sleepy, but not ready for bed...
Ever:
1. smoked a cigar – no...I'm sure it would be incredibly funny for people to see me do something like that
2. crashed a friend's car – no. But backed into a parked car (one of my friends father's) and did $3,000 worth of damage;)
3. stolen a car – no
4. been in love - not to the extent that I want to be someday
5. been dumped – no
6. dumped someone - yes, and I was too mean in high school
7. taken shots of alcohol- yes...9 shots of vodka on my 21st
8. been fired - no. I've quit before though, because I got so bored when I was a secretary
9. been in a fist fight – no
10. snuck out of a/your house – no
11. had feelings for someone who didn't have them back- yes
12. been arrested – no...that probably goes along with the cigar smoking. It would be quite uncharacteristic
13. made out with a stranger - yes. That's kind of why we snuck into frat parties in high school
14. gone on a blind date – kind of, but I still don't know if it was a date
15. lied to a friend – never about anything important
16. had a crush on a teacher- yes. My Oxford tutor, with whom I met in his bedroom to discuss the virility of Mexican revolutionary soldiers;)
18. seen someone die – no
19. been on a plane – yes...this question seems out of place
20. thrown up in a bar - I've never thrown up from alcohol. I get tipsy after one sip, but otherwise my tolerance is pretty high
22. miss someone right now - yes
23. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes, when I was little
24. made a snow angel – yes
25. played dress up – yes. I feel like it everyday when I get dressed as a teacher:)
26. cheated while playing a game – not that I can remember
27. been lonely – yes
28. fallen asleep at work/school – at school, no, because I always thought it would be disrespectful. At work, yes. I took a nap on my teaching table two weeks ago, but it was after hours; I just wanted to have the energy to lesson plan.
29. used a fake id - no
30. felt an earthquake – no
31. touched a snake – yes
32. ran a red light - yes. Only once, in September when I was completely stressed and exhausted.
33. had detention – no
34. been in a car accident - yes. I was riding with my grandparents and a car slammed on the brakes in front of us on the highway. The driver had missed her exit and wanted to turn around and go back...hmmm. My grandpa was sleeping on the backseat and he rolled off and got stuck between the seats, which he couldn't stop laughing about.
35. hated the way you look – yes, but it's always caused by something else
37. been lost – in what sense? Everytime I drive with my cousins, I get lost for some reason. Now they don't get in a car with me without asking me if I know where I'm going:)
38. been to the opposite side of the country – from here? I've been to Florida, California, and Maine, and I once had a layover in Seattle
39. felt like dying – yes, when I was sick in high school
40. cried yourself to sleep – yes
41. played cops and robbers - no. Do boys actually play that? I thought it was a myth perpetuated by Duck Tale
42. karaoke – yes, only once, and it was so bad. I sang "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About"
43. done something you told yourself you wouldn't – no
44. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose- I don't think so
45. caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
46. kissed in the rain - no
47. sang in the shower - all the time, but not since I realized that the walls in my apartment are paper thin
48. made love in a park - no
49. had a dream that you married someone - no
50. glued your hand to something – no
51. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no
52. worn the opposite sex's clothes – yes. There's nothing as comfortable as a big, soft sweater
53. Been a cheerleader – omg no. Don't get me started on high school...
54. sat on a roof top - yes. I used to lay in the sun on the roof outside my window in Oxford
55. talked on the phone all night - no
56. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - yes! I'm scared by everything. I was traumatized by the Disney movie "The Watcher in the Woods" when I was in middle school
57. played chicken fight – no. I've never really hung out at pools since I was little
58. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - no
59. been told you're hot by a complete stranger – yes, by a scary number of older French men who claimed to be professors at La Sorbonne
60. broken a bone – no
61. run into someone you knew in another country? Yes, on top of the Eiffel Tower:)

False alarm...I'm not sick, actually. I think it was work-related physical fatigue. I'm really excited to go to work today, though, because I'm acting out school verbs with the newcomers, we're going to take pictures, and then make our own books :)

Sometimes I forget the traumatic realities that my students face at home. I was doing a vocabulary visualization activity with third grade students, when one asked me, out of the blue, what "sheriff" means. I told him it is the boss of the policemen and he suddenly looked really upset. He then explained to me that he had to translate for his mother yesterday when she was talking to their landlord (it was so lucky I remembered that word in Spanish). But when he translated "the sheriff is going to come lock your door in three days," he didn't know what sheriff meant, so it didn't seem like a desperate thing, I guess. I started to cry in class (but I hid it- I did a fake sneeze) because he has to deal with that kind of pressure. So his teacher and I worked together to get the Latino liason and our social worker to intervene or at least try to do something. No wonder he has trouble paying attention :(

As soon as I feel better, this weekend is going to be so much fun! I have a posh teacher conference at the Radisson downtown on Saturday...I may smuggle out some danish in my purse. Then, I want to see "Walk the Line," "Harry Potter," and maybe "Rent." I also want to go mitten/scarf shopping and lay in bed for hours...I wish I could do that simultaneously;) And I want to eat at The Black Forest Inn sometime on Saturday. I love sauercraut! I think it's my eastern european roots. I hope that two days will be enough time for all of that.

Grr and fit ;) I have so much to do, all the time! I spent 13 hours at work today and I only had about 30 minutes of planning time. It's enough to make me want to go back to graduate school. I miss the control I have when I'm writing a paper. That's a skill that I'm almost proficient in after four years of college: taking notes on notecards (with all bibliography information), cross-referencing by paragraph, and then typing and proofreading. I loved that wustl taught us (some of you) to bs a paper. But now it's like I'm starting over again. Eventually I'll be able to plan for 10 separate lessons each day, but right now it's almost impossible...it's like preparing for 10 different trajectories, based on the needs of each student in those groups, the content, the timing, the teachers...and I teach 55 students each day!!

I can't wait to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. I haven't been back to Ann Arbor since March. I'm not homesick, because I've only spent a week in their new house, but it'll be fun to see my family all together again. I can't believe it's next week! Though I'm kind of nervous, because my "room" is also my Dad's yoga/meditation/incense room :)

I can't deal with the bugs in my building anymore. When I came home tonight there were two 3-inch-long centipedes in the stairwell. Three inches! That's more than disgusting...I could see the eyes. So, I'm going to request pest control again, and after that I might go to a lawyer and get a rent abatement (that's legal jargon for a partial refund...there's a lot of helpful information on the Renters' website:). I don't even sleep in my bedroom anymore, so I shouldn't really have to pay for a one-bedroom, because what I really have is a studio with an extra room to store my clothes, that is otherwise sealed off because the centipedes roam at night. Anyway, the minute that I saw them, I froze and my hand went to my neck to button my collar. I have a subconscious, innate skittishness around huge insects. I might not get any sleep tonight. I need a vacation so much...from my apartment. What I really need is someone to protect me from the bugs. Like a sweet dog to sniff them out.

Chick flick?
I don't understand the stigma that some people have against romantic movies. It's just romance! A guy, who will go unnamed, actually called to get my opinion if a movie that he enjoyed was a chick flick, as though that should affect how much he actually liked it. There is such a double standard...the fact that I want to see the midnight show of Fight Club at the Uptown is probably much more acceptable, right?

Other things I don't understand:
*how "I can't believe it's not butter" can have no fat at all
*why people take up scrapbooking as a hobby...use a glue stick and some markers and just call it a day, honestly
*Ashlee Simpson's popularity
*the Sunshine teacher-spirit committee at my school...I will never be that peppy! We're having a holiday party at Bennigan's; it's a little too much like "the office" for me
*why the veterans had to fire rifles outside today and freak out all the kids
*why the smelly Mr. Washable marker smells like licorice:) There must people something better than that

Veterans' Day
Here's a story about my Grandpa, who was in the army during WWII. After paratrooping into France during the beginning of the Battle of the Bulge, his battalion was walking through abandoned villages in eastern France on Christmas Day. They found a house that had been left so recently that there was smoke coming from the chimney and food in the kitchen. Since they were resourceful soldiers, they went inside and had Christmas dinner together! And it was obviously quite a gourmet meal, since they were in France:)

My desire for excitement outside of school is apparently insatiable.

I decided to go back to the beginning of my postings on this blog and see how I've changed since then (April 2003). It's kind of scary to see how cynical I've become! My posts aren't "omg...I love starbucks!!" anymore, they're mostly dedicated to my job, which is apparently sucking the enthusiasm out of me. Maybe I am becoming a Republican with this quick decrease in idealism.

Although I know that almost everyone is completely absorbed by their first job, I feel like I'm lacking the dichotomy of the typical 23-year-old. I have a new theory: the reason why young adults party more now, why both genders marry later, and binge drinking is so common, is that now everyone's expected to work longer hours, with more and more technology actually increasing the amount of work done each day, and they crave the juxtaposition just to maintain their sanity! That's what I think. Because I suddenly have a desire to get really dressed up, in my red satin halter dress, and hit the Uptown bars. I want the same sense of urgency and overhwhelming emotion in my life as I have in my work...um, well, that's going to take a lot of wild nights. And I'm not even a party girl!

If I don't have that same feeling outside of school- the anxiety, dedication, mental stimulation- I feel like my free time is completely unproductive. It's so sad. I sat at my table this evening and practically had a panic attack: I need to be having more fun than this! Is this really the best you can do for the only free evening you'll have this week? But I couldn't think of anything really exciting I could do tonight. All of my friends here are just as busy...the chances of someone having time to entertain me for a few hours is unlikely. So I made raspberry cupcakes. And next I'm going to wash my dishes.

This is the longest post I've made for such a long time. Actually, I've regained my optimism in the time it took to write it. Who could have predicted that?:)

Ok, since I can't seem to concentrate at all today, I'm going to put aside planning for my Principal's observation and make a list of the highlights of my day (not all necessarily good):

10. Mexican fiesta soup for lunch...where has Campbell's been hiding this all my life? So, so good.
9. I found my pink Ali McGraw hat (circa Love Story). That's the only reason I wish it would snow soon:)
8. Rocío and I discussed differences between Mexican and American men. Apparently Mexican men think that they should try to be friends first...
7. The principal seemed kind of overwhelmed by my 5-color-coded schedule change proposal. He even chuckled a little bit. I hope that's a good thing! In any case, he must have been impressed with my ample highlighter use.
6. Starting on Thanksgiving, I will be in a different place every weekend: Ann Arbor, then St. Olaf for the concerts, Chicago for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, and then Marshall for Christmas.
5. I asked for a new computer for my classroom this morning and it was completely hooked up by lunch. I am so lucky to work in this school district!!
4. During a presentation about drugs, given by a policewoman, one of the third graders asked, incredulously, "Wait...you mean pot isn't legal? Really?" OMG...where has he been seeing it, I wonder? ;)
3. Another third grader summarized the entire plot of "Halloween" for me while we were waiting in line. When I suggested that maybe he could say "this is too scary" and go to his room when that movie is on TV in his living room, he said "Oh, no, it's not scary. At the end, the mom kills the bad guy, Michael Myers, with an axe." Why won't he use his summarizing skills in my class? Can he only do that with R-rated movies about serial killers?
2. If I ever finish my lesson plan, I'm going to make raspberry cupcakes from scratch.
1. Okay, my most teacherish highlight: I actually got a chance to whip out my thesaurus today, when one of my students tried to write that doing well on tests makes her feel "good." It's so cute: now I have one sentence on my "Why should we think positive?" poster that says "Doing well on tests makes me feel splendid." :)

I completely love doing things that have nothing to do with school! I've missed that so much (so much more than I thought;). Today I'm going to run around Lake Harriet, which will hopefully give me enough endorphins to stay happy through finishing my planning this afternoon, and then I'll have time for something more.

John, here's the list you asked for:) I hope you guys have fun this week...
Local boy in the photograph- Stereophonics
Tired of Being Sorry- Ringside
Use It- The New Pornographers
Forever Young- Youth Group
Dancin' in The Moonlight- Toploader
Autumn Sweater- Yo La Tengo
Cherry Blossom Girl- Air
Rain City- Turin Brakes
Your Eyes Open- Keane
The Group Who Couldn't Say- Grandaddy
Brighter Than Sunshine (Live At Shepherd's Bush Empire, London)- Aqualung
Let the Distance Keep Us Together- Bright Eyes/Britt Daniel & Spoon
Stephanie Says- The Velvet Underground
Sing Me Spanish Techno- The New Pornographers
To The End- Blur
Struggle- Ringside

The inevitable has happened: I took a nap at school:) It couldn't be helped; I was exhausted after a morning of parent-teacher conferences, but I wanted to stay for a few more hours to organize and plan. So I closed the door to my little room and put my head down on the kidney table. It was very refreshing...no wonder my students try to do it all the time.

... Fill out your answers and re-post ... FIRST thing to do before going to sleep: That's a tricky question- really, the first thing I do before I go to sleep is wake up. The last thing I do is turn off the light. FIRST pet: a teddybear hamster named Rosebud (I was in a classic movie phase when I was 10:)). I got her when she was a baby and soon found out that she had no eye balls...gross! She died from lack of personal hygiene :( FIRST primary school: The Walt Disney School. Doesn't it sound fun? Um, not really...it's just a school in Rochester, NY, that the kids had the opportunity to name. FIRST alcoholic drink you had: Pimms and lemondade in Oxford...I didn't drink until I was legal, but it's a gray area since I was in a different country. FIRST time you entered a bar: Once I was in a country with more lax drinking laws. FIRST time you were sent to the principal for disciplinary action: Never...and now I have the power to send kids, but I use it benevolently FIRST record you bought: It was probably Debbie Gibson FIRST musical instrument you learned to play: Piano...my first teacher thought that I was a prodigy, so she decided that she didn't have the skills to train me. I guess I showed her when I stopped lessons 8 years later! (I wish I hadn't!) FIRST concert you watched: I went to a Devo concert 3 months before I was born:) FIRST sport you played: Lacrosse. It's not fun when a ball as hard as a hockey puck hits your unhelmeted head. Why do boys lacrosse get pads but girls don't? FIRST terrible fight: It was a bar brawl in East Surrey. Just kidding! The worst have always been with my little brother, though I can't imagine fighting with him now. FIRST best friend: Annie Stulberg. We were born two days apart in the same room. FIRST wedding you attended: My Aunt Emily's FIRST person who greeted you on your last birthday: I was so busy on my last birthday, I don't even remember what I did. FIRST collection: Keychains...it's huge FIRST time you saw a ghost: never FIRST roller coaster ride: I can't remember FIRST ambition: I wanted to be an architect. I designed amazing Barbie dreamhouses out of legos...I wasn't content with the prefab models. FIRST job: I was an administrative assistant at the Lear Corporation in Dearborn. (That, and I babysat for years and years. Which is how I built the connections to get that job). FIRST thing you bought with your 1st salary: Probably clothes FIRST thing you bought today: Dolce de Leche scone at Caribou coffee FIRST person you hated: I don't think I've ever hated anyone, per se LAST concert you watched: The Decemberists...but it was mostly listening because I couldn't see anything LAST book you bought: A Beginner's Guide to Arabic. I have a student that I communicate with at all. But now I know how to say teacher, so now I'm a big help, right? LAST thing you bought: Iced Chai Tea Latte at Caribou LAST TV show watched: CNN morning. I wish they had kept Bill Hemmer...he attracted my demographic, I'm sure. LAST movie you watched: Good Night, and Good Luck LAST time you traveled out of the country: Two years ago, to Europe LAST song listened: Tired of Being Sorry, by Ringside LAST argument: My dad, because I lost his Mac OSX software. Oops! LAST thought: Having 12 parent-teacher conferences in four hours is exhausting. Especially since I only see the students for 30 minutes a day, so there's not much to say. Have a good Wednesday!

"Miss , you look like a present. Can I buy you and take you home?"

[After I told them I thought I looked like a candy cane in my striped sweater]... "If you were a candy cane, I'd eat you."

I like my job because the people I'm around all day can say things like that and I know that they're just being nice.

Tonight, I spent over an hour rearranging my schedule so that I meet with certain students at specific times of day when they're least likely to doze off. I also

I'm incredibly overly excited to have a 3 1/2-day weekend. I want to do something fun...any ideas? Does anyone want to go to Ichiban?

On my mind this weekend:
...the quote from Trent Lott, saying that Bush should find a qualfied "man, woman, or minority" to appoint to the court. It infuriates me that that idea was stated by an elected official, in Washington D.C., the same week that Rosa Parks died. But I'm so glad that she's going to be honored in the capitol.
...Halloween: pagan devil-worshipping or intrinsic part of American culture? Shouldn't I explain to non-English speakers why everyone is wearing costumes...or is that breaching the divide between church and state?
...Jess/Amy's costume party. I'm going as a stood-up prom date, pretty much just so I can wear my homecoming dress again. I love it! But I'm also going to have mascara streaks running down my face to show some effort.
...my principal's observation on Tuesday. I MUST be prepared...Sunday and Monday all-nighters, maybe?
...my favorite song right now, "Tired of Being Sorry" by Ringside. I love the acoustic guitar in the beginning.
...a three-day work week. The Teachers's Union read my mind.
...John McCain. Would I vote for him in 2008? I'm leaning towards yes, unless Barack Obama is running. This was a constant topic of conversation with my grandparents for the past two days. I brought up the Trent Lott quote just to bother them. Then they shunned Heinz ketchup at breakfast just to bother me. It's a little partisan game we like to play:)
...my favorite flowers are lilacs. I've decided that's my official answer.

Oh my gosh, all I've done this week is work. We had two conference nights, when each family gets 30 minutes to meet with the teacher, but I have about 50 students, so it was all running around the school, sporadically explaining the entire curriculum in Spanish. I'm exhausted. And tomorrow is the Harvest festival...we're not even allowed to celebrate Halloween! I need a drink so badly.

Sometimes, when I'm at school, I forget that I'm not one of the students. Oops ;0) Like today, we had a drill of our emergency plan. We never had to do this when I was in school...it's so sad, but I guess this is a post-columbine age. Anyway, without giving away any information, we end up sitting on the floor of my very tiny room for 10 minutes. It's me, eight 3rd-graders, one paraprofessional, in a room the size of my bathroom. In pitch-black darkness. All I could think about as I was shushing them (we have to be silent) was that it would be fun if I said "boo!" Honestly. But, in my defense, we were all sitting on the floor, near or under the table, and they kept giggling, and I got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I was already kind of loopy.

I was thinking about Wash U today and how the difficulty of being a teacher is different (basically, I was doing compare/contrast). Although I am exhausted and feeling stressed out, it comes from a different source. While college was mentally draining, ideas could always be synthesized down into topic sentences or subjects for papers; that was a goal in itself. But here, there is just too much information. The goal is still synthesis, I think, but there is no way- absolutely no way- to figure everything out and organize every element of instruction. Example: I'm supposed to assess comprehension in every lesson I teach. How am I supposed to do that every day in 25 minutes? How can I teach a lesson with content, language, skills, strategies, etc. and have that part too? There's no time! Grr. So in the end, while I can plan for over 20 hours during my vacation (that's right), I can still leave out a piece. And then when someone pops in to observe me, that small mistake stands out like a glaring error, as though I sat around debating whether or not to include it and chose not to. At least this isn't organic chemistry: I can understand every concept in isolation (like comprehensible input, kinesthetic vocabulary instruction, on-task participation, engagement, text-to-self connections, rephrasing, etc.). It's just putting them all together, so not a minute of class time is wasted, that makes being a teacher sometimes just as difficult as being a college student. That, and I can never skip class, fall asleep during class, make up what I don't understand later, bs a paper (they can spot when I'm bsing here;0), or drop a class. I feel like my job should be a show: "True Life, diary of a teacher." Here my catchphrase: "You think it should be easier- after all the studying I did in college, now I just teach elementary school... but you have no idea."

"East of anywhere," writes a reporter for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, "often evokes the other side of the tracks. But, for a first-time visitor suddenly deposited on its eerily empty streets, East St. Louis might suggest another world." The city, which is 98 percent black, has no obstetric services, no regular trash collection, and few jobs. Nearly a third of its families live on less than $7,500 a year; 75 percent of its population lives on welfare of some form. The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development describes it as "the most distressed small city in America."

...

It is, according to a teacher at the University of Southern Illinois, "a repository for a nonwhite population that is now regarded as expendable...

Now and then the possibility is raised by somebody in East St. Louis that the state may someday try to end the isolation of the city as an all-black entity. This is something, however, that no one with power in the state has ever contemplated. Certainly, no one in government proposes busing 16,000 children from this city to the nearby schools of Bellevue, Fairview Heights or Collinsville; and no one in tends to force these towns to open up their neighborhoods to racially desegregated and low-income housing. So there is, in fact, no exit for these children. East St. Louis will likely be left just as it is for a good many years to come: a scar of sorts, an ugly metaphor of filth and overspill and chemical effusions, a place for blacks to live and die within, a place for other people to avoid when they are heading for St. Louis."

-from Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol.

I was thinking about East St. Louis this afternoon and how I never went there during my four years at Washington University. It's not like I had any reasons to go there; I didn't go very far from the campus as it was. But I clearly remember the warnings that I received about the city and what could happen if I crossed that bridge.

The closest I got was at an elementary school that I worked at as part of a psychology of education class, but it was still on the west side of the river. The front gate of the school was always in a new mangled form, because, apparently, crazy drivers from East St. Louis would take the exit ramp off the highway and plow right into the gate every single time it was replaced. The secretaries also told me never to leave anything in sight in my car or the window would invariably be smashed. That school was not as bad as the schools that Kozol describes in his book, which I had to read again this summer, but there was evidence of blatant differences between it and the school that I teach at now. Lunch was always a crazy unwrapping of every single piece of plasticware and food from plastic covering. All the food was highly processed. The lead teacher in the preschool classroom where I worked often left during the day to go get drive-through and answered her cell phone during class. And on career day, children were encouraged to go into the fields of city service, lawncare, or maintenance.

The conservative philosophy of teaching believes that America needs to be separated into those who can succeed in more educationally demanding professions and those who fill the jobs that require less schooling. I'm not saying that any career, in service or production, is not distinguished or honorable. I think that any (or almost all) professionals done with goodwill, honesty, and dedication are assets to our society...and worthy pursuits. But I believe that schools should present limitless options to students. Is there any reason why the African American student body at an elementary school in urban St. Louis should be presented with different options than the kids in Ladue? In terms of resources, yes, success will be more difficult. It may also be in terms of preparedness outside of school and financial eligibity. But in terms of each child, I don't think that that kind of delineation should ever be made.

I started thinking about all of this while I was lesson planning this afternoon. I was trying to think of a famous Latino or Latina who I could use in a biography project with my students. Honestly, the first person who popped into my head was Selena, but obviously that wouldn't work so well. Then I thought of Bill Richardson, but he was raised in Connecticut with many advantages. I think it is extremely important to present my students, who are mainly latino, with a role model of someone who worked hard to learn English, stay in school, and follow his or her dreams. And while I was searching for this mystery person, I came across a famous name who had actually grown up in East St. Louis. Although it wouldn't be meaningful to my students, few of whom are old enough to have gotten deep into geography (not to mention sociology and demographics), I was encouraged that this person had moved on from a childhood in East St. Louis. I found out that one of the most famous athletes in the world spent part of her life in the city that Kozol described as unliveable and inescapable: Jackie Joyner Kersee.

Although she eventually became the fastest woman in the world, she had horrible asthma as well, possibly a side effect of the chemical pollution in East St. Louis. It made me so happy to know that there is a native child of that place who could be an inspiration to future generations (albeit she was mainly successful in sports, not academics, but that's really a different argument).

Please leave me a comment if you know of any non-native-English-speaking Latino-Americans who have worked their way to educational and professional success. Although I've found websites about successful scientists and mathematicians, I'm sad that I can't find even one that I've heard of before.

Today's been completely unproductive (professionally). I love it so much, and I think I needed it more than I knew.

So far I've...
*gone grocery shopping. I bought the beautiful orange lantern flowers that I was always afraid to buy before (because I thought I would accidentally crush them? I don't know). I made a flower arrangement that even Martha Stewart might approve of; it's quite the harvest festival look on my dining room table.
*watched "Matthew McConaghey (?) uncut, a show about his road trip to promote a movie.
*washed all of my dishes, even the new crystal I took from a free box outside someone's garage. They're beautiful -if kind of quirky- decorative glasses.
*made a mix of my favorite veggietales songs for my cousins.
*listened to Keane again. I will never stop loving their first album! I'll probably be singing these songs at the social hour when I'm in a nursing home.

Riveting, huh? Next I'm going to go really crazy and vacuum everywhere! I'm going to get all those centipedes with my shock and awe suction...they'll never know what got them. And tonight I'm going to see the Decemberists downtown.

Today was so relaxing. I woke up at 11 and went out to lunch at my favorite restaurant. My plan was to lesson plan all afternoon, but I decided to snuggle up in my old quilt for a few minutes on the couch and I woke up again 3 hours later...I think school is wearing me out more than I realized! Since it's gorgeous outside, I'm going to walk to the Greek deli and buy a snack (they make amazing pistachio desserts), then walk down to the lake. Maybe I'll start work tomorrow. Then again, maybe I won't.

After leaving school and spending a few hours doing something mindless, I feel so much better! Everything can seem so overwhelming sometimes, especially when I overextend my impact as a teacher in my mind and picture my little students smoking behind the high school in 6 years because I didn't have the sense or time to teach long vowel sounds this week. Some of my students are already showing signs of the attitude that I saw when I was student teaching in high school. Argh. My goal (um, number 154), is to stop the apathy and academic rejection from happening.

Since this blog makes it seem like I have no life outside of school, which is completely not true, here are 5 things I've done this week that are not related to my job:
1. I fogged my bedroom to get rid of the centipedes that were crawling on me in my sleep.
2. I saw Elizabethtown because I had to do something senseless after school today and didn't have the energy to go for a run. It could have been so good if Kirsten Dunst wasn't in it and there was a lot less soundtrack.
3. Hmm...I started sleeping in my living room (see #1).
4. Chipotle for dinner on Tuesday night...I love it! My favorite is chicken, guacamole, and cheese.
5. I finally hung my José Guadalupe Posada Aguilar poster from the Mexican Fine Arts Center. It's so very Pedro Páramo.

Well, I have four days off now, so I'm going to make up for lost time :)

Today was a professional development/inservice day at school. These days are the most stressful, anxiety-ridden, mentally-challenging days I have. We get bombarded with information: rank all the students using this new software; plan your schedule based on achievement/test scores/disabilities/content/strategies; find materials to teach that are appropriate for each student (which is a challenge in any elementary classroom, but I've got 40 students, some special ed., some non-reading in their native language, some who need help in math as well); learn a new teaching method; and receive tens of handouts with new methodology. Now have a good weekend! Yeah, right. I know that just sorting through this information and cross-referencing every piece of assessment, etc. that I have on each student will take me at least a day- and that's not even applying it! I almost, almost, lost it when I learned that some of my students are pulled-out during the beginning of reading, so they never get to listen to the story, and yet have to answer all the questions with the class, and are eventually accountable for the information. And these are my students who are at lower levels! I've been teaching them with the assumption that they have already read the story, no wonder they're lost/confused/frustrated/acting out. (Anger makes me use the / a lot). Everything comes back to us teachers on a weekly basis as results: how are we preparing our students to achieve the standards, to progress to the next level, and to receive high test scores (which, thankfully, my school never talks about when mentioning explicit goals)? How can I do those things? I am set to spend my break preparing, which I really want to, but at the same time I'm scared that there may not be a solution. And that's not fair to these little children who are trying so hard to catch up to their peers. Maybe I'll erect a little tent in my small classroom and just live here. There are soda machines, tvs, and microwaves, which are basically all of the appliances I need. That way I'll know I'm doing everything I can possible do to stop my students from being left behind. And there is something oddly comforting about being in the school. The incredible anxiety of being a teacher is somewhat countered by the nostalgia of being in a cute, little elementary school and reading all of the motivational posters on the walls.

In honor of being a girl and actually liking to cry sometimes (which I really can't explain), here are my top 5 sob stories:

5. "You Can Count On Me"
The last scene, with the two of them on the bench, and she doesn't know when she's going to see her little brother again ::deep breath:: It reminds me so much of how I worry about John and how there are some things that we know about our family and each other that no one else will ever fully appreciate. (Ryu-kiss, for example, which is too stupid to explain, but comes from the Street Fighter video game).
4. "Sense and Sensibility"
Okay, it's trite and forceful, what with the desperation of poor women, and the extremely handsome and wealthy Hugh Grant to sweep in at the last minute, but Emma Thompson is such a good actress!
3. "Life is Beautiful"
Well, here you've got the Holocaust, which everyone could cry about indefinitely, but Roberto didn't stop there. Oh no he didn't. He added an adorable little boy, a mother's selfless act, a father's undying devotion and protection of his son, and a reunion finale. And then at the Oscars, he jumped on the seats! Multiple kleenex box action.
2. "Follow That Bird"
The one that started all the crying. It's got a beloved childhood character painted blue, locked in a cage, singing a song of melancholy! I'm completely serious when I say that it gets me every time- nobody does that to Big Bird!
1. "Steel Magnolias"
Before the whole death with decency debate of 2005, this movie tackled the issue. There are southern friends, Dylan McDermott (which doesn't make me cry, but I like it), and diabetic seizures. Shirley MacLaine is so good at the funeral. This movie is number one because there's really no other plot; it's all just building up happiness for an hour so it can shock every character with the sadness.

I would really like to hear a male perspective on the tear-jerker;) Are there any movies you'd admit to?

I went to see "Goodnight, and Good Luck" tonight. I thought it was interesting, but scary to the extent that American civil liberties were attacked so recently in the past...I guess they still are a bit, but I think our government is so manipulative and internally-loyal that no one would ever know. I loved that the movie was in black and white...it was so beautiful. It reminded me of "Quiz Show."

One of my favorite things in the world is going into Borders without a purpose and buying as many interesting books as I can carry. It's such a bad habit! It reminds me of when I was little, though...my parents are book fiends and it's one indulgence they always permitted. We really never went to the library. I guess whatever worth reading was worth keeping in our home to read again. I love that philosophy. Which is why I already have so books, including all of my college lit. Hmm, I wonder when I'll ever go back to "Girls' Schooling In the Progressive Era" or "Sex and Citizenship in Antebellum America?" But my dream is to someday have a huge library in my house, with bookshelves so high that there is a ladder, big comfy chairs, and a fireplace. I will read E.M. Forster while sipping Earl Grey and eating scones, snuggled into a warm, fuzzy blanket. I would love that! Between growing prize orchids, baking pies, and playing the organ at the local parish, I could eventually be a perfect old British lady:)

I bought "Paris to the Moon" by Adam Gopnik today. I wish I could experience la vie quotidienne in Paris.

This morning at 2:30, I woke up with a start because I thought I felt centipede feet crawling up my leg, which happens a lot since my encounter with one last week. It was kind of warm in my room, so I got up to turn on my air conditioning. The second I turned it on, my power went out. So I went down to the basement and replaced the fuse, all the while thinking that a crazy homeless person was going to jump out from under the staircase and strangle me (it was really dark and creepy in the hallway). When I got back to my apartment, on the third floor, my power was still out, so I went down and replaced the first fuse. Then I went back upstairs and my power was still out. So I went back down again and replaced the second fuse. Each time the meter started moving right away...how can the meter be moving and my power not be on? It doesn't make sense to me, but it still didn't work. This experience is starting to answer a question that I've been thinking about for a while: why is my rent so cheap? ;)

I'm running out of time. I just don't have enough to do everything that's needed for this job and maintain a decent apartment. I work 7:20 (when I leave for work) to about 7pm (when I usually get home) every day! And this weekend I was so determined to be completely prepared for this week so I would have time to run and prepare for my apartment warming party this Friday. I got to school this morning and everything's changed, my preparation is irrevelant, and I'm in a despondent mood. I really wouldn't mind if there was a huge snow storm tonight;)

I recommend Wallace & Gromit's "The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" to everyone! It is so funny, inventive, and adorable. It's good for adults, and all ages of kids...my cousins, who are 6, 8, and 10 all loved it. Plus, it has a pro-eat-your-vegetables, anti-hunting message, and every character is British:)

My little brother

I almost never see stories about older sister/younger brother relationships on TV or in movies. The only one I can think of is "You Can Count On Me," which is one of my favorite movies, partially for that reason. I think the reason that it's rarely portrayed is that the characteristics attached to older children (independence and ambition) are more valued in men and the stereotypical characteristics of younger children (dependence and more easy-going personalities) are seen as signs of weakness. I don't know, really. I didn't like psychology. Anyway, my brother and I fit the roles of our birth order. Maybe that's why we just recently started getting along with each other!

Up until I left for college, we really didn't like each other. Even though is was miserable back then, it's really funny now to think about it! We were just talking on the phone and we both agreed ( "I didn't like you." "Yeah, me neither!" Hahaha). Isn't that sad? He has changed so much since middle school and I've probably changed even more since I left for college. We've had so much fun hanging out for the past year with him so close by. He came to the Hmong New Year with me where we rocked the jingle shoes:) And I took him an egg McMuffin for his birthday this summer, then we drove to the grocery store and took pictures, so he could remember his 20th birthday (did I mention he's 6 ft. and still growing? I really missed out on those genes!)

I feel like I'm at the age when all of the stereotypes about growing up start to apply, you go through the emotions for the first time, and people get to say "that's life" over and over. I hate that. But it does help to dull the pain. That's right- my little brother has a girlfriend now and he doesn't call or visit me anymore. I actually called him today and gave him a guilt trip. I feel like that's such a Lifetime Movie kind of thing for a sister to do! I've never done it before. I miss him, though: even though we spent the first 17 years of our time together feeling mutual dislike, he is one of my favorite people now (giving up the Magic cards was a huge step in the right direction). But he's such a good brother...as soon as I put him on the guilt trip, he scheduled a visit this month. Abrazos, hermano menor! :)

You can learn a lot about the former tenants of your apartment by the catalogues you receive. My bedside reading currently includes Railroad Enthusiast Monthly.

I worked for 13 hours yesterday. And yet I still love my job! Although the ultra-peppy Sunshine Teacher-Spirit group makes me feel a bit nauseated.

My favorite episode of "Made" was on MTV last night. It's about a white Minnesota teenager who wants to become a rapper. So much of the episode is taped in Uptown! And the club he plays at at the end is right near the U.

Sunday morning I woke up and saw this crawling towards me on my pillow.

I got no sleep last night.

Le sigh. I was in such a complaining mood yesterday.

Honestly, I'm so lucky. I have the energy and health to see all my school issues as challenges and work to overcome them.

So I'm going to reduce my anger to one, non-professionally-related idea: if one more person tells me "Well, you're going to have no life during your first year of teaching...no one does," I'm going to go home, bake some messy, gooey pies, and throw them at that person:) When people are in a bad, semi-discouraging situation, telling them that a lot of people are in the same boat (i.e. that I should expect this to be a 24/7 job) is so not helpful. Please, please, please, could someone give me advice that would actually help me to deal with all the pressure of my first job, instead of just commiserating? I'm sure that people I know actually have so much wisdom to share. And I am determined to be a good teacher while simultaneously continuing life outside of school. And by "life," I'll be happy with just being able to run a little each day...the lakes are soooo beautiful this time of year and I'm in love with my ipod (and InXS). There has to be a way to make it all balance:)

::smoke coming out of my ears::
Today's meetings with the consultant angered me like I have never been before at school. I now know why many teachers are bitter whiners.
1. I am educated in teaching ESL. I know all about the most current methodologies, pedagogies, and philosophies. In other words, I'm prepared for nothing.
2. We (the ESL department) are bombarded on a daily basis with scheduling changes, curriculum changes, and district mandates that impact the way we teach.
3. We are also constantly reinformed about the manner in which we conduct our classes and adhere to the district curriculum.
4. I can never get in contact with the grade-level teachers (normal classroom teachers) because they fly out the door at 4pm and apparently cannot follow my email requests.
5. Now, the office is asking me to call Spanish speaking parents and explain district forms that were sent home. I realize that we don't have a translator on call, but I am not a replacement. It's embarassing the mistakes that I sometimes make; it's also unprofessional and disrespectful. So tonight I'm going to write several explanatory schpiels to use when I call these parents.
6. While it's a great idea, I am running out of planning time with all of the study group meetings we have. I'm studying vocabulary and comprehension in a once a week meeting and I have articles to read for homework.

I'm really tempted to hire someone to help me organize all of the input I'm receiving. There is no way that a human could address the needs of the district, the classroom teachers, the government, and, of course, the students at one time. I'm starting to have constant guilt pangs because I'm not integrating the hell out of my lessons. I mean, it should start from the content, but also be meaningful; it should have cultural relevance and technological aspects; I should model, allow for guided instruction, then follow-up with independent practice. I need to teach meaningful words and reading strategies, plus speaking, reading and writing practices. Oh, did I mention I only see each student for 25 minutes a day?!!

I was talking to a group of friends from the U of M about last fall: we were all into politics and there was so much enthusiasm that we were working towards a real and substantial change in America. What a difference a year makes. Have we all become numb to the deaths and chaos in Iraq? I remember feeling beaten down by the new numbers every day this Spring, but the war is barely a blip on the news anymore. While Hurricane Katrina was obviously devastating, what is going on in Iraq? Our government has sent a generation of Americans to protect us, most of whom are not wealthy, not highly-educated; just good, honest Americans who signed up to gain discipline, honor, or college-funding. Not one of them will come back without some kind of scarring. And what of the innocent Iraqis who are dying on the streets everyday? I just can't imagine how horrible the situation could get if we forget about it and slack in our responsibility of holding the government responsible for this mess.
Here is my favorite bumper sticker of the week...my parents saw it in that ultra-liberal mecca of the midwest where they live, Ann Arbor.

Anyway, I've realized that anything less than fluency in Spanish is sometimes completely disrespectful in a professional setting. So I've decided that I'm going to Mexico this summer. I'm probably going to take classes at the University of Guadalajara so I can also visit with friends who will be there for the summer. After term, I'm going to do a mini-tour of the main tourist destinations, possible based on the literature I read all through college. Of course, I already saw the grave of Porfirio Diaz (famous Mexican leader) in Paris, which was really strange.

Does anyone remember the SATC episode when Carrie wonders about "having it all?" Well, now that I have a nice apartment and an amazing job, I'm really getting anxious about lining up the final part.

I was cold all day today. I kept having huge shivers and then people would say "how can you be cold? It's boiling in here!" and I kept thinking, "I must always be sitting in a draft" or "this Mountain Dew is soooo cold." Duh. I have a fever and the flu. I took a nap after work and when I woke up I thought it was tomorrow and almost ate breakfast. So I'm taking my first ever sick-day from a job tomorrow. I have a feeling it will be just like being sick in college, except I won't have to make anything up and I'll be getting paid. And I'm not faking it:)

I was so lucky this morning: apparently when I moved my sewing table, 10 straight pins fell on my carpet between my dining room table and the door. I've walked back and forth -barefoot- in that area over and over in the past few days and I just noticed them. How did I not poke my foot? I think my apartment spirit approves of my new feng shui-friendly layout ;)

I definitely don't think I've quite figured out being friends with colleagues. Most interactions at school are based on half complaining and half talking about how soon the weekend will come: it's hard work to figure out when people are being sincere and when they're being flippant. I never know if I should agree! For example, one teacher came up to tell me his students (a few chatty boys) had tried to return something to me but couldn't find me. I apologized for not being in my room but he said he just wanted me to know that they were being responsponsible. It sounded like a jibe at them and I instinctually laughed. He gave me a look like, "huh?" Oops. I think all my students are wonderful and I definitely don't want to become one of those nasty teachers...I just thought he was pointing out something ironic! Oh well. It's always entertaining. Tonight a parent who only speaks Spanish called me at home (which I recommended that they do). Well, oops again, I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I'll sort it out tomorrow. And I've decided that I'm going to Mexico this summer. My goal is bilinguality:)

Today I went to see "Flightplan." It was sufficiently creepy, but definitely not as good as the original. It's an updated remake of one of my favorite movies, "The Lady Vanishes," directed by Alfred Hitchcock. It was made in the 1930's, but it's still so good. I miss thrillers that also have comedy...that's my favorite! :)

Through careful analysis (well, more like daily phonecalls), and a little research, my mom and I discovered that my family probably has a genetic mental processing disorder that makes remembering and producing spontaneous speech difficult. When I was the SALT notetaker, I could take pages of notes without realizing what had been said. And I always feel a little panicked when someone approaches me for an unknown reason, with an unknown topic of discourse. It always feels like I preparing multiple answers for any scenario that could occur without really wanting to be that prepared. It's also why huge social gatherings are like work for me- it's all mental multitasking:) And it's exhausting. I was starting to feel like a...I don't know what, but now that I know that it's actually inherited, I have something to fight against. I may need to become a slow-responder, or an um-could-you-repeat-that-er, or just clueless.

Anyway:) I love my job. I really really do. All that stuff I thought about teaching not being mentally challenging enough: so wrong. I am consistently on my toes- especially since I teach in four different rooms and 8 separate classes. How do you teach a child English in 30 minutes a day, you may ask? I hope I figure it out. There are a million things to do behind the scenes too. I am part of at least 5 groups that meet at least twice a month, and countless others that meet less frequently. We are constantly bombarded with statements like "you should be spending at least x minutes on this type of reading instruction" or "there should never be children off task" or "we need to improve comprehension across the grade...let's make an action plan!" So it's a guessing game as to how much and to what extent I should incorporate any of the methodologies and as to when I should just wing it. One of my students got in big trouble today, too. I really hope to be an caring adult in the lives of my students, as well- goodness knows, some of them need one.

The best part of my job...the kids are so loyal! When I came back on Tuesday after a mini-conference, I got hugs and "we missed you"s. It's so nice of them. I wonder if it's just because I gave them candy :) Hmm.

Anyway, this morning I found myself obsessing about the school closing list on TV (we had a big storm last night, apparently). Unfortunately, I chose to work south of the city, so I'm going to work;) I have the rest of the week planned out, though, so I won't need to do my usual 4+ post school hours of work tonight, which is lucky because I have a new-teacher seminar until 6pm.

Last night, I did something so rebellious: I went out on a school night! (OMG, my life is THAT boring). I took myself to the mall and shopped for professional skimpy clothes. Is that an oxymoron? Well I don't care because my room gets up to about 80 by lunchtime. So I'm sporting the teacher-beach-wear look today. I hope I don't get fired:) Oh, the movie I saw after I shopped was "Just like Heaven." I recommend it. If just for Mark Ruffulo.

Sure Happy It's Thursday (make that an acronym- it's what my mom says every Thursday!)

Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message for the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)

Somehow it hasn't hit me yet, the reality of having a professional job...I feel like I snuck back into elementary school and I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm pretending to have all of this authority; I say "stop running in the halls" and the students listen! But when the kids are talking about how much they like recess, I want to say "yeah, I know, I hated math too," but obviously I can't say that thing anymore;) (I'm not even sure I should think it). What I'm most scared of in this career, more than accountability, is becoming a cynical and completely cut-off-from-the-real-world teacher. When I start wearing holiday sweaters and going to Champps after school for a spritzer, it's definitely time to splash my face with cold water. I want this job to be challenging- I need that to have the motivation to stick with something (I get bored easily). Right now, there are so many ways for me to make it more intense. There are limitless ways for me to be a better teacher, so I spend a lot of my time organizing and trying to decide what aspect I should focus my energy on in that moment. For example, my schedule is kind of overwhelming, just in terms of logistics: I have four different rooms that I teach in, but I only teach two grade levels. So materials always have to be moved around between classes (and I determine my own "passing time"). I also have to pick the kids up and drop them off for each class. I need to organize my materials for each class and put it somewhere accessible and I always need to have a stack of post-its for when a teacher corners me between classes in the hall and asks me to help them out or plan something different. I'm going to a conference on Monday and I feel horrible for my poor substitute! Oh well.

I love it so much right now, though. The kids are enthusiastic and I'm getting to know they're backgrounds. I spent ALL afternoon and evening calling parents today to introduce myself and give them an update on the first week. And since all of my students are English language learners, I had s0 much fun with my Spanish schpiel. Since I'm not quite proficient enough to come up with spontaneous speech that is simultaneously comprehensible and somewhat professional, I made a kind of choose your own adventure contingency plan. For every answer that a parent made, I would be directed on my prewritten message to the next part to read;) How dumb is that? But it pretty much worked. I even got to talk to one of my students on the phone. Do you remember how exciting it was when a teacher called your parents to say that you were doing a good job in school? Well, since I was always a nerd, I have many fond memories of that. I just can't believe I'm making those calls. If I had time, I would just sit and think about how strange it all is:)

Hmm...I have this friend, who is coincidentally also an ESL teacher, and she has this problem:
Her school is having a fundraising effort in which a company has been contracted to provide selling materials to students. They are encouraged to try to sell as many products from the catalog as possible, such as candy, jewelry, and other quality items. This money goes to school field trips and other incidentals. Anyway, what bothers my friend is that the students are rewarded in interesting ways for their "sales." First, if they sell more than 10 items, they are V.I.P.s at the school carnival. That means they get in free and can do all the activities for free. Additionally, for each sale a student makes, his or her name is entered in a drawing to spend 30 seconds in a money chamber: the money blows around and they can keep all of it that they can get their hands on. What behavior or moral values does this kind of activity promote?;) Something tells me it's not intrinsic pride in one's school.

Sorry if all I write about is school these days! My life is only school on the weekdays. And that's fine with me for now. I miss my cat a little bit. I'm going to walk to Borders and buy a Spanish dictionary; I can't find any of mine! Because tomorrow I'm calling the homes of all of my students to give the first week update. I really hope I don't say anything stupid by mistake:)

I love my job so much. It's pretty crazy, but it's a lot easier than college ever was, so I feel prepared. Today I left for school at 7:20am and got home at 8pm. And I'm not really that tired. I taught 6 classes and observed in two others, then I introduced myself to all the parents at a special parents' night. Then I stayed and prepared my lessons for tomorrow. Teaching ESL is so much walking! I have to pick up my students from their classrooms and walk them back to my room for each class. One of my classes has 9 eight year old, 8 of whom are boys...omg! That's going to get interesting. And I only have each class for 25 minutes.

I am so lucky to have my job. My friends are in a district that has failing test scores and they spent all last week filling out paperwork to send to the state. I'm sure all that work will make no difference in the scores of the students; THIS is exactly why No Child Left Behind is a bureaucratic answer to a multi-faceted, human problem. I am honestly starting to believe that "throwing money at schools" does solve problems- even though it's exactly what conservatives dislike about public education programs in the past. A school's appearance lends so much to the pride of the teachers and the students and their ability to focus on learning, instead of other worries. I've been a little worried that my teaching space keeps getting moved around, but I'm so lucky to have my own desk and computer! ESL in general, gets the rejects of grade-level classrooms. My goal is to make sure that the students feel special that they know more than one language; I never want them to feel like second-class students because they come to my room. Which leads back to the idea that well-funded schools can provide a beautiful atmosphere. It also makes daily classroom needs easier. Unrestricted printing and photocopying is so convenient! Maybe that's the reason why everyone in my school is so nice. We even have a technology specialist who made me a list of keyboard commands to make Spanish symbols:) ¡¿ñíéú I love it!

I think that teachers in underfunded classrooms should receive everyone's support. The way that NCLB is set up, they have everything working against them. The saving grace of this profession is the kids. They are so much fun! I have one student from an African country who speaks English with a British accent. And I have a class of students who speak Spanish and no English at all. It will be great! I'm going to teach them all the basics (i.e. "Where is the bathroom?":))

The best thing I ever did was make the beginning of my job extra hectic. Yes, just getting hired the day I started work was chaotic enough, but I also moved into a new apartment. I think I work better under pressure, and it gives me less time to overanalysis. I stop sweating the small stuff (like that my cat was given away while I was at work- I really don't have time to dwell on it). Anyway, I'm surprised at how confident and at-ease I feel about this. Somehow, my emotions are in check and all I feel is gratitude and enthusiasm. Who am I? Not the girl who went to school in St. Louis and stressed about everything. No sir. I hope that life stays this way for a while. It's so comforting. And I'm going to pray that my friends' jobs improve.

My "Teacher's Hot-Pick of the Week:"



























A dry-erase/magnet board!
That's hot ;)

#5 million, things I wish I had known:
Online banking and even the bank itself never have up-to-date information about bank account balances. It's always a day behind, apparently. I did not know that and I lost $200 in overdraft charges. Don't let it happen to you:)

Being a teacher is not exactly what I thought it would be. First, the most important characteristic of any teacher is organization. I can't emphasize that enough: do not go into teaching if you aren't willing to put in hours and hours just organizing random information!!! For example, I went through so many hard-copy versions of my teaching schedule today that I started dating the editions with the time I printed them as well, so I could keep the different drafts in order. Honestly- there is soooo much to organize. Second, I have 8 classes to plan for each day. Yikes! Is it really affective to teach a child English in 25 minutes a day? And I'm co-teaching with two mainstream teachers during two of those periods, neither of who has any plan or suggestions for what I can do to assist.

I've made a decision not to complain with colleagues. It's debilitating and griping tends to grow and build more problems. I wish more teachers would address problems on their own and adjust their own teaching before laying blame. Teachers have a bad image as complainers who aren't willing to work very hard (we even get our summers off). It's not true, for the most part. Maybe my job involves a little bit more organization than other -since I work with 6 teachers and about 40 students every day- but I see everyone putting forth so much effort.

Oh, another thing I wasn't expecting is so many meetings that are not completely productive. I have one hour meetings outside of school hours at least twice a week. Fourth, I am constantly surprised about how much teachers fight to be paid for every additional hour. Like being paid to attend evening school events. Honestly! Aren't there some aspects of this job that are just assumed? Like we should care about our students and want to help them any way we can (to a normal extent)? I've been at school until 5pm every day this week. It's a long day, since I have to leave home at 7:20am. But I got my first paycheck yesterday! Of course, my bank's outrageous overdraft charges that make me want to hit them with pies took some of it. I'm going to start saving for my summer starting with my next paycheck:) My plan is to teach at an English summer camp in Spain and visit my parents in Austria when they're there and my Dad in Oxford during his conference. Maybe I can ask my district to pay me for the Spanish I will learn in Spain?;)

The whirlwind that is my life!
Wednesday: I got a job in an elementary school nearby. It's is one of the best school districts in Minnesota and everyone at my school is really nice. They even had an enormous hoopla (there's no other word to describe it) to welcome all the teachers back for the new school year- there was a marching band, with flags and batons twirlers, in the auditorium! I found out my salary, too :) I'm so excited to finally have money that I won't eventually have to pay back! The first day of school is this Thursday, but we do testing for placement for the first week and a half. So it's pretty much learning how to give tests, setting up my desk, and meeting the students. I'm really not that nervous, yet. I know it's going to be a lot of work, but I've decided to stay until 7pm Mon-Thursday for a while, until I feel completely prepared. It will be just like the good old days, back at the WU!! Minus all of the coffee costs.

In other huge news, I signed a lease for a new apartment yesterday. It's three blocks away from where I live now, but $295 less per month...I'm planning a "sweet" trip for next summer with all the money I'm saving! However, this weekend and the following week are going to be a blur of moving and new job stuff. I've got a scary record of pulling everything together at the last minute: I don't necessarily want to press my luck any more! Oh, the apartment is cute, too. It's a one-bedroom, but everything is new and I get to stay in my urban-chic:) neighborhood.

I went to the best party last night! I have a new group of friends who are very into music and the U of M radio station. In other words, they're quite indie-yuppie, um, gen z-ish? I really don't know, but they're really funny. They watch the O.C. for the "music." Like I haven't heard that one before!

Have a good labor-day week!

Yay! I got a job!! :)

Right now I'm lying in bed wide awake at 2:19am. I'm so nervous about my first day tomorrow (actually today). I'm afraid they'll take one look at me and say "Oh my gosh. You look like you're 16 and obviously are WAY too immature to be a real teacher. Take your scented markers with you on your way out." I just can't believe I got an actual teaching job after all that hard work this summer. I wish I had a second to relax and enjoy it! Humbug to starting work the day after you're hired.

I've also realized that I have extreme-relationship-overanalyzation syndrome. I had a crush and just recently realized that he doesn't really like me as much as he seems to always need people around. Why oh why do I work myself up about everything? I went to a Twin's game tonight instead of mentally prepping myself, which I now think I should have done instead.

I feel like God was watching over me in this job searching nightmere. Somehow I kept hoping that I would eventually find a position and now I have one that is perfect, safe, well-paid. I hope I can meet the needs of my students and fufill my duties in the school, to take advantage of this amazing opportunity.

Quick cute story: my cousin Weezie (5 years old) asked today what she should call me now that I'm a teacher. I had to pause and look away so I wouldn't laugh, before telling her that she can still call me Nicole.

Hope, revisited
I'm crossing my fingers again. Today I applied for two new "actual" jobs, teaching ESL in elementary schools. If I get either of the jobs this week, I will move into an apartment when my parents arrive on the 30th. If I don't, I will be a substitute and live with my Aunts and cousins. I really want a job! As much as I love them, it's craziness to live with two-year-old twins. I worked my butt off to impress one school this morning; applying for jobs is a full time job. In any case, the next two weeks will be insane...especially with my mom and dad here!

I went to see Skeletons & the Girl-faced Boys last night. They are like an electronika jam-band, I think. That's all I have to say about that.

My favorite show this summer is Rock Star: InXS. Mostly because I was in love with InXS in high school and saw them live three months before Michael Hutchence died. I was so sad when that happened. Anyway, the show is so good- I can't believe anyone could like American Idol better because every singer is amazing! My favorite is J.D. ;)

This week has been like a roller-coaster!
On Friday, I was so excited: I had met with a principal on Thursday, he was enthusiastic to meet with me again, and he told me that he would be hiring in the next few days! I spent all morning filling out my final licensure application materials at the Ed. Dept. office, then turned it in at the Department of Education, then turned in my St. Paul applications. Each hour I called the principal, but he was never in his office. I finally got in touch with him at 4pm and he told me that he had to hire someone with experience.


That meant that "the plan" started. Since I couldn't find a job, after a summer of applications, interviews, and continuous phone calls, I will be moving in with my aunts and substituting so that I can pay back my loans. I need to pack up everything and put most of my books and furniture in storage. Sigh.


So Friday night I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because I was so mad about my lack of job, prospects, apartment, and impending subbing. But I went to see a movie with my aunt and grandparents. On the way, I saw a guy I was supposed to be set up with on a date. After the movie, when we got back to my car, the keys were on my seat. Honestly! It was a bad luck marathon! When we got back to my Aunts' house, the dog had escaped from the backyard, so we had to run around the neighborhood yelling.

After all of that, I couldn't stop laughing- there was nothing else left to do:) I know that everything will get better soon!

i am not a happy camper.

These days I alternate between two states of mind:

1. Scared and stressed out because I don't have a job, a place to live, I haven't finished packing, and I don't know where I'm going in September.
2. Excited and a little bit euphoric with the feeling of not making a decision and being sort of free for a short period of time, not tied down in any way and with many possibilities in front of me. I've rarely ever had that feeling.

So depending on when I talk to you, I could be either a worried nutcase or a laidpack, carefree girl. Be forewarned.

I never put my full-name or photo on the internet, but here are pictures of people with the same exact name who are not me:


A dog-groomer


An Author of Online Children's Stories


An Occupational Therapist


A Wyoming Reporter (in an old time photo?)


And a Remax Agent in South Africa.

Those are just the ones who are on the internet! This all explains why a debt recovery agency left an urgent and terrifying message on my answering machine which was for a different me. There seem to be a lot of us.

When I was doing my tutorial on Charles Dickens at Oxford, I finally realized that the reason that I liked his novels- and eventually got sick of them- is that they present an idealistic and unrealistic view of professional success. Every single protagonist is good-natured and kind, and for those reasons alone they are rewarded with love and money. They never have to struggle! Until I saw that commonality in his books, I never thought the good fortune of the main characters to be out of place. Why shouldn't Pip receive an anonymous inheritance? And obviously Tiny Tim deserves the turkey and new grandfather-figure. I honestly believed in the karma of kindness.

Well I'm not completely cynical (yet), but I'm beginning to understand that my life is not going to be such smooth sailing as I once anticipated. I'm currently sitting in my apartment waiting for the mail to come because it will hopefully contain a check from my parents which can cover the overdraft charges on my bank account. If I'm lucky, it will also cover my licensure fees ($87) which I need to pay to get my teaching license. Which, in turn, I need to get any sort of teaching job. However, getting a job is unlikely (it seems) because I have no experience. I have met with numerous principals and administrators and so far only one person was impressed by "B.A. from Washington University." I told my dad yesterday "Thank you so much for the $150,000, but it turns out that it really doesn't make a difference." Haha...he thought that was really funny;)

So I'm waiting. I need to move out by August 31st, but currently have no other place to live (and without a job, I can't really afford anything). So the plan is (feel free to pause and laugh at any time):
1. Get a job, this week (today or tomorrow) if possible.
2. Call all 1-bedroom apartments in area and visit. Choose 1.
3. Pack everything in my apartment (OMG).
4. Move somewhere.
5. Start teaching in September (after planning my curriculum, which shouldn't take long;)

No problem, right?:) Unfortunately, none of my prospective employers care that I went to Wash U, U of M, or that I try my best to be nice. I think that I'm drawn to this chaos though: does anyone remember my scramble to get into graduate school? I got my acceptance letter on the day I graduated from college, so there is hope that something good will happen at the last minute.

This game is fun: type in "your name is" in a google search, then choose your favorite 10 sentences.
1. Nicole looks VERY happy and MUCH better than PARIS HILTON.
2. Nicole is on the lookout for love.
3. Nicole is a psychic animal communicator who can help you understand and respond to your pet's telepathic communications.
4. While she plays flute in the EP Wind Ensemble, Nicole is also junior drum major for the marching band.
5. Nicole is Australia's greatest undiscovered and unsigned talent!
6. Nicole is transported from Khatmandu to Narayanghat (5 hour trip) after her 3 days of village training in Godawari.
7. But Nicole is out to prove that there's more to her than the perks that come with a seemingly charmed life -- by writing a novel!
8. Nicole is very social and responds to the facial expressions and voices of those who are significant to her.
9. Nicole is a seventeen-year-old wild child from a wealthy family who drinks, does drugs, skips school and doesn’t give a damn about what society wants from her.
10. Nicole, she's a real gem, she embodies classic movie stardom.

Alright, here's the 411:)

I have a job interview tomorrow morning. And I REALLY want this job. It's at a K-2 school, which is cute in itself, plus perfect for me. It's also part-time with full-time potential, which means I can get my feet wet before being completely overwhelmed. The drive is only 12 minutes (during rush hour) too...perfect. So I need to be composed, professional, and ESL perfection personified tomorrow. Please cross your fingers for me!

I went to see Broken Flowers today. It was good. In the same way that Lost in Translation was: quiet, contemplative, and pseudo-intellectually funny. While some parts were cute, it bothered me a little that it pushed the line in terms of "independent-chicness." The soundtrack was beautiful and somewhat randomly ethnic, there was pointless nudity, and the ending (sorry to spoil it a bit) was completely unresolved. But unresolved in the way that I had no idea what the characters were thinking or what would happen. It definitely didn't work as well as in Lost in Translation.

These past three weeks, I've suddenly joined a new group of friends, through one guy I met in a summer class. But the group is so saturated with in-jokes that I'm never going to permeate and actually become a member. Which makes all experiences with them kind of awkward. Also, I was invited to a surprise party for my friend's girlfriend when she doesn't even know me. What does that mean? Being friends with guys is completely confusing. Do guys with serious girlfriends have coffee with other girls? Do they call them every week? I can't understand the motives. It all boils down to the eternal question posed in When Harry Met Sally. Hmm...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Nicole
2. Nic
3. Cole (my baby cousins)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. rosynic
2.
3.
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my hair- it's quite versatile :)
2. I made a promise to myself that whenever I see someone who needs help and I think "someone will help them eventually," I always make myself do it. It takes a lot of time (especially chasing dogs off highway on-ramps).
3. I can snap out of a bad mood really quickly.
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm way too shy for my own good. It stops so many things from happening in my life.
2. I'm such a ditz about travel directions, physics, chemistry, math, etc.
3. I'm too sensitive, when it comes to interpretting random comments and animals getting hurt (I walked out of March of the Penguins when the babies starting freezing).
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Polish
2. Ukranian
3. Western-European Mutt (my mom's side of the family)
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Bugs- every single one except ladybugs and fuzzy caterpillars.
2. When anyone I love travels long-distance by car.
3. Public speaking.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. My huge purse
2. Internet
3. sugar-free redbull...it's so much easier than coffee (although I'm afraid I'm ingesting many more chemicals than I need)
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. turquoise t-shirt
2. gray skirt
3. curlers :)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists) AT THE MOMENT:
1. Keane...and I have no idea why everyone doesn't love them!
2. Federico Aubele
3. Elvis Costello
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Veronica by Elvis Costello. My dad used to play it when I was little and he brainwashed me! It reminds me of my childhood.
2. Contigo- Federico Aubele
3. Europe and the Pirate Twins- Thomas Dolby. Another song I was brainwashed to like.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Clive Owen
2. Orlando Bloom
3. Daniel Bruhl (from Goodbye, Lenin!)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ACTRESSES AT THE MOMENT:
1. Reece Witherspoon
2. I can't think of any more
3. ?
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Getting a job...that would be so nice;)
2. Learning Somali
3. Having a social life while having a job
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. trust
2. respect
3. communication
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I might take my cat back because she's so obnoxious
2. My brother's getting married
3. I'm moving this month...I just don't know where to
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Finish anything way ahead of schedule
2. Watch Fear Factor or Big Brother. There must be some mental activity for me to watch.
3. Fall for a guy who isn't a) in a very serious relationship or b) such a player that he can't settle down.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Online news sites!
2. Reading
3. Running around the lakes...Minnesota is so beautiful this time of year! It almost makes me forget what a desolate tundra it is most of the time.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Talk to someone. But he's away today.
2. Go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
3. Get a phone call telling me that I have a job offer!
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. English as a Second Language teacher (I'm past consideration at this point)
2. Educational lobbyist (for the future)
3. Bohemian world traveler and novelist (when I win the lottery)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Back to Barcelona. Te amo te amo
2. Japan
3. India.
THREE NAMES YOU LIKE FOR YOUR FUTURE KIDS: I actually have a mini-journal where I write these ideas down when they pop in my head- I want to be prepared:)
1. Lucienna
2. Christian or Henry
3. Magdalena
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Have a family & children.
2. Be very happy with my professional career.
3. Pay my parents back for everything they've given me.

From the Sunday New York Times:
For at least a decade, students who intend to major in education have had among the lowest SAT scores of all college-bound seniors - in 2004, they ranked 19th of 22 intended majors, two points in combined verbal and math scores below those who planned to major in agriculture. Even "undecided" ranked higher. And according to the American Enterprise Institute for Public Policy Research, those who leave the profession during their first few years have higher scores than those who stay. An institute report also shows that the weaker the undergraduate college, the more likely its students will end up teaching as a career.
That's so depressing! There are so many interesting articles about teaching this week, though.

So why doesn't education attract the brightest and best? Maybe because there's so little respect because there are often articles like this about why teachers are dumber than everyone else. Or maybe because people assume that anyone who will work for "minor ducets in a thanksless job" and spend all day with children is mindless. My parents were so mad when I declared my major. Essentially, I worked so hard during high school and then they spent $35,000+ per year for Wash U...I chose a profession which is deemed intellectually inferior and which will earn me less than that tuition. I've questioned my decision sometimes too.

I always return to faith in my decision for three reasons. First, I think that with all of the complaining and failure in U.S. public education, going into teaching is a challenge; can I overcome stardardization, administration hierarchy, and low expectations to properly education my students? Secondly, I know that I can always improve and continue to develop my pedagogical practices. As an ESL teacher, there will always be new cultures to learn about, new languages to learn, and new methodology to experiment with. Finally, I think that (as obnoxiously teacher-ish as it is) teaching children is one of the most important jobs in the world. For normal development to take place, every child needs a supportive and accepting adult in their lives- for many, his or her teacher may be the only person to fill that role.

Sometimes I feel like my decision to major in Educational Studies was a mistake. I should have squeezed in a business minor or gone on to law/medical school. One of my old friends from high school said "a job is just a way to make money to find happiness outside of work." Well, isn't that a bit more depressing?

What do you think? Why is teaching such an undervalued profession (and why does it continue to progress in that direction?) Why didn't you go, or consider going into education?

It's the weekend! And I'm done with school!

Just because of that, here's some Polish for all of you...

Dobrey wieczór! (doh-brih)(vyeh-chur) Good Evening!
Nazywam siç Nicole. (Nah-zih-vahm)(sheh) Nicole:) My name is Nicole.
Chce zamówic piwo. (Htseh)(zam-moo-veech)(pee-voh) I want to order beer.
Na zdrowie! (Nah)(zdroh-vyeh) Cheers!

That's my plan for tonight!:) Have a good Friday!

I NEED A JOB IN MINNESOTA!!!!

I'm a little stressed out, as you see:) I'm just running out of time before the school year starts...every day without a job is one less day I have to plan for my future students. And while I was so excited about the Maryland job when I was first offered it in March, the prospect of moving across the country by myself and starting a job in a month is so scary. I don't see how I could do it without completely breaking down. I must admit, I'm not super girl: I don't have the organizational skills of my mom or the study til you drop ability of my dad. And I can't go with the flow anywhere like my brother. So when they tell me it's going to work and it makes me worry even more.

I'm not even done with classes yet.

OMG...I love this quiz!

You're France!

Most people think you're snobby, but it's really just that
you're better than everyone else.  At least you're more loyal to the real
language, the fine arts, and the fine wines than anyone else.  You aren't
worth beans in a fight, unless you're really short, but you're so good at other
things that it usually doesn't matter.  Some of your finest works were
intended to be short-term projects.
Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

You're Taiwan!

Despite enormous setbacks, including the fact that most people refuse to
recognize who you are or even that you exist at all, you've built yourself into quite a
productive person.  You've got a little trouble maintaining a sense of personal order,
but through the mess, you're still very industrious and have a small but pivotal impact on
almost everyone you know, and even people you don't.  You make a whole lot of stuff.

Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

You're
Liechtenstein!

Most folks don't take you that seriously, but you really make
a big deal out of being independent.  You don't do a whole lot for other
people, but you make the best of the resources available to you.  You really
like snow.  And mountains.  And being independent.  And you're
probably pretty small.
Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

Which one is the real me?

Happiness is...

Reading the new Harry Potter whilst eating avocado-wrapped salmon sushi.

...and listening to Keane.

I finished two summer courses yesterday! It's so exciting that I'm almost done with my Masters. Well, I need to teach for a year and then come back and take a few more credit hours, but I'm done with my requirements and I'll get my teaching license in August (hopefully!) I can't believe I've only been here for a little more than a year...it feels like forever, much longer than college. I might treat myself to a random vacation next month. Hmm...where can one go with no money? Probably anywhere my parents are willing to go:)

I've started listening to some world music, which I've always hated. But this isn't technically world music in my mind because it's in Spanish and it's very bossa nova/techno and tango-ish. That's a strange combination, but it's so good!
Here are my favorites:
"Postales"
"Ante Tus Ojos"
"Esta Noche"
"Contigo"
by Federico Aubele

"Santa Maria"
"Queremos Paz"
"Una Música Brutal"
"Vuelvo al Sur"
by Gotan Project

I love it! So summertime.

My big plans for tonight are to go see a movie (maybe) and make multi-colored/sprinkled cupcakes. I'm going to experiment with mini-muffins too.

I promise, to anyone who reads this and wonders what my plans are, that I will tell everyone as soon as I get a job! My mom calls everyday and asks about it in a different way, to mix things up while simultaneouly driving me crazy. I have no motivation to keep my future a secret;) Honestly.

yay. it's friday.

I just finished my last assigment due this week (at 10:50pm). My days are quite longish. I can't believe it's July- I completely missed the 4th of July! Oh well.

I only have one more week of my morning class...then I can sleep in and start running again! I'm super excited. I really need some endorphines.

Today is my last day of housesitting, too. I'll miss Jessie black dog so much- she's the sweetest old dog in the world. I'll also really miss comedy central and E!, but it's probably better that I don't have them:)

Tomorrow, I'm going to go run around and visit all the local yard sales. If I see something I like, I'm going to buy it and come back later! I'm really enthusiastic about this plan, as you see.

In other non-news, I don't have a job. And I'm supposed to move out of my apartment at the end of July. I'm really trying not to dwell on those thoughts, because I could go crazy.

I'm so sad and sorry for the British people. They stood up to terrorism with so much dignity before, even though the global networks hadn't yet targeted them (although the IRA had, but that must invoke different emotions). I'm praying that the G-8 will have the strength to still address the previous issues of discussion with the same goals- that is one way of succeeding over the terrorists.

I wonder, though, what would happen if it was discovered that the attacks had nothing to do with Al Qaeda or islamic radicals? I think sometimes we want to create an enemy instead of owning up to societal injustice which perpetuates acts of hatred. If we really wanted to make a comprehensive enemy to fight, we could just start a war against "bad things." That would be equally vague and difficult to contain. And then I could feel justified in hating bugs :)

I miss summer! I haven't had time to have lazy summer days for three years. Like today- it's gorgeous outside, but I haven't two papers due tomorrow that I should definitely start writing. Why did I do them before? Well, because I had two huge projects due this week too. There's no time at all for planning ahead. And I still don't have a job! I do have a new friend who is the music director to the University of Minnesota radio station, though, so he can recommend music I can listen to while studying/stressing out:)