One thing I really can't stand is when people patronize me. This happened at school today. I work with a teacher who believes that throwing me into the high school classroom with no curriculum foundation to start with and almost no guidance will be a positive step in my education. My problems with that are quite numerous, and include my worries about disrupting the continuity of teaching for the students, that my unfamiliarity with the students will lead to misgrading and classroom treatment, or that I am assuming that they know more/less than they do and therefore my teaching will actually be detrimental to their education. I finally told my teacher this today, when, after 5 hours of sleep the last night because I stayed up writing and rewriting my baseless lessons plans, I finally snapped. She made the assumption that I was either too scared or too lazy to attempt teaching ESL on the secondary level. She actually said "You've been in college and, you know, you're in graduate school now, so I really expected more from you." (This might have also been a jab at elementary school teachers in general, because I told her that that's what I want to be and she always brings up how much more difficult high school is). Anyway, I almost burst out crying (because that's what I do when I'm really mad- anyone else might have hit her with my huge messenger bag). HOW CAN I LEARN HOW TO TEACH IN THIS SETTING WHEN I'VE NEVER SEEN IT DONE BEFORE? You wouldn't train someone for a job and say "well, this position is spontaneous and no one will be helping you in the future, so just go ahead and do it and we'll tell you about mistakes after you've made them." I can't imagine how stressful that would be. I honestly believe that the students are infinitely more important than my "self-education" by trial and error. So, at the end of the meeting, by which time I was writing really hard because I was so mad, "we" decided that I should turn in all my lesson plans beforehand, since I was so adament about being "prepared." I will also ask her millions of questions (which may border on obnoxious, but, oh well) since this is the best way for me to find out crucial information. Today, when she wasn't in the room, I was asked into the hall by the head of security. He told me to lock the door and that no one could leave during class because of a family violence issue (i.e. the crazy father might be roaming the halls, trying to hurt her). Maybe some guidance would have been helpful in that situation.

Well, things aren't going very well in my career preparation. I really don't enjoy being back at high school...the kids are apathetic, the teachers are gossipy and intolerant, and I just found out that there are many gangs in the school. And I think that inspite of my Mexican orange and tropical bedroom, I've got seasonal affective disorder. I'm trying to be super-energetic and positive, but it feels like I'm overcompensating for my actual feelings. So I'm going to get a cat. I need something to hug when I come home from a day of teaching and lectures. It's one of those months.

I left for school this morning at 6:30am and I got home from class at 8pm. I'm so tired.

So today was my first day back in graduate school classes. Our teacher began by saying that we were probably exhausted and in bad moods when we wrote our course evaluations in December, but after 3 1/2 hours of slow and monotone lecturing, I would pretty much write the same thing today. I don't know how I'm going to survive this class! I'm glad I have some friends in the program, which make it more fun, but I've come to the conclusion that I have a learning exceptionality (instead of disability because it's more frustrating than anything): I can't compute extended oral communication in my head. This explains so much about college! I simply can't focus on long lectures or discussions. This is also why I was such a bad secretary for ECM- does anyone remember how lost I was all the time? So that explains it. ;)

I also got my first shipment of perfume in the mail (I'm storing up). I'm excited because now I can be a liberal spritzer.

I took a quiz that tells you how old you act and it turns out that I behave like a 23 year old. So I need to start acting more juvenile, because I still have 2 months before I'm actually 23.
Ways that I behave just like my age should:
-I watch the O.C. And I'm not ashamed to say it. (I even had someone tape me an episode when I was busy). I think it's the tv equivalent of sour-patch kids, which makes it obvious why I'm so addicted.
-I have Christmas lights in my kitchen.
-I have a fish named Tutu.
-I have a plate on my coffee table that has sugar skulls on it (remains from the day of the dead) and I still think it's funny, in a bizarre kind of way. Besides that, I LOVE candy!
-I'm rereading Harry Potter 4, because it's the best one... and I'm excited for the movie!
-When I go grocery shopping, I always manage to open a bag on chips to munch on during the drive back to my house (which is less than a mile).
-I love The Killers, even though being up-to-date with music trends is so 20-something.
-I still practice signing my name...and I changed the last "s."
-I like to go on long, freezing runs, even though it always starts to feel like a Jack London book, and I start to panic that I'm going to need to build a fire. The irrationality of doing that is so young twenties.
-I'm not panicked about finding true love yet. I'm not going to start saying "when I have 30 cats, shoot me please" because, whatever, I'm only 22. Even if I were in a victorian novel, I'd still have a chance...I wouldn't be an old maid yet.
-When I go to the high school to student teach, I still feel like a student. I honestly thought about signing up for international talent-show night before I remembered: I'm a teacher. And I have to keep reminding myself that I don't care what other people think about me- which is exactly what I had to keep reminding myself during high school.
-I'm an impulse shopper and it's pretty bad.
-I have the same driver's license I got when I was 16.
-I'm still wearing a winter jacket that I bought in New Hampshire (when I lived there 7 years ago). I also still wear the sandals I bought specifically for 8th grade graduation.
-I bought a pink plastic set of drawers and decoupaged it with magazine clippings...and I think it looks awesome!

Anyway, I think that it's important to stay young at heart. And I've decided that it would be stupid for me to try to act older now, knowing that in 5 years I'll be praying that people will card me (although that probably won't be a problem since I still look like I'm 15...I almost got away with smiley pancakes last year at IHOP). So I'm not going to take up oenophilia, force myself to read the Wall Street Journal, or start shopping at Ann Taylor (and I'm still going to gag when I talk about Chico's). I'm going to order silly drinks, wear my pink and green Kangaroos, curl my hair for no reason, and eat tons of starbursts. It's so much more fun that way!!

(ps- these are the few ways I act older than 22:
-I drink tea every morning and my favorite is Twinings Earl Grey.
-I've read every Lord Peter Wimsey novel, the literature choice of elderly British women.
-I pay my bills the day they arrive.
-I've started talking to my cousins about how big they've gotten. I also say "when I was your age," but I'm not proud of it.
-I went to hear Jean Chretien speak on campus because I'm interested in the Canadian government.
-I know the name of every reporter on CNN.
-I read the New York Times every morning (but it's usually just editorials and movie reviews).
-I love gorgonzola cheese and my favorite salad includes that, Spinach, and candied walnuts.
-I've found MY perfume scent. And I actually want to keep it a secret because I love it so much.)

Since I have to wait another hour and 45 minutes in case the UPS man shows up...

1. First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Romig
2. Last person you kissed: hmm...I don't remember his name ;)
3. Last word you said: "Yeah, right" when I saw a $350 purse on ebay
4. Last song you sang: "Fernando" by ABBA
5. Last person you hugged: My baby cousin Sasha
6. Last thing you laughed at: My dad, saying that he mistranslated the quote on his mosaic...it's funny because it would only happen to my dad
7. Last time you said 'I love you': To my mom, on the phone yesterday
8. What's in your CD player: Oh weird. I completely just realized that I don't have a cd player anymore...everything's on itunes
9. What socks are you wearing: none
10. What's under your bed: suitcases
12. Current taste: bleu cheese and spinach (I really want to brush my teeth!)
13. Current hair style: pony tail
14. Current clothes: peach lace shirt and jeans
15. Current Job: Graduate student, student teacher in a high school class
16. Current longing: An enlightened, intelligent man
17. Current desktop picture: Jon Stewart in front of an American flag
18. Current worry: That I won't get a job for September, that I'll be stuck in the suburbs
19. Current hate: how cold it is in Minnesota
20. Story behind your username: I wanted it to be my name and a flower. I don't know if "rosy" is even a word. Lots of people think it means "ros" and "nic," with the Spanish "y."
21. Current favorite article of clothing: Red satin dress I bought for $2. It just needs a new zipper.
22. Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: Eyes/smile
23. Last CD that you bought: I haven't bought a cd in so long. I bought the entire album by The Killers on itunes last week.
24. Favorite place to be: In the world? On the steps by the Seine, reading a book and eating a sugar crepe.
25. Least favorite place: Anywhere that I don't feel safe
26. Time you wake up in the morning: Now that I'm student teaching far away: 5:30am
27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be? Violin. I have a cheap one, but it sounds too horrible for me to practice.
28. When was the last time you surprised yourself: This week...I'm been more motivated to run than I thought I would be.
29. Current favorite word/saying: sketchy. It's still my favorite New Englandism and now my parents use it too.
30. Favorite books: I love Harry Potter...they're not intellectual, but just so creative and interconnected.
31. Favorite Movies: Life is Beautiful, Cinema Paradiso, Amelie, You Can Count on Me, In America, Rebecca
32. Favorite Songs: Right now, "All These Things I've Done" by The Killers. I also love "The Last Laugh of the Laughter" by Travis.
33. Favorite Artists: Paul Klee. I saw his biggest collection in Bern when I was there. His artwork always looks so innocent and childlike, but it's purposeful.
34. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Jim, my high school crush. I know he knew...he's a math genius now.
35. Favorite day: I don't know. My least favorite day is Sunday (except for church).
36. Where do you want to go: Guadelajara
37. What is your career going to be like: Hopefully inspiring! and beneficial to my students.
38. How many kids do you want: one or two. I've experienced life with my three cousins and I don't think it works when children outnumber parents, unless you have so many kids that they can pay attention to each other:)
39. What kind of car will you have: I don't really care. But I do covet my neighbors burgundy passat!

Yay! I just got two packages and now I can leave the apartment!

40. Type a line you remember from any book: Let me be something every minute of my life...let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere- be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.
From A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
41. A random lyric: It's the last laugh of the laughter, sur la ternier page du chapitre.
42. Eye Color: blue, with a ring of orange
43. Hair Color: dark brown. I also have way too many gray hairs for my age.
44. Righty or Lefty: righty
45. Zodiac Sign: pisces...I fit all of the characteristics too, even though I don't believe in astrology.
46.Innie or Outtie: innie
DESCRIBE...
47. Your heritage: 1/4 Russian, 1/4 Polish, 1/2 anglo-mix
48. The shoes you wore today: I haven't been outside yet (isn't that terrible?! It's 12:44).
49. Your hair: Long and very matted/frizzy/curly if I don't do something with it (like in the Princess Diaries, if you've seen that). So I always curl or straighten it.
50. Your weakness: lindt chocolate
51. Your fears: I don't want to dwell on them
52. One thing you'd like to achieve: Happy children
WHAT IS...
53. Your most recent secret: That Michael Phelps lives right near my parents now. I wasn't allowed to tell unless he purchased the town house, which he did...now it's time to take over a welcome basket!
54. Your thoughts first waking up: I say "1,2,3" and then sit right up! Otherwise I'll never get out of bed.
55. The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes/smile
56. Your bedtime: 11pm
57. Your most missed companion: My brother...he was here over all of vacation
58. Your perfect pizza: Cheese, feta, and artichokes
59. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: Always salty and crunchy
60. Single or group dates: single
61. Dogs or Cats: cats, but I've never had a dog
62. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I have never compared them. I love Twining's Earl Grey! It's the best tea in the world!
63. Chocolate or vanilla: It depends on my mood.
64. Cappuccino or Drip: cappuccino
DO YOU...
65. Smoke: no, never.
66. Curse: I have been more, since my friends do and I pick it up accidentally.
67. Sing: When I'm alone
68. Take a shower everyday: No, my hair is too much work for that
69. Have a crush: No
71. Think you've been in love: maybe...but onesided love can never feel completely real, I don't think
72. Want to go to college: Not anymore! I'm sick of school
73. Want more than what you've got: I think everyone in America does...otherwise you'd never buy anything
74. Want to get married: yes
75. Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yes
76. Think you're attractive: That depends on my mood.
77. Think you're a health freak: Not at all
78. Get along with your parents: Yes. They are unique, to say the least
79. Play an instrument: A little piano
IN THE PAST 3 MONTHS, DID YOU OR HAVE ...
80. Drink alcohol: yes, and I actually found a beer (other than Corona) that I like- Leinie Honeyweiss
81. Smoke: No
82. Done a drug: No
83. Made Out: No
84. Go on a date: No, I've been in school- there wasn't really time
85. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No...is that a common thing?
86. Eaten sushi: Yes! I love it. Especially salmon sashimi
87. Been dumped: no
88. Made homemade cookies: Yep
89. Been in love: No
90. Gone skinny dipping: no
91. Dyed your hair: No
92. Stolen anything: No
HAVE YOU EVER...
93. Had too much to drink: That depends on what "too much" means. One glass of anything makes me tipsy/makes me act more outgoing, but I've never had a hangover or thrown up.
94. Been caught cheating: I've never cheated
95. Been called a tease: No
96. Gotten beaten up: No
97. Changed who you were to fit in: Yes, in my horrendous suburban Michigan high school. I changed my hair, clothes, studying habits, etc. Luckily, I got to leave after three years!
98. Cried at something beautiful: Yes...every Sunday watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Although, that show is getting too maudlin and I think I'm going to give up the habit.
99. Spent too much money on something you didn't need: Oh my gosh, yes. One example: I bought a faux Dior purse on the streets of Venice for $40.
100. Cried when someone died: yes
101. Been so angry you cried: Yes
101. Lied for attention: Yes, not about anything important, though.
GENERAL INFO...
103. My name is: Nicole
104. Height: 5'3"
105, Favorite toe: none...my toes aren't cute
106. In the morning I am: all business
107. All I need is: kindness
108. Love is: surrender
109. If I could see one person right now: I don't know
110. Shoe size: 7 1/2

Okay...now, time to see what's in my packages!

Unique fact about me:
I'm allergic to nickel, but only on the left side of my body. Whenever I wear jewelry that contains any, my skin gets red and itchy, which doesn't go away for a week after I take off the jewelry. But only on one side of my body. How is that possible? Maybe my skin thinks it's too good for an alloy...maybe it will only be happy with pure gold or silver. That might be a convincing argument to use in the future ;)

I watched a beautifully compassionate movie today. It's called "Wilbur wants to kill himself."

That sounds so morbid, and it is a little dark, but it's really life-affirming and hopeful as it progresses. Normally I hate black comedies (remember the story about watching "Harold and Maude" at my first boy-girl party?) but the script is so funny! Like after Wilbur attends the suicide group again, he says "it gets more depressing every time I go back there." Not to mention that it stars two handsome Irish men :) There isn't gratuitous suicide attempts...and it's such a moving story by the end. Another movie by the same director is "Italian for Beginners" which my mom and I loved.
It's about Scandinavian people in an Italian class (so the subtitles get a little confusing!) and it's funny in the same slow and 'everyday' way. I highly recommend both films.

This is amazingly accurate :>

You scored as Geek. Geek 81% Loner 56% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 25% Stoner 19% Punk/Rebel 13% Goth 13% Drama nerd 13% Ghetto gangsta 6% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

Although I was voted "Most Shy" and "Most Angelic" by my class (I didn't know that many people knew who I was!), I did win the Biology student of the year award...which gave the other students a reason to tease me mercilessly.

"Cantos nuevos" por Federico García Lorca

Dice la tarde
"Tengo sed de sombra!"
Dice la luna: "Yo, sed de luceros."
La fuente cristalina pide labios
y suspiros el viento.

Yo tengo sed de aromas y de risas.
Sed de cantares nuevos
sin lunas y sin lirios,
y sin amores muertos.

Un cantar de mañana que estremezca
a los remansos quietos
del porvenir. Y llene de esperanza
sus ondas y sus cienos.

Un cantar luminoso y reposado,
pleno de pensamiento,
virginal de tristezas y de angustias
y virginal de ensueños.

Cantar sin carne lírica que llene
de risas el silencio.
(Una bandada de palomas ciegas lanzadas al misterio).

Cantar que vaya al alma de las cosas
y al alma de los vientos
y que descanse al fin en la alegría
del corazón eterno.

Tonight I saw "The Phantom of the Opera." I give it a 10 for luscious colors and set design, an 8 for singing, and a 5 for plot. It just doesn't work to see so much melodrama and then walk out into the mall, next to Orange Julius! I think that operas are so much better live...can you imagine "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat as a movie? No, it deserves the stage (and Donny Osmond--just kidding;>).

I'm so bored! These past three days have been so quiet with everyone gone. All I've done is clean my apartment and go on freezing runs. Those are when it starts to feel like an arctic adventure and I begin thinking about how to start a fire. OMG I hate Minnesota in winter!! The high for the past three days has been 18. "Okay," you say, "18 isn't that bad." But that's the high! After dinner, my fingers get tingly and hurt by the time I reach my front door from my car.

This quiz is cute:

You are Merino Wool.
You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to
keep you close because you are so softhearted.
You love to be comfortable and warm from your
head to your toes.


What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Anyway, somedays I think I want a roommate because it's just so quiet...but no, I really don't. I love being able to sing, take really long baths, and throw my clothes wherever. Today I sang all of "The Pirates of Penzance" while hanging Christmas lights around the ceiling of my kitchen. I'm pretty strange. But my kitchen is looking great.