I'm moving on Saturday! Yikes!

I need some perspective
This post is dedicated to the fact that I have been giving myself stress headaches for the past week and it needs to stop. So please forgive all the obviousness.
1. Moving isn't that bad...at least there shouldn't be bugs in my bed anymore. And I will have a balcony. I'm a lucky girl.
2. Work isn't so hard...when I run out of steam, there's always reviewing, right? There is no shame, or shouldn't be, for admitting that I am running out of time this week and having them read for comprehension or do a webquest online. I can't be Mary Poppins every single day, especially since the color printer wasn't working this morning so I was forced to reenact the Boston Tea Party by myself...slightly humiliating.
3. Signing up for extra work is not masochism...it's just more fun! I already love my Destination Imagination team. It is such a relief and amazingly fun to talk to kids who can speak English! I told them a pun (punster that I am) and they got it:) What smarties they are. We have a "camraderie signal," which is my contribution to the team since I can effectively no longer provide any advice. It's the ASL sign for imagination and then we touch pinkies (in the "i" sign) as though we're combining the imaginations to create maximum imagination potential! And they were afraid it might be mistaken for a gang sign. No gang would do something with so many loops.
4. My mother is not a stressor. Well, this week she is, but she hasn't been in the past, so that's lucky.
5.My current lack of boyfriend can't stress me out. I have options now,choices...but no more blind dates ever! My current success rate of blind dates is about 10%.

Favorites, version 11.20
*The Gilmore Girls, Season 5...I didn't realize that this show is so smart. Whenever I heard about it, I thought it was a schmaltzy mother-daughter thing, and since my mom and I don't do treacle (except rare occasions when we discuss our love of all little dogs), I expected not to like it. But I love all the pop-culture and literature references!
*Christmas is already at the Mall of America. I usually hate how retail starts celebrating the religious holiday before thanksgiving, and it did make me sad that anyone of a non-Christian faith is totally excluded from the decorations in the amusement park, it still makes me warm inside...I love the advent season! Now that I've stopped caring about the presents (Christmas is actually my least favorite day in December), I don't separate my secular anticipation from my religious. Which means that the biggest Gingerbread house in the world (yes, right in my local mall) gets me excited for Jesus' birthday! Speaking of that, I think someone told me that some historians believe he was born in 7 A.D. (ironically after his namesake period started), which would make this his 2000 birthday! Anyway, to make a long story short, I danced in the changing room when Mariah Carey's holiday song played, and I hate that song, but I danced because this year I'm excited! I haven't figured out why yet, but it might have something to do with the fact that I'm moving in two weeks and I'm planning on "taking" my students to Hawaii on our "trip," which is mostly so I can make leis and serve coconut.
*That last bullet point was way too long, so here's a related note: I love that this season brings festive traditions/parties. I'm organizing my first progressive dinner, which is exciting because I like the idea of eating in many different places and because my parents and I used to do them every year when I was little. I'm also organizing my maternal family's biannual (because we didn't do it last year) secret santa. We give gifts to another person secretly for 7 days before Christmas...like how I added that subtle nod to Channukah? (Not that we celebrate the actual meaning of the holiday, but I do think the secular aspect of that gift-giving is much more appealing). I think commercialism should be spread out, and secret gift-giving is a challenge of creativity when we're all spending every day together.
*Yoga. I love yoga. I now fit into my light blue corderoy pants, which I haven't fit into since my freshman year of college, when a boy on my floor used to always touch them because he liked the sound (whatever) and I would blush; it was probably one of the best things about freshman year. So yoga is working out for me and it's fun to boot.
*Forever 21. Having gotten over the fact that it's not age-appropriate (according to the owners), I love this store because everything is super cheap, I could spend my life there and not have time to see the entire selection, and their inhouse designers are amazing gifted at anticipating and copying trends in fashion. I bought my Christmas dress there today for $27. There are some commercial products in which I do refuse to partake due to name: Seventeen Magazine (sorry, you're (omg) 7 years too late), Sweet Sixteen on MTV (I don't think I had one), or AARP monthly.
*Teaching about American history, culture, and society. Developing this curriculum has helped me to remember so much...and I'm teaching 2nd and 3rd graders!! It's sad how little Americans need to know about America to live here. We should actually have to learn stuff and demonstrate knowledge of the flag on Flag Day, for example. It would make the holiday so much more interesting. Last week I learned that the Native Americans who helped the pilgrims (thus beginning the tradition of Thanksgiving) were the Wampanoag. I also learned that the pilgrims actually came from Holland and that the National Anthem is about the Battle of Fort McHenry in Baltimore, which Francis Scott Key was sitting around watching because his friend had been kidnapped. I actually always thought Francis was a woman...I think I'd never seen the spelling.
*Having a nice little posse of friends. Since my major trust issues from high school are still in residence, it's nice to finally realize that I can trust them! I should have known that from the beginning, with the t-shirt, but like I said, issues:)
*My cat. He's a keeper (not like poor sneezes-on-face-then-licks-it-off, who's hopefully with a good family now). Oliver is sweet, and so much the adorable little orphan like his namesake. When I give him catnip (then run away for fear of his random clawings when excited), I swear he looks at me as if to say "Please sir, may I have some more?" He has puppy-dog eyes down to a science. Of course, he also has a belly now, since I've given in too much, so he's on a diet.
*3-day weeks. Those are the best.

My "I can't believe that!" moments from yesterday...

1. Glen Beck, on CNN Headline News, asking Minnesota congressman Keith Ellison if he is working for enemies of the United States. The reason why Mr. Beck asked that question is that Keith Ellison is the first Muslim ever elected to congress. The interview went like this (seriously!):

BECK: Thank you. I will tell you, may I -- may we have five minutes here where we're just politically incorrect and I play the cards face up on the table?

ELLISON: Go there.

BECK: OK. No offense, and I know Muslims. I like Muslims. I've been to mosques. I really don't believe that Islam is a religion of evil. I -- you know, I think it's being hijacked, quite frankly.

With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, "Let's cut and run." And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, "Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies."

And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way.

ELLISON: Well, let me tell you, the people of the Fifth Congressional District know that I have a deep love and affection for my country. There's no one who is more patriotic than I am. And so, you know, I don't need to -- need to prove my patriotic stripes.

2. Sean Lennon was on the Daily Ten, an entertainment news show on the E! channel. He was in a segment called "Shameless Plug," when entertainers get 15 seconds to tell the audience about something they should buy/see. That's too bizarre.

I worry so much about fear disguised as patriotism that is manifested as prejudice.

From USA Today
'Old Glory' is the flag to fly in Pahrump

"The Nevada town of Pahrump is taking a stand not just against illegal immigrants but flags they may bring with them," USA TODAY's William M. Welch writes this morning on the front page.

The town board in the small community west of Las Vegas voted this week to make it illegal to fly a foreign nation's flag by itself.

"Old Glory is sovereign," says Paul Willis, a retired carpenter and board member. "You can't fly any other nation's flag higher than the American flag."

The town has also declared English its official language and denied town benefits to illegal immigrants.

The American Civil Liberties Union says the restriction on flags violates the First Amendment. In the blogosphere, BrickieBob's Opinion gives "three cheers for Pahrump." But Jack Wood, who says he lives in Pahrump and blogs at Nye Gateway to Nevada's Rurals, says "as soon as I finish laughing at the absurdity of this racist ordinance I'm going to head down to Romero's Mexican Restaurant and order me a Mexican hamburger disguised as a taco."

Yawn
I've felt lethargic for the past two days, and had an on-going tension headache (which just decided to stay today, even though I was in a good mood). I had to stay at work today until 5:45, which isn't late compared to other people's jobs, but such a long time if you consider that I have no time to sit and gather myself, or just waste time, between 8 and 3:30.

Books I want to read:
The American Story, 100 Stories for the entire family to share
Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

I'm so excited to move! My new apartment is so swanky.

When I got home tonight, I had three messages on my answering machine
(imagine them all with a highly pronounced Spanish accent, which makes it either cuter or a bit creepy):

#1 "Miiiiisssssss [my last name]" ::long pause:: click
#2 breathing, click
#3 "Miss [my last name], call me. You neeeeeeed to callllllllll me. This is [student's name]." click

Obivously, giving out my home phone number to parents at conferences was a bad idea.

Democrats won the house and senate!!

I'm so excited...I was listening to Bob Dylan, because there was actually that spirit of change this fall, and it's actually happening now:)

It's much harder to be such a little pessimist. I've been having a hard week at work. My dad advised me this morning to find a different job and I agreed (for about 5 minutes). Some days there is so much bureaucracy that the feeling of futility is overwhelming. We were supposed to have a 1/2 day meeting, and I prepared for it, and was about to leave, when the leader realized she had forgotten to tell me it was cancelled! But at the same time, whenever I feel this way, something at school makes me remember how rewarding teaching can be.

This morning, I sent an email to my team of colleagues, explaining what I've been teaching...some people had no idea what I did! And their feedback was so nice. I also got lots of random hugs today! Most of them were from students who I only ever see in the hall, which is funny. We also learned that we're probably getting a new teacher. I also solved the mystery of why one student likes to cut up his math tests. His teacher couldn't figure it out, and he had completely shut down, so I started asking him in Spanish, encouraging him not to cut his homework to bits, too. And he stopped. Then 5 minutes later, he poked me and said, "I cut when I don't know how to do math." A-ha!

Tomorrow, we have conferences during the morning, then I have the afternoon and Friday off from work. I definitely need a break. I'm going to start packing, do a lot of yoga, and relax.

Here's a beautiful painting by my favorite artist, Paul Klee, to make your day more relaxing, too!

The Pledge of...whatever
How ironic is it that even though students are required to say the pledge of allegiance every morning in their classrooms, a teacher can get in trouble for presuming help them to read the words? Apparently, saying "under God" in school is okay, but discussing why you're saying it or what it means is not (not that I was actually going to discuss it, merely gloss over it quickly to get on to what "for which it stands" means. So essentially, the importance of the pledge, it's actual relevance to America, is completely superficial- the act of repeating it without comprehension is the purpose, I see now. I couldn't decide if I should have an upper case or lower case g, or g-d, anyway, to try for the most inclusive form, so it's just as well. I really can't understand why those words are still there, spoken enthusiastically by students who have no idea what they're saying, every single school day.

Mi casa es su casa
I finally found an amazing new apartment! I put a deposit down yesterday. It's so clean, beautiful, sunny, and big...plus, there won't be bugs marching across my face every night, because it's on the fourth floor! I also have a balcony that looks all the way down Hennepin. The manager said it's good for barbequing. Ha. It will probably be my tanning balcony/place for drying clothes since I might not want to walk all the way down to the basement!

I'm so excited to have all my friends over to see it. That won't happen until the first weekend in December, when we'll have the "Big Chill" unpacking party (though no drugs will be used, and no one will lend out their husband to impregnate someone else- I hated that part!) But it's going to be so much more fun to have people over, since it's bigger and less sketchy. And Chipotle is right across the street!

So this month will be lots of packing and preparing for the move. I'm also going to start coaching Destination Imagination at my school, which is an incredibly organized and detailed (and time-consuming) endeavor. I hope it will be as fun as I'm expecting, though! I'm looking forward to working with students who are able to express themselves well in English.

Finally, in this little update, I've become a yoga fanatic. I always thought that yoga was all ooming and stretching, but it's actually such a hard workout! Especially the sculpting class, when we use 5 pound weights and workout in a room that's 80 degrees!! It's so amazing...I love it. I have my physical therapy next week, too, so hopefully I can start running again soon.

I LOVE Yoga
It's analogous to kindergarten, but for adults:
singing in unison=ommming
sitting on your mat=sitting on your mat
taking a nap to soothing music=laying at the end of class, with soothing music playing, and trying not to fall asleep

I'm just a little black raincloud
I've been so depressed recently...and really mean, too! I really need to apologize to my job ("You're not so bad!":)) and Sophia Coppola ("I actually loved Lost in Translation")! I was just feeling so sorry for myself and I finally realized how self-centered I was acting. But the sun came out today and it's beautiful outside, and I saw clearly how lucky I am. All of the anger, frustration, and anxiety was futile. Remember that episode of Winnie the Pooh when he's all covered in mud and hanging on a balloon, singing a song of self-pity? I love him, and this song pretty much sums up my attitude last week:)

Tales of a spoiled, little rich girl
I saw Marie Antoinette last night. It made me so angry! The whole thing was about the boredom that comes with having all the money in the world and no responsibilities. Well, right now I have very little sympathy for that:) I read in an article that all of Sophia Coppola's characters are based on her life, because she had all the resources she needed as Francis Ford Coppola's daughter, but had no idea what to do with them. So she got to take a long time to decide, and make three movies with her connections, all of them about girls who have no obligations and spend most of their time bored and restless. I am much more interested in stories of how people overcome actual obstacles.

This weekend has been incredibly stressful: I put on a deposit on a new apartment, but the financial burden of breaking my lease at my current apartment (due to the resurgence of the insects), will be really difficult. Work is crazy, because I have way too many students, and four who are spread out in different classes who don't speak English. This week is parent-teacher conferences, which means I'll be spending a ton of time at school! My shin splints are healing, I hope, but I still haven't been able to find any good pilates classes. I missed a few this week due to unforseen circumstances, and then the rest were cancelled. I'm going to try to go for a really slow, long run this morning because I need the endorphines so badly! And then I'm going to come back to my infested, little apartment and speedily plan for the entire school week, and start packing, since I'll tentatively be moving in two weeks (on Thursday, November 9th). I'm worried because my new apartment has very little view, and it's further away from Uptown, which my goal was actually to be closer to. I wish I had the indulgence of unlimited resources, the money to get a better place, the time to wait for nice apartments to come on the market, etc., because believe me, I would not feel lost and without purpose!

Mini-crisis of faith
I just had an actual out-of-body experience. Honestly. An actual, looking-at-myself-like-a-stranger, objective view on my life.

Let me set the scene. It was 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. I'd been teaching all day in my maybe 75 sq. ft. classroom (smaller than my sophomore dorm room). For the past hour, I'd been taping, then rearranging over and over, each letter of the alphabet around the ceiling of my classroom. It was mind-numbing, tedious. I was taping on the letter J when I suddenly looked at my hand moving to place it and this thought flashed through my head: "Am I an elementary school teacher?" And I don't mean a qualified one or that it was thought with sarcasm. My mind was blank for those few moments, and it was as if my analytical, college student self was watching the alphabet placement with confusion...and then I almost laughed, but anxiety held me back. I have been so ensconced in this job that I've never seen it objectively, or considered its relevance to my life on a greater level. But, now that I think about it, how in the world did I end up working in this little room, spending hours taping little letters on the wall, or arranging folders, or filling out practically meaningless paperwork? In my salad days- which eerily seem quite in the past- this would not have been a place I could have pictured myself. The hours upon hours of dissexting educational theory and Spanish grammar at "my" table in the Clayton Starbucks can't have been pointing me toward this. I now feel simultaneously defeated, confused, and despondent. The moment of out-of-body fear was so unique that I now feel that I owe it to my inner psyche to deconstruct its meaning :)

Which is not to say that teaching is not a critically important profession or that there weren't moments of complete magic today. One of my students put a postcard in my mailbox to tell me that Johnny Appleseed walked around Ohio with "bear feet." A student who I'm positive has ADHD (emphasis on the H) shook hands with me today, to guarantee that he would focus, and he did. And a huge trouble-maker came up to me out of the blue and gave me a hug.

At the same time, there are several factors missing that I long for in a career: professional stability, delineation between work and life, and a higher level of challenge. Of course, I'm challenged every day at school, with keeping student well-behaved, planning 9 different lessons, and mangaging my space, but my mind is rarely challenged to think at a higher level. I only ever have deep, transformative conversations with my friends and family. I miss intellectual discourse and debate.

So I've decided to actually start planning ways to achieve my goals starting today. I may write a book or go back to school:) But I know that something needs to change.

I just had an actual out-of-body experience. Honestly. An actual, looking-at-myself-like-a-stranger, objective view on my life.

Let me set the scene. It's 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. I've been teaching all day in my maybe 75 sq. ft. classroom (smaller than my sophomore dorm room). For the past hour, I've beentaping, then rearranging over and over, each letter of the alphabet around the ceiling of my classroom. It is mind-numbing tedium. I was taping on the letter J when I suddenly looked at my hand moving to place it and this thought flashed through my head: "Am I an elementary school teacher?" And I don't mean a qualified one or that it was thought with sarcasm. My mind was blank for those few moments, and it was as if my analytical, college student self was watching the alphabet placement with confusion...and then I almost laughed, but anxiety held me back. I have been so ensconced in this job that I've never seen it objectively, or considered its relevance to my life on a greater level. But, now that I think about it, how in the world did I end up working in this little room, spending hours taping little letters on the wall, or arranging folder, or filling out practically meaningless paperwork. In my salad days- which eerily seem quite in the past- this would not have been a place I could have pictured myself. The hours upon hours of dissexting educational theory and Spanish grammar at "my" table in the Clayton Starbucks can't have been pointing me toward this. I now feel simultaneously defeated, confused, and despondent. The moment of out-of-body fear was so unique that I now feel that I owe it to my inner psyche to deconstruct its meaning :)
Which is not to say that teaching is not a critically important profession or that there weren't moments of complete magic today. One of my students put a postcard in my mailbox to tell me that Johnny Appleseed walked around Ohio with "bear feet." A student who I'm positive has ADHD (emphasis on the H) shook hands with me today, to guarantee that he would focus, and he did. And a huge trouble-maker came up to me out of the blue and gave me a hug.
At the same time, there are several factors missing that I long for in a career: professional stability, delineation between work and life, and a higher level of challenge. Of course, I'm challenged every day at school, with keeping student well-behaved, planning 9 different lessons, and mangaging my space, but my mind is rarely challenged. I only ever have deep, transformative conversations with my friends and family. I long for intellectual discourse and debate.
So I've decided to actually start planning ways to achieve my goals starting today. I might write a book or go back to school:)

Weekend Highs and Lows

Lows:
1. My leg. hurts. so. much. I'm going to make a doctor's appointment for this afternoon to find out what's wrong with it. It's hurts (like something's about to crack) when I walk, so I probably won't be able to run for a long time.
2. Saturday morning coffee. It was an "We'll keep in touch" but-not-really situation.

Highs:
1. Hanging out with my friends on Friday: I think a Honeydew martini isn't that girlie.
2. Getting rid of my migraine quicker than usual by just going to bed right when it started. Then I could get a few things done Saturday night.
3. Lunch with my brother at Barbette, which is my new favorite restaurant...they have croque monsieurs and the best crinoline chips ever! Plus, John did a Mickey Mouse impression to mock our family's one pricey art piece: our framed and ornately-arranged letter written by Degas, which my mom bought at Disney World (in the France section of Epcot Center). It will probably be the one thing of value that John and I will need to fight over in our inheritance:)

I HATE shin splints.

Beautiful Day
I had such a good day today. I got a lot of sleep, my fingernails are my current favorite color (currant), and I got along with everyone, including the other teachers. Things are looking up, which is such a good thing, after yesterday's crisis of faith in public education! Well, that happens about once a week, so it's to be expected. Once No Child Left Behind is gone, I think every teacher's life will be so. much. easier. And tomorrow is Friday.

John is coming to visit this weekend and we're going to go to the Latino Family festival at the Rivercentre with my aunt and baby cousins. How much money will I spend there? I'm guessing ooodles. My Spanish has slowly been improving with the influx of students who understand no English at all...it's been getting a work-out! Especially my imperative form:) "¡No griten en el pasillo!" is what I call after the wild bunch as they go running and screaming down the hall. Today I got to explain the word "typical" by doing actions that would be atypical during class...like doing a little dance!

My students are so amazingly excited that I'm going to be giving them apple pie when we get to Ohio on our "trip." It will be part of our Johnny Appleseed unit on greater than, less than, and most of them told me that they'd never tried it before. It's almost a little bit ironic, since I avoided teaching about America because I a) wasn't sure my students needed it and b) I was afraid it was too nationalistic. But there's nothing more American.

Next weekend, I'm going back to my parents' house for a four-day weekend. I hated going there for the first two years, because it didn't feel like a home and I was clinging onto the idea that it should. But I think I'm at the age when I'm between homes, between a daughter and being a mother (not too soon!), and this is the only time I'll ever only need to answer to myself at home. Which is why it's nice not to actually have one because I shouldn't get too comfortable.

Wonderful Weekend
I had such a fun and relaxing weekend. I got to go to sleep early on Friday and actually slept in on Saturday morning. Then I went for a run on Saturday morning...I love my new, non-shin-splint-producing sneakers! They are like super leprechaun green, though! Like lucky clover green. Ultra-green. It took me so long to decide whether or not to spend so much money on such crazy looking shoes, but I resolved it with the fact that I really only wear them running, and what am I, a catwalk runner? No, I think it's obnoxious when people are stylish when they work out. But still. They were so expensive. And yet, because of them, my legs are feeling so much better!

Anyway, after the run, I went and bought my "family" dinner ingredients, including 5 lbs. of chicken legs. Then I came home and crazily cleaned and cooked. I messed up the recipe and had to add extra chicken stock in place of wine, which made the Ragu taste like chicken noodle soup, but oh well. "Family" dinner was so much fun! My friends are so funny and nice, (and not likely to suddenly cut me out, like in high school). And one of them is such a good sport;) Stella's fish restaurant is the best place for drinks in Uptown, apparently.

On Sunday, I went to chuch with Weezer, which is always amusing. The sermon was semi-inappropriate for kids (about divorce, adultery, etc.) so I distracted her by making charts of all the needs of her pets:) Then I visited one of my colleagues who recently had major surgery, and she's getting better and gave us all pumpkin cheesecake! I usually hate cheesecake, because I believe that cheese should never be sweet, but it was really delicious. Then I came home and sat around for a while trying to work (while watching Jerry Maguire, which never works, because I tell myself I'll wait until the next catch phrase and then start, and that movie's ALL catch phrases!). So I went for a run (which was awesome...I did all four miles at my running pace b/c of the magic green sneakers!) And then I was high from endorphines and decided to do dishes for fun, while watching that Tom Hanks movie about the island. That makes my life sound somewhat lame, but apparently no. My dating stories are quite fascinating to other teachers in the staff lounge. They're easily amused;)

A Fun Day at School
Today was really fun. I've realized that I'm only a good teacher when I'm 1. In control and 2. Having fun myself. I was altra-prepared today, so things went smoothly. For my newcomer students, who have limited vocabularies, I had them label a drawing I did of a little boy on the wall (on my fancy, new roll-up-able white board...I know, it's so amazing what they come up with at 3M!). They labeled all of his body parts, which they mostly new how to say already, but not how to spell, and then I gave them a list of somewhat random parts, like knuckles, ankles, and eyebrows. They had so much fun using my dry erase markers...although I did need to disinfect one when a boy put the entire cap in his mouth;)

My absolute favorite part of my day was when I had a small reading group with two eight year olds. They were doing air quotes, but had no idea what they meant. Well, those are an aspect of American culture, so I taught them:) They loved that it meant "*wink*, just kidding!"