Horrible Cold!
I caught the first cold of the school year last week. I thought that it was at its worst on Monday night, so I stayed home from work on Tuesday. I slept for 6 more hours than usual! But then today, the coughing and sneezing started. I'm currently sneezing every 5 minutes and my throat is so sore. I've started unconsciously whimpering! Honestly. For some reason it makes me feel better since I can't talk without coughing up a lung and I can't swallow without cringing because it hurts so much! Whimper.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been" ~ T.S. Eliot
I've been thinking about regret and missed opportunities. How did I end up here? In the hopes of having a more optimistic outlook, I thought about how many of my dreams I've already accomplished, or at least to an extent that fulfills my current needs. Here's a little list of who I might have been:
*A Country Girl
When I was five years old, living in Rochester, N.Y., I dreamed about picking flowers in a field, wearing a long, flowing skirt, and carrying a wicker basket. Now I honestly don't know where I got that idea, but it was so romantic that I begged my mom to take me somewhere to live it out. We ended up picking dandelions in an overgrown parking lot! But that makes me think that I was a New Hampshire girl before I even lived there:)
*A Ballerina
Around the same time that I wanted to live a Little House on the Prairie fantasy, I also wanted to be a ballerina. I did take 3 semesters of ballet in college. Now, I'm going to teach it to my students after school once a week! I'm so excited:) I'm going to be rigorous and structured, as traditional ballet demands. And we're going to do a routine to the theme from Swan Lake.
*A Movie Director
I wanted to be a director when I was in middle school, because we didn't have cable and we watched so many old movies. Right now, I really don't want to enter into the whole "hollywood" thing;) So I'm going to check this thing off my list because I make a movie of my family, sharing stories and singing carols, every Christmas.
*An Oxford Scholar
I dreamt of studying at Oxford during high school...which was probably the result of watching sooooo much Masterpiece Theatre. This is one thing I really did! It was just as amazing as I thought it would be. Sometimes, when it's cool and rainy like it is today, I feel like I'm still there, with the enchantment of the history of the college giving me inspiration.
*An Author
My new goal is to write a children's book, like the kinds that was in love with when I was young. I loved "The Search for Delicious," "Redwall," "Johnny Tremain," and "A Tale of Two Cities." I wish I had the time to devote all my time to planning my plot and sketching out my characters. So this is the self that I'm currently working on...I guess we'll see!

Well, that's a good idea.
I get the feeling like there are people in different parts of the country who read this. I would love to have postcards for my students from each of the states we visit. I already have 25 from my mom (Michigan). If you have the time and inclination to be a part of my classroom and my students' learning, I would need 25 postcards, so I'd have enough for each. My students use the postcards at the end of each unit to comment on what they learned. They write them in their free time and put it in my mailbox outside of my classroom. Email me at rosynic@yahoo.com if you'd like to contribute...and I can pay you back with my wonderful ECM funding, just send me a bill!

Musings
*I didn't get even one mosquito bite this summer! My secret weapon: Off! Bug Wipes. Deet all over is probably bad for you, but no itches ;)
*Why do I keep subjecting myself to Minnesota winters? It's already too cold.
*I'm most happy when everything is organized. I even remake posters in my classroom if they're too cluttered....I'm way too obsessive.
*The Greek Deli across the street is now owned by Palestinians. But it's still Greek and they still make gyros and baklava. I don't know if I've ever met a Paletinian person before and I wouldn't have known that they were except that they told me when I asked about a book. So now I have a connection for Arabic children's book! Of course now I have no Arabic speaking students.
*I'm currently stymied about my job. I don't usually even think of it like a job...it feels more like a continuous homework assignment. I have one class who does what I want them to do and I feel like I'm really teaching well. They are so excited about ESL. And then there are the other 8 classes...well, I'm going to need to keep changing those classes around to meet varied needs. I actually put my head in my hands during my 2:30 class...how do I convince 8 year-olds to have instrintic motivation for learning 30 minutes before the end of the school day? Bribery may come into play. Educational bribery of course, like attentive listening in exchange for souvenirs from Michigan (our current stop on the year-long "road-trip" around the United States). When we get to Ohio, we're going to play "Hi-Ho Cheerio!" to learn about "more than," "less than" and eat apple pie to celebrate Johnnie Appleseed (who's story will emphasize irregular past tense verbs). Next week, though, we're doing the geography vocabulary about Minnesota and directives. I may sing the noun song, too, and I might dance to amuse myself:)! Because I've realized that I'm a better teacher when I'm having fun and laughing at myself. Today, for example, I dropped a green marker on an embarrassing part of my clean, ironed khaki pants and it made a lovely long squiggle. Instead of freaking out, per usual, I attempted to turn it into a "oops! Messes happen for everyone and shouldn't ruin your day" lesson, which I should practice since I preach it to my students anyway.
*I need classical music on in my teeny room during non-class time or I feel like I'm in a cell. My current favorite is the soundtrack from the new Pride and Prejudice movie. It's so beautiful!

Martha Stewart, here I come!
This is the first weekend, ever, when I feel like I have the time to control my life. My apartment is clean, my dishes are done, my clothes and sheets and towels are clean, I have food for the entire week, and I'm ready for work tomorrow. I looked around yesterday and realized that I had nothing left to do. Essentially, it took me 24 years to get to this point. It makes me suddenly feel like I want something else to take care of, or at least when I'm ready to take care of something else, I think that I'll be somewhat capable. That's a exciting, right?

Today I spent more of the amazing ECM funding on foam "paper" dolls with authentic skin colors and hair. My kids will be so excited to decorate these as themselves (with their photos as the faces) and put them on our teamwork mural, an homage to Diego Rivera's "Detroit Industry." I also purchased adhesive magnetic sheets, that I will attach to the back of my white-board sentence strips, so my students can write vocabulary on them, then stick them on the board in the appropriate arrangement. The funding is also supporting the placement of student-photos on their belongings and around the classroom, through my digital camera, the printer I brought from home, and additional photo paper. Having their pictures around the room gives a greater sense of belonging and importance:)

My first day of teaching (this year)
My first class is 9 students who can barely speak English. They are all so cute...

My second class is the students who are reading at the same level as their peers, but their writing still needs refinement; like problems with subject-verb agreement and use of article in prepositional phrases, for example. I was so excited for this class, because I can actually speak to them at a normal rate of speech and challenge them with new ideas, but they had a major fit of the giggles, so we didn't get much done. I hate the feeling of impatience when kids can't stop laughing...I want them to have fun and be happy, but at some point it's wasting time and a bit disrespectful. But I'm still excited to teach them. Atypical of my student population, this class has only two native Spanish speakers out of seven. The rest speak Ghanian, Cambodian, Hmong, Vietnamese, and Thai. Isn't that amazing? They already put two postcards in my mailbox, which is outside of my classroom. Both asked when I would be giving them food from different countries. I'm not quite sure where they got that idea:)

My third class is co-teaching in a second grade classroom. Well, two students are from my first class and don't understand anything that's going on, so today I mostly interpretted the teacher's questions for them (which George W. would say is sooooo against No Child Left Behind...well, if he's even paying attention to education). If I didn't interpret though, the little boy would completely act out since he doesn't understand English. Argh. Honestly, there has to be a better way then to just throw him in without any support. He had an "accident" this week because he was so stressed out :(

My fourth class is co-teaching in a third grade classroom. In there, the students are much more advanced, and mostly need writing help. Since I don't want to ignore the other students, who don't qualify for ESL, I try to help them, too. Most students who aren't in ESL end up thinking I'm a reading teacher and then they tell their parents, who get confused. Some students in this class are very disruptive with constant, incredibly frustating behavior. It's so trying on teachers, especially those who are trying to help each student equitably.

My fifth class is with second graders who are low English speakers. This class has a student who has autism. The funding I received from ECM helped me to buy very organized materials for all my students, but for him in particular, which will help him to feel safe and structured in my classroom.

Then I have a 15 minute break. Whew.

My sixth class is co-teaching in a third grade classroom for writing. They write at incredibly different levels, which is interesting to watch. I have to learn the entire writing curriculum, which is, um, kind of interesting. Mostly, I hope to spend my time in the classroom giving small lessons on English writing.

Lunch and Prep. time. I love my lunch time! Everyone is so slap happy and hilarious in the staff lounge. And I'm getting along with the people who used to drive me crazy. If I avoid the drama of trying to be "friends" with everyone, it's much easier to be nice to them:)

My seventh class is pushing into second grade math classes. I am going to try my best to actually teach during this time, but I haven't figured out the best way to teach reading then. So we'll see if it even works.

My eighth class is perhaps the cutest. Well, that's saying a lot, because they're all adorable. But one of my students in this class looks like a little teddy bear.

This afternoon we had an assembly, so I didn't get to meet with my last class, who are mostly low writers. It is amazing how many students got lost on the way to the assembly...I picked up a bunch of kindergartners wandering around the school! I took them back to their classroom and one of their teachers gave me a look and said, "Um, they're supposed to be in the gym" as though I had taken her out of the gym and walked her back to class. Honestly, how was I supposed to know that her class had been in gym and she missed their walk to the gym while seeing the nurse? Oh well, at least I found where they were all supposed to be.

After that day, I left right after school!

Well, because my life is about balance*, here are things I'm not worried about:

- My classroom...I've decided that it's going to be a lesson in humility and gratitude for me, and if I'm lucky, for my students. I'm going to acknowledge how small it is on the first day (which is Friday!) but show children learning in different environments around the world. There are many children who could never imagine the luxuries I have in my classroom and could benefit so much from the resources that I have. So, in the absence of other options, I'm going for "it'll be an adventure!" and "I can make this work!" attitudes. We'll see how long that lasts, with 9 non-English speaking students in a room smaller than any of my college dorm rooms, first thing every morning :)

-Teaching. I'm so excited to see my students!! Apparently, from the chatter I hear in the staff lounge, a bunch of my students did a "yes!" arm pump when they heard that ESL starts this week :) And they keep stopping me and asking why I'm not coming to get them yet. I think the trip around United States content material is going to be so interesting! We're going to analyze a mural by Diego Rivera ("Detroit Industry"), dissect the National Anthem for using descriptive adjectives and verbs without stating the subject (it never says "flag" in the song), and comparing and contrasting a Minnesotan folktale (Paul Bunyan) with an Ojibwe folktale about giants. This year is going to be so much fun!

-My friends. They seem to understand that I'm not always a chatty kathy, which is comforting.

-My family. Although our family is somewhat fractured, I've found a way to be in communication with everyone without offending anyone (at least that I know), which is so important to me.

*"My life...is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next" ~Gilda Radner

I am bit worried about these things:
*I have 75 students whose English ability I'm responsible for.
*Everything I teach needs to be content-based, which means that I need to choose appropriate topics, then make my English lessons fit that content, while also making it address the specific needs of my students.
*I have to learn the writing and math curriculums, because I'll be teaching during those periods in specific classes. Those lessons need to address English through the subject. It's so hard to teach English skills through math lessons ("I would like to add 5 and 3.")
*My spacial situation in my classroom...it's going to be a tight fit;)

I want to believe in my country again
I was talking to someone tonight about America. I am disgusted by the politics, by the continuing ignorance, and how divided our country has become. And I know that I'm part of that division, but I still desperately want something strong and dignified to part of our agenda again. There's enough fear in the world without questioning the motives my own government.

This is what Frank Rich wrote today in the New York Times:
Mr. Bush was asked at a press conference “how much of a sacrifice” ordinary Americans would “be expected to make in their daily lives, in their daily routines.” His answer: “Our hope, of course, is that they make no sacrifice whatsoever.” He, too, wanted to move on — to “see life return to normal in America,” as he put it — but toward partisan goals stealthily tailored to his political allies rather than the nearly 90 percent of the country that, according to polls, was rallying around him.

This selfish agenda was there from the very start. As we now know from many firsthand accounts, a cadre from Mr. Bush’s war cabinet was already busily hyping nonexistent links between Iraq and the Qaeda attacks. The presidential press secretary, Ari Fleischer, condemned Bill Maher’s irreverent comic response to 9/11 by reminding “all Americans that they need to watch what they say, watch what they do.” Fear itself — the fear that “paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance,” as F.D.R. had it — was already being wielded as a weapon against Americans by their own government.

Less than a month after 9/11, the president was making good on his promise of “no sacrifice whatsoever.” Speaking in Washington about how it was “the time to be wise” and “the time to act,” he declared, “We need for there to be more tax cuts.” Before long the G.O.P. would be selling 9/11 photos of the president on Air Force One to campaign donors and the White House would be featuring flag-draped remains of the 9/11 dead in political ads.

And so here we are five years later. Fearmongering remains unceasing. So do tax cuts. So does the war against a country that did not attack us on 9/11. We have moved on, but no one can argue that we have moved ahead.

Why couldn't he have asked something of us? I would want to help my country and to know that my sacrifice was making a difference. Maybe that unity could have overcome the feeling of helplessness and defeat that I now feel. I think something big is going to happen soon...the political climate is changing and people aren't going to live like this anymore, being lied to and ignored by the government. The times they are changing...I hope.

Where did autumn go?
This week, the weather has changed from swimsuit-hot to jacket-cold. It completely skipped over the warm breezes, light jackets, fall weather that I love so much. This is Halloween weather! Although I'm excited to bring out my long sleeve shirts and sweaters. Really cold fall weather always makes me feel a little bit frightened...like there's something wicked about to happen. It's mysterious and always comforting that I have a warm place to come home to. During my run today, I smelled a fire. I have a fall fantasy of reading Dickens aloud in a cozy library, in my future house, in big leather chairs around a fireplace, with big, engulfing blankets and cups of hot chocolate with Baileys. I'm so hopeful that I'll have that some day:)

Want to hear a scary story?
I've told this story to a lot of people already, but there's an addition now, so this is the extended version.

Last night, while driving down a hill toward home after a friend's going-away party, I saw a black mass in the middle of the intersection. As I got closer, I realized that it was a large man slumped over in a motorized wheelchair. I swerved around him and pulled over to the side of the street. During the daytime, I might have gotten out and asked him if he needed help, but it was 12:30 at night and it was pitch black outside. So I started to get my phone out to call the police, when something moving in my rearview mirror caught my eye. The man was twisting and turning all over the street in his wheelchair, driving erratically and very fast. Suddenly, he turned and started speeding straight toward my car. I quickly pulled out and drove home, where I called the police and asked them to check on him.

Today, when I was walking back to my apartment after a run, I walked down the same hill and past the intersection, thinking how creepy it would be if I saw him still there. But that's just paranoia, right, because what are the chances that he would be there right at that time? Well, just as I walked past that intersection, I saw someone coming down the middle of the road toward me. It was the man, wearning a hooded sweatshirt that completely obscured his face, driving his wheelchair right down the middle of the street. I got a cold sweat and couldn't look at him. He went right past me and I swear it gave me chills.

Now I know he's probably just a local person who had a bad night last night (and hopefully did receive help), and I bet not he's not dangerous at all, but there's something so menacing about that really fast wheelchair. That must be the strangest thing in the world for someone to be afraid of.

Tonight I'm going to be cleaning my apartment, making emotion charts for my students, and possible baking some gourmet dessert :) Oh, and trying not to think about being chased.

I heart endorphins
I had such a hectic day. With all the new students who are enrolling, I'm currently up to 90 ESL students. 90! I'm responsible for all of their English needs this year. I also need to test them all before I can start teaching, as per district policy. Sometimes I want to have a march on the district headquarters with all my cute little students chanting "No more testing, let us learn!" At 5:30, after spending hours figuring out who I needed to test and planning when, I sent my principal an email about my worries about having so many students, to test and to teach. I wrote, "This is probably a "well, good luck with that" kind of email." Now I'm worried that sounds kind of flippant. He probably gets worse than that all the time, but I really don't want to be one of those bitter teachers who start getting really involved in the *gasp* union. Honestly. If it can't be about the students, I'm going into another field, I'm not going to try to squeeze every cent out of an already tried system.

Anyway, this post is meandering, mostly because I just got back from an amazing run and I'm so high on endorphins...I looooovvveee running! I made it 4 miles today, which I usually do, but I never stopped once to stretch or get a drink of water. I also fell, for the first time since high school. I was running up a steep hill on the grassy strip between the sidewalk and the street (to help my shin splints) and I stepped in a hole that I didn't see because it was getting dark. I fell right on my knee and elbow on the sidewalk! It didn't really hurt at all, though. I think the combination of Aleve and the peptides (or whatever) raised my pain threshold. Now I have I really disgusting gash on my knee...it looks so gross! Oh well. I was going to wear black tights tomorrow anyway.

For the next week or so, all I'm going to do is test students. I have to do the same oral exam 19 times and each one takes at least 30 minutes. At least I'm happy right now, though, right? And tonight's a new Project Runway, in Paris no less. I miss Paris so much. I have dreams about getting married at St. Severin on the left bank, then having a small reception on a river boat at night with lots of twinkling lights. But for now, I'm testing, testing, testing, in my little cave of a room. C'est toujours la même chose.

Movies that I am excited to see:
1. A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. Shia LeBouf/Robert Downey, Jr. plays a Bronx-raised man.
2. Aurora Borealis. The return of Joshua Jackson...everyone expected him to be the first DC alum to be nominated for an Oscar, not Michelle Williams.
3. Man of the Year. Robin Williams plays a Jon Stewart character who runs for president on a whim and wins.
4. The Pursuit of Happyness. Oh my gosh: Will Smith as a down and out single dad trying to raise the cutest little boy in the world who has a mini-afro? I'm actually going to need to bring a box of kleenex with me:)
5. Marie Antoinette. Sophia Coppola has such an amazing life: her dad is Francis Ford Coppola, she's Marc Jacob's muse (free couture), she's made two award-winning films, and she's dating a member of Phoenix (a French band).
6. Ratatouille. Pixar and gourmet-cheese-eating French rats? Obvious magic.
Will it improve US-French relations, though, when the characters we're supposed to empathize with are the rats? I have a feeling that there will be a stereotypical French villain, probably with a curly mustache and cloying beret.

I am such a lion
although I am a little beaver-ish, too.

Here is a description of the four personality types based on Gary Smalley's writings:

• Lion- This personality likes to lead. The lion is good at making decisions and is very goal-oriented. They enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Because lions are thinking of the goal, they can step on people to reach it. Lions can be very aggressive and competitive. Lions must learn not to be too bossy or to take charge in other's affairs.
  Strength: Goal-oriented, strong, direct
  Weakness: Argumentative, too dictatorial
  Limitation: Doesn't understand that directness can hurt others, hard time expressing grace

• Otter- Otters are very social creature. Otter personalities love people. They enjoys being popular and influencing and motivating others. Otter can sometimes be hurt when people do not like them. Otter personalities usually have lots of friends, but not deep relationships. They love to goof-off. (They are notorious for messy rooms.) Otters like to hurry and finish jobs. (Jobs are not often done well.) The otter personality is like Tigger in Winnie The Pooh.
  Strength: People person, open, positive
  Weakness: Talks too much, too permissive
  Limitation: Remembering past commitments, follow through with discipline

• Golden Retriever- Good at making friends. Very loyal. Retriever personalities do not like big changes. They look for security. Can be very sensitive. Very caring. Has deep relationships, but usually only a couple of close friends. Wants to be loved by everyone. Looks for appreciation. Works best in a limited situation with a steady work pattern.
  Strength: Accommodating, calm, affirming
  Weakness: Indecisive, indifferent, unable to express emotional, too soft on other people
  Limitation: Seeing the need to be more assertive, holding others accountable

• Beaver- Organized. Beavers think that there is a right way to do everything and they want to do it exact that way. Beaver personalities are very creative. They desire to solve everything. Desire to take their time and do it right. Beavers do not like sudden changes. They need reassurance.
  Strength: High standards, order, respect
  Weakness: Unrealistic expectations of self & others, too perfect.
  Limitation: Seeing the optimistic side of things, expressing flexibility

I've been so tired and hungry this weekend! I had two lunches today and am currently eating chocolate sprinkles out of my hand:) My goal for the next two days is to finally clean up my apartment and finish planning for the first week. I think I might have put my portfolio on top of my car on Friday, though, because I can't find it...I hope it's not squished under a huge truck before Tuesday!

I'm going to a barbecue at the house of some of my students' family tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous to be surrounded by Spanish speakers, mostly because they know me and will see me at school. I'm afraid I'll misspeak and embarrass myself...by confusing something like socks and underwear (again)!