Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I LOVE Yoga
It's analogous to kindergarten, but for adults:
singing in unison=ommming
sitting on your mat=sitting on your mat
taking a nap to soothing music=laying at the end of class, with soothing music playing, and trying not to fall asleep

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I'm just a little black raincloud
I've been so depressed recently...and really mean, too! I really need to apologize to my job ("You're not so bad!":)) and Sophia Coppola ("I actually loved Lost in Translation")! I was just feeling so sorry for myself and I finally realized how self-centered I was acting. But the sun came out today and it's beautiful outside, and I saw clearly how lucky I am. All of the anger, frustration, and anxiety was futile. Remember that episode of Winnie the Pooh when he's all covered in mud and hanging on a balloon, singing a song of self-pity? I love him, and this song pretty much sums up my attitude last week:)
Tales of a spoiled, little rich girl
I saw Marie Antoinette last night. It made me so angry! The whole thing was about the boredom that comes with having all the money in the world and no responsibilities. Well, right now I have very little sympathy for that:) I read in an article that all of Sophia Coppola's characters are based on her life, because she had all the resources she needed as Francis Ford Coppola's daughter, but had no idea what to do with them. So she got to take a long time to decide, and make three movies with her connections, all of them about girls who have no obligations and spend most of their time bored and restless. I am much more interested in stories of how people overcome actual obstacles.

This weekend has been incredibly stressful: I put on a deposit on a new apartment, but the financial burden of breaking my lease at my current apartment (due to the resurgence of the insects), will be really difficult. Work is crazy, because I have way too many students, and four who are spread out in different classes who don't speak English. This week is parent-teacher conferences, which means I'll be spending a ton of time at school! My shin splints are healing, I hope, but I still haven't been able to find any good pilates classes. I missed a few this week due to unforseen circumstances, and then the rest were cancelled. I'm going to try to go for a really slow, long run this morning because I need the endorphines so badly! And then I'm going to come back to my infested, little apartment and speedily plan for the entire school week, and start packing, since I'll tentatively be moving in two weeks (on Thursday, November 9th). I'm worried because my new apartment has very little view, and it's further away from Uptown, which my goal was actually to be closer to. I wish I had the indulgence of unlimited resources, the money to get a better place, the time to wait for nice apartments to come on the market, etc., because believe me, I would not feel lost and without purpose!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Mini-crisis of faith
I just had an actual out-of-body experience. Honestly. An actual, looking-at-myself-like-a-stranger, objective view on my life.

Let me set the scene. It was 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. I'd been teaching all day in my maybe 75 sq. ft. classroom (smaller than my sophomore dorm room). For the past hour, I'd been taping, then rearranging over and over, each letter of the alphabet around the ceiling of my classroom. It was mind-numbing, tedious. I was taping on the letter J when I suddenly looked at my hand moving to place it and this thought flashed through my head: "Am I an elementary school teacher?" And I don't mean a qualified one or that it was thought with sarcasm. My mind was blank for those few moments, and it was as if my analytical, college student self was watching the alphabet placement with confusion...and then I almost laughed, but anxiety held me back. I have been so ensconced in this job that I've never seen it objectively, or considered its relevance to my life on a greater level. But, now that I think about it, how in the world did I end up working in this little room, spending hours taping little letters on the wall, or arranging folders, or filling out practically meaningless paperwork? In my salad days- which eerily seem quite in the past- this would not have been a place I could have pictured myself. The hours upon hours of dissexting educational theory and Spanish grammar at "my" table in the Clayton Starbucks can't have been pointing me toward this. I now feel simultaneously defeated, confused, and despondent. The moment of out-of-body fear was so unique that I now feel that I owe it to my inner psyche to deconstruct its meaning :)

Which is not to say that teaching is not a critically important profession or that there weren't moments of complete magic today. One of my students put a postcard in my mailbox to tell me that Johnny Appleseed walked around Ohio with "bear feet." A student who I'm positive has ADHD (emphasis on the H) shook hands with me today, to guarantee that he would focus, and he did. And a huge trouble-maker came up to me out of the blue and gave me a hug.

At the same time, there are several factors missing that I long for in a career: professional stability, delineation between work and life, and a higher level of challenge. Of course, I'm challenged every day at school, with keeping student well-behaved, planning 9 different lessons, and mangaging my space, but my mind is rarely challenged to think at a higher level. I only ever have deep, transformative conversations with my friends and family. I miss intellectual discourse and debate.

So I've decided to actually start planning ways to achieve my goals starting today. I may write a book or go back to school:) But I know that something needs to change.
I just had an actual out-of-body experience. Honestly. An actual, looking-at-myself-like-a-stranger, objective view on my life.

Let me set the scene. It's 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. I've been teaching all day in my maybe 75 sq. ft. classroom (smaller than my sophomore dorm room). For the past hour, I've beentaping, then rearranging over and over, each letter of the alphabet around the ceiling of my classroom. It is mind-numbing tedium. I was taping on the letter J when I suddenly looked at my hand moving to place it and this thought flashed through my head: "Am I an elementary school teacher?" And I don't mean a qualified one or that it was thought with sarcasm. My mind was blank for those few moments, and it was as if my analytical, college student self was watching the alphabet placement with confusion...and then I almost laughed, but anxiety held me back. I have been so ensconced in this job that I've never seen it objectively, or considered its relevance to my life on a greater level. But, now that I think about it, how in the world did I end up working in this little room, spending hours taping little letters on the wall, or arranging folder, or filling out practically meaningless paperwork. In my salad days- which eerily seem quite in the past- this would not have been a place I could have pictured myself. The hours upon hours of dissexting educational theory and Spanish grammar at "my" table in the Clayton Starbucks can't have been pointing me toward this. I now feel simultaneously defeated, confused, and despondent. The moment of out-of-body fear was so unique that I now feel that I owe it to my inner psyche to deconstruct its meaning :)
Which is not to say that teaching is not a critically important profession or that there weren't moments of complete magic today. One of my students put a postcard in my mailbox to tell me that Johnny Appleseed walked around Ohio with "bear feet." A student who I'm positive has ADHD (emphasis on the H) shook hands with me today, to guarantee that he would focus, and he did. And a huge trouble-maker came up to me out of the blue and gave me a hug.
At the same time, there are several factors missing that I long for in a career: professional stability, delineation between work and life, and a higher level of challenge. Of course, I'm challenged every day at school, with keeping student well-behaved, planning 9 different lessons, and mangaging my space, but my mind is rarely challenged. I only ever have deep, transformative conversations with my friends and family. I long for intellectual discourse and debate.
So I've decided to actually start planning ways to achieve my goals starting today. I might write a book or go back to school:)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Weekend Highs and Lows

Lows:
1. My leg. hurts. so. much. I'm going to make a doctor's appointment for this afternoon to find out what's wrong with it. It's hurts (like something's about to crack) when I walk, so I probably won't be able to run for a long time.
2. Saturday morning coffee. It was an "We'll keep in touch" but-not-really situation.

Highs:
1. Hanging out with my friends on Friday: I think a Honeydew martini isn't that girlie.
2. Getting rid of my migraine quicker than usual by just going to bed right when it started. Then I could get a few things done Saturday night.
3. Lunch with my brother at Barbette, which is my new favorite restaurant...they have croque monsieurs and the best crinoline chips ever! Plus, John did a Mickey Mouse impression to mock our family's one pricey art piece: our framed and ornately-arranged letter written by Degas, which my mom bought at Disney World (in the France section of Epcot Center). It will probably be the one thing of value that John and I will need to fight over in our inheritance:)

Friday, October 13, 2006

I HATE shin splints.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Beautiful Day
I had such a good day today. I got a lot of sleep, my fingernails are my current favorite color (currant), and I got along with everyone, including the other teachers. Things are looking up, which is such a good thing, after yesterday's crisis of faith in public education! Well, that happens about once a week, so it's to be expected. Once No Child Left Behind is gone, I think every teacher's life will be so. much. easier. And tomorrow is Friday.

John is coming to visit this weekend and we're going to go to the Latino Family festival at the Rivercentre with my aunt and baby cousins. How much money will I spend there? I'm guessing ooodles. My Spanish has slowly been improving with the influx of students who understand no English at all...it's been getting a work-out! Especially my imperative form:) "¡No griten en el pasillo!" is what I call after the wild bunch as they go running and screaming down the hall. Today I got to explain the word "typical" by doing actions that would be atypical during class...like doing a little dance!

My students are so amazingly excited that I'm going to be giving them apple pie when we get to Ohio on our "trip." It will be part of our Johnny Appleseed unit on greater than, less than, and most of them told me that they'd never tried it before. It's almost a little bit ironic, since I avoided teaching about America because I a) wasn't sure my students needed it and b) I was afraid it was too nationalistic. But there's nothing more American.

Next weekend, I'm going back to my parents' house for a four-day weekend. I hated going there for the first two years, because it didn't feel like a home and I was clinging onto the idea that it should. But I think I'm at the age when I'm between homes, between a daughter and being a mother (not too soon!), and this is the only time I'll ever only need to answer to myself at home. Which is why it's nice not to actually have one because I shouldn't get too comfortable.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Wonderful Weekend
I had such a fun and relaxing weekend. I got to go to sleep early on Friday and actually slept in on Saturday morning. Then I went for a run on Saturday morning...I love my new, non-shin-splint-producing sneakers! They are like super leprechaun green, though! Like lucky clover green. Ultra-green. It took me so long to decide whether or not to spend so much money on such crazy looking shoes, but I resolved it with the fact that I really only wear them running, and what am I, a catwalk runner? No, I think it's obnoxious when people are stylish when they work out. But still. They were so expensive. And yet, because of them, my legs are feeling so much better!

Anyway, after the run, I went and bought my "family" dinner ingredients, including 5 lbs. of chicken legs. Then I came home and crazily cleaned and cooked. I messed up the recipe and had to add extra chicken stock in place of wine, which made the Ragu taste like chicken noodle soup, but oh well. "Family" dinner was so much fun! My friends are so funny and nice, (and not likely to suddenly cut me out, like in high school). And one of them is such a good sport;) Stella's fish restaurant is the best place for drinks in Uptown, apparently.

On Sunday, I went to chuch with Weezer, which is always amusing. The sermon was semi-inappropriate for kids (about divorce, adultery, etc.) so I distracted her by making charts of all the needs of her pets:) Then I visited one of my colleagues who recently had major surgery, and she's getting better and gave us all pumpkin cheesecake! I usually hate cheesecake, because I believe that cheese should never be sweet, but it was really delicious. Then I came home and sat around for a while trying to work (while watching Jerry Maguire, which never works, because I tell myself I'll wait until the next catch phrase and then start, and that movie's ALL catch phrases!). So I went for a run (which was awesome...I did all four miles at my running pace b/c of the magic green sneakers!) And then I was high from endorphines and decided to do dishes for fun, while watching that Tom Hanks movie about the island. That makes my life sound somewhat lame, but apparently no. My dating stories are quite fascinating to other teachers in the staff lounge. They're easily amused;)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

A Fun Day at School
Today was really fun. I've realized that I'm only a good teacher when I'm 1. In control and 2. Having fun myself. I was altra-prepared today, so things went smoothly. For my newcomer students, who have limited vocabularies, I had them label a drawing I did of a little boy on the wall (on my fancy, new roll-up-able white board...I know, it's so amazing what they come up with at 3M!). They labeled all of his body parts, which they mostly new how to say already, but not how to spell, and then I gave them a list of somewhat random parts, like knuckles, ankles, and eyebrows. They had so much fun using my dry erase markers...although I did need to disinfect one when a boy put the entire cap in his mouth;)

My absolute favorite part of my day was when I had a small reading group with two eight year olds. They were doing air quotes, but had no idea what they meant. Well, those are an aspect of American culture, so I taught them:) They loved that it meant "*wink*, just kidding!"

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Retail Therapy
As much as I'm embarrassed to admit it, I'm a fan of retail therapy. I know it's a compulsion, and it might waste money, but I always end up in a better mood. And I justify it in the comfort I get from the knowledge that something so simple as buying a new book is able to improve my outlook. That may sound superficial, but with all the other worries to take up my time and manipulate my mood, having a simple recourse for change is amazingly beneficial!

Yesterday, after the family apple-picking trip was cancelled last minute, I decided it was time to add to my work wardrobe and get some new books, too. I love new books and had compiled a list of 7 that I wanted. Here are my purchases, all of which I'll use this week:

*1 button-down, khaki dress, with wrap belt and collars. It's slightly 50's-housewife-looking, but will be cute for work. I love wearing dresses because they're so comfortable and simple to coordinate. The last thing I want to do in the morning is to suddenly realize what I'm wearing doesn't match and feel the need to switch it up.
*1 sweatshirt, hoodie dress, to wear as a bathrobe.
*1 ornate amber headband.
*1 brown, linen, babydoll dress dress. Why? Okay, this was more of a "that's so pretty!" purchase. I know I'll wear it eventually.
*The United States of Arugula by David Kamp. I immediately switched to arugula salads after the spinach scare, and I think that the gourmet-ization of American food is really interesting. Especially that rice crispies are now made organically!
*Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl.
*The Keep by Jennifer Egan.

I'm so excited for my new books! I've been reading No god but God by Reza Aslan for about a month, but it's definitely a pure history book, which I've never been able to get through, no matter how much I want to learn about the subject.

This morning, I'm going to go grocery shopping, which is my absolute favorite type of shopping, for some reason. Next weekend, I'm hosting the first monthy "Family" dinner for friends!

ECM funding update:
My students loved the foam dolls I bought for them! They dressed them up with the foam clothes and then glued on their own faces (photos I printed). Our teamwork mural looks so adorable!