Vacation
I had such a crazy week at work! The tension was finally eased by tons of sugar and the promise of a week away from the screams of hyper kids. I received the most adorable and random gifts from my students:
*a purple lei
*a photo from 6th birthday in a foam frame
*some super-glitzy diamonte dangly earrings (which I'm going to rock on New Year's Eve!)
*a painted gingerbread house
*Elizabeth Arden 5th Ave. gift set, including lotion, perfume, and body wash
*huge box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, my absolute favorite:)

I really can't believe that Christmas is in two days. I've had no preparation time, which is my favorite part. I'm going to overload myself on cheesy Christmas music all day long, when I'm not busy watching "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (herbie wants to be a dentist!) and "The Christmas Story." There was a profile of Sufjan Steven's Christmas album on NPR yesterday, and the reviewer totally picked my favorite song as his, the one about the elf dance. Now if only my iTunes wasn't doing some weird rewriting thing that crashes my computer...does anyone know how to fix that? Maybe I'll visit the boys of the Genius Bar.

Happy Holidays, everyone! Oh, and if you're in the cities, stop by my pre-New Year's Eve party...I'm going to be making layered mixed drinks and finally, the mini-croque monsieurs! The view of the top of Chipotle is pretty sweet, too :)

Here's a pic from Joe's holiday party.

I've had an interesting week. On Tuesday, I was rudely confronted for the first time at work. A colleague, who apparently has been harboring issues with the fact that I work more, talk to the principal more, and have "good ideas," accosted me in the hall with the suggestion that we have a meeting with our boss so I can figure out my role. I'd been friends, I thought, with this person for over a year, and never realized that she had been building a list of reasons to disapprove of my work. It's probably because everyone at school is perky and nice until you're not in earshot. I actually gave up a bigger classroom to this teacher, volunteered to do almost all of the work for our team, and have always helped her, so it's like a slap in the face.

I was bothered by it for a day because I hate fighting with people, until I realized that as long as I'm doing my job- which is to teach students and be a productive member of the school- I can't let it bother me that my approach is different and possibly threatening to someone else. I my best to be supportive and nice to everyone; to fault me for a mistake in this extremely busy time (with moving, holiday, 80+ students) is a sign of some other issue. And besides, I know a of a secret challenge that she's going to face in the future at work, which will maybe permit her to see how hard I've actually been working.

My apartment is a mess: there are boxes everywhere and absolutely no place for all my kitchen stuff, so it's all on the floor. I'm having people over on Saturday night, but I'm finally resolved to the fact that my friends won't care if it's messy, as long as there's food. I'm making mini croque monsieurs! They'll be so petite and adorable:)

Top 10 signs I'm getting older:
10. I listen to NPR and like it. I get giddy when I hear the "All Things Considered" themesong!
9. I have a membership to a Yoga-specific gym.
8. I own a yoga mat.
7. I cancelled cable tv because "there's really nothing on and it wastes my time" (that's a direct quote).
6. I shop at Kowalski's and appreciate how ritzy it is compared to Lunds.
5. I saw "The Holiday" this weekend and got really mad at Nancy Myers for doing what the New York Times thought she would do, which is make a schmaltzy romantic comedy whose only asset is Jack Black (who's actually a leading man;)
4. I'm dying to go to the after-Christmas sale Ann Taylor Loft.
3. All I want for Christmas is gift certificates to IKEA. I really, really don't want more stuff!
2. I'm starting to wonder where my career is headed...and it's only my second year of work.
1. I hung out with a group of friends and new guys last night and my major focus, although I was tipsy, was cleaning up!

Top 10 signs I still have the maturity of a 14-year-old girl:
10. I love the Gilmore Girls! It's such a good show.
9. I laughed at the same joke as one of my students on Friday. I honestly sometimes can relate to their excitement about school more than any colleagues excitement about teaching. I miss school!
8. I poked a guy on facebook yesterday. Electronically poking someone is like a wink that no one can see, and probably the most "teen" thing I've done in a while:)
7. I made a can pyramid last night, too, which, while it shouldn't be something that a 14-year-old does, is something I've never done before and probably another sign I'm regressing.
6. I buy skin products that I see on infomercials.
5. I sneak candy from the treat box at our school all throughout the day and sometimes eat it during class, while my students are working!
4. I was genuinely excited to get a Snoopy Christmas sticker from one of my students.
3. I have different ringtones for different people...and one of them is a James Blunt song.
2. I've started wearing more eyeliner.
1. I had a meeting with my boss this week and I brought up the possibility that I do research on Spanish dual immersion schools, so that our school might eventually become a bilingual school. He said that it was too soon in the discussion process to do research, and then I said, "But it's so much fun!" Then he rolled his eyes at me! I can't believe I said that...could I sound more like a ditzy, teenage girl (albeit a nerd?)

I moved into my new apartment on Saturday...this weekend felt like at least seven days! I packed for all of Friday (after taking an unpaid day off from work) and picked up my mom from the airport. We went out to dinner at Fujiya with my aunts and cousins; the food there is amazing! I had a sashimi salad and miso soup, both delicious, and my mom had philly rolls, which have cream cheese inside. Their presentation is so beautiful, there, too. It's sad that I can't afford to go there when I'm not being treated.

I couldn't sleep at all on Friday night because I was so nervous about the move, so I did even more packing and took all of the light boxes out to my car. This weekend was the first absolutely freezing weather we've had in Minnesota, which made the whole move more difficult...it was 5 degrees for my poor movers :(

When the movers arrived at my new apartment, I realized that the back stairs are actually exterior and the back hallway is only about 3 feet wide. So I asked if any of the movers wanted my couch! They did (it was plaid and v. nice) but now I'm sans couch and need to save up for a futon.

On Saturday afternoon, my grandparents arrived in Edina and we all gathered to see them. Then I went home to unpack some more. I LOVE my new apartment because it's so much more homey and pretty, with its view of Uptown, hardwood floors, and 14 foot ceilings. Of course, the boxes everywhere are stressing me a bit, because I can't find much, but it's also made me realize how little I need. My cellphone is an alarm clock, my mom bought me new bedding, and popcorn is an all-the-time snack. So I actually have been putting off unpacking, which is bad, but necessary so I can focus on this week at work. I guess it will happen gradually, but I'm also going to invite friends over for an unpacking party sometime this weekend.

Lastly, there are 54 steps to get to my apartment. It's going to be such a good workout, living there:)

I'm moving on Saturday! Yikes!

I need some perspective
This post is dedicated to the fact that I have been giving myself stress headaches for the past week and it needs to stop. So please forgive all the obviousness.
1. Moving isn't that bad...at least there shouldn't be bugs in my bed anymore. And I will have a balcony. I'm a lucky girl.
2. Work isn't so hard...when I run out of steam, there's always reviewing, right? There is no shame, or shouldn't be, for admitting that I am running out of time this week and having them read for comprehension or do a webquest online. I can't be Mary Poppins every single day, especially since the color printer wasn't working this morning so I was forced to reenact the Boston Tea Party by myself...slightly humiliating.
3. Signing up for extra work is not masochism...it's just more fun! I already love my Destination Imagination team. It is such a relief and amazingly fun to talk to kids who can speak English! I told them a pun (punster that I am) and they got it:) What smarties they are. We have a "camraderie signal," which is my contribution to the team since I can effectively no longer provide any advice. It's the ASL sign for imagination and then we touch pinkies (in the "i" sign) as though we're combining the imaginations to create maximum imagination potential! And they were afraid it might be mistaken for a gang sign. No gang would do something with so many loops.
4. My mother is not a stressor. Well, this week she is, but she hasn't been in the past, so that's lucky.
5.My current lack of boyfriend can't stress me out. I have options now,choices...but no more blind dates ever! My current success rate of blind dates is about 10%.

Favorites, version 11.20
*The Gilmore Girls, Season 5...I didn't realize that this show is so smart. Whenever I heard about it, I thought it was a schmaltzy mother-daughter thing, and since my mom and I don't do treacle (except rare occasions when we discuss our love of all little dogs), I expected not to like it. But I love all the pop-culture and literature references!
*Christmas is already at the Mall of America. I usually hate how retail starts celebrating the religious holiday before thanksgiving, and it did make me sad that anyone of a non-Christian faith is totally excluded from the decorations in the amusement park, it still makes me warm inside...I love the advent season! Now that I've stopped caring about the presents (Christmas is actually my least favorite day in December), I don't separate my secular anticipation from my religious. Which means that the biggest Gingerbread house in the world (yes, right in my local mall) gets me excited for Jesus' birthday! Speaking of that, I think someone told me that some historians believe he was born in 7 A.D. (ironically after his namesake period started), which would make this his 2000 birthday! Anyway, to make a long story short, I danced in the changing room when Mariah Carey's holiday song played, and I hate that song, but I danced because this year I'm excited! I haven't figured out why yet, but it might have something to do with the fact that I'm moving in two weeks and I'm planning on "taking" my students to Hawaii on our "trip," which is mostly so I can make leis and serve coconut.
*That last bullet point was way too long, so here's a related note: I love that this season brings festive traditions/parties. I'm organizing my first progressive dinner, which is exciting because I like the idea of eating in many different places and because my parents and I used to do them every year when I was little. I'm also organizing my maternal family's biannual (because we didn't do it last year) secret santa. We give gifts to another person secretly for 7 days before Christmas...like how I added that subtle nod to Channukah? (Not that we celebrate the actual meaning of the holiday, but I do think the secular aspect of that gift-giving is much more appealing). I think commercialism should be spread out, and secret gift-giving is a challenge of creativity when we're all spending every day together.
*Yoga. I love yoga. I now fit into my light blue corderoy pants, which I haven't fit into since my freshman year of college, when a boy on my floor used to always touch them because he liked the sound (whatever) and I would blush; it was probably one of the best things about freshman year. So yoga is working out for me and it's fun to boot.
*Forever 21. Having gotten over the fact that it's not age-appropriate (according to the owners), I love this store because everything is super cheap, I could spend my life there and not have time to see the entire selection, and their inhouse designers are amazing gifted at anticipating and copying trends in fashion. I bought my Christmas dress there today for $27. There are some commercial products in which I do refuse to partake due to name: Seventeen Magazine (sorry, you're (omg) 7 years too late), Sweet Sixteen on MTV (I don't think I had one), or AARP monthly.
*Teaching about American history, culture, and society. Developing this curriculum has helped me to remember so much...and I'm teaching 2nd and 3rd graders!! It's sad how little Americans need to know about America to live here. We should actually have to learn stuff and demonstrate knowledge of the flag on Flag Day, for example. It would make the holiday so much more interesting. Last week I learned that the Native Americans who helped the pilgrims (thus beginning the tradition of Thanksgiving) were the Wampanoag. I also learned that the pilgrims actually came from Holland and that the National Anthem is about the Battle of Fort McHenry in Baltimore, which Francis Scott Key was sitting around watching because his friend had been kidnapped. I actually always thought Francis was a woman...I think I'd never seen the spelling.
*Having a nice little posse of friends. Since my major trust issues from high school are still in residence, it's nice to finally realize that I can trust them! I should have known that from the beginning, with the t-shirt, but like I said, issues:)
*My cat. He's a keeper (not like poor sneezes-on-face-then-licks-it-off, who's hopefully with a good family now). Oliver is sweet, and so much the adorable little orphan like his namesake. When I give him catnip (then run away for fear of his random clawings when excited), I swear he looks at me as if to say "Please sir, may I have some more?" He has puppy-dog eyes down to a science. Of course, he also has a belly now, since I've given in too much, so he's on a diet.
*3-day weeks. Those are the best.

My "I can't believe that!" moments from yesterday...

1. Glen Beck, on CNN Headline News, asking Minnesota congressman Keith Ellison if he is working for enemies of the United States. The reason why Mr. Beck asked that question is that Keith Ellison is the first Muslim ever elected to congress. The interview went like this (seriously!):

BECK: Thank you. I will tell you, may I -- may we have five minutes here where we're just politically incorrect and I play the cards face up on the table?

ELLISON: Go there.

BECK: OK. No offense, and I know Muslims. I like Muslims. I've been to mosques. I really don't believe that Islam is a religion of evil. I -- you know, I think it's being hijacked, quite frankly.

With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, "Let's cut and run." And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, "Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies."

And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way.

ELLISON: Well, let me tell you, the people of the Fifth Congressional District know that I have a deep love and affection for my country. There's no one who is more patriotic than I am. And so, you know, I don't need to -- need to prove my patriotic stripes.

2. Sean Lennon was on the Daily Ten, an entertainment news show on the E! channel. He was in a segment called "Shameless Plug," when entertainers get 15 seconds to tell the audience about something they should buy/see. That's too bizarre.

I worry so much about fear disguised as patriotism that is manifested as prejudice.

From USA Today
'Old Glory' is the flag to fly in Pahrump

"The Nevada town of Pahrump is taking a stand not just against illegal immigrants but flags they may bring with them," USA TODAY's William M. Welch writes this morning on the front page.

The town board in the small community west of Las Vegas voted this week to make it illegal to fly a foreign nation's flag by itself.

"Old Glory is sovereign," says Paul Willis, a retired carpenter and board member. "You can't fly any other nation's flag higher than the American flag."

The town has also declared English its official language and denied town benefits to illegal immigrants.

The American Civil Liberties Union says the restriction on flags violates the First Amendment. In the blogosphere, BrickieBob's Opinion gives "three cheers for Pahrump." But Jack Wood, who says he lives in Pahrump and blogs at Nye Gateway to Nevada's Rurals, says "as soon as I finish laughing at the absurdity of this racist ordinance I'm going to head down to Romero's Mexican Restaurant and order me a Mexican hamburger disguised as a taco."

Yawn
I've felt lethargic for the past two days, and had an on-going tension headache (which just decided to stay today, even though I was in a good mood). I had to stay at work today until 5:45, which isn't late compared to other people's jobs, but such a long time if you consider that I have no time to sit and gather myself, or just waste time, between 8 and 3:30.

Books I want to read:
The American Story, 100 Stories for the entire family to share
Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

I'm so excited to move! My new apartment is so swanky.

When I got home tonight, I had three messages on my answering machine
(imagine them all with a highly pronounced Spanish accent, which makes it either cuter or a bit creepy):

#1 "Miiiiisssssss [my last name]" ::long pause:: click
#2 breathing, click
#3 "Miss [my last name], call me. You neeeeeeed to callllllllll me. This is [student's name]." click

Obivously, giving out my home phone number to parents at conferences was a bad idea.

Democrats won the house and senate!!

I'm so excited...I was listening to Bob Dylan, because there was actually that spirit of change this fall, and it's actually happening now:)

It's much harder to be such a little pessimist. I've been having a hard week at work. My dad advised me this morning to find a different job and I agreed (for about 5 minutes). Some days there is so much bureaucracy that the feeling of futility is overwhelming. We were supposed to have a 1/2 day meeting, and I prepared for it, and was about to leave, when the leader realized she had forgotten to tell me it was cancelled! But at the same time, whenever I feel this way, something at school makes me remember how rewarding teaching can be.

This morning, I sent an email to my team of colleagues, explaining what I've been teaching...some people had no idea what I did! And their feedback was so nice. I also got lots of random hugs today! Most of them were from students who I only ever see in the hall, which is funny. We also learned that we're probably getting a new teacher. I also solved the mystery of why one student likes to cut up his math tests. His teacher couldn't figure it out, and he had completely shut down, so I started asking him in Spanish, encouraging him not to cut his homework to bits, too. And he stopped. Then 5 minutes later, he poked me and said, "I cut when I don't know how to do math." A-ha!

Tomorrow, we have conferences during the morning, then I have the afternoon and Friday off from work. I definitely need a break. I'm going to start packing, do a lot of yoga, and relax.

Here's a beautiful painting by my favorite artist, Paul Klee, to make your day more relaxing, too!

The Pledge of...whatever
How ironic is it that even though students are required to say the pledge of allegiance every morning in their classrooms, a teacher can get in trouble for presuming help them to read the words? Apparently, saying "under God" in school is okay, but discussing why you're saying it or what it means is not (not that I was actually going to discuss it, merely gloss over it quickly to get on to what "for which it stands" means. So essentially, the importance of the pledge, it's actual relevance to America, is completely superficial- the act of repeating it without comprehension is the purpose, I see now. I couldn't decide if I should have an upper case or lower case g, or g-d, anyway, to try for the most inclusive form, so it's just as well. I really can't understand why those words are still there, spoken enthusiastically by students who have no idea what they're saying, every single school day.

Mi casa es su casa
I finally found an amazing new apartment! I put a deposit down yesterday. It's so clean, beautiful, sunny, and big...plus, there won't be bugs marching across my face every night, because it's on the fourth floor! I also have a balcony that looks all the way down Hennepin. The manager said it's good for barbequing. Ha. It will probably be my tanning balcony/place for drying clothes since I might not want to walk all the way down to the basement!

I'm so excited to have all my friends over to see it. That won't happen until the first weekend in December, when we'll have the "Big Chill" unpacking party (though no drugs will be used, and no one will lend out their husband to impregnate someone else- I hated that part!) But it's going to be so much more fun to have people over, since it's bigger and less sketchy. And Chipotle is right across the street!

So this month will be lots of packing and preparing for the move. I'm also going to start coaching Destination Imagination at my school, which is an incredibly organized and detailed (and time-consuming) endeavor. I hope it will be as fun as I'm expecting, though! I'm looking forward to working with students who are able to express themselves well in English.

Finally, in this little update, I've become a yoga fanatic. I always thought that yoga was all ooming and stretching, but it's actually such a hard workout! Especially the sculpting class, when we use 5 pound weights and workout in a room that's 80 degrees!! It's so amazing...I love it. I have my physical therapy next week, too, so hopefully I can start running again soon.

I LOVE Yoga
It's analogous to kindergarten, but for adults:
singing in unison=ommming
sitting on your mat=sitting on your mat
taking a nap to soothing music=laying at the end of class, with soothing music playing, and trying not to fall asleep

I'm just a little black raincloud
I've been so depressed recently...and really mean, too! I really need to apologize to my job ("You're not so bad!":)) and Sophia Coppola ("I actually loved Lost in Translation")! I was just feeling so sorry for myself and I finally realized how self-centered I was acting. But the sun came out today and it's beautiful outside, and I saw clearly how lucky I am. All of the anger, frustration, and anxiety was futile. Remember that episode of Winnie the Pooh when he's all covered in mud and hanging on a balloon, singing a song of self-pity? I love him, and this song pretty much sums up my attitude last week:)

Tales of a spoiled, little rich girl
I saw Marie Antoinette last night. It made me so angry! The whole thing was about the boredom that comes with having all the money in the world and no responsibilities. Well, right now I have very little sympathy for that:) I read in an article that all of Sophia Coppola's characters are based on her life, because she had all the resources she needed as Francis Ford Coppola's daughter, but had no idea what to do with them. So she got to take a long time to decide, and make three movies with her connections, all of them about girls who have no obligations and spend most of their time bored and restless. I am much more interested in stories of how people overcome actual obstacles.

This weekend has been incredibly stressful: I put on a deposit on a new apartment, but the financial burden of breaking my lease at my current apartment (due to the resurgence of the insects), will be really difficult. Work is crazy, because I have way too many students, and four who are spread out in different classes who don't speak English. This week is parent-teacher conferences, which means I'll be spending a ton of time at school! My shin splints are healing, I hope, but I still haven't been able to find any good pilates classes. I missed a few this week due to unforseen circumstances, and then the rest were cancelled. I'm going to try to go for a really slow, long run this morning because I need the endorphines so badly! And then I'm going to come back to my infested, little apartment and speedily plan for the entire school week, and start packing, since I'll tentatively be moving in two weeks (on Thursday, November 9th). I'm worried because my new apartment has very little view, and it's further away from Uptown, which my goal was actually to be closer to. I wish I had the indulgence of unlimited resources, the money to get a better place, the time to wait for nice apartments to come on the market, etc., because believe me, I would not feel lost and without purpose!

Mini-crisis of faith
I just had an actual out-of-body experience. Honestly. An actual, looking-at-myself-like-a-stranger, objective view on my life.

Let me set the scene. It was 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. I'd been teaching all day in my maybe 75 sq. ft. classroom (smaller than my sophomore dorm room). For the past hour, I'd been taping, then rearranging over and over, each letter of the alphabet around the ceiling of my classroom. It was mind-numbing, tedious. I was taping on the letter J when I suddenly looked at my hand moving to place it and this thought flashed through my head: "Am I an elementary school teacher?" And I don't mean a qualified one or that it was thought with sarcasm. My mind was blank for those few moments, and it was as if my analytical, college student self was watching the alphabet placement with confusion...and then I almost laughed, but anxiety held me back. I have been so ensconced in this job that I've never seen it objectively, or considered its relevance to my life on a greater level. But, now that I think about it, how in the world did I end up working in this little room, spending hours taping little letters on the wall, or arranging folders, or filling out practically meaningless paperwork? In my salad days- which eerily seem quite in the past- this would not have been a place I could have pictured myself. The hours upon hours of dissexting educational theory and Spanish grammar at "my" table in the Clayton Starbucks can't have been pointing me toward this. I now feel simultaneously defeated, confused, and despondent. The moment of out-of-body fear was so unique that I now feel that I owe it to my inner psyche to deconstruct its meaning :)

Which is not to say that teaching is not a critically important profession or that there weren't moments of complete magic today. One of my students put a postcard in my mailbox to tell me that Johnny Appleseed walked around Ohio with "bear feet." A student who I'm positive has ADHD (emphasis on the H) shook hands with me today, to guarantee that he would focus, and he did. And a huge trouble-maker came up to me out of the blue and gave me a hug.

At the same time, there are several factors missing that I long for in a career: professional stability, delineation between work and life, and a higher level of challenge. Of course, I'm challenged every day at school, with keeping student well-behaved, planning 9 different lessons, and mangaging my space, but my mind is rarely challenged to think at a higher level. I only ever have deep, transformative conversations with my friends and family. I miss intellectual discourse and debate.

So I've decided to actually start planning ways to achieve my goals starting today. I may write a book or go back to school:) But I know that something needs to change.

I just had an actual out-of-body experience. Honestly. An actual, looking-at-myself-like-a-stranger, objective view on my life.

Let me set the scene. It's 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. I've been teaching all day in my maybe 75 sq. ft. classroom (smaller than my sophomore dorm room). For the past hour, I've beentaping, then rearranging over and over, each letter of the alphabet around the ceiling of my classroom. It is mind-numbing tedium. I was taping on the letter J when I suddenly looked at my hand moving to place it and this thought flashed through my head: "Am I an elementary school teacher?" And I don't mean a qualified one or that it was thought with sarcasm. My mind was blank for those few moments, and it was as if my analytical, college student self was watching the alphabet placement with confusion...and then I almost laughed, but anxiety held me back. I have been so ensconced in this job that I've never seen it objectively, or considered its relevance to my life on a greater level. But, now that I think about it, how in the world did I end up working in this little room, spending hours taping little letters on the wall, or arranging folder, or filling out practically meaningless paperwork. In my salad days- which eerily seem quite in the past- this would not have been a place I could have pictured myself. The hours upon hours of dissexting educational theory and Spanish grammar at "my" table in the Clayton Starbucks can't have been pointing me toward this. I now feel simultaneously defeated, confused, and despondent. The moment of out-of-body fear was so unique that I now feel that I owe it to my inner psyche to deconstruct its meaning :)
Which is not to say that teaching is not a critically important profession or that there weren't moments of complete magic today. One of my students put a postcard in my mailbox to tell me that Johnny Appleseed walked around Ohio with "bear feet." A student who I'm positive has ADHD (emphasis on the H) shook hands with me today, to guarantee that he would focus, and he did. And a huge trouble-maker came up to me out of the blue and gave me a hug.
At the same time, there are several factors missing that I long for in a career: professional stability, delineation between work and life, and a higher level of challenge. Of course, I'm challenged every day at school, with keeping student well-behaved, planning 9 different lessons, and mangaging my space, but my mind is rarely challenged. I only ever have deep, transformative conversations with my friends and family. I long for intellectual discourse and debate.
So I've decided to actually start planning ways to achieve my goals starting today. I might write a book or go back to school:)

Weekend Highs and Lows

Lows:
1. My leg. hurts. so. much. I'm going to make a doctor's appointment for this afternoon to find out what's wrong with it. It's hurts (like something's about to crack) when I walk, so I probably won't be able to run for a long time.
2. Saturday morning coffee. It was an "We'll keep in touch" but-not-really situation.

Highs:
1. Hanging out with my friends on Friday: I think a Honeydew martini isn't that girlie.
2. Getting rid of my migraine quicker than usual by just going to bed right when it started. Then I could get a few things done Saturday night.
3. Lunch with my brother at Barbette, which is my new favorite restaurant...they have croque monsieurs and the best crinoline chips ever! Plus, John did a Mickey Mouse impression to mock our family's one pricey art piece: our framed and ornately-arranged letter written by Degas, which my mom bought at Disney World (in the France section of Epcot Center). It will probably be the one thing of value that John and I will need to fight over in our inheritance:)

I HATE shin splints.

Beautiful Day
I had such a good day today. I got a lot of sleep, my fingernails are my current favorite color (currant), and I got along with everyone, including the other teachers. Things are looking up, which is such a good thing, after yesterday's crisis of faith in public education! Well, that happens about once a week, so it's to be expected. Once No Child Left Behind is gone, I think every teacher's life will be so. much. easier. And tomorrow is Friday.

John is coming to visit this weekend and we're going to go to the Latino Family festival at the Rivercentre with my aunt and baby cousins. How much money will I spend there? I'm guessing ooodles. My Spanish has slowly been improving with the influx of students who understand no English at all...it's been getting a work-out! Especially my imperative form:) "¡No griten en el pasillo!" is what I call after the wild bunch as they go running and screaming down the hall. Today I got to explain the word "typical" by doing actions that would be atypical during class...like doing a little dance!

My students are so amazingly excited that I'm going to be giving them apple pie when we get to Ohio on our "trip." It will be part of our Johnny Appleseed unit on greater than, less than, and most of them told me that they'd never tried it before. It's almost a little bit ironic, since I avoided teaching about America because I a) wasn't sure my students needed it and b) I was afraid it was too nationalistic. But there's nothing more American.

Next weekend, I'm going back to my parents' house for a four-day weekend. I hated going there for the first two years, because it didn't feel like a home and I was clinging onto the idea that it should. But I think I'm at the age when I'm between homes, between a daughter and being a mother (not too soon!), and this is the only time I'll ever only need to answer to myself at home. Which is why it's nice not to actually have one because I shouldn't get too comfortable.

Wonderful Weekend
I had such a fun and relaxing weekend. I got to go to sleep early on Friday and actually slept in on Saturday morning. Then I went for a run on Saturday morning...I love my new, non-shin-splint-producing sneakers! They are like super leprechaun green, though! Like lucky clover green. Ultra-green. It took me so long to decide whether or not to spend so much money on such crazy looking shoes, but I resolved it with the fact that I really only wear them running, and what am I, a catwalk runner? No, I think it's obnoxious when people are stylish when they work out. But still. They were so expensive. And yet, because of them, my legs are feeling so much better!

Anyway, after the run, I went and bought my "family" dinner ingredients, including 5 lbs. of chicken legs. Then I came home and crazily cleaned and cooked. I messed up the recipe and had to add extra chicken stock in place of wine, which made the Ragu taste like chicken noodle soup, but oh well. "Family" dinner was so much fun! My friends are so funny and nice, (and not likely to suddenly cut me out, like in high school). And one of them is such a good sport;) Stella's fish restaurant is the best place for drinks in Uptown, apparently.

On Sunday, I went to chuch with Weezer, which is always amusing. The sermon was semi-inappropriate for kids (about divorce, adultery, etc.) so I distracted her by making charts of all the needs of her pets:) Then I visited one of my colleagues who recently had major surgery, and she's getting better and gave us all pumpkin cheesecake! I usually hate cheesecake, because I believe that cheese should never be sweet, but it was really delicious. Then I came home and sat around for a while trying to work (while watching Jerry Maguire, which never works, because I tell myself I'll wait until the next catch phrase and then start, and that movie's ALL catch phrases!). So I went for a run (which was awesome...I did all four miles at my running pace b/c of the magic green sneakers!) And then I was high from endorphines and decided to do dishes for fun, while watching that Tom Hanks movie about the island. That makes my life sound somewhat lame, but apparently no. My dating stories are quite fascinating to other teachers in the staff lounge. They're easily amused;)

A Fun Day at School
Today was really fun. I've realized that I'm only a good teacher when I'm 1. In control and 2. Having fun myself. I was altra-prepared today, so things went smoothly. For my newcomer students, who have limited vocabularies, I had them label a drawing I did of a little boy on the wall (on my fancy, new roll-up-able white board...I know, it's so amazing what they come up with at 3M!). They labeled all of his body parts, which they mostly new how to say already, but not how to spell, and then I gave them a list of somewhat random parts, like knuckles, ankles, and eyebrows. They had so much fun using my dry erase markers...although I did need to disinfect one when a boy put the entire cap in his mouth;)

My absolute favorite part of my day was when I had a small reading group with two eight year olds. They were doing air quotes, but had no idea what they meant. Well, those are an aspect of American culture, so I taught them:) They loved that it meant "*wink*, just kidding!"

Retail Therapy
As much as I'm embarrassed to admit it, I'm a fan of retail therapy. I know it's a compulsion, and it might waste money, but I always end up in a better mood. And I justify it in the comfort I get from the knowledge that something so simple as buying a new book is able to improve my outlook. That may sound superficial, but with all the other worries to take up my time and manipulate my mood, having a simple recourse for change is amazingly beneficial!

Yesterday, after the family apple-picking trip was cancelled last minute, I decided it was time to add to my work wardrobe and get some new books, too. I love new books and had compiled a list of 7 that I wanted. Here are my purchases, all of which I'll use this week:

*1 button-down, khaki dress, with wrap belt and collars. It's slightly 50's-housewife-looking, but will be cute for work. I love wearing dresses because they're so comfortable and simple to coordinate. The last thing I want to do in the morning is to suddenly realize what I'm wearing doesn't match and feel the need to switch it up.
*1 sweatshirt, hoodie dress, to wear as a bathrobe.
*1 ornate amber headband.
*1 brown, linen, babydoll dress dress. Why? Okay, this was more of a "that's so pretty!" purchase. I know I'll wear it eventually.
*The United States of Arugula by David Kamp. I immediately switched to arugula salads after the spinach scare, and I think that the gourmet-ization of American food is really interesting. Especially that rice crispies are now made organically!
*Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl.
*The Keep by Jennifer Egan.

I'm so excited for my new books! I've been reading No god but God by Reza Aslan for about a month, but it's definitely a pure history book, which I've never been able to get through, no matter how much I want to learn about the subject.

This morning, I'm going to go grocery shopping, which is my absolute favorite type of shopping, for some reason. Next weekend, I'm hosting the first monthy "Family" dinner for friends!

ECM funding update:
My students loved the foam dolls I bought for them! They dressed them up with the foam clothes and then glued on their own faces (photos I printed). Our teamwork mural looks so adorable!

Horrible Cold!
I caught the first cold of the school year last week. I thought that it was at its worst on Monday night, so I stayed home from work on Tuesday. I slept for 6 more hours than usual! But then today, the coughing and sneezing started. I'm currently sneezing every 5 minutes and my throat is so sore. I've started unconsciously whimpering! Honestly. For some reason it makes me feel better since I can't talk without coughing up a lung and I can't swallow without cringing because it hurts so much! Whimper.

"It's never too late to be who you might have been" ~ T.S. Eliot
I've been thinking about regret and missed opportunities. How did I end up here? In the hopes of having a more optimistic outlook, I thought about how many of my dreams I've already accomplished, or at least to an extent that fulfills my current needs. Here's a little list of who I might have been:
*A Country Girl
When I was five years old, living in Rochester, N.Y., I dreamed about picking flowers in a field, wearing a long, flowing skirt, and carrying a wicker basket. Now I honestly don't know where I got that idea, but it was so romantic that I begged my mom to take me somewhere to live it out. We ended up picking dandelions in an overgrown parking lot! But that makes me think that I was a New Hampshire girl before I even lived there:)
*A Ballerina
Around the same time that I wanted to live a Little House on the Prairie fantasy, I also wanted to be a ballerina. I did take 3 semesters of ballet in college. Now, I'm going to teach it to my students after school once a week! I'm so excited:) I'm going to be rigorous and structured, as traditional ballet demands. And we're going to do a routine to the theme from Swan Lake.
*A Movie Director
I wanted to be a director when I was in middle school, because we didn't have cable and we watched so many old movies. Right now, I really don't want to enter into the whole "hollywood" thing;) So I'm going to check this thing off my list because I make a movie of my family, sharing stories and singing carols, every Christmas.
*An Oxford Scholar
I dreamt of studying at Oxford during high school...which was probably the result of watching sooooo much Masterpiece Theatre. This is one thing I really did! It was just as amazing as I thought it would be. Sometimes, when it's cool and rainy like it is today, I feel like I'm still there, with the enchantment of the history of the college giving me inspiration.
*An Author
My new goal is to write a children's book, like the kinds that was in love with when I was young. I loved "The Search for Delicious," "Redwall," "Johnny Tremain," and "A Tale of Two Cities." I wish I had the time to devote all my time to planning my plot and sketching out my characters. So this is the self that I'm currently working on...I guess we'll see!

Well, that's a good idea.
I get the feeling like there are people in different parts of the country who read this. I would love to have postcards for my students from each of the states we visit. I already have 25 from my mom (Michigan). If you have the time and inclination to be a part of my classroom and my students' learning, I would need 25 postcards, so I'd have enough for each. My students use the postcards at the end of each unit to comment on what they learned. They write them in their free time and put it in my mailbox outside of my classroom. Email me at rosynic@yahoo.com if you'd like to contribute...and I can pay you back with my wonderful ECM funding, just send me a bill!

Musings
*I didn't get even one mosquito bite this summer! My secret weapon: Off! Bug Wipes. Deet all over is probably bad for you, but no itches ;)
*Why do I keep subjecting myself to Minnesota winters? It's already too cold.
*I'm most happy when everything is organized. I even remake posters in my classroom if they're too cluttered....I'm way too obsessive.
*The Greek Deli across the street is now owned by Palestinians. But it's still Greek and they still make gyros and baklava. I don't know if I've ever met a Paletinian person before and I wouldn't have known that they were except that they told me when I asked about a book. So now I have a connection for Arabic children's book! Of course now I have no Arabic speaking students.
*I'm currently stymied about my job. I don't usually even think of it like a job...it feels more like a continuous homework assignment. I have one class who does what I want them to do and I feel like I'm really teaching well. They are so excited about ESL. And then there are the other 8 classes...well, I'm going to need to keep changing those classes around to meet varied needs. I actually put my head in my hands during my 2:30 class...how do I convince 8 year-olds to have instrintic motivation for learning 30 minutes before the end of the school day? Bribery may come into play. Educational bribery of course, like attentive listening in exchange for souvenirs from Michigan (our current stop on the year-long "road-trip" around the United States). When we get to Ohio, we're going to play "Hi-Ho Cheerio!" to learn about "more than," "less than" and eat apple pie to celebrate Johnnie Appleseed (who's story will emphasize irregular past tense verbs). Next week, though, we're doing the geography vocabulary about Minnesota and directives. I may sing the noun song, too, and I might dance to amuse myself:)! Because I've realized that I'm a better teacher when I'm having fun and laughing at myself. Today, for example, I dropped a green marker on an embarrassing part of my clean, ironed khaki pants and it made a lovely long squiggle. Instead of freaking out, per usual, I attempted to turn it into a "oops! Messes happen for everyone and shouldn't ruin your day" lesson, which I should practice since I preach it to my students anyway.
*I need classical music on in my teeny room during non-class time or I feel like I'm in a cell. My current favorite is the soundtrack from the new Pride and Prejudice movie. It's so beautiful!

Martha Stewart, here I come!
This is the first weekend, ever, when I feel like I have the time to control my life. My apartment is clean, my dishes are done, my clothes and sheets and towels are clean, I have food for the entire week, and I'm ready for work tomorrow. I looked around yesterday and realized that I had nothing left to do. Essentially, it took me 24 years to get to this point. It makes me suddenly feel like I want something else to take care of, or at least when I'm ready to take care of something else, I think that I'll be somewhat capable. That's a exciting, right?

Today I spent more of the amazing ECM funding on foam "paper" dolls with authentic skin colors and hair. My kids will be so excited to decorate these as themselves (with their photos as the faces) and put them on our teamwork mural, an homage to Diego Rivera's "Detroit Industry." I also purchased adhesive magnetic sheets, that I will attach to the back of my white-board sentence strips, so my students can write vocabulary on them, then stick them on the board in the appropriate arrangement. The funding is also supporting the placement of student-photos on their belongings and around the classroom, through my digital camera, the printer I brought from home, and additional photo paper. Having their pictures around the room gives a greater sense of belonging and importance:)

My first day of teaching (this year)
My first class is 9 students who can barely speak English. They are all so cute...

My second class is the students who are reading at the same level as their peers, but their writing still needs refinement; like problems with subject-verb agreement and use of article in prepositional phrases, for example. I was so excited for this class, because I can actually speak to them at a normal rate of speech and challenge them with new ideas, but they had a major fit of the giggles, so we didn't get much done. I hate the feeling of impatience when kids can't stop laughing...I want them to have fun and be happy, but at some point it's wasting time and a bit disrespectful. But I'm still excited to teach them. Atypical of my student population, this class has only two native Spanish speakers out of seven. The rest speak Ghanian, Cambodian, Hmong, Vietnamese, and Thai. Isn't that amazing? They already put two postcards in my mailbox, which is outside of my classroom. Both asked when I would be giving them food from different countries. I'm not quite sure where they got that idea:)

My third class is co-teaching in a second grade classroom. Well, two students are from my first class and don't understand anything that's going on, so today I mostly interpretted the teacher's questions for them (which George W. would say is sooooo against No Child Left Behind...well, if he's even paying attention to education). If I didn't interpret though, the little boy would completely act out since he doesn't understand English. Argh. Honestly, there has to be a better way then to just throw him in without any support. He had an "accident" this week because he was so stressed out :(

My fourth class is co-teaching in a third grade classroom. In there, the students are much more advanced, and mostly need writing help. Since I don't want to ignore the other students, who don't qualify for ESL, I try to help them, too. Most students who aren't in ESL end up thinking I'm a reading teacher and then they tell their parents, who get confused. Some students in this class are very disruptive with constant, incredibly frustating behavior. It's so trying on teachers, especially those who are trying to help each student equitably.

My fifth class is with second graders who are low English speakers. This class has a student who has autism. The funding I received from ECM helped me to buy very organized materials for all my students, but for him in particular, which will help him to feel safe and structured in my classroom.

Then I have a 15 minute break. Whew.

My sixth class is co-teaching in a third grade classroom for writing. They write at incredibly different levels, which is interesting to watch. I have to learn the entire writing curriculum, which is, um, kind of interesting. Mostly, I hope to spend my time in the classroom giving small lessons on English writing.

Lunch and Prep. time. I love my lunch time! Everyone is so slap happy and hilarious in the staff lounge. And I'm getting along with the people who used to drive me crazy. If I avoid the drama of trying to be "friends" with everyone, it's much easier to be nice to them:)

My seventh class is pushing into second grade math classes. I am going to try my best to actually teach during this time, but I haven't figured out the best way to teach reading then. So we'll see if it even works.

My eighth class is perhaps the cutest. Well, that's saying a lot, because they're all adorable. But one of my students in this class looks like a little teddy bear.

This afternoon we had an assembly, so I didn't get to meet with my last class, who are mostly low writers. It is amazing how many students got lost on the way to the assembly...I picked up a bunch of kindergartners wandering around the school! I took them back to their classroom and one of their teachers gave me a look and said, "Um, they're supposed to be in the gym" as though I had taken her out of the gym and walked her back to class. Honestly, how was I supposed to know that her class had been in gym and she missed their walk to the gym while seeing the nurse? Oh well, at least I found where they were all supposed to be.

After that day, I left right after school!

Well, because my life is about balance*, here are things I'm not worried about:

- My classroom...I've decided that it's going to be a lesson in humility and gratitude for me, and if I'm lucky, for my students. I'm going to acknowledge how small it is on the first day (which is Friday!) but show children learning in different environments around the world. There are many children who could never imagine the luxuries I have in my classroom and could benefit so much from the resources that I have. So, in the absence of other options, I'm going for "it'll be an adventure!" and "I can make this work!" attitudes. We'll see how long that lasts, with 9 non-English speaking students in a room smaller than any of my college dorm rooms, first thing every morning :)

-Teaching. I'm so excited to see my students!! Apparently, from the chatter I hear in the staff lounge, a bunch of my students did a "yes!" arm pump when they heard that ESL starts this week :) And they keep stopping me and asking why I'm not coming to get them yet. I think the trip around United States content material is going to be so interesting! We're going to analyze a mural by Diego Rivera ("Detroit Industry"), dissect the National Anthem for using descriptive adjectives and verbs without stating the subject (it never says "flag" in the song), and comparing and contrasting a Minnesotan folktale (Paul Bunyan) with an Ojibwe folktale about giants. This year is going to be so much fun!

-My friends. They seem to understand that I'm not always a chatty kathy, which is comforting.

-My family. Although our family is somewhat fractured, I've found a way to be in communication with everyone without offending anyone (at least that I know), which is so important to me.

*"My life...is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next" ~Gilda Radner

I am bit worried about these things:
*I have 75 students whose English ability I'm responsible for.
*Everything I teach needs to be content-based, which means that I need to choose appropriate topics, then make my English lessons fit that content, while also making it address the specific needs of my students.
*I have to learn the writing and math curriculums, because I'll be teaching during those periods in specific classes. Those lessons need to address English through the subject. It's so hard to teach English skills through math lessons ("I would like to add 5 and 3.")
*My spacial situation in my classroom...it's going to be a tight fit;)

I want to believe in my country again
I was talking to someone tonight about America. I am disgusted by the politics, by the continuing ignorance, and how divided our country has become. And I know that I'm part of that division, but I still desperately want something strong and dignified to part of our agenda again. There's enough fear in the world without questioning the motives my own government.

This is what Frank Rich wrote today in the New York Times:
Mr. Bush was asked at a press conference “how much of a sacrifice” ordinary Americans would “be expected to make in their daily lives, in their daily routines.” His answer: “Our hope, of course, is that they make no sacrifice whatsoever.” He, too, wanted to move on — to “see life return to normal in America,” as he put it — but toward partisan goals stealthily tailored to his political allies rather than the nearly 90 percent of the country that, according to polls, was rallying around him.

This selfish agenda was there from the very start. As we now know from many firsthand accounts, a cadre from Mr. Bush’s war cabinet was already busily hyping nonexistent links between Iraq and the Qaeda attacks. The presidential press secretary, Ari Fleischer, condemned Bill Maher’s irreverent comic response to 9/11 by reminding “all Americans that they need to watch what they say, watch what they do.” Fear itself — the fear that “paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance,” as F.D.R. had it — was already being wielded as a weapon against Americans by their own government.

Less than a month after 9/11, the president was making good on his promise of “no sacrifice whatsoever.” Speaking in Washington about how it was “the time to be wise” and “the time to act,” he declared, “We need for there to be more tax cuts.” Before long the G.O.P. would be selling 9/11 photos of the president on Air Force One to campaign donors and the White House would be featuring flag-draped remains of the 9/11 dead in political ads.

And so here we are five years later. Fearmongering remains unceasing. So do tax cuts. So does the war against a country that did not attack us on 9/11. We have moved on, but no one can argue that we have moved ahead.

Why couldn't he have asked something of us? I would want to help my country and to know that my sacrifice was making a difference. Maybe that unity could have overcome the feeling of helplessness and defeat that I now feel. I think something big is going to happen soon...the political climate is changing and people aren't going to live like this anymore, being lied to and ignored by the government. The times they are changing...I hope.

Where did autumn go?
This week, the weather has changed from swimsuit-hot to jacket-cold. It completely skipped over the warm breezes, light jackets, fall weather that I love so much. This is Halloween weather! Although I'm excited to bring out my long sleeve shirts and sweaters. Really cold fall weather always makes me feel a little bit frightened...like there's something wicked about to happen. It's mysterious and always comforting that I have a warm place to come home to. During my run today, I smelled a fire. I have a fall fantasy of reading Dickens aloud in a cozy library, in my future house, in big leather chairs around a fireplace, with big, engulfing blankets and cups of hot chocolate with Baileys. I'm so hopeful that I'll have that some day:)

Want to hear a scary story?
I've told this story to a lot of people already, but there's an addition now, so this is the extended version.

Last night, while driving down a hill toward home after a friend's going-away party, I saw a black mass in the middle of the intersection. As I got closer, I realized that it was a large man slumped over in a motorized wheelchair. I swerved around him and pulled over to the side of the street. During the daytime, I might have gotten out and asked him if he needed help, but it was 12:30 at night and it was pitch black outside. So I started to get my phone out to call the police, when something moving in my rearview mirror caught my eye. The man was twisting and turning all over the street in his wheelchair, driving erratically and very fast. Suddenly, he turned and started speeding straight toward my car. I quickly pulled out and drove home, where I called the police and asked them to check on him.

Today, when I was walking back to my apartment after a run, I walked down the same hill and past the intersection, thinking how creepy it would be if I saw him still there. But that's just paranoia, right, because what are the chances that he would be there right at that time? Well, just as I walked past that intersection, I saw someone coming down the middle of the road toward me. It was the man, wearning a hooded sweatshirt that completely obscured his face, driving his wheelchair right down the middle of the street. I got a cold sweat and couldn't look at him. He went right past me and I swear it gave me chills.

Now I know he's probably just a local person who had a bad night last night (and hopefully did receive help), and I bet not he's not dangerous at all, but there's something so menacing about that really fast wheelchair. That must be the strangest thing in the world for someone to be afraid of.

Tonight I'm going to be cleaning my apartment, making emotion charts for my students, and possible baking some gourmet dessert :) Oh, and trying not to think about being chased.

I heart endorphins
I had such a hectic day. With all the new students who are enrolling, I'm currently up to 90 ESL students. 90! I'm responsible for all of their English needs this year. I also need to test them all before I can start teaching, as per district policy. Sometimes I want to have a march on the district headquarters with all my cute little students chanting "No more testing, let us learn!" At 5:30, after spending hours figuring out who I needed to test and planning when, I sent my principal an email about my worries about having so many students, to test and to teach. I wrote, "This is probably a "well, good luck with that" kind of email." Now I'm worried that sounds kind of flippant. He probably gets worse than that all the time, but I really don't want to be one of those bitter teachers who start getting really involved in the *gasp* union. Honestly. If it can't be about the students, I'm going into another field, I'm not going to try to squeeze every cent out of an already tried system.

Anyway, this post is meandering, mostly because I just got back from an amazing run and I'm so high on endorphins...I looooovvveee running! I made it 4 miles today, which I usually do, but I never stopped once to stretch or get a drink of water. I also fell, for the first time since high school. I was running up a steep hill on the grassy strip between the sidewalk and the street (to help my shin splints) and I stepped in a hole that I didn't see because it was getting dark. I fell right on my knee and elbow on the sidewalk! It didn't really hurt at all, though. I think the combination of Aleve and the peptides (or whatever) raised my pain threshold. Now I have I really disgusting gash on my knee...it looks so gross! Oh well. I was going to wear black tights tomorrow anyway.

For the next week or so, all I'm going to do is test students. I have to do the same oral exam 19 times and each one takes at least 30 minutes. At least I'm happy right now, though, right? And tonight's a new Project Runway, in Paris no less. I miss Paris so much. I have dreams about getting married at St. Severin on the left bank, then having a small reception on a river boat at night with lots of twinkling lights. But for now, I'm testing, testing, testing, in my little cave of a room. C'est toujours la même chose.

Movies that I am excited to see:
1. A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. Shia LeBouf/Robert Downey, Jr. plays a Bronx-raised man.
2. Aurora Borealis. The return of Joshua Jackson...everyone expected him to be the first DC alum to be nominated for an Oscar, not Michelle Williams.
3. Man of the Year. Robin Williams plays a Jon Stewart character who runs for president on a whim and wins.
4. The Pursuit of Happyness. Oh my gosh: Will Smith as a down and out single dad trying to raise the cutest little boy in the world who has a mini-afro? I'm actually going to need to bring a box of kleenex with me:)
5. Marie Antoinette. Sophia Coppola has such an amazing life: her dad is Francis Ford Coppola, she's Marc Jacob's muse (free couture), she's made two award-winning films, and she's dating a member of Phoenix (a French band).
6. Ratatouille. Pixar and gourmet-cheese-eating French rats? Obvious magic.
Will it improve US-French relations, though, when the characters we're supposed to empathize with are the rats? I have a feeling that there will be a stereotypical French villain, probably with a curly mustache and cloying beret.

I am such a lion
although I am a little beaver-ish, too.

Here is a description of the four personality types based on Gary Smalley's writings:

• Lion- This personality likes to lead. The lion is good at making decisions and is very goal-oriented. They enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Because lions are thinking of the goal, they can step on people to reach it. Lions can be very aggressive and competitive. Lions must learn not to be too bossy or to take charge in other's affairs.
  Strength: Goal-oriented, strong, direct
  Weakness: Argumentative, too dictatorial
  Limitation: Doesn't understand that directness can hurt others, hard time expressing grace

• Otter- Otters are very social creature. Otter personalities love people. They enjoys being popular and influencing and motivating others. Otter can sometimes be hurt when people do not like them. Otter personalities usually have lots of friends, but not deep relationships. They love to goof-off. (They are notorious for messy rooms.) Otters like to hurry and finish jobs. (Jobs are not often done well.) The otter personality is like Tigger in Winnie The Pooh.
  Strength: People person, open, positive
  Weakness: Talks too much, too permissive
  Limitation: Remembering past commitments, follow through with discipline

• Golden Retriever- Good at making friends. Very loyal. Retriever personalities do not like big changes. They look for security. Can be very sensitive. Very caring. Has deep relationships, but usually only a couple of close friends. Wants to be loved by everyone. Looks for appreciation. Works best in a limited situation with a steady work pattern.
  Strength: Accommodating, calm, affirming
  Weakness: Indecisive, indifferent, unable to express emotional, too soft on other people
  Limitation: Seeing the need to be more assertive, holding others accountable

• Beaver- Organized. Beavers think that there is a right way to do everything and they want to do it exact that way. Beaver personalities are very creative. They desire to solve everything. Desire to take their time and do it right. Beavers do not like sudden changes. They need reassurance.
  Strength: High standards, order, respect
  Weakness: Unrealistic expectations of self & others, too perfect.
  Limitation: Seeing the optimistic side of things, expressing flexibility

I've been so tired and hungry this weekend! I had two lunches today and am currently eating chocolate sprinkles out of my hand:) My goal for the next two days is to finally clean up my apartment and finish planning for the first week. I think I might have put my portfolio on top of my car on Friday, though, because I can't find it...I hope it's not squished under a huge truck before Tuesday!

I'm going to a barbecue at the house of some of my students' family tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous to be surrounded by Spanish speakers, mostly because they know me and will see me at school. I'm afraid I'll misspeak and embarrass myself...by confusing something like socks and underwear (again)!

My First Student Purchase
Today I spent $35 on copies, to use in making a "Word Office" for each of my 45 pull-out students. So tomorrow will include lots of stapling! I also make copies of the first three states my classes will be visiting: Minnesota, Michigan, and Illinois. Tomorrow night, after making a final student list, I'm going to buy those efficient binders that I had my eye on before...they'll be perfect portfolios that my students can use throughout the year and pass on to next year's students.

Tomorrow, I'm going in to finally clean up my classroom in the morning, then I have an iLife seminar in afternoon, an ESL committee meeting, and then I'm going back to school.

Ooh- in our team-building seminar this afternoon, I found out that I'm part Lion, part Beaver. That means that I'm task-oriented, determined, dedicated, take charge, bossy, analytical, a perfectionist, and have a tendency to get stressed out. Then we had to work in groups to "Design on a Dime" another teacher's bulletin board. My group was me and 4 "Golden Retrievers" (i.e. people who like to be told what to do and rarely make decisions). So I took charge and delegated and got made fun of for being "such a lion." Oh well. We're also the ones who get things done! :) Almost all of the teachers are golden retrievers or Otters, which I'm not at all...I guess that's good to know and will help me work better with them.

I'm so excited that I have two parties to go to this week. I'm going to have a social life this year!!

I've realized something that probably everyone who knows me already knows: I am not a chatter. I love discussions, like "how can we reverse globål warming on a local level?", but just shooting the breeze I'm not good at. And it's not fun. I think I get this from my parents. When I went out to dinner with them, we talked about random things for a little while, but then there was a long, silent pause. Finally, my dad said, "So, what dya think's going to happen with the Middle East situation, then?" We are incapable of small talk, I guess. Which is what makes "TEAM BUILDING DAY" so hard for me. I usually just keep asking questions and let the other person just talk about themselves...and then try to shift conversation to current issues. Like, "Speaking of your vacation in Beijing, how is China going to cope with the growing automobile market without making concise driving regulations? And if every middle class Chinese person buys a car, how will they all fit?" I don't think my colleagues like my segues or topics. Oh well ;)

I'm so excited to be here, but I wish I could just focus on organzing my classroom. I LOVE organizing, making posters, and rearranging. Oops, it's almost 12 and I need to get to our next group activity!

A Big THANK YOU :)
Something wonderful happened yesterday. I got my mail and took it in the car with me as I drove down to St. Olaf with my brother. While we were driving, I opened one of the letters, from my favorite reverend, Rev. Mike. And inside was a letter, letting my know that the Episcopal Campus Ministry Alumni Association had raised money for my students... a lot of money! I started crying, and I kept saying to my brothers "they're so generous" and "that's such an ECM thing to do!" I'm so grateful to all of them, especially since their extremely kind gift will be amazing for my little students:) It will definitely make them feel important and valued to receive the supplies that this gift will provide. And here is a shout out to the reader who saw my post about fancy binders and suggested the fund-raising: Thanks so much, Andrew ;)

Tomorrow is my first day back at work and I have millions of boxes to clear out. The janitors were going to throw out my boxes, since they're all in the hallway, but another teacher told them that they were actually mine and only in the hallway because there's no space for them in my room!

I'm too pensive to bullet my ideas today. I just got back from the State Fair Grounds, where I saw the Flaming Lips for the first time. I loved: the streamers, Wayne Coyne's hair, and finding an empty seat so I could watch the spectacle from up high. I disliked: the overstimulation, how much he swore (there were a lot of little kids there), and the dancing martians.

I spent three hours organizing my room today. I'm going to have to constantly remind myself to be graceful about my classroom "situation," since I want to try to be that kind of person who takes on challenges without fuss and proves the cynics wrong. However...my room is very small. It's like generous-walk-in-closet small. I don't have a desk, because there's no room. I have two tables, but they had to be manipulated many ways before I found a placement that would leave enough room for me to go from the door to the whiteboard without going over or under them. All the boxes of materials had to be removed just so it wasn't like one of those puzzles that requires you to move one piece at a time. And tomorrow, I'm going to need to throw out bags and bags of material that I have no room for (most of it seems like junk anyway, but I swear I'll need it the minute it's gone).

My family comes to town tomorrow. I love when they visit because they're on their best behavior and feel the need to eat at really nice restaurants :) We're going to the fair tomorrow night, then spending the night at my grandparents' apartment in Edina. I'm really excited about trying more crazy fair food; today I saw pickle on a stick, wrapped in cream cheese and salami (eww). There's also cheese on a stick, key lime pie dipped in chocolate on a stick, and obviously, pizza on a stick. I tried the breakfast sausage (with cheese, egg, bacon, potato, and peppers in a sausage link!) this morning. If was fabulous. Anyway, Saturday morning I'm going to attempt to make the Disney World triple-sauce, caramel french toast that I last made at my apartment warming party two years ago. It's amazing, and I'm excited!

I have a strange pain in my calf that is starting to worry me. Since my appendectomy in March, I've become much more hypochondriatic...but what if it is a blood clot? Since the idea makes me feel nauseous, and "clot" is the word I hate most, I hope my mom can give me a normal explanation tomorrow. Like running strain, or something else less fatal and disgusting.

I'm going to a black-tie Emmy party this weekend that I'm very excited about as well. It's being thrown in a kind of ironic way (I think), since there will be running commentary (I'm sure) disparaging every presenter, winner, and the host. And I won't mind at all this time, because I know the source of all this hostility and know it's in fun ;) I'm going to wear my red satin gown, if I can find a zipper. I bought it for $15 at the designer thrift store, knowing someday I'd need it.

I need advice about dealing with colleagues that are still stuck in a high-school mindset in terms of personal relationships. With people like that, should I avoid them, tolerate them, confront them, or act hyper-nice and kill them with sweetness? Or is that just playing into their game and I really shouldn't think about them at all, until they mess with me, which will happen sometime this year. Just hearing this one person talk makes my jaw clench, which is horrible and mean, but probably instinctual until I find a solution.

The "uniform" for teachers at my school- the jersey knit black gauchos and bright t-shirt, sometimes combined with patterned scarf/belt- makes me want to scream (well, in a fashion sense, it's irritating). If you're all going to wear the same thing for some reason, at least make it trendy with the outside world...

I've decided that I'm going to dress librarian-chic for work: no heels, knee-length skirts, ruffled tops, and sometimes black tights with black shoes. I don't know why I was working so hard to look "professional" last year, since I shouldn't be trying to impress anyone with my clothes and I'm much more resourceful for my students when I'm not mad about a blister on my heel.

Finally, I ran into my favorite Borders employee again yesterday, an Indian man who likes to teach me about India while I make a purchase. He placed the home cities of two of my best friends from high school based on their last names and told me about the diversity of languages there. I was buying "No God But God" by Reza Aslan, and he asked me if I was Muslim. I've never been asked that before.

Things to look forward to...

a. Seeing the Flaming Lips at the State Fair on Thursday. I know it's expensive, but anyone who wants to come, I'd love to carpool...and hit huge beach balls at the concert with you!
b. Food on sticks at the state fair.
c. My family comes to visit on Friday.
d. Organizing my classroom- it's going to be like one of those block puzzles, when you have to move one piece at a time because they're all squeezed together in a small space. I'm going to have posters on hangers, so I can switch them between classes! How many posters can I jam into a walk-in closet? We'll see :)
e. Learning about my students' test scores at our staff meeting. The principal hinted that we had reading scores that were the best in the district!
f. Carnival rides with R.
g. An organized, nonstressful school year!

Likes and Dislikes

Likes
Meeting guys that negate all the horrendous dates.
Brit's Pub.
My friends, who associate with me even though I get tipsy after two drinks.
The Black Film Festival.
Being really organized for school:)

Dislikes
The screwed up eliminations on Project Runway: if they're going to act all high and mighty about the authenticity of the show, they shouldn't eliminate talented designers and keep the incredibly bizarre ones.
Brit's bacon-oil salad dressing for the spinach salad...that's disgusting!
Grandma's philosphy on men: never act like I'm available, never seem like I want a relationship, never call them, never expect commitment.
The price of parking downtown.

Quick Update

*I received a Masters in Spanish from the University of Minnesota...without taking any classes! I just got a letter of confirmation in the mail. Well, that's going to look amazing on my resume ;)

* I just sent an email to the entire district by mistake. Grr...darn you reply-to-all button!

*I got out of taking the new teacher seminar next week (all week long) by saying that I would feel bad costing the district money to teach me things I already know. All it takes to get out of stuff in my district is to mention money, apparently.

OMG! My ultimate bow-tied, Republican crush, Tucker Carlson, is going to be on Dancing with the Stars! Excitement!! He should have a dance-off with Jon Stewart...to decide the midterm elections.

I've realized that my mood can break at any moment. I had such a fun day today: Weezie went to church with me, helped me pick out a digital camera, and browsed for school clothes with me at the Mall of America. Instead of going on a ride, she decided to play one of those horrible carnival games, that has hundreds of perfectly rounded bowls floating around in water, the goal of which is to get a ping pong ball to stay in a bowl. I was half-way through my "it's really not about skill, only luck, so even if you try your best..." talk, when she got a ball in a bowl. In one of the special colored ones! I've never seen anyone win at one of those games, so I've always associated them with childhood disappointment. But Weezie won a huge purple unicorn, which fueled her love of games of chance...oh well.

Anyway, I found adorable clothes at Forever 21. They're so beautifully draped, it almost makes up for the fact that they're so cheap that I'll need to hand-wash them. I got home early tonight, to watch "The Ron Clark Story," which was way too generic to be a good teacher movie. I wish someone would actually depict what it's like in a movie. Not the saving of inner city kids, but the millions of little issues and stresses and achievements. And the fear that I'm failing them every day! Actually, it's not usually that bad, I'm just getting all worked up about the first day of school.

After that wonderful day, my positive attitude suddenly cracked, just from the tone of someone's voice. I don't know why I feel so vulnerable sometimes. Maybe I'm not as trusting as I should be, but I honestly have sudden pains of fear that people will give up on me, abandon me. And it's a completely unfounded and irrational fear. I know I just need to sleep on it and the feeling will be gone. I'm bothered that it affects me so much.

This week, I need to focus on my curriculum planning. I desperately want to be in control of my job this year and not need to stay until 8pm on Friday nights! I also want to run every day, get rid of my leftover ice cream from the capture the flag/sundae party, and persuad my principal to give me a new classroom:)

Book Survey
1. One book that changed your life: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. The main character is me, a shy, quiet, studious girl, which was so comforting when I was surrounded by the complete superficiality that is Northville High School.

2. One book that you've read more than once: The Shell Seekers. It's a quasi-romance novel- very long- but set in England, so somehow seems more posh, less cheesy. But it has all the perks of Joan Collins book: deception, betrayl, jet-setting to Greek isles, revenge, and fighting over a will. It's perfect, every single time. And there's a BBC series about it starring Angela Landsbury.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: Hmm...well probably something that would take me a looooong time to completely understand, like Gringo Viejo by Carlos Fuentes...in Spanish. That would keep me busy for a while, since I didn't really understand it in English. But I would definitely need a Spanish-English dictionary or I might go crazy on the island and start talking to a volley ball.

4. One book that made you laugh: The Nanny Diaries. I know it's popular chick-lit (whatever that means) but I could completely relate to seeing a marriage break down while babysitting. I once witnessed a major argument conducted over the family's home intercom system. I was forced to pretend to be really interested in their cookbook selection.

5. One book that made you cry: I don't remember the last book that made me cry. I think it was probably Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol, because anything that reminds me of how hard life is for some of my students makes me cry. (Fact: Jonathan Kozol got a Rhodes scholarship to Magdalen college at Oxford. That is my nerdy dream scholarship!! I had to sneak into Magdalen when I was there, since they're all too good for Hertford).

6. One book that you wish had been written: I wish Jane Austen had written one book about what happened after the "happily ever after." Even that long ago, every story ended with marriage.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: I don't know...Mein Kampf?

8. One book you’re currently reading: Any Place I Hang My Hat by Susan Isaacs.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.

Likes and Dislikes of the Weekend:)

Dislikes:
1. Blind dates with awkward silences.
2. Blind dates when the person lies about their height by 6 inches, insults his mother, asks me-during a movie- if I've ever done drugs, tells me he has no friends because everyone lies, and shows up 20 minutes late because he lost track of time while browsing for t-shirts in Hot Topic. The one good part was that I drank my wine so fast that I had the courage to ask a hot guy to give me a hug afterwards, to clean the "bad date" karma off me!
3. Williams, Drink, and bars in Uptown that play bad 80's music without irony.
4. Loud, dark bars, when I can't hear my friends...and they won't take my money;)
5. Nightmares. I woke up at 3am last night completely terrified. My arms were over my head, with my wrists together, just like my hands were bound, and I was so irrationally frightened that my muscles wouldn't move for 5 minutes...I just lay there, trying to calm my subconscious down. This is the second time I've had a dream that traumatic in a month. Which is why I'm never allowed to watch a horror movie again, since my mind acculmulates all of the stupid, trite scenes together to frighten me! Last night, the killer rode a motorcycle (or maybe a snowmobile) and chased girls after they left a rural high school after practice in the evening. I was one of them and I tried to hide under the snow, but it found me. That's actually ridiculous, but my body believed it, which was the scary part.

Likes:
1. Ally McBeal...I just remembered that I loved that show, before it got really weird, especially the theme song and the episodes with Robert Downey, Jr.
2. The employees at Sebastian Joe's in Linden Hills...maybe I'll start lesson planning there.
3. Getting paid and not having ALL of the money go to tuition! I bought a ton of watermelon this week and I'm indulging in it all the time now.
4. The diversity in my neighborhood.
5. Capture the flag. I'm going to have a party soon!! I think I need to feel like a kid again before I go back to work and need to pretend to be responsible:)

"It's not like I'm playing the field, it's like work...it's like I'm working in the field!"
So I just realized that dating a lot is exhausting and stressful! I don't know how guys do it. I feel like I'm always getting ready, dressed-up, and there's so much anticipation. It reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of Friends, when Phoebe dates two men at the same time: the fireman and the elementary school teacher. First she thinks that it's a choice between a burly one and a sensitive one- no choice, obviously ;) But then she sees the teacher doing construction work and hears the fireman recite poetry. Hmm...

Likes and Dislikes of the Week

Likes:
*Frozen watermelon. I buy it pre-cut at Lunds, then freeze it, and eat it with a fork. It's like Italian Ice, but organic! I think freezing watermelon is popular in Japan.
*Project Runway. I love that the show has actually talented people, doing amazing designs. I wish they would have a teaching reality show, to show people know how difficult it really is and what amazing strategies teachers can whip out in a crisis and how analytical the profession really can be.
*I'm starting to feel like I'll be prepared when school starts and that I'll be able to have more of a social life this year. Which is great because I've met some exciting people this summer.
*All the things there are to do in my neighborhood: Wolf Parade next week, Ghostbusters in Castillo Park on Thursday, the Diane Arbus exhibit at the Walker Art Museum, and the Pizza Luce Block Party (where Thunder in the Valley is playing, my birthday band).
*Beautiful, sunny, 60 degree weather today. The rain finally came yesterday, after it got up in the 100's on Monday!

Dislikes:
*The University of Minnesota. No one cares about individual students (at least not me) and students are expected to completely fend for themselves, which is much more difficult than at a private school since none of the bureaucracy communicates intra-collegiately (or whatever:) So I actually have to let someone know that I'm done with my Masters, otherwise they'd never know it. And my bill this month was completely screwed up and then the helpline operator was so rude and patronizing. Grr. It makes me wax nostalgic about Wash U, where I had four advisors!
*Trying to create my own curriculum when my administration is still on vacation. My plan is to use the Social Studies Standards as the supporting content, based on the US History and geography. We'll travel from state to state, using the facts and history about each, and I'll hopefully be able to find video clips and other media to show them. Then, I need to address all of the Language Arts standards for Minnesota and the National TESOL standards (for ESL). It's just a crazy amount of cross-referencing, integrating language and content instruction, and second-guessing myself.
*Lack of money for school supplies...I saw these wonderful new binders at Office Max. They are really thin and have folding rings, so they'll fit into folders, essential since my classroom is the size of a walk-in closet. And they have a holder for note cards, and two dividers, and are hard cover. When I saw them, I immediately wanted to buy them for all my students...I was drooling in the notebook aisle! I really want my students to have supplies that are indicative of my expectations and high hopes for their academic success. I want them to take pride in their classwork, but most of their families don't have the resources. Anyway, these fancy binders cost $6.99 each, which is tough to pull off for all of my 60 students. Does anyone know of education-friendly philanthropists who would like to fund that? Hmm...
*I'm sorry that I don't like baseball games! I would try to pretend, as I have many times during college and graduate school, but it's tooooooo boring. Honestly, you could watch SportsCenter and get 20 seconds of highlights, which would actually be the ONLY things that happened during the game. And you could even buy some FastDogs (those new ones), nachos, and beer for cheaper and sit at home, eating really fast. But 6-ish hours of tedium in plastic seats? I'm sorry, my friends, but it's not going to happen again! As a trade-off, I will never expect you to go to see chick flicks with me;)

Weekend Update
Friday- I babysat for my twin cousins, who are 3. I pulled them a mile in their wagon to the lake, where we had a picnic. And someone told me that my kids were cute, which was scary because they could be my kids, and if they were, I would have them out of the house by the time I'm 39!

Saturday- I woke up early, for a breakfast date, which I thought would be really fun. I got stood up, because apparently there are 5 restaurants with the same name in Uptown, which isn't a very good excuse because there aren't. But I got to spend quality time with Spike and Mo, two cute kitties, and then I spent the rest of the day writing out my curriculum plan calendars for the school year. I love being productive without time constraints! And I looooove post-its. Last September, I started working the 1st day of teacher workshop, so I'm going to be much more prepared this year. In the evening I went for a run, but it was still way too hot. It's gross to run in this weather! My hair was wet when I got home and my ipod buds wouldn't stay in my ears. And there were huge swarms of those little white bugs everywhere, so my run was quite zig-zaggy and probably hilarious to watch.

Sunday- I'm going to go to church in the morning, then continue lesson planning.