Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message to the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)