair. Whew, right? Case closed: the mouse is faster than the cat, and can run around all its heart desires, as long as it's when I'm asleep and under the condition that it doesn't run on top of my bed (a clause which all night-crawlers do abide with in my imagination).
Not so fast. While I was sighing and wiping my brow (as "little mouse in my bed" fear is a new kind of adrenaline rush for me), I see that my cat has somehow debilitated the mouse in my momentary absence, and the animals is being tossed around at the foot of my bed. I finally have my chance to trap it, which I did, with my Le Creuset pot; Coq au vin will never be the same again.
So there is lies, under my pot, while I sit here and debate what to do next. Lift up the pot and somehow get the mouse in the trash? What if it's still alive? Slide something durable underneath the pot and then place it all outside? What if it's still alive? Leave the pot there if it's still alive? Then it will surely die of asphyxiation.
So here I sit. I'm wide awake from the horrible rush of rodent presence, but I can sense tomorrow's fatigue in the corners of my very sleepy eyes. I hate being awake, because now I know the truth about my luck: it's only a matter of time before cockroaches, snakes, and possibly owls stake a claim in this place of nocturnal nightmares. At least they'll have something to eat.
At exactly 1:30 am this morning, I sat up like a shot in my bed as my cat, whose one job is to protect me from things while I'm vulnerably slumbering, jumped and dashed at full-cat-speed underneath my bed. There were sounds of a scuffle, but my mind went to simple reasoning at first: this animal is crazy. Wonderful. Time for feline therapy or new ownership. Those fears were unfounded, when he jumped peacefully back onto my bed, carrying a shadow of something in his mouth. This is the point when I screamed.
Super kitty (who also shares well with others?) ran into the living room with me in hot pursuit. What to do: trap it under something? Get my cat to stop mauling it? Throw up my hands ("It's been fun!") and just walk out the apartment door, to take up permanent residence in my car?
Well, in the commotion caused by my clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen, my cat lost hold of the mouse, who disappeared immediately behind my pink easy chair. Whew, right? Case closed: the mouse is faster than the cat, and can run around all its heart desires, as long as it's when I'm asleep and under the condition that it doesn't run on top of my bed (a clause which all night-crawlers do abide with in my imagination).
Not so fast. While I was sighing and wiping my brow (as "little mouse in my bed" fear is a new kind of adrenaline rush for me), I see that my cat has somehow debilitated the mouse in my momentary absence, and the animals is being tossed around at the foot of my bed. I finally have my chance to trap it, which I did, with my Le Creuset pot; Coq au vin will never be the same again.
So there is lies, under my pot, while I sit here and debate what to do next. Lift up the pot and somehow get the mouse in the trash? What if it's still alive? Slide something durable underneath the pot and then place it all outside? What if it's still alive? Leave the pot there if it's still alive? Then it will surely die of asphyxiation.
So here I sit. I'm wide awake from the horrible rush of rodent presence, but I can sense tomorrow's fatigue in the corners of my very sleepy eyes. I hate being awake, because now I know the truth about my luck: it's only a matter of time before cockroaches, snakes, and possibly owls stake a claim in this place of nocturnal nightmares. At least they'll have something to eat.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Why is teaching such a struggle? Why can't a well-educated person make it work? Read this article, from today's New York Times. I've come to realize that my frustration comes from the fact that I don't have the resources or time to do my best and to really help these students. And when I stopped staying until 7pm every night (as I did in my first year) and accepted a little bit of mediocrity from myself and my students as a coping mechanism, a little bit of me died. Why does this career, that can have such serene moments of happiness and reward, need to also be a place where your spirit is defeated, in a small and piercing way? In the end, admitting that you can't "do it all" is a failing and I'm not ready to stick up for that choice. Because ultimately, I'm failing 70 children, who need to learn English to survive.
It feels somewhat like I'm a doctor who went to two years of medical school, then was thrown into a situation where there was minimal support staff, and I needed to see at least 50 patients per day, but in small groups! I don't have the answers to their problems off the top of my head, so it requires research, collaboration, and materials to target a specific need, when there is limited potential for each. I dreamed of working at a school where teaching was a science and teachers were miracle workers, only because they did have solutions, and the correlated enthusiasm for their careers. That's not the case where I work. People end the day of Friday with a flippant and telling "I'm out of here!" while I return to my classroom, to study my gigantic grammar book, and wrack my brain for best practice. When I do make lessons of quality (for my 10 groups of students each day), it's the result of dozens of hours of additional work, outside of my "required" hours. I wish my hours were 8-6 and that we worked through the summer. It would make this feel like a job where the best is expected, not simply appreciated with a pat on the back, and a "Don't work too long, Nicole!" yelled at my doorway.
I don't have an answer about this. But I did make myself a promise that I wouldn't let myself change, or give leeway to my moral standards, to make a struggling career work. I won't compromise about doing my best for children's sake. So I'm brainstorming to decide what's next.
It feels somewhat like I'm a doctor who went to two years of medical school, then was thrown into a situation where there was minimal support staff, and I needed to see at least 50 patients per day, but in small groups! I don't have the answers to their problems off the top of my head, so it requires research, collaboration, and materials to target a specific need, when there is limited potential for each. I dreamed of working at a school where teaching was a science and teachers were miracle workers, only because they did have solutions, and the correlated enthusiasm for their careers. That's not the case where I work. People end the day of Friday with a flippant and telling "I'm out of here!" while I return to my classroom, to study my gigantic grammar book, and wrack my brain for best practice. When I do make lessons of quality (for my 10 groups of students each day), it's the result of dozens of hours of additional work, outside of my "required" hours. I wish my hours were 8-6 and that we worked through the summer. It would make this feel like a job where the best is expected, not simply appreciated with a pat on the back, and a "Don't work too long, Nicole!" yelled at my doorway.
I don't have an answer about this. But I did make myself a promise that I wouldn't let myself change, or give leeway to my moral standards, to make a struggling career work. I won't compromise about doing my best for children's sake. So I'm brainstorming to decide what's next.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Life List
I like the idea of making a list of life goals and checking them off as they're accomplished; I'm definitely a list-maker! Ooh, it's such a good feeling to check a little box:) Here is my tentative list, which is liable to change:
1. Help to make a profound positive impact on another person's life.
2. Love and trust one person not in my family with my whole heart.
3. Publish my writing.
4. Go back to school to become a lawyer/architect/journalist/ballerina/something I've wanted to be but didn't have the ambition or guts to pursue.
5. Find a way to balance my need for control and my propensity for chaos.
6. Read the Bible.
7. Learn Russian or Polish, the language of my ancestors.
8. Visit the Ukraine and Eastern Poland.
9. Be confident that I am loved and deserve it, too.
10. Be a good friend and relative.
I like the idea of making a list of life goals and checking them off as they're accomplished; I'm definitely a list-maker! Ooh, it's such a good feeling to check a little box:) Here is my tentative list, which is liable to change:
1. Help to make a profound positive impact on another person's life.
2. Love and trust one person not in my family with my whole heart.
3. Publish my writing.
4. Go back to school to become a lawyer/architect/journalist/ballerina/something I've wanted to be but didn't have the ambition or guts to pursue.
5. Find a way to balance my need for control and my propensity for chaos.
6. Read the Bible.
7. Learn Russian or Polish, the language of my ancestors.
8. Visit the Ukraine and Eastern Poland.
9. Be confident that I am loved and deserve it, too.
10. Be a good friend and relative.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Hats off to the Buskers?
I've been thinking about my romantic ideal of having a song written for me. There aren't any popular songs about a girl named Nicole, except for "Darling Nikki" which I'm ruling out as not technically being "romantic" (in the classical sense) and being about Nikki, which I will never answer to.
So I've been trying to par down my favorite songs to figure out what type of song I'd like (this is all hypothetical, obviously...I don't know anyone who plays guitar, except on a video game :p). Well, I'm currently in love with the song "Flowers in the Window" by Travis, which I'd never heard before I saw them at 1st Ave. last month. It's so beautiful and melodic. Here are the lyrics, too, which are simplistically perfect:
When I first held you I was cold
A melting snowman I was told
That there was no one there to hold
Before, I swore, that I would be alone forever more
Oh, wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day and I'm glad you feel the same
Cos to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so
Let's watch the flowers grow
There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It's just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
And I am here to help you with the load
So now we're here and now is fine
So far away from there and there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there'll be flowers in the window when we go
But, of course, there's my standby lovely song, "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane (I have a thing for UK emo-pop, which is why I loved "Once"). Here are the lyrics to that one:
I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches; are they looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
AND if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So, tell me when you gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
SO if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go,
Hmmm yeahh,
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know.
And finally, because he's my ideal man, here's my favorite song by Elvis Costello:
These few words I'll devot
e
To a marvelous girl covered up with my coat
Pull it up to your chin
I'll hold you until the day will begin
Still
Lying in the shadows this new flame will cast
Upon everything we carry from the past
You were made of every love and each regret
Up until the day we met
There are no words that I'm afraid to hear
Unless they are "Goodbye, my dear"
Still
I was moving very fast
But in one place
Now you speak my name and set my pulse to race
Sometimes words may tumble out but can't eclipse
The feeling when you press your fingers to my lips
I want to kiss you in a rush
And whisper things to make you blush
And you say, "Darling, hush
Hush
Still, still"
Elvis is obviously the best lyricist, Tom the best singer, Fran the best banjo strummer? In any case, I think there would have to be a combination of the three styles to make the most romantic song. And this has been a pointless and self-indulgent post and now I'm done;)
I've been thinking about my romantic ideal of having a song written for me. There aren't any popular songs about a girl named Nicole, except for "Darling Nikki" which I'm ruling out as not technically being "romantic" (in the classical sense) and being about Nikki, which I will never answer to.
So I've been trying to par down my favorite songs to figure out what type of song I'd like (this is all hypothetical, obviously...I don't know anyone who plays guitar, except on a video game :p). Well, I'm currently in love with the song "Flowers in the Window" by Travis, which I'd never heard before I saw them at 1st Ave. last month. It's so beautiful and melodic. Here are the lyrics, too, which are simplistically perfect:
A melting snowman I was told
That there was no one there to hold
Before, I swore, that I would be alone forever more
Oh, wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day and I'm glad you feel the same
Cos to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so
Let's watch the flowers grow
There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It's just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
And I am here to help you with the load
So now we're here and now is fine
So far away from there and there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there'll be flowers in the window when we go
But, of course, there's my standby lovely song, "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane (I have a thing for UK emo-pop, which is why I loved "Once"). Here are the lyrics to that one:
I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches; are they looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
AND if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So, tell me when you gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.
SO if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go,
Hmmm yeahh,
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know.
And finally, because he's my ideal man, here's my favorite song by Elvis Costello:
These few words I'll devot
eTo a marvelous girl covered up with my coat
Pull it up to your chin
I'll hold you until the day will begin
Still
Lying in the shadows this new flame will cast
Upon everything we carry from the past
You were made of every love and each regret
Up until the day we met
There are no words that I'm afraid to hear
Unless they are "Goodbye, my dear"
Still
I was moving very fast
But in one place
Now you speak my name and set my pulse to race
Sometimes words may tumble out but can't eclipse
The feeling when you press your fingers to my lips
I want to kiss you in a rush
And whisper things to make you blush
And you say, "Darling, hush
Hush
Still, still"
Elvis is obviously the best lyricist, Tom the best singer, Fran the best banjo strummer? In any case, I think there would have to be a combination of the three styles to make the most romantic song. And this has been a pointless and self-indulgent post and now I'm done;)
Monday, August 13, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Simple, healthy, quick meals!
Inspired by the New York Times list of 100 easy recipes, here are my standbys:
Gazpacho:
Buy your favorite salsa (I love Herdez). Put in blender. Chill (the gazpacho, but you, too).
Cheese toast:
Buy Wasa Crisp'n light 7 grain bread, or any cracker bread. In blender, mix fat free cottage cheese, and your favorite antipasto- I love artichoke hearts, mild peppers, and a pinch of salt. Spread the cheese on the bread. It's delicious.
Sushi:
Buy Annie Chun's sushi kit at the grocery store. My supermarket has it on sale this week for $2.50- I bought 8! But carrots, cucumbers, or other favorite chopable veggies. Sushi grade meat would be good, too, but expensive. Make the rice as instructed on the box, then put your own sushi together. I'm going to do this a lot for lunch at work.
Salmon:
Buy one or more salmon steaks (once frozen is fine). Poke holes with knife and douse with soy sauce. Mash up some sesame rice crackers; coat salmon (soy sauce should adhere the crumbs). Put a small amount of extra virgin olive oil in frying pan, with some soy sauce. Heat should be on high. Pan sear salmon for about a minute on each side. The center should be pink and sashimi-esque. Eat right away. Blueberries are a good side dish.
Watermelon Italian Ice:
Middle school was one long scrape of a little plastic spoon in an Italian ice cup...am I right?:) This is how to make your own: buy a seedless watermelon; cut in half. Freeze halves (or chop up one and keep in fridge). Take frozen watermelon half out of freezer and scrape with a spoon. You don't even need to use dishes! The rind is the bowl! I'm so lazy.
Enjoy!
Inspired by the New York Times list of 100 easy recipes, here are my standbys:
Gazpacho:
Buy your favorite salsa (I love Herdez). Put in blender. Chill (the gazpacho, but you, too).
Cheese toast:
Buy Wasa Crisp'n light 7 grain bread, or any cracker bread. In blender, mix fat free cottage cheese, and your favorite antipasto- I love artichoke hearts, mild peppers, and a pinch of salt. Spread the cheese on the bread. It's delicious.
Sushi:
Buy Annie Chun's sushi kit at the grocery store. My supermarket has it on sale this week for $2.50- I bought 8! But carrots, cucumbers, or other favorite chopable veggies. Sushi grade meat would be good, too, but expensive. Make the rice as instructed on the box, then put your own sushi together. I'm going to do this a lot for lunch at work.
Salmon:
Buy one or more salmon steaks (once frozen is fine). Poke holes with knife and douse with soy sauce. Mash up some sesame rice crackers; coat salmon (soy sauce should adhere the crumbs). Put a small amount of extra virgin olive oil in frying pan, with some soy sauce. Heat should be on high. Pan sear salmon for about a minute on each side. The center should be pink and sashimi-esque. Eat right away. Blueberries are a good side dish.
Watermelon Italian Ice:
Middle school was one long scrape of a little plastic spoon in an Italian ice cup...am I right?:) This is how to make your own: buy a seedless watermelon; cut in half. Freeze halves (or chop up one and keep in fridge). Take frozen watermelon half out of freezer and scrape with a spoon. You don't even need to use dishes! The rind is the bowl! I'm so lazy.
Enjoy!
Monday, August 06, 2007
I haven't written on here in such a long time, probably because I've been seeing a lot of the people who I want to share my ideas and issues with, so it feels redundant. But I do have many friends who I don't get to talk to very often- esp. since I despise talking on the phone, a trait that I inherited from both of my parents- so I'm going to write an update post. I hope I get to talk to you all soon, though!
Quick update:
I'm almost done with an article I'm writing about masonry. At this point I'm slowly losing my mind because I can't seem to finish it, it just isn't coming together like I want. I have all the research I need. I think that it is subconsciously a signal to me that summer is almost over and it's time to go back to my real, less exciting job. Which is unfair, because I love teaching, but it has been luxurious to sit around at the library and study anything I want, then write about it, then try to get it published (I've submitted one article- we'll see if it's ever actually printed). I think the transition back to teaching is difficult for the same reason that it's hard for students: you're out of practice, scared about friendships and responsibilities, and are suddenly jolted out of a three-month stupor which included watching late-night TV every day and sleeping in every morning (me). Which is why I think the school year should be year-round, with one month-ish break from Thanksgiving to New Years, one in the spring, and one in late summer. Besides helping the students (esp. my students), it would also improve teaching and learning, since it would feel less like a race to the finish, and more like a progressing, continuous learning cycle, no longer punctuated by periods of complete disorganization. Since children no longer need to be home to harvest during the summer, air conditioning is the only thing holding this back.
I went back to work today for the first time. I want my classroom to be spick and span on the first day back for teachers, so I can focus on collaborating with other teachers during that week. Apparently, the two teachers on my team scheduled a secret meeting with our principal to tell him that they wanted me to teach 20 more students than each of them, to make their lives easier, and also that I have communication problems. Every time I hear that, I want to scream that the way I work is based on everything I've learned in college and grad school about effective teaching practices! I also hear the voice of one of my colleagues in our fight during the last week of school, when I said "I'm sorry, I just like to get things done early so they're done well," and she said "Oh, I KNOW that!" as though it's a bad thing. I hate fighting with people and having people disliking me for inane reasons, like that I'm organized and efficient. I know it can be annoying to have someone who tries to get things done (my mom drove me crazy with her OCD about cleanliness), but it makes me mad that I have to feel guilty about it as a professional. My goal this year at work is to make more friends and to worry less about the gossip and attitude in the staff lounge- honestly, some people act like they're still in high school and that is the last type of socialization that I would ever want to experience again. The first time was bad enough!
Anyway, I was back at school and I had to walk around to look for the custodians to let me into my classroom. When I walked past a group of summer camp kids, one little boy said "She looks like a mom." I thought to myself, "That's cute." Then, about five minutes later, the implications of that comment sunk in and I had a teeny panic attack in the east wing. I look like a mom? Most people- waitresses, guys I date, bouncers- think I look about 16. I've never been mistaken for any role older than my true self. No one's ever asked me what I do- they always ask where I go to school (i.e. I'm obviously still in college, if not high school, if not middle school-honestly). I immediately freaked out about my wardrobe, too. Was I particularly mom-esque today? No. I was wearing boot cut jeans, a tank top I bought at Old Navy kids, and flip flops. My hair was in a ponytail. It wasn't like I had a highlighted bob, was wearing mom pants, and a twin set (and I never will- well, maybe a sweater set, but in an ironic, retro way). But the comment mostly made me think about my mom. When she was 25, she had a two year-old baby and had done one year of surgical rotation in residency. She worked 24-hour shifts and cried because she rarely saw her baby (me). I don't know how she managed that emotionally.
Oh, I'm so tired. I've gone running for the past two days and my shin hurts. I'm going to go to bed.
Quick update:
I'm almost done with an article I'm writing about masonry. At this point I'm slowly losing my mind because I can't seem to finish it, it just isn't coming together like I want. I have all the research I need. I think that it is subconsciously a signal to me that summer is almost over and it's time to go back to my real, less exciting job. Which is unfair, because I love teaching, but it has been luxurious to sit around at the library and study anything I want, then write about it, then try to get it published (I've submitted one article- we'll see if it's ever actually printed). I think the transition back to teaching is difficult for the same reason that it's hard for students: you're out of practice, scared about friendships and responsibilities, and are suddenly jolted out of a three-month stupor which included watching late-night TV every day and sleeping in every morning (me). Which is why I think the school year should be year-round, with one month-ish break from Thanksgiving to New Years, one in the spring, and one in late summer. Besides helping the students (esp. my students), it would also improve teaching and learning, since it would feel less like a race to the finish, and more like a progressing, continuous learning cycle, no longer punctuated by periods of complete disorganization. Since children no longer need to be home to harvest during the summer, air conditioning is the only thing holding this back.
I went back to work today for the first time. I want my classroom to be spick and span on the first day back for teachers, so I can focus on collaborating with other teachers during that week. Apparently, the two teachers on my team scheduled a secret meeting with our principal to tell him that they wanted me to teach 20 more students than each of them, to make their lives easier, and also that I have communication problems. Every time I hear that, I want to scream that the way I work is based on everything I've learned in college and grad school about effective teaching practices! I also hear the voice of one of my colleagues in our fight during the last week of school, when I said "I'm sorry, I just like to get things done early so they're done well," and she said "Oh, I KNOW that!" as though it's a bad thing. I hate fighting with people and having people disliking me for inane reasons, like that I'm organized and efficient. I know it can be annoying to have someone who tries to get things done (my mom drove me crazy with her OCD about cleanliness), but it makes me mad that I have to feel guilty about it as a professional. My goal this year at work is to make more friends and to worry less about the gossip and attitude in the staff lounge- honestly, some people act like they're still in high school and that is the last type of socialization that I would ever want to experience again. The first time was bad enough!
Anyway, I was back at school and I had to walk around to look for the custodians to let me into my classroom. When I walked past a group of summer camp kids, one little boy said "She looks like a mom." I thought to myself, "That's cute." Then, about five minutes later, the implications of that comment sunk in and I had a teeny panic attack in the east wing. I look like a mom? Most people- waitresses, guys I date, bouncers- think I look about 16. I've never been mistaken for any role older than my true self. No one's ever asked me what I do- they always ask where I go to school (i.e. I'm obviously still in college, if not high school, if not middle school-honestly). I immediately freaked out about my wardrobe, too. Was I particularly mom-esque today? No. I was wearing boot cut jeans, a tank top I bought at Old Navy kids, and flip flops. My hair was in a ponytail. It wasn't like I had a highlighted bob, was wearing mom pants, and a twin set (and I never will- well, maybe a sweater set, but in an ironic, retro way). But the comment mostly made me think about my mom. When she was 25, she had a two year-old baby and had done one year of surgical rotation in residency. She worked 24-hour shifts and cried because she rarely saw her baby (me). I don't know how she managed that emotionally.
Oh, I'm so tired. I've gone running for the past two days and my shin hurts. I'm going to go to bed.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
While I still think that Beerveza is incredibly obnoxious, I predicted the açai berry! Here's a quote from the New York Times:
CHICAGO, July 31 — If you believe the vendors at the annual Institute of Food Technologists convention, you may soon be able to eat and drink your way to better health.
On display were aisle upon aisle of foods made to do more than provide basic nutrition. There was one kind of yogurt to lower cholesterol and another to curb appetite. Cheese cubes supposedly increased energy and strengthened the immune system. Desserts were laced with heart-healthy fish oil, and a pomegranate-flavored water contained fiber to promote digestive health.
Paul M. Flowerman, president of P. L. Thomas, a food ingredient company based in Morristown, N.J., showed a suggested menu of life-enhancing foods, starting with a mixed green salad with antioxidant vinaigrette made from pomegranates, grape-seed extract and açaí (pronounced ah-SIGH-ee), which is the berrylike fruit of a Brazilian palm. There was also sushi concocted from fish paste colored by lycopene and green-tea infused rice, and brownies with phosphatidylserine, a chemical compound that is said to enhance memory.
And McDonald's now has Chipotle chicken, which is step toward mole, and even more adventurous than quesadillas. I'm a little bit proud.Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Culinary Culture
I am fascinated by trends in popular food, mini-zeitgeist of society's peculiar and unpredictable loves. Here are some current trends, possible reasons for their inception, and what I predict will come next!
Fancy/athletic/pricey/healthy drinks
Americans, evolved past the banality of Perrier and Evian of the 1980's, are prepared to pay for "healthier" water. There is a resurgence of drink as accessory, beverage as status symbol. We have Smart Water, Gatorade's Propel Water, and now, even Coke is trying to add minerals. Fifty Cent has stock in Vitamin water, which blatantly sells the stories of its famous drinkers on little anecdotes on the labels. And there's proof of the effectiveness of its design and marketability to the American public: he's made millions.
The future: water enhanced with the only food celebrities are allowed to have, low-fat protein...da da da da: food water! It should be expensive, so people know it's good/cool.
Açai berry anything.
There's already a Haagen-Daaz flavor of this Brazilian berry, a Vitamin water blended flavor (with blueberry and pomegranate) and a seasonal drink at Caribou Coffee (a coffee shop chain). I think it tastes like a cross between a blueberry and an a raw potato- starchy but sweet. It's popular because not only does it exploit a new fruit (I thought I knew them all!) and it vaguely feels like you're supporting the rainforest by consuming it, since I think most people subconsciously connect use of anything from the rainforest (or purportedly from the rainforest) with conservation (i.e. "Look at my teak table...yes, I know; I just have to help if I can.")
The future: açai berries on desserts at fancy restaurants, in glazes for meat, and in very ritzy salad dressings. And the jackfruit will be the next weird fruit to be everywhere soon- I love it! It tastes like a cross between an orange and a kiwi!
Organic, grass-fed, all-natural, no trans-fat meat.
Oh my gosh: Kentucky Fried Chicken is promoting itself as a healthy choice! It's scary because it's obviously untrue and because despite that, the company has actually been compelled by popular sentiment to get rid of the trans-fats. So that's something. Even McDonald's is marketing McNuggets as chicken. I remember the days when they were unrecognizable, reconstituted meat, back in the days before it was considered appropriate to eat McDonald's for every meal.
The future: other fast food restaurants will promote their use of real meat. Maybe Taco Bell will stop serving dog food. That would be so nice.
Latino flavors
Not the flavors of Latinos, (spicy?) but tastes that have been part of Latino culture for centuries. Apparently, Miller Brewing Company thought that a slightly lime and salt flavored beer, called Miller Chill and packaged in a green beer bottle, was a good idea. Eww. Wrigley took a chance on Mojito-Lime gum, highlighted in this New York Times article, and Mayan chocolate is gaining popularity.
The future: quesadillas at McDonald's. Why hasn't that happened yet? Even though McDonald's owns Chipotle, they need to follow this trend, too. And possibly, eventually, popular culture will be ready for mole. Maybe.
What trends have you spotted? :)
I am fascinated by trends in popular food, mini-zeitgeist of society's peculiar and unpredictable loves. Here are some current trends, possible reasons for their inception, and what I predict will come next!
Fancy/athletic/pricey/healthy drinks
Americans, evolved past the banality of Perrier and Evian of the 1980's, are prepared to pay for "healthier" water. There is a resurgence of drink as accessory, beverage as status symbol. We have Smart Water, Gatorade's Propel Water, and now, even Coke is trying to add minerals. Fifty Cent has stock in Vitamin water, which blatantly sells the stories of its famous drinkers on little anecdotes on the labels. And there's proof of the effectiveness of its design and marketability to the American public: he's made millions.
The future: water enhanced with the only food celebrities are allowed to have, low-fat protein...da da da da: food water! It should be expensive, so people know it's good/cool.
Açai berry anything.
There's already a Haagen-Daaz flavor of this Brazilian berry, a Vitamin water blended flavor (with blueberry and pomegranate) and a seasonal drink at Caribou Coffee (a coffee shop chain). I think it tastes like a cross between a blueberry and an a raw potato- starchy but sweet. It's popular because not only does it exploit a new fruit (I thought I knew them all!) and it vaguely feels like you're supporting the rainforest by consuming it, since I think most people subconsciously connect use of anything from the rainforest (or purportedly from the rainforest) with conservation (i.e. "Look at my teak table...yes, I know; I just have to help if I can.")
The future: açai berries on desserts at fancy restaurants, in glazes for meat, and in very ritzy salad dressings. And the jackfruit will be the next weird fruit to be everywhere soon- I love it! It tastes like a cross between an orange and a kiwi!
Organic, grass-fed, all-natural, no trans-fat meat.
Oh my gosh: Kentucky Fried Chicken is promoting itself as a healthy choice! It's scary because it's obviously untrue and because despite that, the company has actually been compelled by popular sentiment to get rid of the trans-fats. So that's something. Even McDonald's is marketing McNuggets as chicken. I remember the days when they were unrecognizable, reconstituted meat, back in the days before it was considered appropriate to eat McDonald's for every meal.
The future: other fast food restaurants will promote their use of real meat. Maybe Taco Bell will stop serving dog food. That would be so nice.
Latino flavors
Not the flavors of Latinos, (spicy?) but tastes that have been part of Latino culture for centuries. Apparently, Miller Brewing Company thought that a slightly lime and salt flavored beer, called Miller Chill and packaged in a green beer bottle, was a good idea. Eww. Wrigley took a chance on Mojito-Lime gum, highlighted in this New York Times article, and Mayan chocolate is gaining popularity.
The future: quesadillas at McDonald's. Why hasn't that happened yet? Even though McDonald's owns Chipotle, they need to follow this trend, too. And possibly, eventually, popular culture will be ready for mole. Maybe.
What trends have you spotted? :)
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I've been thinking about patriotism recently. There is so much pessimism, defeatism, and resignation to the fact that our president seems be bogging us down in a quagmire of lies, secrecy, and worldwide hatred directed at all we hold so dear. There are suicide bombers killing soldiers and civilians daily, prompted, indirectly, by our country's involvement in Iraq. It's easy to be a bitter liberal and think that hope can only be found in a well-chosen democratic candidate. But today, I want to start a list of acts of Americanism that we see everyday, and overlook for how truly valuable they are to our country. More than our military, who make the biggest and least repayable service to us, these are small daily signs of our inner patriotism:
*People pulling their cars over for ambulances, not knowing the person who's inside, just that he or she is one of us and it's the small thing we can do to help.
*That our ambulances will save anyone who needs them.
*In my neighborhood, Muslim Somali women can walk unafraid in full hijab.
*My students, many of whom faced challenging lives in their native countries, can learn English, and hopefully, do whatever they want with their lives, because of the opportunities in our country.
I know there are many more aspects of truly American behavior. What else should I add to my list?
*People pulling their cars over for ambulances, not knowing the person who's inside, just that he or she is one of us and it's the small thing we can do to help.
*That our ambulances will save anyone who needs them.
*In my neighborhood, Muslim Somali women can walk unafraid in full hijab.
*My students, many of whom faced challenging lives in their native countries, can learn English, and hopefully, do whatever they want with their lives, because of the opportunities in our country.
I know there are many more aspects of truly American behavior. What else should I add to my list?
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Please see my new blog, where I'm starting to post literary proposals, pitches, and ideas, plus my favorite new words! (I'm a nerd, yes, but you are, too!) :)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Happy Memorial Day!
I've had so much fun this weekend...honestly, it was the perfect introduction to summer. On Friday night I went to the Radio K listener appreciation show, which I feel I deserved to be at for two reasons, even though I didn't have a supporter card:
1) I supported them even when I didn't listen
2) It's now #6 on my car radio, which, although it sounds like an unappreciated placement, is actually prime button property, since it's where I hit first (without looking) as I speed down the highway to work.
On Saturday I can't remember what I did. Oh, right. I woke up at 7 a.m. and did all my organization work for school, then walked up and down all of Nicollet all afternoon searching for candy from around the world. This whole week all my students will do is a pinata project involving international candy, so it was an essential errand. However, it's impossible to find African candy. I even hit the local Somali "mall" (the best place to find long dresses), but all I ended up with was a huge box of Saudi Arabian chewing gum, which I think is supercool anyway. That evening, I drove to a friend's family's house in the suburbans to hang out and eat cake:)
On Sunday, I went to early church with my grandma in Edina, but the church had a very different demographic than mine and wasn't as warm and welcoming. After that, I met my friends (and more of their friends) for brunch at Maria's, which is a pretty good brunch spot, but no Barbette:) French fries beat burritos in any taste test. Then I went back to my apartment and whipped myself into a cleaning frenzy! I cleaned everything, plus finally found the elusive technique to get my wood floors clean: it turns out is a vacuum, swiffer wet-jet, vacuum pattern that catches the elusive cat hair.
Then I spent Sunday night in NE Minneapolis, at a house where one of my friends was housesitting. All of my friends grilled out, talked, drank, and spent the night. Then in the morning, I actually turned into my mother, got up early, and got coffee for everyone (which is exactly what she always does- and I did it too, even though it drives me crazy!) I also realized that my parents would love living in NE. The new Lunds is so beautiful;) Plus, there's so much to walk to, and so much going on...and if my dad needs his skyway fix, the city is very close. Now I'm at my twin cousins' 4th birthday party; I can't believe they're that old!
Anyway, I have four more days of teaching this school year! I'm so exciting to have a relaxing, friend-filled (and hopefully soon to be guy-filled) summer.
I've had so much fun this weekend...honestly, it was the perfect introduction to summer. On Friday night I went to the Radio K listener appreciation show, which I feel I deserved to be at for two reasons, even though I didn't have a supporter card:
1) I supported them even when I didn't listen
2) It's now #6 on my car radio, which, although it sounds like an unappreciated placement, is actually prime button property, since it's where I hit first (without looking) as I speed down the highway to work.
On Saturday I can't remember what I did. Oh, right. I woke up at 7 a.m. and did all my organization work for school, then walked up and down all of Nicollet all afternoon searching for candy from around the world. This whole week all my students will do is a pinata project involving international candy, so it was an essential errand. However, it's impossible to find African candy. I even hit the local Somali "mall" (the best place to find long dresses), but all I ended up with was a huge box of Saudi Arabian chewing gum, which I think is supercool anyway. That evening, I drove to a friend's family's house in the suburbans to hang out and eat cake:)
On Sunday, I went to early church with my grandma in Edina, but the church had a very different demographic than mine and wasn't as warm and welcoming. After that, I met my friends (and more of their friends) for brunch at Maria's, which is a pretty good brunch spot, but no Barbette:) French fries beat burritos in any taste test. Then I went back to my apartment and whipped myself into a cleaning frenzy! I cleaned everything, plus finally found the elusive technique to get my wood floors clean: it turns out is a vacuum, swiffer wet-jet, vacuum pattern that catches the elusive cat hair.
Then I spent Sunday night in NE Minneapolis, at a house where one of my friends was housesitting. All of my friends grilled out, talked, drank, and spent the night. Then in the morning, I actually turned into my mother, got up early, and got coffee for everyone (which is exactly what she always does- and I did it too, even though it drives me crazy!) I also realized that my parents would love living in NE. The new Lunds is so beautiful;) Plus, there's so much to walk to, and so much going on...and if my dad needs his skyway fix, the city is very close. Now I'm at my twin cousins' 4th birthday party; I can't believe they're that old!
Anyway, I have four more days of teaching this school year! I'm so exciting to have a relaxing, friend-filled (and hopefully soon to be guy-filled) summer.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
This is what I read when I'm bored at work :)
"What is especially disturbing about [pluralistic ignorance] is that it lends itself to control by the noisiest and most visible. Psychologists have noted that students who are the heaviest drinkers, for example, tend to speak out most strongly against proposed measures to curb drinking, and act as “subculture custodians” in support of their own minority views. Their strong vocalization can produce “false consensus” against such measures, as others, who think they’re part of the minority, keep quiet. As a consequence, the extremists gain influence out of all proportion to their numbers, while the views of the silent majority end up being suppressed."
-"A New Silent Majority" by Mark Buchanan (The New York Times, May 23, 2007).
I wonder how much of school culture is controlled by pluralistic ignorance. There are many attitudes (both positive and negative) that I may overextend to include more teachers than the number that actual subscribe to them. For example, I usually feel like everyone worships the teacher union and that I am the only one who feels like it's actually holding back the progress of modern education. But, that belief hasn't coerced me into liking them more, just inhibited me from speaking up against it (mostly for fear that nasty union members will whack me, like in those tales of teamsters...but that's probably wrong, too, I hope.) Buchanan explains that feeling like one is the member of a minority (whether one truly is or not), leads to a desire for social separation from that perceived majority group. This is probably why I don't hang out very much with other teachers...also because they drive me crazy! This is a direct quote from a teacher (today):
(Preface: a student had broken a pencil in half. When the teacher told him not to do that anymore, he had replied- rudely, I admit- "There's more where that came from." So the teacher comes into a room I'm in and tells the kid's classroom teacher about it, followed by...)
"Shit. I just wanted to drop-kick him."
Honestly, when you start feeling that way about any human being, it's time to check into anger management. And when you're a teacher, there's no excuse. That's the reason why I avoid teachers (pluralistic ignorance or not!) and why I definitely don't hang out with them at Applebee's for happy hour.
"What is especially disturbing about [pluralistic ignorance] is that it lends itself to control by the noisiest and most visible. Psychologists have noted that students who are the heaviest drinkers, for example, tend to speak out most strongly against proposed measures to curb drinking, and act as “subculture custodians” in support of their own minority views. Their strong vocalization can produce “false consensus” against such measures, as others, who think they’re part of the minority, keep quiet. As a consequence, the extremists gain influence out of all proportion to their numbers, while the views of the silent majority end up being suppressed."
-"A New Silent Majority" by Mark Buchanan (The New York Times, May 23, 2007).
I wonder how much of school culture is controlled by pluralistic ignorance. There are many attitudes (both positive and negative) that I may overextend to include more teachers than the number that actual subscribe to them. For example, I usually feel like everyone worships the teacher union and that I am the only one who feels like it's actually holding back the progress of modern education. But, that belief hasn't coerced me into liking them more, just inhibited me from speaking up against it (mostly for fear that nasty union members will whack me, like in those tales of teamsters...but that's probably wrong, too, I hope.) Buchanan explains that feeling like one is the member of a minority (whether one truly is or not), leads to a desire for social separation from that perceived majority group. This is probably why I don't hang out very much with other teachers...also because they drive me crazy! This is a direct quote from a teacher (today):
(Preface: a student had broken a pencil in half. When the teacher told him not to do that anymore, he had replied- rudely, I admit- "There's more where that came from." So the teacher comes into a room I'm in and tells the kid's classroom teacher about it, followed by...)
"Shit. I just wanted to drop-kick him."
Honestly, when you start feeling that way about any human being, it's time to check into anger management. And when you're a teacher, there's no excuse. That's the reason why I avoid teachers (pluralistic ignorance or not!) and why I definitely don't hang out with them at Applebee's for happy hour.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Quick hits:
*Correlation between a drop in barometric pressure and obstreperous students: it's true! They're crazy!
*Yesterday, I ran out in the street to retrieve a blind man's shoe that had fallen off. Since I am the clutziest person this side of Mr. Magoo, I always drop things in the streets (especially right before a green light) and have to race around to pick everything up and balance it awkwardly in my arms. Once, it was an entire bag of groceries, including a redbull, which exploded all over me, to the amusement of the first row of cars. I can't imagine how prepared that man must always need to be to simply get by.
*The most romantic song I've ever heard is this.
*I can't wait to have the summer off. I desperately want to work on my writing, but I need huge blocks of time to sit, read it aloud, check and double check, etc. And all the researching! Yay! I'm going to bring back the ever-ready notecards and re-establish my amazing organizational system. Look out Starbucks:)
*7 more days of teaching! My brother is definitely going to be a coerced volunteer at track and field day.
*The first annual lock-out! You know what it is. But, it needs to happen soon, like this weekend or next, when we're all still fresh and happy. I think some of the night should include the skyways, because I've been there before and it's eerie...like the ghosts of accountants are walking the halls.
*I LOVE running. I went for a run yesterday and counted off the feelings I missed: the wind on my face, the sense of freedom, smiling at depressed corporate cronies and children, speedy window shopping, the dehydration shivers! I missed it all, so I'm going to take up my running routine from less summer, only less rigorous. I'm going to do yoga 3-5 days per week and run two days. I hope that keeps my shin splits at bay.
*Correlation between a drop in barometric pressure and obstreperous students: it's true! They're crazy!
*Yesterday, I ran out in the street to retrieve a blind man's shoe that had fallen off. Since I am the clutziest person this side of Mr. Magoo, I always drop things in the streets (especially right before a green light) and have to race around to pick everything up and balance it awkwardly in my arms. Once, it was an entire bag of groceries, including a redbull, which exploded all over me, to the amusement of the first row of cars. I can't imagine how prepared that man must always need to be to simply get by.
*The most romantic song I've ever heard is this.
*I can't wait to have the summer off. I desperately want to work on my writing, but I need huge blocks of time to sit, read it aloud, check and double check, etc. And all the researching! Yay! I'm going to bring back the ever-ready notecards and re-establish my amazing organizational system. Look out Starbucks:)
*7 more days of teaching! My brother is definitely going to be a coerced volunteer at track and field day.
*The first annual lock-out! You know what it is. But, it needs to happen soon, like this weekend or next, when we're all still fresh and happy. I think some of the night should include the skyways, because I've been there before and it's eerie...like the ghosts of accountants are walking the halls.
*I LOVE running. I went for a run yesterday and counted off the feelings I missed: the wind on my face, the sense of freedom, smiling at depressed corporate cronies and children, speedy window shopping, the dehydration shivers! I missed it all, so I'm going to take up my running routine from less summer, only less rigorous. I'm going to do yoga 3-5 days per week and run two days. I hope that keeps my shin splits at bay.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
May
I've been so busy lately. Busy, tired, sleepy, and otherwise satiated with malaise. Did I mention the ennui? Yes, I love that word and that's what it is. I'm bored with all the busywork. And arguments with friends and family have left me mentally exhausted, too (even though they are over). I need a vacation from emotions, just to check out to a deserted island for a while...which is why I do yoga, I guess.
*Big questions: where did my favorite radio station go? Drive 105- amor of my FM dial- is suddenly gone. And replaced by LOVE 105, which almost made me sick. I didn't want to abandon my sacred 105.5, but after listening to a whole Bryan Adams song, I was over it. I have no loyalty when cheesy, lite pop is involved. Number 5 on my radio programming buttons is now the Current. I'm sorry, my friends...at least I held out that long, right?
This last month of teaching is difficult. Last year I did a fun video essay project with all of my classes ("This is what we learned in 3rd grade..."). But this year, there are some students who have basic English needs I need to address, so I made the ridiculous choice of developing personalized goals for each student, hoping that they learn these needed skills in the next three weeks. Grr. I have a pattern and it's called "killing myself with unnecessary work." Well, not totally unnecessary, but overwhelming. For example, I opted out of a conference last week and managed to finish all of my report cards and filing in one day! But this week I'm a mess. I have a bad summer cold (I sound like Barry White when I wake up), I'm not getting much done at home, and I completely forgot about a meeting today; the substitute showed up and I had nothing written down! I felt like such a space cadet! I just gave her mad libs and told her to ad lib. Haha. As much as I'll miss my amazing students, I can't wait for the end of the school year.
I've been so busy lately. Busy, tired, sleepy, and otherwise satiated with malaise. Did I mention the ennui? Yes, I love that word and that's what it is. I'm bored with all the busywork. And arguments with friends and family have left me mentally exhausted, too (even though they are over). I need a vacation from emotions, just to check out to a deserted island for a while...which is why I do yoga, I guess.
*Big questions: where did my favorite radio station go? Drive 105- amor of my FM dial- is suddenly gone. And replaced by LOVE 105, which almost made me sick. I didn't want to abandon my sacred 105.5, but after listening to a whole Bryan Adams song, I was over it. I have no loyalty when cheesy, lite pop is involved. Number 5 on my radio programming buttons is now the Current. I'm sorry, my friends...at least I held out that long, right?
This last month of teaching is difficult. Last year I did a fun video essay project with all of my classes ("This is what we learned in 3rd grade..."). But this year, there are some students who have basic English needs I need to address, so I made the ridiculous choice of developing personalized goals for each student, hoping that they learn these needed skills in the next three weeks. Grr. I have a pattern and it's called "killing myself with unnecessary work." Well, not totally unnecessary, but overwhelming. For example, I opted out of a conference last week and managed to finish all of my report cards and filing in one day! But this week I'm a mess. I have a bad summer cold (I sound like Barry White when I wake up), I'm not getting much done at home, and I completely forgot about a meeting today; the substitute showed up and I had nothing written down! I felt like such a space cadet! I just gave her mad libs and told her to ad lib. Haha. As much as I'll miss my amazing students, I can't wait for the end of the school year.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Springtime!
It's finally starting to feel like Spring in Minnesota. Honestly, the snow last week was just mean. And it made me even more frustrated that I had a 12-hour work day when it was 80 degrees two weeks ago...but now it's Spring! Today is supposed to be in the 60's, which is my ideal temperature, as long as it's coupled with the smell of grass and flowers, undeniable signs that the horrid Minnesota winter is finally over:)
I haven't posted for so long mostly because I don't have internet at home, which is the same reason I don't watch movies over the internet: because I'd have to do it at Caribou coffee, which is kind of embarrassing. Anyway, here's a quick list of changes since last time I posted:
*I registered for two summer classes at The Loft, an adult education center for literature. I'm going to try to be a freelance magazine writer! :) I'm so excited about it and hope my future looks something like Judith Warner or Adam Gopnick's current careers!
*I'm teaching an afterschool ballet course starting on Tuesday, for kindergarten, first, and second grade students. I am wary about getting them to focus and maintain ballet etiquette (we'll see how long that dream lasts) but excited about the potential for cuteness and increasing cultural awareness. I'm planning on having 10 minutes of free dance to a different composer's music every session, as well as mini lessons on the history, personalities, and language of ballet. For example, I'm going to introduce them to Mikail Baryshnikov on the first day, so there will be absolutely no taunting of the only boy, one six-year-old named Armando:) He's going to get to play the Sun in my interpretive choreography of Vivaldi's "Spring" from the Four Seasons compositions:) I will update this blog about the extent to which I over-thought this and how over-ambitious these expectations truly are...
*My parents are moving here! I'm enthusiastic because I love them and they don't irritate me as much as I feel I should expect them to. My parents are fun.
*I got gorgeous new business cards. You can get some too, for free, at Vistaprint.com. You can design them yourself and get 250 nice, well-made cards for the cost of shipping (about $5).
*My tax return is big! Yay. I'm going to start saving...and maybe plan for a trip to Paris sometime soon.
It's finally starting to feel like Spring in Minnesota. Honestly, the snow last week was just mean. And it made me even more frustrated that I had a 12-hour work day when it was 80 degrees two weeks ago...but now it's Spring! Today is supposed to be in the 60's, which is my ideal temperature, as long as it's coupled with the smell of grass and flowers, undeniable signs that the horrid Minnesota winter is finally over:)
I haven't posted for so long mostly because I don't have internet at home, which is the same reason I don't watch movies over the internet: because I'd have to do it at Caribou coffee, which is kind of embarrassing. Anyway, here's a quick list of changes since last time I posted:
*I registered for two summer classes at The Loft, an adult education center for literature. I'm going to try to be a freelance magazine writer! :) I'm so excited about it and hope my future looks something like Judith Warner or Adam Gopnick's current careers!
*I'm teaching an afterschool ballet course starting on Tuesday, for kindergarten, first, and second grade students. I am wary about getting them to focus and maintain ballet etiquette (we'll see how long that dream lasts) but excited about the potential for cuteness and increasing cultural awareness. I'm planning on having 10 minutes of free dance to a different composer's music every session, as well as mini lessons on the history, personalities, and language of ballet. For example, I'm going to introduce them to Mikail Baryshnikov on the first day, so there will be absolutely no taunting of the only boy, one six-year-old named Armando:) He's going to get to play the Sun in my interpretive choreography of Vivaldi's "Spring" from the Four Seasons compositions:) I will update this blog about the extent to which I over-thought this and how over-ambitious these expectations truly are...
*My parents are moving here! I'm enthusiastic because I love them and they don't irritate me as much as I feel I should expect them to. My parents are fun.
*I got gorgeous new business cards. You can get some too, for free, at Vistaprint.com. You can design them yourself and get 250 nice, well-made cards for the cost of shipping (about $5).
*My tax return is big! Yay. I'm going to start saving...and maybe plan for a trip to Paris sometime soon.
Monday, March 26, 2007
This weekend was fun, but so busy that I'm exhausted and my head is foggy this morning. On Friday, I left work at 3:30, which I almost never do, and went home to get ready for my triple birthday party. Jess and Chris came over to help make my cake, which turned out too bulky, and the top layer slid right off when it was put on the table. My party also didn't have ice or much to eat or drink...I think hosting parties in general makes me a little bit stressed, so I might just do simple gatherings of friends from now on...I just take on so much responsibility and wear myself out! Anyway, I got wonderful presents from my friends and it was fun to see all of them. We went for drinks and appetizers at Chino Latino, but of course I couldn't order any martinis since I still don't have a driver's license. I hate the DMV! I just know when I go tomorrow after school (tonight we have conferences until 7:30pm) that I'm going to be there for hours.
On Saturday, I woke up at 8 a.m., which wasn't actually that hard, and met my dad to go house-hunting. We saw some beautiful condos and bungalows, but I was shocked at how expensive even small houses are. I may need to live in a van down by the river.
My dad is really excited about this job: he'll have so much freedom and power, as well as being part of a new department from the ground up at the University of Minnesota. I hope the position is offered to him. I think it would be so nice to have my family closer, especially for holidays and when I have major car issues, etc.
I'm getting excited for Easter! It's my favorite holiday because it's all about rebirth, Springtime, marshmallow peeps, and sunshine. It has the anticipation of Christmas without all the commercialism and greed (I've become a little bit of a Christmas cynic, at least about the secular parts). I have Spring break during holy week, so I'm going to go to church as much as possible. My brother will be here for the weekend, so I'll have someone to sit with, which is nice, especially on Good Friday, when I usually get really emotional and cry in church!
I've been in a mood lately, mostly because I feel like it's time to grow up, get my finances in order, and make real and lasting decisions about my career. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly how to accomplish either aspect of that goal. I think the rest of my Spring break is going to be spent updating my resume and consulting credit counselors :(
On Saturday, I woke up at 8 a.m., which wasn't actually that hard, and met my dad to go house-hunting. We saw some beautiful condos and bungalows, but I was shocked at how expensive even small houses are. I may need to live in a van down by the river.
My dad is really excited about this job: he'll have so much freedom and power, as well as being part of a new department from the ground up at the University of Minnesota. I hope the position is offered to him. I think it would be so nice to have my family closer, especially for holidays and when I have major car issues, etc.
I'm getting excited for Easter! It's my favorite holiday because it's all about rebirth, Springtime, marshmallow peeps, and sunshine. It has the anticipation of Christmas without all the commercialism and greed (I've become a little bit of a Christmas cynic, at least about the secular parts). I have Spring break during holy week, so I'm going to go to church as much as possible. My brother will be here for the weekend, so I'll have someone to sit with, which is nice, especially on Good Friday, when I usually get really emotional and cry in church!
I've been in a mood lately, mostly because I feel like it's time to grow up, get my finances in order, and make real and lasting decisions about my career. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly how to accomplish either aspect of that goal. I think the rest of my Spring break is going to be spent updating my resume and consulting credit counselors :(
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The wonderful part of my job
I spent all Saturday at a competition for the afterschool gifted and talented team that I work with. It was an effort to wake up at 5:45 a.m. on a non-work day and to spend all of it the same way I spend every workday, carrying around bags and bags of books and supplies, all the while trying to make my students behave...especially since one had forgotten to take his medication.
Afterwards, after our team performed poorly, didn't place, and anticlimatically walked out in the middle of the award ceremony, I tried to placate my little troops. I told them the usual schpiel "it's not about winning or losing, but how you play the game," and "if they were judging our teamwork, we'd be winners!" statements that I realize now completely oppose each other. At the end of my speech, punctuated by many forced "Right?" 's to make sure they were paying attention, my youngest team member piped up. (He's a very thin Somali-American boy who's brilliant and adorable).
"Ms. _______? I think it's not about winning a prize, it's about winning in our hearts!"
It was such a Tiny Tim moment! I had to pause and refrain myself from effusive praise of his maturity and rationality, since that always embarrasses students when they make unconsciously profound statements...and so I just said, "Yes, that's right."
I spent all Saturday at a competition for the afterschool gifted and talented team that I work with. It was an effort to wake up at 5:45 a.m. on a non-work day and to spend all of it the same way I spend every workday, carrying around bags and bags of books and supplies, all the while trying to make my students behave...especially since one had forgotten to take his medication.
Afterwards, after our team performed poorly, didn't place, and anticlimatically walked out in the middle of the award ceremony, I tried to placate my little troops. I told them the usual schpiel "it's not about winning or losing, but how you play the game," and "if they were judging our teamwork, we'd be winners!" statements that I realize now completely oppose each other. At the end of my speech, punctuated by many forced "Right?" 's to make sure they were paying attention, my youngest team member piped up. (He's a very thin Somali-American boy who's brilliant and adorable).
"Ms. _______? I think it's not about winning a prize, it's about winning in our hearts!"
It was such a Tiny Tim moment! I had to pause and refrain myself from effusive praise of his maturity and rationality, since that always embarrasses students when they make unconsciously profound statements...and so I just said, "Yes, that's right."
Friday, March 09, 2007
I've decided that my next career, whenever it begins, will be as a writer. I love writing, and I actually miss the looooong days of writing at Starbucks on Clayton and Forsythe! I once wrote 30 pages in 3 days back in my salad days...
In pursuit of that dream, and because I'm slightly putting off the actual writing until I decide on numerous subjects and finally narrow my focus, I've decided to start building my vocabulary (and reviewing my SAT words). I think my love of words led me to my current job; unfortunately, the linguistic ability of the students I work with restricts the number of challenging words I actually get to practice! So, my new weekly challenge is to understand every word in The New Yorker and New York Times. Here's my list for this week: -I definitely won't be doing this every week:)-
Lacuna- a missing piece (as in a manuscript or an argument)...this explains an aspect of "Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind" that I didn't understand!
Indemnity- protection against damages.
Sartorial- pertaining to style, clothing, or tailors' work.
Anachronistic- chronologically misplaced; belonging to another time.
Sactimonious- hypocritcal or feigned show of religious devotion, piety, or righteousness.
Ossuaries- receptacle for bones of the dead.
Sepulcher- tomb.
Knäckebrot- very dry Swedish cracker-bread (I swear, a New Yorker writer used this to describe a dry, cracked argument. They are so pretentious! ...and I wish I was that pretentious!)
Schist- multi-grain, metamorphic rock. I remembered this, but I swear it wasn't used in reference to rocks.
Elision- omission of a vowel, consonant, or syllable in pronunciation.
Precepts- rules prescribing a course of action or conduct.
Axioms- universally recognized truths, rules, or laws.
I hope you have a good weekend..I'm enjoying the 40 degree weather!
In pursuit of that dream, and because I'm slightly putting off the actual writing until I decide on numerous subjects and finally narrow my focus, I've decided to start building my vocabulary (and reviewing my SAT words). I think my love of words led me to my current job; unfortunately, the linguistic ability of the students I work with restricts the number of challenging words I actually get to practice! So, my new weekly challenge is to understand every word in The New Yorker and New York Times. Here's my list for this week: -I definitely won't be doing this every week:)-
Lacuna- a missing piece (as in a manuscript or an argument)...this explains an aspect of "Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind" that I didn't understand!
Indemnity- protection against damages.
Sartorial- pertaining to style, clothing, or tailors' work.
Anachronistic- chronologically misplaced; belonging to another time.
Sactimonious- hypocritcal or feigned show of religious devotion, piety, or righteousness.
Ossuaries- receptacle for bones of the dead.
Sepulcher- tomb.
Knäckebrot- very dry Swedish cracker-bread (I swear, a New Yorker writer used this to describe a dry, cracked argument. They are so pretentious! ...and I wish I was that pretentious!)
Schist- multi-grain, metamorphic rock. I remembered this, but I swear it wasn't used in reference to rocks.
Elision- omission of a vowel, consonant, or syllable in pronunciation.
Precepts- rules prescribing a course of action or conduct.
Axioms- universally recognized truths, rules, or laws.
I hope you have a good weekend..I'm enjoying the 40 degree weather!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Oscars!
I love the academy awards and they were twice as fun this year since I've become as cynical as my friends...so we could mock them all together:)
I liked...
*The Will Ferrell, Jack Black, John D. Reilly trio about the downside of comedic acting. First, they can all sing pretty well, next "John C. Reilly- huh?," finally they made Ryan Gosling blush and that's cute.
*Helen Mirren's dress. I can only pray that I'll look like that when I'm in my 60's. My other choice for best-dressed was Abigail Breslin, because her dress was so age-appropriate.
*The bizarre dance troupe. For me, that never got old. It must have been so funny when they were practicing...there probably had to have been someone who could see them from a distance yelling how they needed to move while they hung on to each other!
*The acceptance speech for "West Bank Story." I saw the nominated short films with my friends, and while the beginning WAS pretty funny (with sterotypical Jewish and Muslim people snapping like in "West Side Story"), the rest was banal and obnoxious. But, the speech was so touching, even though it makes me jealous that the film was his senior thesis and he won an Oscar...talk about an auspicious start.
*Ellen's joke about boxed wine. Really, who hasn't drunk it and liked it, too?
I got mad when...
*Binka's Big Idea didn't win for best live action short. It was a sweet story about a girl who helps other girls who aren't allowed to go to school in Africa because of their parents' beliefs in gender roles.
*The Danish animated short film won. Honestly, I saw it and it was a simplistic story about a woman with incredibly long hair. The movie about the squirrel from "Ice Age" was so cute! But, my favorite was a movie that wasn't even nominated: it's called "One Rat Short" and it has the most beautiful and realistic animation that I've ever seen. It's kind of "Watership Down" meets "Lady and the Tramp" meets a movie about animal testing meets "2001: A Space Odyssey."
*Ellen vacuumed near people's thousand-dollar couture dresses. Maybe that's nothing to movie stars, but I would have kicked that vacuum away with my $500 stilettos.
*When the cameras cut to minority actors whenever there was mention of minorities in any way. Honestly, pointing it out misses the point.
This was the best Academy Awards I've seen in such a long time, though. Thoroughly enjoyable, fine holiday fun.
I love the academy awards and they were twice as fun this year since I've become as cynical as my friends...so we could mock them all together:)
I liked...
*The Will Ferrell, Jack Black, John D. Reilly trio about the downside of comedic acting. First, they can all sing pretty well, next "John C. Reilly- huh?," finally they made Ryan Gosling blush and that's cute.
*Helen Mirren's dress. I can only pray that I'll look like that when I'm in my 60's. My other choice for best-dressed was Abigail Breslin, because her dress was so age-appropriate.
*The bizarre dance troupe. For me, that never got old. It must have been so funny when they were practicing...there probably had to have been someone who could see them from a distance yelling how they needed to move while they hung on to each other!
*The acceptance speech for "West Bank Story." I saw the nominated short films with my friends, and while the beginning WAS pretty funny (with sterotypical Jewish and Muslim people snapping like in "West Side Story"), the rest was banal and obnoxious. But, the speech was so touching, even though it makes me jealous that the film was his senior thesis and he won an Oscar...talk about an auspicious start.
*Ellen's joke about boxed wine. Really, who hasn't drunk it and liked it, too?
I got mad when...
*Binka's Big Idea didn't win for best live action short. It was a sweet story about a girl who helps other girls who aren't allowed to go to school in Africa because of their parents' beliefs in gender roles.
*The Danish animated short film won. Honestly, I saw it and it was a simplistic story about a woman with incredibly long hair. The movie about the squirrel from "Ice Age" was so cute! But, my favorite was a movie that wasn't even nominated: it's called "One Rat Short" and it has the most beautiful and realistic animation that I've ever seen. It's kind of "Watership Down" meets "Lady and the Tramp" meets a movie about animal testing meets "2001: A Space Odyssey."
*Ellen vacuumed near people's thousand-dollar couture dresses. Maybe that's nothing to movie stars, but I would have kicked that vacuum away with my $500 stilettos.
*When the cameras cut to minority actors whenever there was mention of minorities in any way. Honestly, pointing it out misses the point.
This was the best Academy Awards I've seen in such a long time, though. Thoroughly enjoyable, fine holiday fun.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
So, I'm currently in a financial crisis...my loans caught up with me :(
I finally did all the math and added up all of my monthly expenses and it turns out that I have $8 of spending money each day, not including gas money. $8! That's less than my lunch today. This is not good. At all. So I'm currently looking for a part-time job for weekends. I wish I had had some financial foresight in college.
I finally did all the math and added up all of my monthly expenses and it turns out that I have $8 of spending money each day, not including gas money. $8! That's less than my lunch today. This is not good. At all. So I'm currently looking for a part-time job for weekends. I wish I had had some financial foresight in college.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Whenever I watch the news, I always wonder how Iraqi people really feel, not the muslim commentators who seem to speak for them here, or the opinions voiced in small snippets of civilian diatribe. It can't be all just blind hatred or desperate fear. Here, finally, is an online journal from an Iraqi living in Iraq:
http://gorillasguides.com/
http://gorillasguides.com/
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
I empathize whole-heartedly with this sentiment, which is making me very confused- at the moment- about my career:
"If you’ve found something you really like to do – say write beautiful sentences – not because of the possible benefits to the world of doing it, but because doing it brings you the satisfaction and sense of completeness nothing else can, then do it at the highest level of performance you are capable of, and leave the world and its problems to others. This is a lesson I have preached before in these columns when the subject was teaching, and it is a lesson that can be applied, I believe, to any project that offers as a prime reason for prosecuting it the pleasure, a wholly internal pleasure, of its own accomplishment. And if your project doesn’t offer that pleasure (perhaps among others) you might want to think again about your commitment to it."
-From "Why Do Writers Write?" by Stanley Fish, The New York Times, 2/11/07
What do you do when your devotion to a career that helps others changes from a passion to a sacrifice? What is noble then, and should it matter? Who am I letting down by not being happy as a teacher- me, the students, the dream of public education as the great equalizer, the women's rights movement that lets me choose to be a teacher without guilt (well, in a progressive- or maybe regressive?- sense)? I am more profoundly uncertain than I was as a freshman at Washington University. And then my dream was to be a fashion designer working for Prada in Milan.
When is giving up not actually the choice to stop trying, but a measure of rationality? I want to do something that helps others, of course...I can't imagine working as a toner purchaser, or a business person, without some element of human interaction, some sense that my dedication is not in isolation. But then again, the cynicism of staying in a career that is personally unfufilling is quite dangerous...I never want this feeling to rub off on my students. The only thing that is certain is that I need to resolve how I feel, because until then, I can't make any choices.
And, in the spirit of having some stability in my thoughts, here is something I'm certain of:
Maple sugar candy is absolutely delicious, and reminds me of complete childhood happiness!
ps- I am still doing my job everyday to the best of my ability and using my generous ECM funding to support student projects. For example, we are mailing a big box of supplies and kind letters to kids at a school in Louisiana this week...most of the supplies were bought with Episcobuxx! :)
"If you’ve found something you really like to do – say write beautiful sentences – not because of the possible benefits to the world of doing it, but because doing it brings you the satisfaction and sense of completeness nothing else can, then do it at the highest level of performance you are capable of, and leave the world and its problems to others. This is a lesson I have preached before in these columns when the subject was teaching, and it is a lesson that can be applied, I believe, to any project that offers as a prime reason for prosecuting it the pleasure, a wholly internal pleasure, of its own accomplishment. And if your project doesn’t offer that pleasure (perhaps among others) you might want to think again about your commitment to it."
-From "Why Do Writers Write?" by Stanley Fish, The New York Times, 2/11/07
What do you do when your devotion to a career that helps others changes from a passion to a sacrifice? What is noble then, and should it matter? Who am I letting down by not being happy as a teacher- me, the students, the dream of public education as the great equalizer, the women's rights movement that lets me choose to be a teacher without guilt (well, in a progressive- or maybe regressive?- sense)? I am more profoundly uncertain than I was as a freshman at Washington University. And then my dream was to be a fashion designer working for Prada in Milan.
When is giving up not actually the choice to stop trying, but a measure of rationality? I want to do something that helps others, of course...I can't imagine working as a toner purchaser, or a business person, without some element of human interaction, some sense that my dedication is not in isolation. But then again, the cynicism of staying in a career that is personally unfufilling is quite dangerous...I never want this feeling to rub off on my students. The only thing that is certain is that I need to resolve how I feel, because until then, I can't make any choices.
And, in the spirit of having some stability in my thoughts, here is something I'm certain of:
Maple sugar candy is absolutely delicious, and reminds me of complete childhood happiness!
ps- I am still doing my job everyday to the best of my ability and using my generous ECM funding to support student projects. For example, we are mailing a big box of supplies and kind letters to kids at a school in Louisiana this week...most of the supplies were bought with Episcobuxx! :)
Sunday, February 11, 2007
A- Available or Single? Single.
B- Best Friend? I've never had a best friend, but I have the best group of friends.
C- Cake or Pie? Cake.
D- Drink of Choice? Caramel Apple Pie shake from the Tea Garden. It's a mixture of wintermellon, green apple, and spice chai.
E- Essential Item? Cell phone, my only phone now.
F- Favorite Color? Burgundy.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Sour patch gummy worms.
H- Hometown? Hanover, New Hampshire. No matter how long I'm away, that will always be my hometown.
I- Indulgence? Chipotle!
J- January or February? February. January is all post-Christmas blah.
K- Kids and names? I kind of want to adopt children from a different country. I definitely don't want a lot of kids, because I would completely stress out. My only name rules are not Dwayne or Kaydee.
L- Life is incomplete without...? My family.
M- Marriage Date? I have no idea.
N- Number of Siblings? 1... my hermancito.
O- Oranges or Apples? Clementines.
P- Phobias/Fears? Big bugs, like centipedes...so I've already lived that phobia, which was horrible. Otherwise, probably people I love dying. And regret, although I try not to have regrets.
Q- Favorite Quote? "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi
R- Reasons to smile? Fun with friends.
S- Season? Springtime, especially when the warm wind starts and it smells like grass and flowers outside.
T- Tag 3 people? I don't like anything that feels like a chain letter.
U- Unknown Fact About Me? I have genetically curved pinkies, which kept me from being a piano prodigy (according to my first teacher), but most people know that already.
V- Vegetable You Hate? Pickled beets make me sick.
W-Worst Habit? Needing to be in control all the time.
X- Xrays You've Had? I had a CAT scan to check for appendicitous.
Y- Your Favorite Foods? Hummus and toasted pita with greek pepperochinis, or creme bruleé.
Z- Zodiac? Pisces, and even though I don't believe in it, almost all of the traits are true about me.
B- Best Friend? I've never had a best friend, but I have the best group of friends.
C- Cake or Pie? Cake.
D- Drink of Choice? Caramel Apple Pie shake from the Tea Garden. It's a mixture of wintermellon, green apple, and spice chai.
E- Essential Item? Cell phone, my only phone now.
F- Favorite Color? Burgundy.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Sour patch gummy worms.
H- Hometown? Hanover, New Hampshire. No matter how long I'm away, that will always be my hometown.
I- Indulgence? Chipotle!
J- January or February? February. January is all post-Christmas blah.
K- Kids and names? I kind of want to adopt children from a different country. I definitely don't want a lot of kids, because I would completely stress out. My only name rules are not Dwayne or Kaydee.
L- Life is incomplete without...? My family.
M- Marriage Date? I have no idea.
N- Number of Siblings? 1... my hermancito.
O- Oranges or Apples? Clementines.
P- Phobias/Fears? Big bugs, like centipedes...so I've already lived that phobia, which was horrible. Otherwise, probably people I love dying. And regret, although I try not to have regrets.
Q- Favorite Quote? "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi
R- Reasons to smile? Fun with friends.
S- Season? Springtime, especially when the warm wind starts and it smells like grass and flowers outside.
T- Tag 3 people? I don't like anything that feels like a chain letter.
U- Unknown Fact About Me? I have genetically curved pinkies, which kept me from being a piano prodigy (according to my first teacher), but most people know that already.
V- Vegetable You Hate? Pickled beets make me sick.
W-Worst Habit? Needing to be in control all the time.
X- Xrays You've Had? I had a CAT scan to check for appendicitous.
Y- Your Favorite Foods? Hummus and toasted pita with greek pepperochinis, or creme bruleé.
Z- Zodiac? Pisces, and even though I don't believe in it, almost all of the traits are true about me.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Quickie update:
*I'm single again. Which gives me a better shot with Clive Owen, right? Yes!
*My dad lost his job at Pfizer, along with 2,200 other people. Which means these are the options for my family:
-Move to Minneapolis, so he can work at the "U of M."
-Stay in Ann Arbor, so he can work at THE U of M.
-My dad will move to Groton, CT and my mom will stay in Ann Arbor, and they will take turns flying back and forth each weekend. Added bonus: my dad will be near Mystic Seaport, the location of the infamous 5th grade overnight field trip, when we slept on hanging bunks in Joseph Conrad's ship...my elementary school was so progressive;)
-Move to Memphis, where my dad will work at St. Jude's Children's Hospital, helping to cure cancer. He likes this option best.
*Winter in Minnesota bites the big one. And it's super fun to try to get kids to learn when they haven't had recess for 4 days due to the freezing wind.
*I love the 7 Up series. It follows a group of British children every 7 years of their lives, looking for traits that they had as children that might predict who they'd become. How cute is a British boy saying, "I rather dislike the Beatles haircuts"?
*My birthday is a month from last Monday. I'm going to be 25. I officially need to get busy. My life needs a plan!
*I'm single again. Which gives me a better shot with Clive Owen, right? Yes!
*My dad lost his job at Pfizer, along with 2,200 other people. Which means these are the options for my family:
-Move to Minneapolis, so he can work at the "U of M."
-Stay in Ann Arbor, so he can work at THE U of M.
-My dad will move to Groton, CT and my mom will stay in Ann Arbor, and they will take turns flying back and forth each weekend. Added bonus: my dad will be near Mystic Seaport, the location of the infamous 5th grade overnight field trip, when we slept on hanging bunks in Joseph Conrad's ship...my elementary school was so progressive;)
-Move to Memphis, where my dad will work at St. Jude's Children's Hospital, helping to cure cancer. He likes this option best.
*Winter in Minnesota bites the big one. And it's super fun to try to get kids to learn when they haven't had recess for 4 days due to the freezing wind.
*I love the 7 Up series. It follows a group of British children every 7 years of their lives, looking for traits that they had as children that might predict who they'd become. How cute is a British boy saying, "I rather dislike the Beatles haircuts"?
*My birthday is a month from last Monday. I'm going to be 25. I officially need to get busy. My life needs a plan!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
I love book questionnaires!
1. One book that changed your life:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. The main character is a girl who is quiet, independent, and bookish, yet succeeds just as much as anyone in her life and dreams. When I read it during high school, it finally clicked with me that your personality has almost nothing to do with the extent to which you'll be happy in life (which was a much needed lesson in the face of the superficiality of my high school!)
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
The Shell Seekers, by Rosamunde Pilcher. This is such a soap-opera novel, but I love it because it's all in the UK, which is somewhat redeeming.
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
Well, a book I could read over and over would be something by Shakespeare, but the book I would actually want if I was on a desert island, would be something about fire building, or scavenging for berries.
4. One book that made you laugh:
Any Place I Hang My Hat, by Susan Isaacs. This is the funniest book! It's about letting down your guard.
5. One book that made you cry:
I don't know, but I will cry if Harry Potter dies...that's a fact.
6. One book that you wish had been written:
A better sequal to Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea. It's sad that after all of the adventures, the rest of the books were like Little House on the Prairie.
7. One book that you wish you had never read:
A Goosebumps book I started in 5th grade. It described someone getting shot in the head, and I swear, it haunted me for years. I won't go near those in the library at school:)
8. One book you’re currently reading:
The Audacity of Hope, by Barack Obama. He may have not presented a lot of concrete plans for the future, but his morals and attitude could do so much for the country. And I much appreciated his chapter about improving education by peer-evaluation and competitive compensation!
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
hmm...does anyone have any recommendations?
1. One book that changed your life:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. The main character is a girl who is quiet, independent, and bookish, yet succeeds just as much as anyone in her life and dreams. When I read it during high school, it finally clicked with me that your personality has almost nothing to do with the extent to which you'll be happy in life (which was a much needed lesson in the face of the superficiality of my high school!)
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
The Shell Seekers, by Rosamunde Pilcher. This is such a soap-opera novel, but I love it because it's all in the UK, which is somewhat redeeming.
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
Well, a book I could read over and over would be something by Shakespeare, but the book I would actually want if I was on a desert island, would be something about fire building, or scavenging for berries.
4. One book that made you laugh:
Any Place I Hang My Hat, by Susan Isaacs. This is the funniest book! It's about letting down your guard.
5. One book that made you cry:
I don't know, but I will cry if Harry Potter dies...that's a fact.
6. One book that you wish had been written:
A better sequal to Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea. It's sad that after all of the adventures, the rest of the books were like Little House on the Prairie.
7. One book that you wish you had never read:
A Goosebumps book I started in 5th grade. It described someone getting shot in the head, and I swear, it haunted me for years. I won't go near those in the library at school:)
8. One book you’re currently reading:
The Audacity of Hope, by Barack Obama. He may have not presented a lot of concrete plans for the future, but his morals and attitude could do so much for the country. And I much appreciated his chapter about improving education by peer-evaluation and competitive compensation!
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
hmm...does anyone have any recommendations?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
From "Classroom Distinctions" by Tom Moore, a 10th-grade history teacher at a public school in the Bronx, in the January 19th New York Times:
"Films like “Freedom Writers” portray teachers more as missionaries than professionals, eager to give up their lives and comfort for the benefit of others, without need of compensation. Ms. Gruwell sacrifices money, time and even her marriage for her job.
Her behavior is not represented as obsessive or self-destructive, but driven — necessary, even. She is forced into making these sacrifices by the aggressive neglect of the school’s administrators, who won’t even let her take books from the bookroom. The film applauds Ms. Gruwell’s dedication, but also implies that she has no other choice. In order to be a good teacher, she has to be a hero."
There is a pervasive feeling in my school: it is that we are each fighting our own battle against the educational system, against the socioeconomic class of our students, against their parents, and against the restrictions put upon teachers by the Union. There are so many forces pulling us, hours of testing being the most depressing and oppressive, that we are forced to assume one of two personas: the hyper-positive, sunshiny optimist (who goes home and cries once a week from the bottled-up stress) or the bitter cynic, who spreads any and all gossip heard in the staff lounge, scrounging for bits of excitement in an environment seemingly steeped in disappointment.
I am concerned. I'm worried that in the school I'm in, staying a sunshiny optimist will be another upwhill battle, and definitely one that more and more of my colleagues seem to abandon every day. The problem is that this is more than a career. While all of the stressors of the job grind us up, we look down on these little, expectant faces gazing up at us. For every student I've seen slam another into a lock, say a racial slur, or show academic apathy already in the 2nd grade, there are others who just hope to learn, even some who feel the pressure to lift up their family through their education. So the fight against the system isn't just my fight to win, lose, or give up on; it's theirs as well. And so part of my job is to fight the system that surrounds and manipulates me as their advocate and voice. I know that most people face that crisis in their work as well, but the maternal instincts that I feel towards my students are starting to pull me apart. How can I force a student who speaks no English to take 20 combined hours of proficiency tests this Spring? How can I stand next to them as they cry and just tell them to keep clicking the mouse to keep the exam going? My hope is further diminished in the knowledge that my situation is much, much better than many. My anger at this system is momentarily silenced, because who am I to complain?
This is my conclusion: I will resolve to use my vote for education reform. I will choose an educational policy that does not assume the that teachers are mindless, lazy, and routinized...that ideology simply weeds out those that are optimistic; the bitter are much more difficult to discourage since their priority is no longer the children; it shifted long ago to self-preservation. I will choose a policy that recognizes that the 7 hours students spend in school cannot teach them anything if they are deprived of any stimulation at home. If they are hungry, scared, lonely, or if they are indoctrinated with a gang mentality or taught to steal, these forces are more powerful than free breakfasts and fun after-school activities. If parents reprimand their children with violent force or emotional manipulation, the child will not be able to follow our state-approved "choice"-based behaivor management technique. I will choose a policy that compensates teachers for their hours and money the way that most professions do. I will choose a policy that rewards teachers based on merit, not seniority established by simply showing up and following protocol. If the government would finally appreciate that the crimes of tomorrow are defined by the education that the potential perpetrators are receiving today, maybe they will make teaching less like mission work, less a heroric endeavor with the rewards garnered by lifting up children, the act of which is still a fight against the system itself.
If the next election appeared to be headed in the direction of previous campaigning seasons, with a democrat and a republican adhering to the status quo to gain approval, I would have probably have given up. But there seems to be something happening in our society today that is receiving much less attention than it deserves: Americans representing groups who haven't had their voice heard as loudly, as profoundly in our culture, are standing up and running for president. Their campaigns are serious and powerful. In two years, our country could have an African-American leader, a female leader, or a Latino leader. When in history has their been such proof of the advancement of the American ideal? Fifty years ago, Martin Luther King, Jr. was marching, women were just starting to be appreciated at a national level outside of the kitchen, and Latinos were struggling for their rights out of the national spotlight. That we have gotten to this place, gives me so much hope. Maybe soon, the US will be able to focus on our crucial assets in need of protection here in on our own soil.
"Films like “Freedom Writers” portray teachers more as missionaries than professionals, eager to give up their lives and comfort for the benefit of others, without need of compensation. Ms. Gruwell sacrifices money, time and even her marriage for her job.
Her behavior is not represented as obsessive or self-destructive, but driven — necessary, even. She is forced into making these sacrifices by the aggressive neglect of the school’s administrators, who won’t even let her take books from the bookroom. The film applauds Ms. Gruwell’s dedication, but also implies that she has no other choice. In order to be a good teacher, she has to be a hero."
There is a pervasive feeling in my school: it is that we are each fighting our own battle against the educational system, against the socioeconomic class of our students, against their parents, and against the restrictions put upon teachers by the Union. There are so many forces pulling us, hours of testing being the most depressing and oppressive, that we are forced to assume one of two personas: the hyper-positive, sunshiny optimist (who goes home and cries once a week from the bottled-up stress) or the bitter cynic, who spreads any and all gossip heard in the staff lounge, scrounging for bits of excitement in an environment seemingly steeped in disappointment.
I am concerned. I'm worried that in the school I'm in, staying a sunshiny optimist will be another upwhill battle, and definitely one that more and more of my colleagues seem to abandon every day. The problem is that this is more than a career. While all of the stressors of the job grind us up, we look down on these little, expectant faces gazing up at us. For every student I've seen slam another into a lock, say a racial slur, or show academic apathy already in the 2nd grade, there are others who just hope to learn, even some who feel the pressure to lift up their family through their education. So the fight against the system isn't just my fight to win, lose, or give up on; it's theirs as well. And so part of my job is to fight the system that surrounds and manipulates me as their advocate and voice. I know that most people face that crisis in their work as well, but the maternal instincts that I feel towards my students are starting to pull me apart. How can I force a student who speaks no English to take 20 combined hours of proficiency tests this Spring? How can I stand next to them as they cry and just tell them to keep clicking the mouse to keep the exam going? My hope is further diminished in the knowledge that my situation is much, much better than many. My anger at this system is momentarily silenced, because who am I to complain?
This is my conclusion: I will resolve to use my vote for education reform. I will choose an educational policy that does not assume the that teachers are mindless, lazy, and routinized...that ideology simply weeds out those that are optimistic; the bitter are much more difficult to discourage since their priority is no longer the children; it shifted long ago to self-preservation. I will choose a policy that recognizes that the 7 hours students spend in school cannot teach them anything if they are deprived of any stimulation at home. If they are hungry, scared, lonely, or if they are indoctrinated with a gang mentality or taught to steal, these forces are more powerful than free breakfasts and fun after-school activities. If parents reprimand their children with violent force or emotional manipulation, the child will not be able to follow our state-approved "choice"-based behaivor management technique. I will choose a policy that compensates teachers for their hours and money the way that most professions do. I will choose a policy that rewards teachers based on merit, not seniority established by simply showing up and following protocol. If the government would finally appreciate that the crimes of tomorrow are defined by the education that the potential perpetrators are receiving today, maybe they will make teaching less like mission work, less a heroric endeavor with the rewards garnered by lifting up children, the act of which is still a fight against the system itself.
If the next election appeared to be headed in the direction of previous campaigning seasons, with a democrat and a republican adhering to the status quo to gain approval, I would have probably have given up. But there seems to be something happening in our society today that is receiving much less attention than it deserves: Americans representing groups who haven't had their voice heard as loudly, as profoundly in our culture, are standing up and running for president. Their campaigns are serious and powerful. In two years, our country could have an African-American leader, a female leader, or a Latino leader. When in history has their been such proof of the advancement of the American ideal? Fifty years ago, Martin Luther King, Jr. was marching, women were just starting to be appreciated at a national level outside of the kitchen, and Latinos were struggling for their rights out of the national spotlight. That we have gotten to this place, gives me so much hope. Maybe soon, the US will be able to focus on our crucial assets in need of protection here in on our own soil.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
My life has been so busy lately...
Favorites:
*The Caramel Applepie shake at the Tea Garden...today, tomorrow, forever! It's delicious and bizarre at the same time, like all of my favorite food:)
*"Starlight" by Muse. I love this song so much. I miss empathetic British music. Why did Keane have to be so Pete Doherty?
*Forever 21. I bought a dark blue hoodie with heart buttons that feels like pajamas today.
*Lake Calhoun. A perfect place for snowangels, especially if you take someone down with you.
*Thinking about the future. It's scary, and I'm not sure how I'm going to afford it, but it's nice to know that it's out there and full of potential.
*Team friendship. And the main room.
*"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. Someday I'm going to take a midnight train going anywhere...hopefully someplace warm!
*Zip-up winter boots.
*Finding my car keys!!
Favorites:
*The Caramel Applepie shake at the Tea Garden...today, tomorrow, forever! It's delicious and bizarre at the same time, like all of my favorite food:)
*"Starlight" by Muse. I love this song so much. I miss empathetic British music. Why did Keane have to be so Pete Doherty?
*Forever 21. I bought a dark blue hoodie with heart buttons that feels like pajamas today.
*Lake Calhoun. A perfect place for snowangels, especially if you take someone down with you.
*Thinking about the future. It's scary, and I'm not sure how I'm going to afford it, but it's nice to know that it's out there and full of potential.
*Team friendship. And the main room.
*"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. Someday I'm going to take a midnight train going anywhere...hopefully someplace warm!
*Zip-up winter boots.
*Finding my car keys!!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I spent the entire weekend crying and worrying. One of my friends was broken up with in the worst, most emotionally painful way that I've ever heard, and the situation still gives me chills. While frightening in its method and precision, this event has taught me two things:
1. The easiest way to deal with people who are hurting you, whether it be avoidance, ignorance, or a complete breakdown of a relationship, is often the one that causes the most pain to the other person. Last night I apologized to a past roommate for doing that to her. That was a horrible situation to live in, with so much yelling, anger, manipulation, and tension, all escalating gradually, so I never saw it coming. I have a sense of uncultivated empathy that is physically painful, and I absorbed all of her fears about others. By the end of the year, I was on edge at all times, feeling like everyone hated me, desperately clinging to anything positive in my life. Right before final exams, I was offered a place to move by a friend who saw how miserable I'd become. For many reasons, all relating to my personal well being, I chose to tell my roommate that I was moving out right before she went on a trip. I felt very guilty and always have, so now I've finally apologized. The move was the best thing for me, and the decision made my life so much better for those last months leading up to graduation, but it was still a bad decision. It was still hurting someone who had obvious issues, throwing my pain onto someone who already had enough.
2. My friends are deeply caring people. I'm so proud of how we've come together to support our friend. Gooooooo friendship!
1. The easiest way to deal with people who are hurting you, whether it be avoidance, ignorance, or a complete breakdown of a relationship, is often the one that causes the most pain to the other person. Last night I apologized to a past roommate for doing that to her. That was a horrible situation to live in, with so much yelling, anger, manipulation, and tension, all escalating gradually, so I never saw it coming. I have a sense of uncultivated empathy that is physically painful, and I absorbed all of her fears about others. By the end of the year, I was on edge at all times, feeling like everyone hated me, desperately clinging to anything positive in my life. Right before final exams, I was offered a place to move by a friend who saw how miserable I'd become. For many reasons, all relating to my personal well being, I chose to tell my roommate that I was moving out right before she went on a trip. I felt very guilty and always have, so now I've finally apologized. The move was the best thing for me, and the decision made my life so much better for those last months leading up to graduation, but it was still a bad decision. It was still hurting someone who had obvious issues, throwing my pain onto someone who already had enough.
2. My friends are deeply caring people. I'm so proud of how we've come together to support our friend. Gooooooo friendship!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Best New Year's Eve (yet)
Usually, this holiday is an afterthought which I spend at home, watching the New Year's Rockin Eve with resentment. But this year, because I dually wanted to have one holiday to prepare for and needed a reason to finally unpack and clean my entire apartment, I planned to have a party and then go dancing with my friends. It was so much fun:) My little appetizer party was exactly what I wanted- an hour and a half of laughing, drinking fancy layered drinks (which my brother named a "ball drop"), and checking out my new apartment. It was lovely. Then most of us went to First Avenue to go dancing...our favorite DJ was (um, I don't know, spinning?) that night, DJ SovietPanda. There was a balloon drop at midnight, and while I didn't get kissed, it was still an amazing night:)
Usually, this holiday is an afterthought which I spend at home, watching the New Year's Rockin Eve with resentment. But this year, because I dually wanted to have one holiday to prepare for and needed a reason to finally unpack and clean my entire apartment, I planned to have a party and then go dancing with my friends. It was so much fun:) My little appetizer party was exactly what I wanted- an hour and a half of laughing, drinking fancy layered drinks (which my brother named a "ball drop"), and checking out my new apartment. It was lovely. Then most of us went to First Avenue to go dancing...our favorite DJ was (um, I don't know, spinning?) that night, DJ SovietPanda. There was a balloon drop at midnight, and while I didn't get kissed, it was still an amazing night:)
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