"If you’ve found something you really like to do – say write beautiful sentences – not because of the possible benefits to the world of doing it, but because doing it brings you the satisfaction and sense of completeness nothing else can, then do it at the highest level of performance you are capable of, and leave the world and its problems to others. This is a lesson I have preached before in these columns when the subject was teaching, and it is a lesson that can be applied, I believe, to any project that offers as a prime reason for prosecuting it the pleasure, a wholly internal pleasure, of its own accomplishment. And if your project doesn’t offer that pleasure (perhaps among others) you might want to think again about your commitment to it."
-From "Why Do Writers Write?" by Stanley Fish, The New York Times, 2/11/07
What do you do when your devotion to a career that helps others changes from a passion to a sacrifice? What is noble then, and should it matter? Who am I letting down by not being happy as a teacher- me, the students, the dream of public education as the great equalizer, the women's rights movement that lets me choose to be a teacher without guilt (well, in a progressive- or maybe regressive?- sense)? I am more profoundly uncertain than I was as a freshman at Washington University. And then my dream was to be a fashion designer working for Prada in Milan.
When is giving up not actually the choice to stop trying, but a measure of rationality? I want to do something that helps others, of course...I can't imagine working as a toner purchaser, or a business person, without some element of human interaction, some sense that my dedication is not in isolation. But then again, the cynicism of staying in a career that is personally unfufilling is quite dangerous...I never want this feeling to rub off on my students. The only thing that is certain is that I need to resolve how I feel, because until then, I can't make any choices.
And, in the spirit of having some stability in my thoughts, here is something I'm certain of:
Maple sugar candy is absolutely delicious, and reminds me of complete childhood happiness!
ps- I am still doing my job everyday to the best of my ability and using my generous ECM funding to support student projects. For example, we are mailing a big box of supplies and kind letters to kids at a school in Louisiana this week...most of the supplies were bought with Episcobuxx! :)
2 comments:
I hope that you have the chance to sort out how you are feeling about career choices - it can be super harrowing, but you'll make a good choice in the end.
Hmmmm maple sugar candy. So yummy. One time I took it down to Chile to give to the little cousins to try, but I think they thought it was odd. Because they don't really have maple syrup, either. Obviously they are missing something big. ;-)
So my next career can be as a maple sugar candy exporter to South America, combining my loves of the candy and Spanish!
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