I have the worst cough I've ever had in my life. It starts like a normal cough, but it works itself up ( it has a mind of its own) to the point when strangers on the street are saying "Oh my gosh, are you alright?" It's horrible.

Today I got to one of my favorite things, exploring an ethnic neighborhood in a city. It's always like a treasure hunt. It was really special today, though, because I went to Hamtramck, MI, which is the largest Polish community in the United States... my own ethnicity. Being in Detroit, it's pretty rundown, but the Polish Arts Center was amazing. I found absolutely delicious tea, a Russian-Jewish-immigrant children's book, a recipe book, soup mix, marshamallow candy, a "If you're Polish, smile" pin, and a frame painting of Christmas in Krakow. I'm lethal with a credit card in any store like that- as if I didn't already go crazy at the Arab-American museum:) But I'd never seen a doll with a turban before! It was an impulse buy, regardless of the fact that all children should see toys that represent their culture.

I wish I was more closely connected to a distinct culture; American society is so diverse that customs seemed more diluted, and less sacred. I was friends with such a diverse group during high school, and I loved learning about the foods and traditions they had to pass down, but I really didn't have much to share (except maybe to explain Episcopalianism, which most people don't know that they already understand). I think that was the reason that I wanted to study languages; I can't imagine living in close proximity with a population of people and not being able to communicate with them. And I wanted to escape this American bubble, which, even though it's huge and diverse within itself, can feel claustrophobic and possessing unfair limitations.

Whew.
The past three days went by so quickly!

Friday: We arrived in Marshall and moved into my grandparents' house. There were 17 of us, which is smaller than usual. John and I worked all evening on our big present for our parents. He taught me so much about imovie- I am in love with it! Fading out the sound, freezing the picture, and the double fades are sweet:) That evening, in the typical independent style of my family, we stayed home while everyone went to the early church service...when I was little, we always went to midnight church. I just did my best to stay awake. There was something mystical and kind of medieval about being up that late to celebrate Christmas, and everyone in my immediate family agreed, so we went later. My sequenced, midnight blue top was a little too nightclub for a small-town church, though. Everyone was in jeans and festive sweaters! We all had fun, though, especially my mom, who likes to sing Bass, alto, soprano, and the descant, and she alternates between those at any given time during the hymns. It's really hard to stay on key standing next to her!

All of the kids got to open one present on Christmas Eve, which is something brand new, but which I suggested, Minnesota wisdom apparently, to dissipate the melee that usually is Christmas Day with 17 people. I got pink fleece gloves, but none of the bedlam was averted. So much for that sage advice.

Saturday: I woke up at 6am, after about four hours of sleep, to open my stocking with everyone else. My brother got the best, um, loot: Che Guevara lip balm, sock-monkey bandaids, and Napoleon Dynamite chapstick. We opened presents for another 6 hours, with two breaks, until the end of my cousin Eli's presents, when he started screaming and we had to stop. My parents, who are way too generous, got me a digital camera that I can use at school. I can record their presentations now, and show them at conferences! Later in the afternoon, everyone cooked or watched the Pistons. I made a list of Spanish verbs I can use at school. My favorite is subrayar, because I must sound so gringo-ish saying "draw a line under the word, like this" over and over. In the evening, everyone tried to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" over the twins yelling. My attention span has gotten so small after working with 8-year-olds, so I made Hootycreek cookies.

Sunday: All of us got dressed up to have our family portrait taken, which was my grandma's anniversary present. Somehow it only took 30 minutes to finish. After lunch, we drove to my great aunt and uncle's house, which is an amazing, half-finished house in the woods near Kalamazoo, Michigan. They delighted us with stories of their travels to Rome and Ecuador, and my uncle thought it was so funny that I thought that the pictures of them eating guinea pig were disgusting, and so we got to see those a lot. My cousin, who's 29, lives in Rome, and is an incredibly bad influence, promised to show my brother around when he gets there. Oh well. He can't get in much more trouble than a party when he needs to take someone to the ER with a stab wound, and that already happened. Whew.

ps-listen to Emmanuel played by Chris Botti. It's the most beautiful trumpet playing I've ever heard. I'll probably never do anything that well in my life!

I missed the holiday fun.
I missed my favorite part of Christmas, which isn't actually the day or the presents, but the anticipation and corresponding activities. Those include: cookie-frosting, snowman-building, movie-watching, fire-building, sledding, and gingerbread-house-decorating. Since we didn't arrive at my grandparents' house until yesterday, all of those things were already done.

John and I still need to finish editing our parents' present, which is a kind of "This is your life" movie, with clips of us talking about them all over Ann Arbor (where we lived when we both were born and where they live now). With all of the takes we did, the blooper reel will probably be the best part.

Happy Hannukkah Eve, Merry Christmas Eve, Kickin' two days until Kwanzaa, um...or just have a good weekend!

This clip, The Chronic of Narnia, from SNL, is funny...those cupcakes look delicious!

Highlights from my grandparents' anniversary party in Chicago:

*Going to the Mexican Fine Arts Center again. It's one of my favorite museums. I found color-your-own Diego Rivera murals postcards! Including one portrait of Edsel Ford, which might be the most random thing ever. I'm going to give them to my students so that they can write me letters over vacation.

*Our amazing head waiter, Seymour, who took care of my cousin Weezer after she spilled a huge bowl of ravioli all over her white shirt. She even got to meet the chef. It was really sweet.

*Millenium Park. The cloud sculpture is beautiful.

ps- I love this cold! I sound like a cabaret singer. Does anyone remember the episode of Friends when Phoebe tries to keep her nasal voice by catching more colds? With the bugs passing around my students, I could probably keep this up for the rest of winter...if I started shaking each of their hands at the end of the day.

I have a bad day once every other month, when I feel like the amalgamation of disappointments, stresses, and seeming failures of the previous weeks compound into a helplessness that almost clouds my vision of reality. Depression runs in my family, and by now I've learned how to cope with it, usually by thinking of how blessed I am in light of the struggles going on every day throughout the world. Some small hope always wakes me up from the horrible, downtrodden feelings, and my outlook is immediately shaken back into a pleasant reality.

Tonight I turned on "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and I was filled again with childlike enthusiasm and anticipation for Christmas. It's amazing how something like Linus's retelling of the the Christmas story can restore that hope...

While I was cramming to finish reading an article about the correlations between reading comprehension and reading speed and accuracy (for our grant seminar), I realized that I am still using the exact same strategies that I reiterate to my students every day: rereading, context clues, predictions, self-questioning. They are all strategies that we do unconsciously, so it's interesting to see my students struggle with them for the first time. I hope someday, when one of my students is reading Shakespeare, he or she will remember (fondly?) the days when Miss Walters made them reread Lon Po Po (the Chinese version of Little Red Riding Hood) multiple times to make sure that every word was understood through the text.

I loved reading such a hard article for our seminar! I actually miss the hours and hours of reading that I did for education classes; it's so abstract that you sometimes want to rip it up, but I long for the subtle thrill of mastering a difficult article (like L1-L2 acquisition based on phonemic awareness and interlanguage). Those days seem so manageable compared to trying to teach a student who only speaks Arabic how to read English. Today, she got really mad at me and wrote "no no no no" on her entire paper before I realized she was upset.

This week seems hazy. I am in such a coasting slide towards vacation, and yet so many different things happened this week that time feels like it's standing still. Today I told my students a general outline for how we would be applying the vocabulary for the rest of the week, like "tomorrow, we will share our new words, the paragraphs that they are in in our story, and the context clues we used to understand their meaning. Then, the next day we will compare and contrast the story with our own lives, using the vocabulary to write meaningful sentences that show that we understand the story. Then, on Friday, we will produce a class summary of the story, using the vocabulary and text-to-self stories, which will demonstrate our understanding as a class and show to everyone that teamwork helps us all to learn." They all looked at me for a stunned few seconds and then one persnickity boy called out, "Haha! Tomorrow's Friday!" Oops. I was feeling enthusiastic about those plans, too ;)

As I was leaving school, one of my second-grade students, who I work with in his regular classroom, yelled my name in the hall. He wanted to give me one of his birthday pencils that he had brought to share with his class. I asked him if he was sure -fancy pencils are a luxury for many of my students- but he said "Oh, Miss Walters, I have too many anyway," in his cute, Spanish-accented voice. So he gave me a "Student of the Week" pencil and eraser. That kind of kindness makes up for parts of my job like 90-minute meetings about entering assessment data when I don't even give standarized reading assessments. And listening to my principal sing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" as a morale booster.

*Congratulations to my Dad! He now has 10 people working under him at Pfizer (6 more than before). Some of those people actually report to other people, who report to him: so he's a third-tier research fellow. And his birthday is tomorrow... *

The War on Christmas...
is pretty much the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! If you really need to get your spiritual fulfillment from a stranger at the mall, a clerk at city hall, or a card from the President, maybe you have other faith or diversity issues to work through. You can always go to church and knock yourself out saying "Merry Christmas." I feel kind of uncomfortable when sales clerks say it to me...and I celebrate Christmas! I prefer separation of church and commercialism.

This is a interesting article from the New York Times. Some of the people working for Fox News are crazy...especially Bill O'Reilly.

Three things:
1. I've christened my bathroom the "fiesta" room. Not because I plan to throw parties in there, which actually now sounds like a potentially fun idea:) but because I put up my Mexican holiday flags, my sun mask from San Antonio, and my lava lamp. It's so much more fun now to brush my teeth. I just hope everything doesn't fall down from the steam when I take a shower. That's a risk I have to take when adding a little spice to any room.

2. I completely disagree with the PG rating of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." In terms of how much it could scare a child, I think it should have been rated R...I was scared, and granted that I scare very easily, it was still something I could have imagined making me cry and have nightmares when I was little. The symbolic sacrifice scene (I won't say of whom) was brutal and almost maniacal, with many soldiers looking like something from a horror movie. And I felt, when I was little, that seeing an animal die in a movie was ten times worse than a human (which is still true and why I walked out of March of the Penguins). There were even more deaths in the movie as well, probably hundreds in the battle scene, as well as multiple wolf maulings. Otherwise, I thought it was a really sweet movie. Just not at all for children, who don't have the developmental skills to separate fantasy from reality.

Oh, and I remember being so mad the first time I ate Turkish Delight, after reading about it in "The Chronicles of Narnia." It's just gelatin covered in powdered sugar! I had pictured them at least made of chocolate, because why would Edmund betray his siblings for gumdrops?

3. Please call or email me if you're not busy anytime this week or next (and you live in Minnesota). I want to see everyone before I leave for 10 days on the 21st. I'll be in Chicago for my grandparents 50th Anniversary party all next weekend, which I'm overly excited about! I love that all the silly family traditions sneak out when we're all together.

December 8th, La vie en froit
Have you ever gone into the Gap, just looking for a cute pair of mittens, and they're all over $40? Sometimes, a small part of me wants to do this...

I was listening to "La Vie en Rose" by Edith Piaf at school today and it made me miss Paris. I know that it's a cliche to love Paris, but what I love about Paris is the dissonance of French culture...there is little cookie-cutter suburban culture, dismal, mass-produced, boring and bland Americaness there. McDonalds has fruit-filled brioche breakfast muffins and shrimp in the salads. The ice tea is bitter, the waiters are often unapologetically arrogant, and they don't even sell prom dresses in their department stores (it was that time of high school and I checked). And then when I did buy a dress, I tried it on behind a curtain in the corner of a small store, with a tiny bichon-frise in the dressing room with me:) Old men in berets hit on you and it doesn't seem creepy...it's whimsical.

Here is a my favorite quote from Adam Gopnik, in Paris to the Moon:
The hardest thing to convey is how lovely it all is and how that loveliness seems all you need. The ghosts that haunted you in New York and Pittsburgh will haunt you anywhere you go, because they're your ghosts and the house they haunt is you. But they become disconcerted, shaken, confused for half a minute, and in that moment on a December at four o'clock when you're walking from the bus stop to the rue Saint-Dominique and the lights are twinkling across the river- only twinkling in the bateaux-mouches, luring the tourists, but still...you feel as if you've escaped your ghosts if only because, being you, they're transfixed looking at the lights in the trees on the other bank, too, which they haven't see before, either.
It's true that you can't run away from yourself. But we were right: You can run away. (270).

After feeling suffocated in suburbia all through high school, I'm afraid of the tedium and sterilization of a routine and slowly stiffling life. While I'm too busy to feel that way now, I see glimpses of it at school and it scares me. Part of me wants to abandon this next year and run away. I almost want to try something new...if only to avoid being in a rut, which I know is a horrible reason to do anything. Part of me wants to go to law school, though or get an architecture degree. Maybe then I wouldn't be working in the math supply room and bus entry room, which is either freeeeezing cold or like a sauna, so I'm always either stripping (which always involves a still-teacheresque bottom layer) or piling on the layers so I look like a marshmellow. I know it's the whole paying-your-dues thing. Grr. I kind of hoped that the five years of higher education were somewhat factored into my dues. I feel like I paid quite a pretty penny during my 100's of hours at Starbucks on Forsyth and Handley.

Life in the Frozen Tundra
So I've been talking to people in other states about the level of cold there, and I've heard them complain...well, there is really no reason to complain about anything until you've lived here ;) When I walked to my car this morning, I was reminded of my issues with Minnesota last year: why would people choose to settle somewhere and establish a city in a place where they couldn't even go outside for three months of the year? It's actually inhabitable! My fingers were shocked by the temperature (about 3 degrees) and didn't stop throbbing for five minutes in my car. Grr. I think Minnesotans have some amount of necessary amnesia that sets in in June, when it is absolutely beautiful and perfect in this state: "Oh, I can last the winter...it's not that bad." But then you risk frostbite running (really fast) to a post box and then you remember that this is what actual cold feels like and it won't end until March.

My weekend was so busy! I went to the staff holiday party with my dad, which was actually so much fun. It was at Benchwarmer Bob's, which made me laugh all night. We played fun, steal-other-people's-prizes kinds of games and my dad had the nerve (as an outsider) to steal from the principal! Some of my co-workers seemed annoyed to realize that they were old enough to be my parent, but oh well.

Then I ran in the reindeer run on Saturday morning. It was freezing, but so beautiful with the snow on the lake. So many people make costumes to run in...my favorites were the Pac-Man (with about 10 characters), Mary and Joseph runners, and the cowbell chorus ("...the only prescription is more cowbell!") My aunt and I tried to jog and sing carols, but it didn't really work...until we found someone running with a karaoke machine who let us sing along. My dad froze in the coffee tent, and my calves are still quite tight, but I got a cute t-shirt, so I'll write it off as fine holiday fun.

Then we drove down to St. Olaf's so see my brother, meet his girlfriend's extended family, and watch their holiday choir concert. It was fun...my brother is the funniest singer of the whole 300-something member choir, which is saying a lot.

Yesterday I watched a lot of movies, decorated my Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, and finally bought more huge post-its. I love them so much! They're really useful in all situations:)

Other updates, summarized:
*my computer died. I feel completely cut off from the world! I won't get in back for 9 days:( But that gives me a lot more to do at work:)
*I've been feeling the need to recapture my youth...eat multiple candy canes, drink Kool-aid, and play old school games. I wonder if there's someone who wants to play video games with me.
*I'm going to buy a big new bed this weekend and finally move back into my bedroom. Apparently all the huge bugs have died, or maybe just realized it's too dangerous to come out of the radiator since the vacuum cleaner is always right there.
*Blogulator (I thought you might like a shout-out;)- "Murder by Death" is showing at the Uptown in a few weeks...do you want to go with?
Have a good week! And try not to freeze.

To do during Advent:

*find a piano to practice carols.
*have a mimosa breakfast at my favorite restaurant with my dad:)
*let my students have more fun...
*decorate my littlest Christmas tree.
*eat at Chino Latino again. I am dying for the Brazilian spicy sauce!
*keep my apartment clean.
*sleep, sleep, sleep
*run, run, run...even when dressed like a Christmas Tree (this Saturday).
*make presents for everyone (stained glass cookies?)
*show my students how to make wool mittens.
*leave work earlier.

11/29- I just reread that post and it sounds secularized (if that's a word). I'm also going to light my advent wreath every Sunday night and try to find a nice prayer to say. Advent is one of my favorite church seasons because it is encompassed by anticipation, hope, and love, three of my favorite emotions.

Thanksgiving

What I'm Thankful For:
Family, friends, and health; kindness, love, and hope for peace around the world.



(I think this card is cute,
but why is there a skunk?)

Most Embarrassing Moment:
After drinking a glass of Jim and Coke (to appease my aunts, who were breaking into the liquor cabinet), I accidentally fell asleep for three hours and missed saying goodbye to everyone! Oops:)

Interesting Topic of Discussion:
Mispronunciation of English words, such as my recent chemistry error, pronouncing carbocation (car-bo-cat-ion) as car-bah-ca-shun.

People Missed:
My grandparents, who felt too sick to come, yet again. I've missed them so much since March.

Best Newcomer at the Table:
Cousin Katie's boyfriend Brian. He mocked my pie-cutting technique, but rightly so, since I'm horrible!

Pickiest Eaters:
I won't name names, but two guests ate nothing but rolls and mashed potatoes, even though my mom actually stuck to American turkey and side dishes this year (nothing African-inspired, for example).

Most Desired Leftover Right Now:
Pumpkin pie! I missed dessert yesterday, so I'm definitely going to eat a piece for breakfast.

Happy Thanksgiving!
ps-

You Are Cherry Pie

You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy Those who like you enjoy a contradiction

What kind of pie are you?

My life is so chaotic this week, but I don't want to miss saying goodbye.
If you read this, and you live in the cities, meet me for a drink at The Local today at 4:30pm. It's on Nicollet and 10th in the city. If you come, it's pints all around:)

How did I end up here?
My career of choice at...
Age 5: ballerina
Age 10: architect
Age 16: film director
Age 18: fashion designer (fluent in Italian)...I started college with this plan;)
Age 21: teacher

And here I am. Tomorrow, the principal is going to come listen to one of my 2nd grade reading groups read their instructional text, Let's Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich! They wrote it themselves, so obviously they are equal parts nerves and excitement. The principal's job is to make the sandwich by listening to the directions in their story (I was trying to teach imperatives through text...everything is connected). I hope it's messy! That would be so much fun.

I can't wait to go home on Wednesday...sometimes it's just nice to have someone take care of you for a little while. And my mom is the best cook!

Today at church, we sang South African music with the visiting Reverend. It was so beautiful and so much fun, since Episcopalian traditions can seem kind of rote when they're not spiced up every once in a while. After church, I met the "young adult" group, since I'd never been able to find them before. We went to brunch at The Local, which is now my favorite restaurant! It's a traditional Irish restaurant/pub...it reminds me of the pubs in England- American bars can't compete with the atmosphere of drinking with people of all ages, cute little kids and old men (well, not everyone is drinking, but there seems to be a kinship among the patrons). You don't have to hook up or do shots in a pub. And they have Irish coffee and a beautiful, dark room called the Kissing Room:) It's so romantic...and I was there with strangers.

I really like the song "Autumn Sweater" by Yo La Tengo. For some reason it was offered as a ringtone on my phone...Yo La Tengo- isn't that random? But I love it!
When I heard the knock on the door
I couldn't catch my breath
Is it too late to call this off

We could slip away, wouldn't that be better
Me with nothing to say, and you in your autumn sweater

I tried my best to hide
In a crowded room, it's nearly possible
I wait for you, oh, most patiently

So I looked for your eyes
And the waves looked like they'd pour right out of them
I'll try hard, I'll try always
But it's a waste of time
It's a waste of time if I can't smile easily
Like in the beginning
In the beginning...

sleepy, but not ready for bed...
Ever:
1. smoked a cigar – no...I'm sure it would be incredibly funny for people to see me do something like that
2. crashed a friend's car – no. But backed into a parked car (one of my friends father's) and did $3,000 worth of damage;)
3. stolen a car – no
4. been in love - not to the extent that I want to be someday
5. been dumped – no
6. dumped someone - yes, and I was too mean in high school
7. taken shots of alcohol- yes...9 shots of vodka on my 21st
8. been fired - no. I've quit before though, because I got so bored when I was a secretary
9. been in a fist fight – no
10. snuck out of a/your house – no
11. had feelings for someone who didn't have them back- yes
12. been arrested – no...that probably goes along with the cigar smoking. It would be quite uncharacteristic
13. made out with a stranger - yes. That's kind of why we snuck into frat parties in high school
14. gone on a blind date – kind of, but I still don't know if it was a date
15. lied to a friend – never about anything important
16. had a crush on a teacher- yes. My Oxford tutor, with whom I met in his bedroom to discuss the virility of Mexican revolutionary soldiers;)
18. seen someone die – no
19. been on a plane – yes...this question seems out of place
20. thrown up in a bar - I've never thrown up from alcohol. I get tipsy after one sip, but otherwise my tolerance is pretty high
22. miss someone right now - yes
23. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes, when I was little
24. made a snow angel – yes
25. played dress up – yes. I feel like it everyday when I get dressed as a teacher:)
26. cheated while playing a game – not that I can remember
27. been lonely – yes
28. fallen asleep at work/school – at school, no, because I always thought it would be disrespectful. At work, yes. I took a nap on my teaching table two weeks ago, but it was after hours; I just wanted to have the energy to lesson plan.
29. used a fake id - no
30. felt an earthquake – no
31. touched a snake – yes
32. ran a red light - yes. Only once, in September when I was completely stressed and exhausted.
33. had detention – no
34. been in a car accident - yes. I was riding with my grandparents and a car slammed on the brakes in front of us on the highway. The driver had missed her exit and wanted to turn around and go back...hmmm. My grandpa was sleeping on the backseat and he rolled off and got stuck between the seats, which he couldn't stop laughing about.
35. hated the way you look – yes, but it's always caused by something else
37. been lost – in what sense? Everytime I drive with my cousins, I get lost for some reason. Now they don't get in a car with me without asking me if I know where I'm going:)
38. been to the opposite side of the country – from here? I've been to Florida, California, and Maine, and I once had a layover in Seattle
39. felt like dying – yes, when I was sick in high school
40. cried yourself to sleep – yes
41. played cops and robbers - no. Do boys actually play that? I thought it was a myth perpetuated by Duck Tale
42. karaoke – yes, only once, and it was so bad. I sang "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About"
43. done something you told yourself you wouldn't – no
44. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose- I don't think so
45. caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
46. kissed in the rain - no
47. sang in the shower - all the time, but not since I realized that the walls in my apartment are paper thin
48. made love in a park - no
49. had a dream that you married someone - no
50. glued your hand to something – no
51. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no
52. worn the opposite sex's clothes – yes. There's nothing as comfortable as a big, soft sweater
53. Been a cheerleader – omg no. Don't get me started on high school...
54. sat on a roof top - yes. I used to lay in the sun on the roof outside my window in Oxford
55. talked on the phone all night - no
56. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - yes! I'm scared by everything. I was traumatized by the Disney movie "The Watcher in the Woods" when I was in middle school
57. played chicken fight – no. I've never really hung out at pools since I was little
58. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - no
59. been told you're hot by a complete stranger – yes, by a scary number of older French men who claimed to be professors at La Sorbonne
60. broken a bone – no
61. run into someone you knew in another country? Yes, on top of the Eiffel Tower:)

False alarm...I'm not sick, actually. I think it was work-related physical fatigue. I'm really excited to go to work today, though, because I'm acting out school verbs with the newcomers, we're going to take pictures, and then make our own books :)

Sometimes I forget the traumatic realities that my students face at home. I was doing a vocabulary visualization activity with third grade students, when one asked me, out of the blue, what "sheriff" means. I told him it is the boss of the policemen and he suddenly looked really upset. He then explained to me that he had to translate for his mother yesterday when she was talking to their landlord (it was so lucky I remembered that word in Spanish). But when he translated "the sheriff is going to come lock your door in three days," he didn't know what sheriff meant, so it didn't seem like a desperate thing, I guess. I started to cry in class (but I hid it- I did a fake sneeze) because he has to deal with that kind of pressure. So his teacher and I worked together to get the Latino liason and our social worker to intervene or at least try to do something. No wonder he has trouble paying attention :(

As soon as I feel better, this weekend is going to be so much fun! I have a posh teacher conference at the Radisson downtown on Saturday...I may smuggle out some danish in my purse. Then, I want to see "Walk the Line," "Harry Potter," and maybe "Rent." I also want to go mitten/scarf shopping and lay in bed for hours...I wish I could do that simultaneously;) And I want to eat at The Black Forest Inn sometime on Saturday. I love sauercraut! I think it's my eastern european roots. I hope that two days will be enough time for all of that.

Grr and fit ;) I have so much to do, all the time! I spent 13 hours at work today and I only had about 30 minutes of planning time. It's enough to make me want to go back to graduate school. I miss the control I have when I'm writing a paper. That's a skill that I'm almost proficient in after four years of college: taking notes on notecards (with all bibliography information), cross-referencing by paragraph, and then typing and proofreading. I loved that wustl taught us (some of you) to bs a paper. But now it's like I'm starting over again. Eventually I'll be able to plan for 10 separate lessons each day, but right now it's almost impossible...it's like preparing for 10 different trajectories, based on the needs of each student in those groups, the content, the timing, the teachers...and I teach 55 students each day!!

I can't wait to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. I haven't been back to Ann Arbor since March. I'm not homesick, because I've only spent a week in their new house, but it'll be fun to see my family all together again. I can't believe it's next week! Though I'm kind of nervous, because my "room" is also my Dad's yoga/meditation/incense room :)

I can't deal with the bugs in my building anymore. When I came home tonight there were two 3-inch-long centipedes in the stairwell. Three inches! That's more than disgusting...I could see the eyes. So, I'm going to request pest control again, and after that I might go to a lawyer and get a rent abatement (that's legal jargon for a partial refund...there's a lot of helpful information on the Renters' website:). I don't even sleep in my bedroom anymore, so I shouldn't really have to pay for a one-bedroom, because what I really have is a studio with an extra room to store my clothes, that is otherwise sealed off because the centipedes roam at night. Anyway, the minute that I saw them, I froze and my hand went to my neck to button my collar. I have a subconscious, innate skittishness around huge insects. I might not get any sleep tonight. I need a vacation so much...from my apartment. What I really need is someone to protect me from the bugs. Like a sweet dog to sniff them out.

Chick flick?
I don't understand the stigma that some people have against romantic movies. It's just romance! A guy, who will go unnamed, actually called to get my opinion if a movie that he enjoyed was a chick flick, as though that should affect how much he actually liked it. There is such a double standard...the fact that I want to see the midnight show of Fight Club at the Uptown is probably much more acceptable, right?

Other things I don't understand:
*how "I can't believe it's not butter" can have no fat at all
*why people take up scrapbooking as a hobby...use a glue stick and some markers and just call it a day, honestly
*Ashlee Simpson's popularity
*the Sunshine teacher-spirit committee at my school...I will never be that peppy! We're having a holiday party at Bennigan's; it's a little too much like "the office" for me
*why the veterans had to fire rifles outside today and freak out all the kids
*why the smelly Mr. Washable marker smells like licorice:) There must people something better than that

Veterans' Day
Here's a story about my Grandpa, who was in the army during WWII. After paratrooping into France during the beginning of the Battle of the Bulge, his battalion was walking through abandoned villages in eastern France on Christmas Day. They found a house that had been left so recently that there was smoke coming from the chimney and food in the kitchen. Since they were resourceful soldiers, they went inside and had Christmas dinner together! And it was obviously quite a gourmet meal, since they were in France:)

My desire for excitement outside of school is apparently insatiable.

I decided to go back to the beginning of my postings on this blog and see how I've changed since then (April 2003). It's kind of scary to see how cynical I've become! My posts aren't "omg...I love starbucks!!" anymore, they're mostly dedicated to my job, which is apparently sucking the enthusiasm out of me. Maybe I am becoming a Republican with this quick decrease in idealism.

Although I know that almost everyone is completely absorbed by their first job, I feel like I'm lacking the dichotomy of the typical 23-year-old. I have a new theory: the reason why young adults party more now, why both genders marry later, and binge drinking is so common, is that now everyone's expected to work longer hours, with more and more technology actually increasing the amount of work done each day, and they crave the juxtaposition just to maintain their sanity! That's what I think. Because I suddenly have a desire to get really dressed up, in my red satin halter dress, and hit the Uptown bars. I want the same sense of urgency and overhwhelming emotion in my life as I have in my work...um, well, that's going to take a lot of wild nights. And I'm not even a party girl!

If I don't have that same feeling outside of school- the anxiety, dedication, mental stimulation- I feel like my free time is completely unproductive. It's so sad. I sat at my table this evening and practically had a panic attack: I need to be having more fun than this! Is this really the best you can do for the only free evening you'll have this week? But I couldn't think of anything really exciting I could do tonight. All of my friends here are just as busy...the chances of someone having time to entertain me for a few hours is unlikely. So I made raspberry cupcakes. And next I'm going to wash my dishes.

This is the longest post I've made for such a long time. Actually, I've regained my optimism in the time it took to write it. Who could have predicted that?:)

Ok, since I can't seem to concentrate at all today, I'm going to put aside planning for my Principal's observation and make a list of the highlights of my day (not all necessarily good):

10. Mexican fiesta soup for lunch...where has Campbell's been hiding this all my life? So, so good.
9. I found my pink Ali McGraw hat (circa Love Story). That's the only reason I wish it would snow soon:)
8. Rocío and I discussed differences between Mexican and American men. Apparently Mexican men think that they should try to be friends first...
7. The principal seemed kind of overwhelmed by my 5-color-coded schedule change proposal. He even chuckled a little bit. I hope that's a good thing! In any case, he must have been impressed with my ample highlighter use.
6. Starting on Thanksgiving, I will be in a different place every weekend: Ann Arbor, then St. Olaf for the concerts, Chicago for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, and then Marshall for Christmas.
5. I asked for a new computer for my classroom this morning and it was completely hooked up by lunch. I am so lucky to work in this school district!!
4. During a presentation about drugs, given by a policewoman, one of the third graders asked, incredulously, "Wait...you mean pot isn't legal? Really?" OMG...where has he been seeing it, I wonder? ;)
3. Another third grader summarized the entire plot of "Halloween" for me while we were waiting in line. When I suggested that maybe he could say "this is too scary" and go to his room when that movie is on TV in his living room, he said "Oh, no, it's not scary. At the end, the mom kills the bad guy, Michael Myers, with an axe." Why won't he use his summarizing skills in my class? Can he only do that with R-rated movies about serial killers?
2. If I ever finish my lesson plan, I'm going to make raspberry cupcakes from scratch.
1. Okay, my most teacherish highlight: I actually got a chance to whip out my thesaurus today, when one of my students tried to write that doing well on tests makes her feel "good." It's so cute: now I have one sentence on my "Why should we think positive?" poster that says "Doing well on tests makes me feel splendid." :)

I completely love doing things that have nothing to do with school! I've missed that so much (so much more than I thought;). Today I'm going to run around Lake Harriet, which will hopefully give me enough endorphins to stay happy through finishing my planning this afternoon, and then I'll have time for something more.

John, here's the list you asked for:) I hope you guys have fun this week...
Local boy in the photograph- Stereophonics
Tired of Being Sorry- Ringside
Use It- The New Pornographers
Forever Young- Youth Group
Dancin' in The Moonlight- Toploader
Autumn Sweater- Yo La Tengo
Cherry Blossom Girl- Air
Rain City- Turin Brakes
Your Eyes Open- Keane
The Group Who Couldn't Say- Grandaddy
Brighter Than Sunshine (Live At Shepherd's Bush Empire, London)- Aqualung
Let the Distance Keep Us Together- Bright Eyes/Britt Daniel & Spoon
Stephanie Says- The Velvet Underground
Sing Me Spanish Techno- The New Pornographers
To The End- Blur
Struggle- Ringside

The inevitable has happened: I took a nap at school:) It couldn't be helped; I was exhausted after a morning of parent-teacher conferences, but I wanted to stay for a few more hours to organize and plan. So I closed the door to my little room and put my head down on the kidney table. It was very refreshing...no wonder my students try to do it all the time.

... Fill out your answers and re-post ... FIRST thing to do before going to sleep: That's a tricky question- really, the first thing I do before I go to sleep is wake up. The last thing I do is turn off the light. FIRST pet: a teddybear hamster named Rosebud (I was in a classic movie phase when I was 10:)). I got her when she was a baby and soon found out that she had no eye balls...gross! She died from lack of personal hygiene :( FIRST primary school: The Walt Disney School. Doesn't it sound fun? Um, not really...it's just a school in Rochester, NY, that the kids had the opportunity to name. FIRST alcoholic drink you had: Pimms and lemondade in Oxford...I didn't drink until I was legal, but it's a gray area since I was in a different country. FIRST time you entered a bar: Once I was in a country with more lax drinking laws. FIRST time you were sent to the principal for disciplinary action: Never...and now I have the power to send kids, but I use it benevolently FIRST record you bought: It was probably Debbie Gibson FIRST musical instrument you learned to play: Piano...my first teacher thought that I was a prodigy, so she decided that she didn't have the skills to train me. I guess I showed her when I stopped lessons 8 years later! (I wish I hadn't!) FIRST concert you watched: I went to a Devo concert 3 months before I was born:) FIRST sport you played: Lacrosse. It's not fun when a ball as hard as a hockey puck hits your unhelmeted head. Why do boys lacrosse get pads but girls don't? FIRST terrible fight: It was a bar brawl in East Surrey. Just kidding! The worst have always been with my little brother, though I can't imagine fighting with him now. FIRST best friend: Annie Stulberg. We were born two days apart in the same room. FIRST wedding you attended: My Aunt Emily's FIRST person who greeted you on your last birthday: I was so busy on my last birthday, I don't even remember what I did. FIRST collection: Keychains...it's huge FIRST time you saw a ghost: never FIRST roller coaster ride: I can't remember FIRST ambition: I wanted to be an architect. I designed amazing Barbie dreamhouses out of legos...I wasn't content with the prefab models. FIRST job: I was an administrative assistant at the Lear Corporation in Dearborn. (That, and I babysat for years and years. Which is how I built the connections to get that job). FIRST thing you bought with your 1st salary: Probably clothes FIRST thing you bought today: Dolce de Leche scone at Caribou coffee FIRST person you hated: I don't think I've ever hated anyone, per se LAST concert you watched: The Decemberists...but it was mostly listening because I couldn't see anything LAST book you bought: A Beginner's Guide to Arabic. I have a student that I communicate with at all. But now I know how to say teacher, so now I'm a big help, right? LAST thing you bought: Iced Chai Tea Latte at Caribou LAST TV show watched: CNN morning. I wish they had kept Bill Hemmer...he attracted my demographic, I'm sure. LAST movie you watched: Good Night, and Good Luck LAST time you traveled out of the country: Two years ago, to Europe LAST song listened: Tired of Being Sorry, by Ringside LAST argument: My dad, because I lost his Mac OSX software. Oops! LAST thought: Having 12 parent-teacher conferences in four hours is exhausting. Especially since I only see the students for 30 minutes a day, so there's not much to say. Have a good Wednesday!

"Miss , you look like a present. Can I buy you and take you home?"

[After I told them I thought I looked like a candy cane in my striped sweater]... "If you were a candy cane, I'd eat you."

I like my job because the people I'm around all day can say things like that and I know that they're just being nice.

Tonight, I spent over an hour rearranging my schedule so that I meet with certain students at specific times of day when they're least likely to doze off. I also

I'm incredibly overly excited to have a 3 1/2-day weekend. I want to do something fun...any ideas? Does anyone want to go to Ichiban?

On my mind this weekend:
...the quote from Trent Lott, saying that Bush should find a qualfied "man, woman, or minority" to appoint to the court. It infuriates me that that idea was stated by an elected official, in Washington D.C., the same week that Rosa Parks died. But I'm so glad that she's going to be honored in the capitol.
...Halloween: pagan devil-worshipping or intrinsic part of American culture? Shouldn't I explain to non-English speakers why everyone is wearing costumes...or is that breaching the divide between church and state?
...Jess/Amy's costume party. I'm going as a stood-up prom date, pretty much just so I can wear my homecoming dress again. I love it! But I'm also going to have mascara streaks running down my face to show some effort.
...my principal's observation on Tuesday. I MUST be prepared...Sunday and Monday all-nighters, maybe?
...my favorite song right now, "Tired of Being Sorry" by Ringside. I love the acoustic guitar in the beginning.
...a three-day work week. The Teachers's Union read my mind.
...John McCain. Would I vote for him in 2008? I'm leaning towards yes, unless Barack Obama is running. This was a constant topic of conversation with my grandparents for the past two days. I brought up the Trent Lott quote just to bother them. Then they shunned Heinz ketchup at breakfast just to bother me. It's a little partisan game we like to play:)
...my favorite flowers are lilacs. I've decided that's my official answer.

Oh my gosh, all I've done this week is work. We had two conference nights, when each family gets 30 minutes to meet with the teacher, but I have about 50 students, so it was all running around the school, sporadically explaining the entire curriculum in Spanish. I'm exhausted. And tomorrow is the Harvest festival...we're not even allowed to celebrate Halloween! I need a drink so badly.

Sometimes, when I'm at school, I forget that I'm not one of the students. Oops ;0) Like today, we had a drill of our emergency plan. We never had to do this when I was in school...it's so sad, but I guess this is a post-columbine age. Anyway, without giving away any information, we end up sitting on the floor of my very tiny room for 10 minutes. It's me, eight 3rd-graders, one paraprofessional, in a room the size of my bathroom. In pitch-black darkness. All I could think about as I was shushing them (we have to be silent) was that it would be fun if I said "boo!" Honestly. But, in my defense, we were all sitting on the floor, near or under the table, and they kept giggling, and I got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I was already kind of loopy.

I was thinking about Wash U today and how the difficulty of being a teacher is different (basically, I was doing compare/contrast). Although I am exhausted and feeling stressed out, it comes from a different source. While college was mentally draining, ideas could always be synthesized down into topic sentences or subjects for papers; that was a goal in itself. But here, there is just too much information. The goal is still synthesis, I think, but there is no way- absolutely no way- to figure everything out and organize every element of instruction. Example: I'm supposed to assess comprehension in every lesson I teach. How am I supposed to do that every day in 25 minutes? How can I teach a lesson with content, language, skills, strategies, etc. and have that part too? There's no time! Grr. So in the end, while I can plan for over 20 hours during my vacation (that's right), I can still leave out a piece. And then when someone pops in to observe me, that small mistake stands out like a glaring error, as though I sat around debating whether or not to include it and chose not to. At least this isn't organic chemistry: I can understand every concept in isolation (like comprehensible input, kinesthetic vocabulary instruction, on-task participation, engagement, text-to-self connections, rephrasing, etc.). It's just putting them all together, so not a minute of class time is wasted, that makes being a teacher sometimes just as difficult as being a college student. That, and I can never skip class, fall asleep during class, make up what I don't understand later, bs a paper (they can spot when I'm bsing here;0), or drop a class. I feel like my job should be a show: "True Life, diary of a teacher." Here my catchphrase: "You think it should be easier- after all the studying I did in college, now I just teach elementary school... but you have no idea."

"East of anywhere," writes a reporter for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, "often evokes the other side of the tracks. But, for a first-time visitor suddenly deposited on its eerily empty streets, East St. Louis might suggest another world." The city, which is 98 percent black, has no obstetric services, no regular trash collection, and few jobs. Nearly a third of its families live on less than $7,500 a year; 75 percent of its population lives on welfare of some form. The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development describes it as "the most distressed small city in America."

...

It is, according to a teacher at the University of Southern Illinois, "a repository for a nonwhite population that is now regarded as expendable...

Now and then the possibility is raised by somebody in East St. Louis that the state may someday try to end the isolation of the city as an all-black entity. This is something, however, that no one with power in the state has ever contemplated. Certainly, no one in government proposes busing 16,000 children from this city to the nearby schools of Bellevue, Fairview Heights or Collinsville; and no one in tends to force these towns to open up their neighborhoods to racially desegregated and low-income housing. So there is, in fact, no exit for these children. East St. Louis will likely be left just as it is for a good many years to come: a scar of sorts, an ugly metaphor of filth and overspill and chemical effusions, a place for blacks to live and die within, a place for other people to avoid when they are heading for St. Louis."

-from Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol.

I was thinking about East St. Louis this afternoon and how I never went there during my four years at Washington University. It's not like I had any reasons to go there; I didn't go very far from the campus as it was. But I clearly remember the warnings that I received about the city and what could happen if I crossed that bridge.

The closest I got was at an elementary school that I worked at as part of a psychology of education class, but it was still on the west side of the river. The front gate of the school was always in a new mangled form, because, apparently, crazy drivers from East St. Louis would take the exit ramp off the highway and plow right into the gate every single time it was replaced. The secretaries also told me never to leave anything in sight in my car or the window would invariably be smashed. That school was not as bad as the schools that Kozol describes in his book, which I had to read again this summer, but there was evidence of blatant differences between it and the school that I teach at now. Lunch was always a crazy unwrapping of every single piece of plasticware and food from plastic covering. All the food was highly processed. The lead teacher in the preschool classroom where I worked often left during the day to go get drive-through and answered her cell phone during class. And on career day, children were encouraged to go into the fields of city service, lawncare, or maintenance.

The conservative philosophy of teaching believes that America needs to be separated into those who can succeed in more educationally demanding professions and those who fill the jobs that require less schooling. I'm not saying that any career, in service or production, is not distinguished or honorable. I think that any (or almost all) professionals done with goodwill, honesty, and dedication are assets to our society...and worthy pursuits. But I believe that schools should present limitless options to students. Is there any reason why the African American student body at an elementary school in urban St. Louis should be presented with different options than the kids in Ladue? In terms of resources, yes, success will be more difficult. It may also be in terms of preparedness outside of school and financial eligibity. But in terms of each child, I don't think that that kind of delineation should ever be made.

I started thinking about all of this while I was lesson planning this afternoon. I was trying to think of a famous Latino or Latina who I could use in a biography project with my students. Honestly, the first person who popped into my head was Selena, but obviously that wouldn't work so well. Then I thought of Bill Richardson, but he was raised in Connecticut with many advantages. I think it is extremely important to present my students, who are mainly latino, with a role model of someone who worked hard to learn English, stay in school, and follow his or her dreams. And while I was searching for this mystery person, I came across a famous name who had actually grown up in East St. Louis. Although it wouldn't be meaningful to my students, few of whom are old enough to have gotten deep into geography (not to mention sociology and demographics), I was encouraged that this person had moved on from a childhood in East St. Louis. I found out that one of the most famous athletes in the world spent part of her life in the city that Kozol described as unliveable and inescapable: Jackie Joyner Kersee.

Although she eventually became the fastest woman in the world, she had horrible asthma as well, possibly a side effect of the chemical pollution in East St. Louis. It made me so happy to know that there is a native child of that place who could be an inspiration to future generations (albeit she was mainly successful in sports, not academics, but that's really a different argument).

Please leave me a comment if you know of any non-native-English-speaking Latino-Americans who have worked their way to educational and professional success. Although I've found websites about successful scientists and mathematicians, I'm sad that I can't find even one that I've heard of before.

Today's been completely unproductive (professionally). I love it so much, and I think I needed it more than I knew.

So far I've...
*gone grocery shopping. I bought the beautiful orange lantern flowers that I was always afraid to buy before (because I thought I would accidentally crush them? I don't know). I made a flower arrangement that even Martha Stewart might approve of; it's quite the harvest festival look on my dining room table.
*watched "Matthew McConaghey (?) uncut, a show about his road trip to promote a movie.
*washed all of my dishes, even the new crystal I took from a free box outside someone's garage. They're beautiful -if kind of quirky- decorative glasses.
*made a mix of my favorite veggietales songs for my cousins.
*listened to Keane again. I will never stop loving their first album! I'll probably be singing these songs at the social hour when I'm in a nursing home.

Riveting, huh? Next I'm going to go really crazy and vacuum everywhere! I'm going to get all those centipedes with my shock and awe suction...they'll never know what got them. And tonight I'm going to see the Decemberists downtown.

Today was so relaxing. I woke up at 11 and went out to lunch at my favorite restaurant. My plan was to lesson plan all afternoon, but I decided to snuggle up in my old quilt for a few minutes on the couch and I woke up again 3 hours later...I think school is wearing me out more than I realized! Since it's gorgeous outside, I'm going to walk to the Greek deli and buy a snack (they make amazing pistachio desserts), then walk down to the lake. Maybe I'll start work tomorrow. Then again, maybe I won't.

After leaving school and spending a few hours doing something mindless, I feel so much better! Everything can seem so overwhelming sometimes, especially when I overextend my impact as a teacher in my mind and picture my little students smoking behind the high school in 6 years because I didn't have the sense or time to teach long vowel sounds this week. Some of my students are already showing signs of the attitude that I saw when I was student teaching in high school. Argh. My goal (um, number 154), is to stop the apathy and academic rejection from happening.

Since this blog makes it seem like I have no life outside of school, which is completely not true, here are 5 things I've done this week that are not related to my job:
1. I fogged my bedroom to get rid of the centipedes that were crawling on me in my sleep.
2. I saw Elizabethtown because I had to do something senseless after school today and didn't have the energy to go for a run. It could have been so good if Kirsten Dunst wasn't in it and there was a lot less soundtrack.
3. Hmm...I started sleeping in my living room (see #1).
4. Chipotle for dinner on Tuesday night...I love it! My favorite is chicken, guacamole, and cheese.
5. I finally hung my José Guadalupe Posada Aguilar poster from the Mexican Fine Arts Center. It's so very Pedro Páramo.

Well, I have four days off now, so I'm going to make up for lost time :)

Today was a professional development/inservice day at school. These days are the most stressful, anxiety-ridden, mentally-challenging days I have. We get bombarded with information: rank all the students using this new software; plan your schedule based on achievement/test scores/disabilities/content/strategies; find materials to teach that are appropriate for each student (which is a challenge in any elementary classroom, but I've got 40 students, some special ed., some non-reading in their native language, some who need help in math as well); learn a new teaching method; and receive tens of handouts with new methodology. Now have a good weekend! Yeah, right. I know that just sorting through this information and cross-referencing every piece of assessment, etc. that I have on each student will take me at least a day- and that's not even applying it! I almost, almost, lost it when I learned that some of my students are pulled-out during the beginning of reading, so they never get to listen to the story, and yet have to answer all the questions with the class, and are eventually accountable for the information. And these are my students who are at lower levels! I've been teaching them with the assumption that they have already read the story, no wonder they're lost/confused/frustrated/acting out. (Anger makes me use the / a lot). Everything comes back to us teachers on a weekly basis as results: how are we preparing our students to achieve the standards, to progress to the next level, and to receive high test scores (which, thankfully, my school never talks about when mentioning explicit goals)? How can I do those things? I am set to spend my break preparing, which I really want to, but at the same time I'm scared that there may not be a solution. And that's not fair to these little children who are trying so hard to catch up to their peers. Maybe I'll erect a little tent in my small classroom and just live here. There are soda machines, tvs, and microwaves, which are basically all of the appliances I need. That way I'll know I'm doing everything I can possible do to stop my students from being left behind. And there is something oddly comforting about being in the school. The incredible anxiety of being a teacher is somewhat countered by the nostalgia of being in a cute, little elementary school and reading all of the motivational posters on the walls.

In honor of being a girl and actually liking to cry sometimes (which I really can't explain), here are my top 5 sob stories:

5. "You Can Count On Me"
The last scene, with the two of them on the bench, and she doesn't know when she's going to see her little brother again ::deep breath:: It reminds me so much of how I worry about John and how there are some things that we know about our family and each other that no one else will ever fully appreciate. (Ryu-kiss, for example, which is too stupid to explain, but comes from the Street Fighter video game).
4. "Sense and Sensibility"
Okay, it's trite and forceful, what with the desperation of poor women, and the extremely handsome and wealthy Hugh Grant to sweep in at the last minute, but Emma Thompson is such a good actress!
3. "Life is Beautiful"
Well, here you've got the Holocaust, which everyone could cry about indefinitely, but Roberto didn't stop there. Oh no he didn't. He added an adorable little boy, a mother's selfless act, a father's undying devotion and protection of his son, and a reunion finale. And then at the Oscars, he jumped on the seats! Multiple kleenex box action.
2. "Follow That Bird"
The one that started all the crying. It's got a beloved childhood character painted blue, locked in a cage, singing a song of melancholy! I'm completely serious when I say that it gets me every time- nobody does that to Big Bird!
1. "Steel Magnolias"
Before the whole death with decency debate of 2005, this movie tackled the issue. There are southern friends, Dylan McDermott (which doesn't make me cry, but I like it), and diabetic seizures. Shirley MacLaine is so good at the funeral. This movie is number one because there's really no other plot; it's all just building up happiness for an hour so it can shock every character with the sadness.

I would really like to hear a male perspective on the tear-jerker;) Are there any movies you'd admit to?

I went to see "Goodnight, and Good Luck" tonight. I thought it was interesting, but scary to the extent that American civil liberties were attacked so recently in the past...I guess they still are a bit, but I think our government is so manipulative and internally-loyal that no one would ever know. I loved that the movie was in black and white...it was so beautiful. It reminded me of "Quiz Show."

One of my favorite things in the world is going into Borders without a purpose and buying as many interesting books as I can carry. It's such a bad habit! It reminds me of when I was little, though...my parents are book fiends and it's one indulgence they always permitted. We really never went to the library. I guess whatever worth reading was worth keeping in our home to read again. I love that philosophy. Which is why I already have so books, including all of my college lit. Hmm, I wonder when I'll ever go back to "Girls' Schooling In the Progressive Era" or "Sex and Citizenship in Antebellum America?" But my dream is to someday have a huge library in my house, with bookshelves so high that there is a ladder, big comfy chairs, and a fireplace. I will read E.M. Forster while sipping Earl Grey and eating scones, snuggled into a warm, fuzzy blanket. I would love that! Between growing prize orchids, baking pies, and playing the organ at the local parish, I could eventually be a perfect old British lady:)

I bought "Paris to the Moon" by Adam Gopnik today. I wish I could experience la vie quotidienne in Paris.

This morning at 2:30, I woke up with a start because I thought I felt centipede feet crawling up my leg, which happens a lot since my encounter with one last week. It was kind of warm in my room, so I got up to turn on my air conditioning. The second I turned it on, my power went out. So I went down to the basement and replaced the fuse, all the while thinking that a crazy homeless person was going to jump out from under the staircase and strangle me (it was really dark and creepy in the hallway). When I got back to my apartment, on the third floor, my power was still out, so I went down and replaced the first fuse. Then I went back upstairs and my power was still out. So I went back down again and replaced the second fuse. Each time the meter started moving right away...how can the meter be moving and my power not be on? It doesn't make sense to me, but it still didn't work. This experience is starting to answer a question that I've been thinking about for a while: why is my rent so cheap? ;)

I'm running out of time. I just don't have enough to do everything that's needed for this job and maintain a decent apartment. I work 7:20 (when I leave for work) to about 7pm (when I usually get home) every day! And this weekend I was so determined to be completely prepared for this week so I would have time to run and prepare for my apartment warming party this Friday. I got to school this morning and everything's changed, my preparation is irrevelant, and I'm in a despondent mood. I really wouldn't mind if there was a huge snow storm tonight;)

I recommend Wallace & Gromit's "The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" to everyone! It is so funny, inventive, and adorable. It's good for adults, and all ages of kids...my cousins, who are 6, 8, and 10 all loved it. Plus, it has a pro-eat-your-vegetables, anti-hunting message, and every character is British:)

My little brother

I almost never see stories about older sister/younger brother relationships on TV or in movies. The only one I can think of is "You Can Count On Me," which is one of my favorite movies, partially for that reason. I think the reason that it's rarely portrayed is that the characteristics attached to older children (independence and ambition) are more valued in men and the stereotypical characteristics of younger children (dependence and more easy-going personalities) are seen as signs of weakness. I don't know, really. I didn't like psychology. Anyway, my brother and I fit the roles of our birth order. Maybe that's why we just recently started getting along with each other!

Up until I left for college, we really didn't like each other. Even though is was miserable back then, it's really funny now to think about it! We were just talking on the phone and we both agreed ( "I didn't like you." "Yeah, me neither!" Hahaha). Isn't that sad? He has changed so much since middle school and I've probably changed even more since I left for college. We've had so much fun hanging out for the past year with him so close by. He came to the Hmong New Year with me where we rocked the jingle shoes:) And I took him an egg McMuffin for his birthday this summer, then we drove to the grocery store and took pictures, so he could remember his 20th birthday (did I mention he's 6 ft. and still growing? I really missed out on those genes!)

I feel like I'm at the age when all of the stereotypes about growing up start to apply, you go through the emotions for the first time, and people get to say "that's life" over and over. I hate that. But it does help to dull the pain. That's right- my little brother has a girlfriend now and he doesn't call or visit me anymore. I actually called him today and gave him a guilt trip. I feel like that's such a Lifetime Movie kind of thing for a sister to do! I've never done it before. I miss him, though: even though we spent the first 17 years of our time together feeling mutual dislike, he is one of my favorite people now (giving up the Magic cards was a huge step in the right direction). But he's such a good brother...as soon as I put him on the guilt trip, he scheduled a visit this month. Abrazos, hermano menor! :)

You can learn a lot about the former tenants of your apartment by the catalogues you receive. My bedside reading currently includes Railroad Enthusiast Monthly.

I worked for 13 hours yesterday. And yet I still love my job! Although the ultra-peppy Sunshine Teacher-Spirit group makes me feel a bit nauseated.

My favorite episode of "Made" was on MTV last night. It's about a white Minnesota teenager who wants to become a rapper. So much of the episode is taped in Uptown! And the club he plays at at the end is right near the U.

Sunday morning I woke up and saw this crawling towards me on my pillow.

I got no sleep last night.

Le sigh. I was in such a complaining mood yesterday.

Honestly, I'm so lucky. I have the energy and health to see all my school issues as challenges and work to overcome them.

So I'm going to reduce my anger to one, non-professionally-related idea: if one more person tells me "Well, you're going to have no life during your first year of teaching...no one does," I'm going to go home, bake some messy, gooey pies, and throw them at that person:) When people are in a bad, semi-discouraging situation, telling them that a lot of people are in the same boat (i.e. that I should expect this to be a 24/7 job) is so not helpful. Please, please, please, could someone give me advice that would actually help me to deal with all the pressure of my first job, instead of just commiserating? I'm sure that people I know actually have so much wisdom to share. And I am determined to be a good teacher while simultaneously continuing life outside of school. And by "life," I'll be happy with just being able to run a little each day...the lakes are soooo beautiful this time of year and I'm in love with my ipod (and InXS). There has to be a way to make it all balance:)

::smoke coming out of my ears::
Today's meetings with the consultant angered me like I have never been before at school. I now know why many teachers are bitter whiners.
1. I am educated in teaching ESL. I know all about the most current methodologies, pedagogies, and philosophies. In other words, I'm prepared for nothing.
2. We (the ESL department) are bombarded on a daily basis with scheduling changes, curriculum changes, and district mandates that impact the way we teach.
3. We are also constantly reinformed about the manner in which we conduct our classes and adhere to the district curriculum.
4. I can never get in contact with the grade-level teachers (normal classroom teachers) because they fly out the door at 4pm and apparently cannot follow my email requests.
5. Now, the office is asking me to call Spanish speaking parents and explain district forms that were sent home. I realize that we don't have a translator on call, but I am not a replacement. It's embarassing the mistakes that I sometimes make; it's also unprofessional and disrespectful. So tonight I'm going to write several explanatory schpiels to use when I call these parents.
6. While it's a great idea, I am running out of planning time with all of the study group meetings we have. I'm studying vocabulary and comprehension in a once a week meeting and I have articles to read for homework.

I'm really tempted to hire someone to help me organize all of the input I'm receiving. There is no way that a human could address the needs of the district, the classroom teachers, the government, and, of course, the students at one time. I'm starting to have constant guilt pangs because I'm not integrating the hell out of my lessons. I mean, it should start from the content, but also be meaningful; it should have cultural relevance and technological aspects; I should model, allow for guided instruction, then follow-up with independent practice. I need to teach meaningful words and reading strategies, plus speaking, reading and writing practices. Oh, did I mention I only see each student for 25 minutes a day?!!

I was talking to a group of friends from the U of M about last fall: we were all into politics and there was so much enthusiasm that we were working towards a real and substantial change in America. What a difference a year makes. Have we all become numb to the deaths and chaos in Iraq? I remember feeling beaten down by the new numbers every day this Spring, but the war is barely a blip on the news anymore. While Hurricane Katrina was obviously devastating, what is going on in Iraq? Our government has sent a generation of Americans to protect us, most of whom are not wealthy, not highly-educated; just good, honest Americans who signed up to gain discipline, honor, or college-funding. Not one of them will come back without some kind of scarring. And what of the innocent Iraqis who are dying on the streets everyday? I just can't imagine how horrible the situation could get if we forget about it and slack in our responsibility of holding the government responsible for this mess.
Here is my favorite bumper sticker of the week...my parents saw it in that ultra-liberal mecca of the midwest where they live, Ann Arbor.

Anyway, I've realized that anything less than fluency in Spanish is sometimes completely disrespectful in a professional setting. So I've decided that I'm going to Mexico this summer. I'm probably going to take classes at the University of Guadalajara so I can also visit with friends who will be there for the summer. After term, I'm going to do a mini-tour of the main tourist destinations, possible based on the literature I read all through college. Of course, I already saw the grave of Porfirio Diaz (famous Mexican leader) in Paris, which was really strange.

Does anyone remember the SATC episode when Carrie wonders about "having it all?" Well, now that I have a nice apartment and an amazing job, I'm really getting anxious about lining up the final part.

I was cold all day today. I kept having huge shivers and then people would say "how can you be cold? It's boiling in here!" and I kept thinking, "I must always be sitting in a draft" or "this Mountain Dew is soooo cold." Duh. I have a fever and the flu. I took a nap after work and when I woke up I thought it was tomorrow and almost ate breakfast. So I'm taking my first ever sick-day from a job tomorrow. I have a feeling it will be just like being sick in college, except I won't have to make anything up and I'll be getting paid. And I'm not faking it:)

I was so lucky this morning: apparently when I moved my sewing table, 10 straight pins fell on my carpet between my dining room table and the door. I've walked back and forth -barefoot- in that area over and over in the past few days and I just noticed them. How did I not poke my foot? I think my apartment spirit approves of my new feng shui-friendly layout ;)

I definitely don't think I've quite figured out being friends with colleagues. Most interactions at school are based on half complaining and half talking about how soon the weekend will come: it's hard work to figure out when people are being sincere and when they're being flippant. I never know if I should agree! For example, one teacher came up to tell me his students (a few chatty boys) had tried to return something to me but couldn't find me. I apologized for not being in my room but he said he just wanted me to know that they were being responsponsible. It sounded like a jibe at them and I instinctually laughed. He gave me a look like, "huh?" Oops. I think all my students are wonderful and I definitely don't want to become one of those nasty teachers...I just thought he was pointing out something ironic! Oh well. It's always entertaining. Tonight a parent who only speaks Spanish called me at home (which I recommended that they do). Well, oops again, I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I'll sort it out tomorrow. And I've decided that I'm going to Mexico this summer. My goal is bilinguality:)

Today I went to see "Flightplan." It was sufficiently creepy, but definitely not as good as the original. It's an updated remake of one of my favorite movies, "The Lady Vanishes," directed by Alfred Hitchcock. It was made in the 1930's, but it's still so good. I miss thrillers that also have comedy...that's my favorite! :)

Through careful analysis (well, more like daily phonecalls), and a little research, my mom and I discovered that my family probably has a genetic mental processing disorder that makes remembering and producing spontaneous speech difficult. When I was the SALT notetaker, I could take pages of notes without realizing what had been said. And I always feel a little panicked when someone approaches me for an unknown reason, with an unknown topic of discourse. It always feels like I preparing multiple answers for any scenario that could occur without really wanting to be that prepared. It's also why huge social gatherings are like work for me- it's all mental multitasking:) And it's exhausting. I was starting to feel like a...I don't know what, but now that I know that it's actually inherited, I have something to fight against. I may need to become a slow-responder, or an um-could-you-repeat-that-er, or just clueless.

Anyway:) I love my job. I really really do. All that stuff I thought about teaching not being mentally challenging enough: so wrong. I am consistently on my toes- especially since I teach in four different rooms and 8 separate classes. How do you teach a child English in 30 minutes a day, you may ask? I hope I figure it out. There are a million things to do behind the scenes too. I am part of at least 5 groups that meet at least twice a month, and countless others that meet less frequently. We are constantly bombarded with statements like "you should be spending at least x minutes on this type of reading instruction" or "there should never be children off task" or "we need to improve comprehension across the grade...let's make an action plan!" So it's a guessing game as to how much and to what extent I should incorporate any of the methodologies and as to when I should just wing it. One of my students got in big trouble today, too. I really hope to be an caring adult in the lives of my students, as well- goodness knows, some of them need one.

The best part of my job...the kids are so loyal! When I came back on Tuesday after a mini-conference, I got hugs and "we missed you"s. It's so nice of them. I wonder if it's just because I gave them candy :) Hmm.

Anyway, this morning I found myself obsessing about the school closing list on TV (we had a big storm last night, apparently). Unfortunately, I chose to work south of the city, so I'm going to work;) I have the rest of the week planned out, though, so I won't need to do my usual 4+ post school hours of work tonight, which is lucky because I have a new-teacher seminar until 6pm.

Last night, I did something so rebellious: I went out on a school night! (OMG, my life is THAT boring). I took myself to the mall and shopped for professional skimpy clothes. Is that an oxymoron? Well I don't care because my room gets up to about 80 by lunchtime. So I'm sporting the teacher-beach-wear look today. I hope I don't get fired:) Oh, the movie I saw after I shopped was "Just like Heaven." I recommend it. If just for Mark Ruffulo.

Sure Happy It's Thursday (make that an acronym- it's what my mom says every Thursday!)

Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message for the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)

Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message to the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)

Hmm...I have this friend, who is coincidentally also an ESL teacher, and she has this problem:
Her school is having a fundraising effort in which a company has been contracted to provide selling materials to students. They are encouraged to try to sell as many products from the catalog as possible, such as candy, jewelry, and other quality items. This money goes to school field trips and other incidentals. Anyway, what bothers my friend is that the students are rewarded in interesting ways for their "sales." First, if they sell more than 10 items, they are V.I.P.s at the school carnival. That means they get in free and can do all the activities for free. Additionally, for each sale a student makes, his or her name is entered in a drawing to spend 30 seconds in a money chamber: the money blows around and they can keep all of it that they can get their hands on. What behavior or moral values does this kind of activity promote?;) Something tells me it's not intrinsic pride in one's school.

Sorry if all I write about is school these days! My life is only school on the weekdays. And that's fine with me for now. I miss my cat a little bit. I'm going to walk to Borders and buy a Spanish dictionary; I can't find any of mine! Because tomorrow I'm calling the homes of all of my students to give the first week update. I really hope I don't say anything stupid by mistake:)

I love my job so much. It's pretty crazy, but it's a lot easier than college ever was, so I feel prepared. Today I left for school at 7:20am and got home at 8pm. And I'm not really that tired. I taught 6 classes and observed in two others, then I introduced myself to all the parents at a special parents' night. Then I stayed and prepared my lessons for tomorrow. Teaching ESL is so much walking! I have to pick up my students from their classrooms and walk them back to my room for each class. One of my classes has 9 eight year old, 8 of whom are boys...omg! That's going to get interesting. And I only have each class for 25 minutes.

I am so lucky to have my job. My friends are in a district that has failing test scores and they spent all last week filling out paperwork to send to the state. I'm sure all that work will make no difference in the scores of the students; THIS is exactly why No Child Left Behind is a bureaucratic answer to a multi-faceted, human problem. I am honestly starting to believe that "throwing money at schools" does solve problems- even though it's exactly what conservatives dislike about public education programs in the past. A school's appearance lends so much to the pride of the teachers and the students and their ability to focus on learning, instead of other worries. I've been a little worried that my teaching space keeps getting moved around, but I'm so lucky to have my own desk and computer! ESL in general, gets the rejects of grade-level classrooms. My goal is to make sure that the students feel special that they know more than one language; I never want them to feel like second-class students because they come to my room. Which leads back to the idea that well-funded schools can provide a beautiful atmosphere. It also makes daily classroom needs easier. Unrestricted printing and photocopying is so convenient! Maybe that's the reason why everyone in my school is so nice. We even have a technology specialist who made me a list of keyboard commands to make Spanish symbols:) ¡¿ñíéú I love it!

I think that teachers in underfunded classrooms should receive everyone's support. The way that NCLB is set up, they have everything working against them. The saving grace of this profession is the kids. They are so much fun! I have one student from an African country who speaks English with a British accent. And I have a class of students who speak Spanish and no English at all. It will be great! I'm going to teach them all the basics (i.e. "Where is the bathroom?":))

The best thing I ever did was make the beginning of my job extra hectic. Yes, just getting hired the day I started work was chaotic enough, but I also moved into a new apartment. I think I work better under pressure, and it gives me less time to overanalysis. I stop sweating the small stuff (like that my cat was given away while I was at work- I really don't have time to dwell on it). Anyway, I'm surprised at how confident and at-ease I feel about this. Somehow, my emotions are in check and all I feel is gratitude and enthusiasm. Who am I? Not the girl who went to school in St. Louis and stressed about everything. No sir. I hope that life stays this way for a while. It's so comforting. And I'm going to pray that my friends' jobs improve.

My "Teacher's Hot-Pick of the Week:"



























A dry-erase/magnet board!
That's hot ;)