I decided to go back to the beginning of my postings on this blog and see how I've changed since then (April 2003). It's kind of scary to see how cynical I've become! My posts aren't "omg...I love starbucks!!" anymore, they're mostly dedicated to my job, which is apparently sucking the enthusiasm out of me. Maybe I am becoming a Republican with this quick decrease in idealism.
Although I know that almost everyone is completely absorbed by their first job, I feel like I'm lacking the dichotomy of the typical 23-year-old. I have a new theory: the reason why young adults party more now, why both genders marry later, and binge drinking is so common, is that now everyone's expected to work longer hours, with more and more technology actually increasing the amount of work done each day, and they crave the juxtaposition just to maintain their sanity! That's what I think. Because I suddenly have a desire to get really dressed up, in my red satin halter dress, and hit the Uptown bars. I want the same sense of urgency and overhwhelming emotion in my life as I have in my work...um, well, that's going to take a lot of wild nights. And I'm not even a party girl!
If I don't have that same feeling outside of school- the anxiety, dedication, mental stimulation- I feel like my free time is completely unproductive. It's so sad. I sat at my table this evening and practically had a panic attack: I need to be having more fun than this! Is this really the best you can do for the only free evening you'll have this week? But I couldn't think of anything really exciting I could do tonight. All of my friends here are just as busy...the chances of someone having time to entertain me for a few hours is unlikely. So I made raspberry cupcakes. And next I'm going to wash my dishes.
This is the longest post I've made for such a long time. Actually, I've regained my optimism in the time it took to write it. Who could have predicted that?:)
6 comments:
I think you're really onto something. I see it in students. The pressure is to be hyperproductive and you are told that your worth is based on what you produce. For starters, that's just really bad theology! Maybe it's not about bringing the same urgency to your social life that you do to your work ... maybe it's just chilling a little more and having that be OK. Easier said than done.
I miss you! When are you going to come visit? I'll be up there in June for Eve's wedding.
cynical nicole? or cynicole? i sure hope hanging out with people like qualler and me haven't had anything to do with that...
I just realized yesterday that in 5 months I'll begin three months of paid vacation...I guess I haven't had time to completely think that through before. So I might be able to visit then:) Are there still plans for an ECM reunion?
I'm trying to stay optimis-nic ;)
Nicole - I can echo your feelings of constant programming! Though I prefer it that way, otherwise I get too sad about Seba being so far away. A disadvantage of having all my friends as fellow graduate students (and in the same department to boot!) is that I read faster than they do, so they are all doing the reading that I already finished so I can't bug them to entertain me. However, I love your baking solution - I do something similar. I never knew I was such a chef until graduate school. In terms of words of encouragement - ANIMO! Like Mike said, we don't need to be crazy busy all the time, as much as we might like to be. Anyways this comment has gone on long enough... but I think you're spot on :-)
I have plans tonight, on a weekday, for the first time in a while. Hopefully that will help with the midweek blues.
I actually read this post at work and then started making plans to go to Burrito Loco and realized that it was a surprisingly good outlet for a boring day at work. And I haven't even started working full time yet, but I already know it's going to be a lot like this!
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